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01-07-2013 at 12:23 PM
mosier92
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Smoking

I didnt really care about smoke until I got pregnant, which now I hate being around it, it gives me non stop headaches and makes me feel sick plus I dont want it around me for the stake of my baby. Everyone knows I'm pregnant and knows I dont want smoke around me but they still bring it around me, they light one up around me, so I leave the room (alone) and stay away. What else can I do? I have made it clear I dont want to be around smoke.
 
01-07-2013 at 12:25 PM
mabenner1
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Well, where are you that they're smoking?  At your house, their house, car?  The setting and situation will make my response vary. At your house, kick them out. At their house, politely excuse yourself and stop going over there. In someone's car?  They're a_dick if they smoke with you inside.

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01-07-2013 at 12:28 PM
mosier92
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Its everywhere but my house. I have stopped going over to families house because of this and they are mad at me cause I "keep" my husband from going over there, I have told him I would drop him off or he could go with his family when they go over there and he says no. As for the car, They think with the window down, it doesnt go near me, which I have told them I can smell it either way.and I have stopped riding with them and of course they are mad at me for that too. Its a no win either way.
 
01-07-2013 at 12:32 PM
smilormari...
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I would print an article about the effects of second hand smoke on fetuses/pregnancy and politely give it to family members.


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01-07-2013 at 12:33 PM
Washington...
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smilormarie:
I would print an article about the effects of second hand smoke on fetuses/pregnancy and politely give it to family members.

Third hand smoke too.

Edit: My computer sucks


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01-07-2013 at 12:34 PM
dande2129
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mosier92:
Its everywhere but my house. I have stopped going over to families house because of this and they are mad at me cause I "keep" my husband from going over there, I have told him I would drop him off or he could go with his family when they go over there and he says no. As for the car, They think with the window down, it doesnt go near me, which I have told them I can smell it either way.and I have stopped riding with them and of course they are mad at me for that too. Its a no win either way.

Um.... Should you be providing them literature on the dangers of second hand smoke to a fetus and/or pregnant woman? This goes beyond just an aversion to the smell and preferring not to be around smoke. It sounds to me like no one has actually said anything to this effect....

Your husband is a *** for not standing up to his family.  


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01-07-2013 at 12:39 PM
BelhurstBr...
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I don't actually know anyone IRL who smokes anymore, but I think I'd pretty much cut off ties with people not willing to respect my wishes. Smoking,  and exposure to second hand smoke and third hand smoke are legit, well documented dangers. There's no way I'd put up with it. I'd let them know they might as well get used to the changes; I wouldn't want my kid around smoke, either. 

It's your husband's family? Is he standing up for you? Cause I'd be having some words with him, too. 



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01-07-2013 at 12:40 PM
Bliss+Berr...
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dande2129:

mosier92:
Its everywhere but my house. I have stopped going over to families house because of this and they are mad at me cause I "keep" my husband from going over there, I have told him I would drop him off or he could go with his family when they go over there and he says no. As for the car, They think with the window down, it doesnt go near me, which I have told them I can smell it either way.and I have stopped riding with them and of course they are mad at me for that too. Its a no win either way.

Um.... Should you be providing them literature on the dangers of second hand smoke to a fetus and/or pregnant woman? This goes beyond just an aversion to the smell and preferring not to be around smoke. It sounds to me like no one has actually said anything to this effect....

Your husband is a *** for not standing up to his family.  

All this.  


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01-07-2013 at 12:45 PM
mosier92
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Yeah its my husband family, my family respect my wishes and dont make me feel guilty. I have talked to him, he has never stood up for me when it comes to them. His mother, grandmother have always smoked around him, his mother smoked the whole time with him is what he tells me, "he turned out fine." and I dont really care, Everyone is different, smoking can affect my child and its not a chance Im willing to take. I have the same talk with him just about every month. If he won't stand up for me, at least for this baby is all I am asking.
 
01-07-2013 at 12:49 PM
mabenner1
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mosier92:
Yeah its my husband family, my family respect my wishes and dont make me feel guilty. I have talked to him, he has never stood up for me when it comes to them. His mother, grandmother have always smoked around him, his mother smoked the whole time with him is what he tells me, "he turned out fine." and I dont really care, Everyone is different, smoking can affect my child and its not a chance Im willing to take. I have the same talk with him just about every month. If he won't stand up for me, at least for this baby is all I am asking.

Then your issue isn't with your ILs, it is with your husband. He sounds like a spineless douchebag.


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01-07-2013 at 12:50 PM
Washington...
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mosier92:
Yeah its my husband family, my family respect my wishes and dont make me feel guilty. I have talked to him, he has never stood up for me when it comes to them. His mother, grandmother have always smoked around him, his mother smoked the whole time with him is what he tells me, "he turned out fine." and I dont really care, Everyone is different, smoking can affect my child and its not a chance Im willing to take. I have the same talk with him just about every month. If he won't stand up for me, at least for this baby is all I am asking.

Geez, is he going to care at all when the baby is born. His attitude worries me.


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01-07-2013 at 12:52 PM
BelhurstBr...
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mosier92:
Yeah its my husband family, my family respect my wishes and dont make me feel guilty. I have talked to him, he has never stood up for me when it comes to them. His mother, grandmother have always smoked around him, his mother smoked the whole time with him is what he tells me, "he turned out fine." and I dont really care, Everyone is different, smoking can affect my child and its not a chance Im willing to take. I have the same talk with him just about every month. If he won't stand up for me, at least for this baby is all I am asking.

 Yea... your husband's failure to put you first is going to become a much bigger problem with a kid on the way. 



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01-07-2013 at 12:53 PM
mosier92
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What can I do? He can be a great guy just not when it comes to his family. Thats his main problem, he loves his family and I do too but I say what needs to be said when it needs to be said, but if i upset any of them, I get jumped, even though his family have disrespected me many times, he doesnt do anything. What more can I do?? I love him but I love this baby and myself. I really dont know what else to do besides talk to him and beg for him to listen to me...
 
01-07-2013 at 12:57 PM
vallas1
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I agree with the other posts! Your husband should be standing up for you and your child.....

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01-07-2013 at 12:58 PM
GhostMonke...
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mosier92:
What can I do? He can be a great guy just not when it comes to his family. Thats his main problem, he loves his family and I do too but I say what needs to be said when it needs to be said, but if i upset any of them, I get jumped, even though his family have disrespected me many times, he doesnt do anything. What more can I do?? I love him but I love this baby and myself. I really dont know what else to do besides talk to him and beg for him to listen to me...

Counseling. Leave him. Obviously you talking isn't getting anywhere.

 



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01-07-2013 at 1:00 PM
dreadiemam...
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WashingtonQueen:

smilormarie:
I would print an article about the effects of second hand smoke on fetuses/pregnancy and politely give it to family members.

Third hand smoke too.

Edit: My computer sucks

what's third hand smoke


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01-07-2013 at 1:35 PM
1026pumpki...
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I would get your husband some literature on the effects of 2nd and 3rd hand smoke, and I'd bring it up at your doctors appointments so he can hear the info from a professional, and then ask him to explain it to his family.

In the meantime, just keep saying politely that your doctors have made it clear that being around smoke is unhealthy for you and the baby, and you'll need to leave.....then leave.  Just keep repeating this to them over and over if you need to, but don't feel bad about making the best decision for you and LO. 


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01-07-2013 at 1:39 PM
skleigh
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Ugh, that pisses me off.  I used to smoke, but I was extremely considerate of non-smokers and would never light up around them.  I also didn't smoke in my car or house though. 

 I hate the "well I turned out fine so you should be okay" argument.  Yeah, my mom smoked when she pregnant with me too and I was fine, but that doesn't mean sh!t.  And the fact that the smell makes you feel sick should be enough for your DH's family to be considerate and step outside to smoke.   

 If your DH fails to see the problem, then maybe you're just going to have to be a b!tch and stay away from his family.  There's no point in continuing to make yourself feel sick and uncomfortable.


 
01-07-2013 at 1:46 PM
mabenner1
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mosier92:
What can I do? He can be a great guy just not when it comes to his family. Thats his main problem, he loves his family and I do too but I say what needs to be said when it needs to be said, but if i upset any of them, I get jumped, even though his family have disrespected me many times, he doesnt do anything. What more can I do?? I love him but I love this baby and myself. I really dont know what else to do besides talk to him and beg for him to listen to me...

You need to tell him the truth-they are no longer his priority. His priority in life is now you and your child. Your wants and needs come first. End of the story.


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01-07-2013 at 1:46 PM
BelhurstBr...
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GhostMonkey:

mosier92:
What can I do? He can be a great guy just not when it comes to his family. Thats his main problem, he loves his family and I do too but I say what needs to be said when it needs to be said, but if i upset any of them, I get jumped, even though his family have disrespected me many times, he doesnt do anything. What more can I do?? I love him but I love this baby and myself. I really dont know what else to do besides talk to him and beg for him to listen to me...

Counseling. Leave him. Obviously you talking isn't getting anywhere.

 

I couldn't agree more. You need to go to couple's counseling.  



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01-07-2013 at 2:03 PM
gscoville
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1026pumpkin:

I would get your husband some literature on the effects of 2nd and 3rd hand smoke, and I'd bring it up at your doctors appointments so he can hear the info from a professional, and then ask him to explain it to his family.

In the meantime, just keep saying politely that your doctors have made it clear that being around smoke is unhealthy for you and the baby, and you'll need to leave.....then leave.  Just keep repeating this to them over and over if you need to, but don't feel bad about making the best decision for you and LO. 

This.  Maybe hearing it straight from the doctor will have more of an impact on your husband, whereas getting it from you will just be perceived as 'nagging'.  Beforehand, ask your doctor to pull up some very graphic statistics and even pictures to help.  Babies born to smokers and/or smoke filled environments tend to be underweight, prone to respiratory diseases, and have lower immunity to illness and infection.  Perhaps a tour through the NICU to see some pre-term and on-ventilator babies would also help. 

Best of luck, I know from personal experience how hard it is to break through to committed smokers who feel it's their right to smoke and everyone else should just deal with it.  Also difficult for you if your husband won't stand up to his family.  I'd definitely suggest couples counselling, this is a bigger problem than just the smoking if your and your baby's health aren't first and foremost in your husband's mind.


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01-07-2013 at 2:51 PM
Lovestruck...
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mabenner1:

mosier92:
What can I do? He can be a great guy just not when it comes to his family. Thats his main problem, he loves his family and I do too but I say what needs to be said when it needs to be said, but if i upset any of them, I get jumped, even though his family have disrespected me many times, he doesnt do anything. What more can I do?? I love him but I love this baby and myself. I really dont know what else to do besides talk to him and beg for him to listen to me...

You need to tell him the truth-they are no longer his priority. His priority in life is now you and your child. Your wants and needs come first. End of the story.

This, a million times over!! He sounds very immature. I would suggest having your doctor discuss the dangers with him if the literature cannot get through his thick skull. The, "I came out fine..." justification is absolutely ridiculous & selfish. Good luck to you.


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01-07-2013 at 3:16 PM
Washington...
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dreadiemama:
WashingtonQueen:

smilormarie:
I would print an article about the effects of second hand smoke on fetuses/pregnancy and politely give it to family members.

Third hand smoke too.

Edit: My computer sucks

what's third hand smoke

Third hand smoke is the toxic remnants that get left behind on clothes, skin, hair, carpet, furniture, dust, ect. It is still very dangerous.


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01-07-2013 at 3:25 PM
mrsf123
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GhostMonkey:

mosier92:
What can I do? He can be a great guy just not when it comes to his family. Thats his main problem, he loves his family and I do too but I say what needs to be said when it needs to be said, but if i upset any of them, I get jumped, even though his family have disrespected me many times, he doesnt do anything. What more can I do?? I love him but I love this baby and myself. I really dont know what else to do besides talk to him and beg for him to listen to me...

Counseling. Leave him. Obviously you talking isn't getting anywhere.

I would insist on counseling.  DH and I have gone because of issues that he has with his family and it always helps.  We have a go-to therapist who is great.


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01-07-2013 at 5:00 PM
qpmomma
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My husband smokes. But before I was pregnant with DD he started smoking outside. He won't smoke near me or our daughter. I work in fire restoration. Smoking is everywhere. If someone lights up and I am in the car, it's on. I am not a timid person. If they light up on a job I just walk away.

 My husband used to be like your husband. Guys just don't think. I agree things need to change, but they may not. You accept the good with the bad. My husband has changed over the years and is amazingly supportive. We've worked on a lot, both of us. We have a therapist who has helped.


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01-07-2013 at 5:18 PM
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Let me start by saying 1) Wow! 2) I am so sorry you even have to deal with this! The first trimester is stressful and emotional enough not to have to deal with others (family especially) selfish choices.

 

I would be very clear with your family now if they continue to choose to smoke around you, you will not be including them in your pregnancy life but even more importantly when babe arrives. I am a emergency trained PA, I see so many infants, toddlers and children who suffer the effects of second hand smoke. What smoker don't know or don't want to acknowledge is that not smoking in the presence of you or baby isn't good enough. Even going outside to have a smoke and coming in with smoke on your hands/clothes is just as harmful and irritating to our babes. Ear infections, upper respiratory infections and asthma are almost 3 times more likely to occur in children who are exposed to smoke!

Tell them now so they know you mean it. Nothing matters more than the health of your child. If you family loves  you and your child they will be willing to make changes if they want to be involved. 

Be Strong Mama!

 

 

 
01-07-2013 at 6:00 PM
Five_lette...
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Hold your ground and keep doing what you're doing. You're not going to convince or educate them of anything.


 
01-07-2013 at 6:40 PM
Ladydianna
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I am so sorry. It sounds like an extremely difficult situation. Does you DH smoke? Mine used to. His dad did too but when I got pregnant they always took it outside. But when dd started crawling I hated bringing her to their house because even though they weren't smoking inside when we were there it was still all over her clothes when we left.
You have to have your Dr talk to your DH. He needs to understand how serious this is. And to be honest he may have been effected by his moms smoking. Does he have allergies? Did he have childhood asthma? What did he weigh when he was born? He could be shorter than he would've been. They're are a hundred ways it could've hurt him and he would never know b/c he obviously doesn't know the facts and neither do they.

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01-07-2013 at 6:48 PM
msspeedyma...
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skleigh:

I hate the "well I turned out fine so you should be okay" argument.  Yeah, my mom smoked when she pregnant with me too and I was fine, but that doesn't mean sh!t.  And the fact that the smell makes you feel sick should be enough for your DH's family to be considerate and step outside to smoke.   

I read this interesting book about "inherited environmental" genetics - basically how we can mutate our genes through our behavior/environment in a way that can be then passed down to our children. (Survival of the Sickest)

One big one was evidence that women smoking while pregnant did not have an impact on their own fetuses, but actually the eggs of their daughters. The eggs of a female fetus develop while she is in the womb, and if that fetus's mother smokes, the fetus's eggs will be impacted. They have found that children of women whose mothers smoked while pregnant have higher rates of asthma. Not the children of the women who smoked - the grandchildren. Weird.



 
01-07-2013 at 7:19 PM
JilllyBean
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How about refuse to go places or hang out with them? Plus all of the comments above

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