community

all boards


birth clubs



my blog

Sort:
01-07-2013 at 1:17 PM
Minnesotan...
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-02-2012
6,074 Points
MinnesotanMom is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 6:00 PMNewbie

How to handle host who only allows books as presents

My friend offered today to throw me a baby shower for 10-12 friends.  I was relieved, because otherwise my mom was going to throw a shower that I thought was too big (with family and friends).

However, my friend said that if she hosts, she may institute her "books only" presents rule.  Apparently she has instituted this rule before.  She said that for her and others without kids or any interest in kid stuff, it is boring to sit through a shower with a bunch of practical baby gifts.  She said books are better at promoting fun conversation and making the gift opening go quickly.

I am not sure that I want that many books, though, especially when there are other things I need.  I also think, as a guest, I would find that confusing because books can be inexpensive and I wouldn't know how many books to buy.

I'm really uncomfortable telling her that I don't just want books, though--I'm a people pleaser and she's doing me a favor.  Could I tell people about my registry on the side?  Do I even have to worry about people actually complying with this rule?

Any suggestions?

 
01-07-2013 at 1:28 PM
cinderin
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-16-2003
Bellevue, Washington
41,925 Points
cinderin is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 10:35 PMSilver

If she insists on "books only" I would decline the shower.

It is rude to dictate to guests what gifts to buy.


"How long till my soul gets it right? Can any human being ever reach the highest light? Except for Galileo, god rest his soul, king of night vision, king of insight." ~ Indigo Girls Anniversary
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.

BFP 11/24/2012 with EDD 8/07/2013
Baby Boy - Martin Robert
FTM & High Risk PG
 
01-07-2013 at 1:29 PM
1026pumpki...
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-21-2010
50,379 Points
1026pumpkin is not online. Last active: 05-15-2013, 11:55 PMSilver

I think you can either decline your friend's shower (you could tell her that your mom offered) or you can suggest to her that you feel uncomfortable dictating how your guests spend their money or putting rules on presents.

That said, if you accept her shower, you really can't dictate the type of shower she throws.  If she goes ahead with her "books only rule," you can still register for the items you want and if anyone asks you if you are registered, you can let them know where you have registered.  If I received an invite for a book shower, I would still probably look for a registry at the usual suspects (BRU, BBB, Target) and purchase a baby item in addition to the book.

I wouldn't worry about having "too many" books if indeed you end up having a book shower- my DS is 2 and probably has 100 books- we read at least 5-6/day, and he rotates through his favorites, so if you have 10-12 books from your shower, I'm sure you'll end up reading all of them on a regular basis if your LO likes them. 


 BabyFetus Ticker;  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-07-2013 at 1:34 PM
discobelle
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-20-2007
15,935 Points
discobelle is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 2:07 PMSilver

I don't like rules, especially rules regarding gifts.  I would politely let her know I'm not comfortable with that, or just decline the shower completely.

 


AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers 
01-07-2013 at 1:41 PM
White Pony...
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-25-2011
112,456 Points
White Pony1 is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 5:44 PMGold
Being totally honest, if I got an invite that said books only, I wouldn't go to that shower.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
01-07-2013 at 1:44 PM
MelRC117
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-27-2012
73,397 Points
MelRC117 is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 7:44 PMSilver

Just wanted to add I think her reasoning is a bit odd.  I'd rather sit through a baby shower gift opening than a bridal shower gift opening...at least the baby stuff is cute.


Image and video hosting by TinyPic  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-07-2013 at 1:48 PM
Minnesotan...
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-02-2012
6,074 Points
MinnesotanMom is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 6:00 PMNewbie

I hadn't thought about how guests might consider it rude as well...that's a very good point.

Do you think it would be considered rude to say "please consider purchasing a book" instead of "books only"?  Maybe that is a compromise I could suggest to my friend...

Argh, I wish I could just have a normal shower :(

 
01-07-2013 at 1:53 PM
mrsmcdonal...
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-26-2007
Indiana
9,989 Points
mrsmcdonald is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 7:18 PMBronze
MinnesotanMom:

I hadn't thought about how guests might consider it rude as well...that's a very good point.

Do you think it would be considered rude to say "please consider purchasing a book" instead of "books only"?  Maybe that is a compromise I could suggest to my friend...

Argh, I wish I could just have a normal shower :(

I think it would be rude either way. I would just decline the shower and tell the friend that you don't feel comfortable telling guests what gifts to buy. It's completely bizarre (as is her reasoning), IMO. I would just let your mom throw one and just keep your guest list to a minimum. She doesn't have to invite everyone. 


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-07-2013 at 1:57 PM
mabenner1
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-23-2008
67,042 Points
mabenner1 is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 9:19 PMGold
I would decline the shower. She sounds like a terrible hostess.

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-07-2013 at 2:03 PM
TheyCalled...
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-24-2011
27,150 Points
TheyCalledHerKate is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 6:20 PMSilver
A shower with books-only for a first baby sounds very bizarre to me (and the reason behind it even more bizarre). I would personally decline politely.
 
01-07-2013 at 2:08 PM
EastCoastB...
Top 25 Contributor
Joined on 08-12-2001
East Coast!
40,980 Points
EastCoastBride is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 6:30 PMPlatinum
mrsmcdonald:
MinnesotanMom:

I hadn't thought about how guests might consider it rude as well...that's a very good point.

Do you think it would be considered rude to say "please consider purchasing a book" instead of "books only"?  Maybe that is a compromise I could suggest to my friend...

Argh, I wish I could just have a normal shower :(

I think it would be rude either way. I would just decline the shower and tell the friend that you don't feel comfortable telling guests what gifts to buy. It's completely bizarre (as is her reasoning), IMO. I would just let your mom throw one and just keep your guest list to a minimum. She doesn't have to invite everyone. 

Yeah, all of this. I find her reasoning really weird - and honestly, *I'D* find a "books only" shower boring!

And it's for only 10 - 12 people? Is it really going to be all that bad to sit through that gift opening? It'll take all of 15 minutes!


"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~Benjamin Franklin

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10 

01-07-2013 at 2:09 PM
EastCoastB...
Top 25 Contributor
Joined on 08-12-2001
East Coast!
40,980 Points
EastCoastBride is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 6:30 PMPlatinum
allierhiana1:
Being totally honest, if I got an invite that said books only, I wouldn't go to that shower.
Well, this is the flip side to this issue too - I'd still go to the shower, but I'd get what *I* want to get regardless.  In the end, the hostess can't actually force people to buy books.

"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~Benjamin Franklin

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10 

01-07-2013 at 2:24 PM
bripratt2
Not Ranked
Joined on 03-16-2012
3,228 Points
bripratt2 is not online. Last active: 05-09-2013, 1:20 AMNewbie
Im confused I've never heard of a books only shower so do people actually just buy books? If so why? You wont use books till later on and there are plenty of other things that you'll actually need so what's the purpose?
 
01-07-2013 at 2:34 PM
Darbie914
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-28-2012
20,301 Points
Darbie914 is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 11:28 AMBronze

bripratt2:
Im confused I've never heard of a books only shower so do people actually just buy books? If so why? You wont use books till later on and there are plenty of other things that you'll actually need so what's the purpose?

This.  The point of a shower is to shower the Mother-to-Be with gifts she will use for the baby.  How many books is a newborn going to actually use?  

Although it's nice of her to want to throw you a shower, I'd decline and let your mom handle it.  Just give her a small guest list.  I'd find it incredibly rude if someone were to tell me how I spend my own money on a gift.  I'm wondering if this "rule" she has was created by her being slighted in the past?  I've never heard of this before. 


Wedding Countdown Ticker "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-07-2013 at 2:39 PM
milkergirl...
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-05-2010
14,122 Points
milkergirl1 is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 11:06 PMBronze

Even though books are the #1 baby shower gift that I buy, I would be annoyed at having that on the invitation-someone telling me how to spend my money.  I agree with pp's, it would be boring to watch someone open a bunch of books, and you'd probably get duplicate books.  And this is coming from someone that hates all of the oohhing and ahhing at the baby gifts because I don't find the stuff that cute. 

So either tell her she doesn't put that as a request on the invite or decline the shower. 


Image and video hosting by TinyPic  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-07-2013 at 3:15 PM
FemShep
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-23-2011
9,315 Points
FemShep is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 4:48 PMBronze

I would decline the shower.  Your prospective hostess sounds a bit odd, and I don't think it would be worth the stress and aggravation.  

And I know this wasn't your idea, but if I was invited to a "books only" shower, I'd be offended and would not attend. I really don't like being told what gifts to buy, especially for a baby shower when there are so many more fun/cuter/more helpful alternatives!

 

 
01-07-2013 at 4:23 PM
rhubarb123
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-03-2010
12,812 Points
rhubarb123 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 7:39 AMSilver

I would decline the shower and allow your mom to host it (even with all of the guests).  Your friends reasoning is really off.  Maybe she really doesn't understand that a baby shower is to help set up a new mom with practical (and cute) things to take care of a baby.  Books are nice to have after the baby is a bit older but they are not a necessity.  Just let her know that although you appreciate her offer your mom wants to host a shower for you and leave it at that.

BTW...I would have a difficult type sitting through a "book" shower unless I was a librarian or maybe a teacher.  I also would not like to be dictated to as far as how I can spend my own money.

 
01-07-2013 at 4:47 PM
danuli8
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-01-2012
36,666 Points
danuli8 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 8:28 PMSilver
rhubarb123:

I would decline the shower and allow your mom to host it (even with all of the guests).  Your friends reasoning is really off.  Maybe she really doesn't understand that a baby shower is to help set up a new mom with practical (and cute) things to take care of a baby.  Books are nice to have after the baby is a bit older but they are not a necessity.  Just let her know that although you appreciate her offer your mom wants to host a shower for you and leave it at that.

BTW...I would have a difficult type sitting through a "book" shower unless I was a librarian or maybe a teacher.  I also would not like to be dictated to as far as how I can spend my own money.

THIS. Totally agree.


Over-40 parents--what we lack in vigor, we make up for with cunning. :-)  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-07-2013 at 5:54 PM
Bliss+Berr...
Not Ranked
Joined on 06-24-2012
44,467 Points
Bliss+Berry is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 5:43 AMSilver

mabenner1:
I would decline the shower. She sounds like a terrible hostess.

This.  Honestly, it doesn't sound like it would be much fun. 


Image and video hosting by TinyPic  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-08-2013 at 11:46 AM
526SadieSa...
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-06-2009
Hope, RI
34,926 Points
526SadieSadie is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 2:30 PMGold

I would decline.

It's not about what the host/guests would find interesting, it's about celebrating a mom to be and showering her with things she will need.

Hosting is her gift to you, gifts shouldn't come with provisos or limitations like "I'll only do it if they give you books."

It's also super rude to tell people what they should buy for you.  If she wanted to do a "book theme" with baby books as the centerpieces, or have guests sign a book instead of a traditional guest book, that would be cute - she could do book marks as favors.

But a "books only" shower is just as bad as a "cash only" shower in my opinion.


Anniversary  
01-08-2013 at 2:16 PM
DublinMama
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-16-2012
7,245 Points
DublinMama is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 1:01 AMNewbie
MinnesotanMom:

My friend offered today to throw me a baby shower for 10-12 friends.  I was relieved, because otherwise my mom was going to throw a shower that I thought was too big (with family and friends).

However, my friend said that if she hosts, she may institute her "books only" presents rule.  Apparently she has instituted this rule before.  She said that for her and others without kids or any interest in kid stuff, it is boring to sit through a shower with a bunch of practical baby gifts.  She said books are better at promoting fun conversation and making the gift opening go quickly.

I am not sure that I want that many books, though, especially when there are other things I need.  I also think, as a guest, I would find that confusing because books can be inexpensive and I wouldn't know how many books to buy.

I'm really uncomfortable telling her that I don't just want books, though--I'm a people pleaser and she's doing me a favor.  Could I tell people about my registry on the side?  Do I even have to worry about people actually complying with this rule?

Any suggestions?

 

If someone really felt this way, they more than likely wouldn't go to a baby shower in the first place. It's pretty well understood that part of going to a shower of any kind involves watching the guest of honor open gifts, whatever type they may be. .I would decline, also.  Dictating what people have to get you because she personally finds baby things boring is off base.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers 
01-08-2013 at 4:57 PM
Spacebunny...
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-19-2010
orange county, CA
14,480 Points
Spacebunny19 is not online. Last active: 04-14-2013, 8:18 PMSilver
I would let her know I'm not comfortable dictating what guests should bring and that people might find it rude or offensive.  If she sticks to her guns, I would decline the shower on that ground and so state.

 BabyFruit Ticker 
01-10-2013 at 6:59 PM
Bride-hild...
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-07-2007
Northridge, California
15,509 Points
Bride-hilda is not online. Last active: 05-26-2013, 1:00 AMBronze
Wow. That sounds more of a book party than a baby shower. I'm sorry, but your friends sounds like a controlling selfish spaz.
01-11-2013 at 11:19 AM
erineliza3...
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-20-2012
3,810 Points
erineliza311 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 9:01 AMNewbie

Not sure if you are still reading these replies, so late in the game and all, but I thought I'd share my opinion anyway.

We are doing a shower for my SIL next weekend and in our invite we asked that guests bring a book instead of a card, to give baby a great reading start. We also listed where she was registered. That way they can get a gift and a book. Would your friend consider this option? With the cost of cards these days, some are $5 or more, a book is a very affordable alternative. I haven't had anyone complain about this so far, most seem to like the idea.

Good luck with whatever you decide. The job of being the grateful mom-to-be can be a tough on at times!


 BabyFruit Ticker
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers 
01-11-2013 at 1:59 PM
caladpi02
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-06-2012
10,001 Points
caladpi02 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 8:14 PMBronze
erineliza311:

Not sure if you are still reading these replies, so late in the game and all, but I thought I'd share my opinion anyway.

We are doing a shower for my SIL next weekend and in our invite we asked that guests bring a book instead of a card, to give baby a great reading start. We also listed where she was registered. That way they can get a gift and a book. Would your friend consider this option? With the cost of cards these days, some are $5 or more, a book is a very affordable alternative. I haven't had anyone complain about this so far, most seem to like the idea.

Good luck with whatever you decide. The job of being the grateful mom-to-be can be a tough on at times!

Do NOT do this! There are about a million posts on the subject as to why this is rude and gift grabby.


Lilypie Premature Baby tickers 
01-11-2013 at 9:04 PM
LatteLady5
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-06-2012
33,806 Points
LatteLady5 is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 8:51 PMBronze
Bliss+Berry:

mabenner1:
I would decline the shower. She sounds like a terrible hostess.

This.  Honestly, it doesn't sound like it would be much fun. 

Same here.


Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers 
Hot Topics

New dad or dad-to-be? Chat with other dads here!
Visit the Dads & Dads-to-be board

Need baby shower inspiration? Get ideas here!
Visit the Baby Showers board

Chat with other crafty moms here!
Visit the Crafty Moms board

search boards

choose another board