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01-07-2013 at 3:16 PM
markhamgur...
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Gender-specific vs. gender-neutral gifts at shower...

DH and I have kept the sex of our baby a secret for the duration of this pregnancy, with the exception of immediate family and one or two close friends.  However, there will be a small announcement (or as my SILs worded it on the invite that just arrived in the mail, a "gender reveal!" *cringe*) at my baby shower in a month's time, since we're all so worried about slipping-up and unintentionally spilling the beans to others.

When I told my best friend of the baby's sex, I explained that she couldn't tell anyone as it was still a secret, for the most part.  This best friend, who will be at the baby shower, has since indicated that she's gone and got us a gender-specific gift (totally not relevent, but she as good as said that she did this only because I had mentioned we were hoping to receive gender-neutral items).

When I open this gift in front of others, it will be clear that she was one of the "chosen few" that were told of the sex ahead of time.   As a fellow attendee at the shower, would you be offended or upset to see that someone else had gone and bought a gender-specific gift because they had "inside knowledge" that you did not?  Would you even care?  As the mom-to-be, would you then feel compelled to explain to everyone else there why the gift-giver was told of the baby's sex ahead of time?

I know I'm over thinking this, but I'm concerned that it might make some attendees (ie. those that were kept in the dark) feel less important than others (ie. the best friend), and don't want anyone's feelings to be hurt.  Maybe it's totally normal for some people - but not others - to know the baby's sex and purchase a gift accordingly.  I wouldn't know, because I've never been to a baby shower before and am not sure what's normal or to be expected.

To those of you that know better, do I ignore or address the gender-specific-ness of her gift after its been opened?  

 
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01-07-2013 at 3:24 PM
1026pumpki...
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I wouldn't say anything about it at all.  If anyone brings it up, just say you had such a hard time keeping a secret and slipped up a few times, that you decided to go ahead and let everyone know now.  Or maybe make a little joke about how she weedled the information out of you and then change the subject.

I wouldn't be hurt at not knowing if the people who did were much closer to the mom than I was. 
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01-07-2013 at 3:29 PM
Helenahhan...
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Did you want to revel the sex of your baby at your shower?  It's not clear in your OP.  Were you concerned about only getting pink things?  We were team pink (not a secret) and we registered for all of our big ticket items in neutral colors.  That's what we got.

If your main concern is the others guests realize if one or two "insiders" knew about the sex I wouldn't worry about it.  It's none of their business with whom you share this information with.  Enjoy your shower!
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01-07-2013 at 3:35 PM
ChristyML
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There is always a negative about revealing the sex at a shower...people will buy you non-gender-neutral items, and if it's the opposite sex of what they bought for, they will probably feel like they wasted their money....

About the other issue, I think it depends on how sensitive most of your friends/family are...or how close they think they are to you. My 2nd cousin probably would mean nothing to me, but if it was my sister I'd be pretty offended. 
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01-07-2013 at 4:01 PM
markhamgur...
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Hm, great points so far.   I think I'll go with the advice given here and not worry about it so much.  Anyone that would be offended at not knowing the sex already knows anyway.  

Sorry, to clarify, yes it was at my request that we do the little announcement (I just didn't envision it being announced as a gender reveal in the shower invite, hence my comment!). 

I guess I have it pretty good if this is the biggest of my concerns right now.. Lol. 
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01-07-2013 at 4:24 PM
Darbie914
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I mean no offense at all but I have to go against the norm here.  I am one of those people who LOVE to shop for all things baby and in addition to what I purchase off the registry, I typically buy an outfit to go with it.  If the sex isn't known, obviously I choose something gender neutral.  However, I'd be kind of annoyed if I spent time and money choosing an outfit just to have the gender revealed at the shower.  

I completely understand how some people may not want gender specific items (all pink/blue clothes).  And while I respect that it's no one's business who knows the sex of the baby ahead of time, I guess I just don't see the point of waiting until the shower to reveal the sex.   
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01-07-2013 at 5:21 PM
adeller11
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Do you have to open the gift in front of everyone at the shower? DH and I are in a similar boat, so I can relate in some aspects. I think that if you are wanting to keep it secret, you should open her gift privately. Otherwise, be prepared for everyone to find out.
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01-07-2013 at 11:07 PM
QueSyrah
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I think you'll probably have people who are hurt and people who don't care. If she is such a good friend, I would just tell her you are going to open that gift privately because you don't want to hurt anyone else since everyone thinks no one knows the sex.

 
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01-08-2013 at 12:35 AM
rhubarb123
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QueSyrah:

I think you'll probably have people who are hurt and people who don't care. If she is such a good friend, I would just tell her you are going to open that gift privately because you don't want to hurt anyone else since everyone thinks no one knows the sex.

 

I agree with this.  You might end up opening gifts from others who "are in the know" that have given a gift that is not-gender-neutral.  I was team green and still got gender specific clothes, etc. (blanket, sleeper - both were definitely boy).  My baby girl had no problem using them!
 
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01-08-2013 at 9:09 AM
526SadieSa...
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I can't imagine anyone being so self-centered that they'd be offended that someone else knew the gender of a baby before they did.

I wouldn't care, if I saw a blue or a pink gift I'd say "Oh how nice, a boy!/a girl!"

 
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01-08-2013 at 11:27 AM
mabjcb19
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I have attended a shower where something like this happened for my BIL's girlfriend. Mom & Dad(BIL) to be knew the gender and revealed it at the shower (before gift opening). Honestly, I didn't give a hoot if they told me before hand or not-and neither did a lot of my in-laws. Once the gender was announced they started opening gifts. Lots of my in-laws-including myself made gifts like blankets or clothes. We kept them all non-gender specific. For one person's gift, though, there was all kinds of pink and girly stuff, my MIL (grandma to be) laughed and joked "taking a chance there eh?" to the gift giver. At that moment Mom to be and hostess (her sister) both told us that this particular gift giver was made aware of the baby's sex because she was getting an item personally made. (So a friend, and her sister knew about it being a girl but grandparents and other siblings did not. Oh and that 'gender-specific hand-made gift didn't actually get made.) My MIL was hurt by this, but she has been left out of all kinds of news and things regarding baby (they like to notify the world via FB), and this is her first grandchild. I think she was being a little dramatic... Your close family already knows, and to me, those are the important people to let know first if you want to share the news. I agree with PP that if people whine about not being told they can shove their opinion. Just announce the sex before gift opening and some people might not even notice.
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01-08-2013 at 5:44 PM
caladpi02
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I would not be offended if I didn't know and some people did know. I do think it is really weird that you kept it a secret from some people and are going to reveal it at the shower.

 It seems very AWish of you. It is really not that big of a deal. If you can tell your family and a few friends, you can tell other people. It is not a state secret or the recipe to Hunt's Baked Beans.

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01-10-2013 at 6:56 PM
Bride-hild...
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I would be put out if someone knew the gender and I didn't.

Usually, if the parents know the sex, a shower invite includes the gender of the baby so everybody can buy gender specific gifts if they so choose.

I'm really not getting why you're not telling everybody what your baby is. I don't want to be offensive, but it sounds a little attention-needy. And it's causing a LOT of drama. So much drama, in fact, that I'm not going to bother with real advice. Well, okay, my advice is to TELL EVERYONE! 
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