Get The Bump digital magazine >

tools: My Baby Calendar | Baby Namer | Gender Chart | How Big is Baby?

community

all boards


birth clubs


nest boards


my blog

my photos

my boards


200+ Easy Weeknight Meals!

Green living: Eco-friendly tips & tricks!

< Previous topic | Next topic >

All Boards > Baby Names

Sort:
01-07-2013 at 4:52 PM
alli07
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-17-2006
4 Posts
87 Points
alli07 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 12:44 PMNewbie

Naming after a deceased relative

I am about to name my baby boy and am going back and forth about his name.  I always thought I would name my son after my brother who died when I was a child. I really like the name, my husband is on board, but... my brother died by suicide.  I just don't know first of all if it'll be strange to use the name again, and also if people who know my family will think it is insensitive or morbid.  The circumstances of his death are just more complicated than if it was a physical illness or an accident.  I'm just curious what other people would think if they knew someone that named their child in this situation.  The alternative is to use the name as a middle name, which I am fine with.  The name choices are:

Stephen Reid or

Reid Stephen 

Thanks for your opinions! 
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-07-2013 at 4:57 PM
plunderb
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-22-2010
Boston
4,977 Posts
36,613 Points
plunderb is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 2:37 PMSilver

You have to decide what feels right to you. But I don't think it's morbid and I don't think there's any need for other people to know. If anyone asks about the name, you can say, "He's named after my deceased brother." That's plenty.

But really, do what feels right to you and don't worry about other people being judgmental. I really think most people would be sympathetic if they knew (and there's no reason for them to know unless you want them to).

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
Baby Name Popularity by State 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-07-2013 at 5:00 PM
danuli8
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-01-2012
2,221 Posts
36,666 Points
danuli8 is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 9:04 PMSilver
Stephen is a beautiful name. I think it's up to you and your family to decide if you want it as a first or middle name (I admit I like it better than Reid, so I would vote for first name). I also have a brother who died when I was a teenager (accident, not suicide) and I considered using his name, but my DH and his family are German and they wouldn't be able to pronounce my brother's name very easily. I ended up picking a name that is easy to spell and pronounce in both languages. The baby's middle name is in memory of my DH's father who died when my DH was 9.
Over-40 parents--what we lack in vigor, we make up for with cunning. :-) Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-07-2013 at 5:03 PM
Idani
Not Ranked
Joined on 03-05-2012
2,774 Posts
34,718 Points
Idani is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 7:49 PMSilver
I don't think it's morbid to use BUT I personally prefer it in the middle.  give your son his own name and honor your brother in the middle
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-07-2013 at 5:06 PM
Blondangel
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-28-2003
Somewhere in the Middle, USA
1,925 Posts
13,352 Points
Blondangel is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 1:31 AMBronze
plunderb:

You have to decide what feels right to you. But I don't think it's morbid and I don't think there's any need for other people to know. If anyone asks about the name, you can say, "He's named after my deceased brother." That's plenty.

But really, do what feels right to you and don't worry about other people being judgmental. I really think most people would be sympathetic if they knew (and there's no reason for them to know unless you want them to).

This.

If you're worried about close family, like other siblings or your parents, you can always ask them their feelings about it. It's ultimately your decision and if the reason for his death doesn't bother you, then you should use it. 

The middle name position would be the safest option if you're still worried about a negative reaction from your family.

Stephen and Reid are both nice names. It flows best with Stephen in the fn position if that matters at all to you. 

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-07-2013 at 5:16 PM
MichelleM1...
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-31-2009
23 Posts
693 Points
MichelleM1224 is not online. Last active: 04-29-2013, 12:43 PMNewbie
Idani:
I don't think it's morbid to use BUT I personally prefer it in the middle.  give your son his own name and honor your brother in the middle
I agree with this. You should def do what feels right to you though.
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-07-2013 at 6:04 PM
kayjay10
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-13-2010
NC
2,123 Posts
20,312 Points
kayjay10 is not online. Last active: 05-16-2013, 2:23 PMSilver
plunderb:

You have to decide what feels right to you. But I don't think it's morbid and I don't think there's any need for other people to know. If anyone asks about the name, you can say, "He's named after my deceased brother." That's plenty.

But really, do what feels right to you and don't worry about other people being judgmental. I really think most people would be sympathetic if they knew (and there's no reason for them to know unless you want them to).

All of this.  Regardless of how the situation ended, if your brother meant a lot to you, then that's all that matters and I love that you are naming your son after him.  It's really no one else's business anyway.
TTC since 11/2008 BFP 1/8/10...MC 1/15/10 BFP 3/20/10...MC 6/24/10 BFP 12/13/10...EDD 8/22/11...DD born 6/7/11 @ 29 weeks 1 day Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-07-2013 at 6:24 PM
MommyLizzy
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-19-2012
1,161 Posts
23,663 Points
MommyLizzy is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 12:16 PMBronze
We are naming our baby Thomas, after my husband deceased best friend, and combat buddy. He died of a drug overdose, so I understand where you are coming from. At first it bothered me, but it means so much to my husband. I think about it as I'm naming him after someone at their best, not at their worst. He was a great man who had a down fall in life and didn't get up.
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-07-2013 at 6:29 PM
GWUAlum
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-27-2012
339 Posts
6,130 Points
GWUAlum is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 6:51 PMNewbie
Stephen Reid flows better. Like PP said naming for the good in the person. Sorry for your loss.
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-07-2013 at 6:48 PM
kjwjwm
Not Ranked
Joined on 04-17-2004
10 Posts
372 Points
kjwjwm is not online. Last active: 03-07-2013, 6:29 PMNewbie
My brother also died from suicide. We used his name as a middle name. My mother told me after she was happy we used it in the middle because it would have been difficult to call him by my brother's first name. I wanted my son to have his own first name too. I'm very happy with it. Good luck!
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-07-2013 at 7:54 PM
carries103...
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-06-2009
119 Posts
1,620 Points
carries1030 is not online. Last active: 05-16-2013, 2:47 PMNewbie
It's a great way to remember them...I don't think it's terrible at all! In fact, my brother's middle name is Glenn...he was named after my Uncle Glenn who I never knew...he committed suicide before I was ever born. And everyone seems to think it's a great was to honor him. 
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-07-2013 at 8:06 PM
julybaby9
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-20-2012
46 Posts
1,014 Points
julybaby9 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 8:37 PMNewbie
I am so so sorry for your loss. :( I don't think it's morbid at all. He is your brother and should be not be forgotten and this is a great way to keep his memory alive. My brother was murdered (maybe just as awkward to bring up if someone asks) and my other brother named his son after him. like others said, your son can say if asked, 'I am named after my late uncle.'
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-08-2013 at 2:54 AM
Kimbus22
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-07-2012
10,505 Posts
131,466 Points
Kimbus22 is online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 5:04 AMGold

I don't think its morbid or that the way your brother died has to factor into this decision.  He's still your brother and you love him regardless of how his life ended.

I say use whichever feels right to you.  If you're very concerned, maybe just check with your parents to be sure it won't be difficult for them to call another child by their son's name.

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-08-2013 at 6:06 AM
-auntie-
Top 500 Contributor
Joined on 12-14-2003
New Hope
15,821 Posts
51,868 Points
-auntie- is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 8:40 PMPlatinum

I would definately run this by your parents.

It's sweet to honor your brother. Going forward, if you're the type who will be looking for a namesake conncetion, it might be hard if he has some of the same kinds of issues growing up.

It's complicated when a sib has serious issues and dies young. My sister died from complciations of HIV and addiction- I get this.

 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-08-2013 at 9:18 AM
RissNRuss
Not Ranked
Joined on 04-02-2011
1,496 Posts
29,568 Points
RissNRuss is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 7:53 PMBronze

How nice to name the baby after your brother! In my faith, we only name after deceased relatives (no one living), and it's a great honor. I might talk to your parents, but I would bet they would be flattered that you would use the name to honor him. Regardless of situations in which a person passes, they were someone loved and cared for.

My mother named me after her grandfathers and uncle (and yet my name is completely female!). She used the first initials of the men she wanted to honor. If you were nervous about the specific name, you could always use the name's meaning and find another name with the same meaning. 

Hugbug is over halfway here! 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-08-2013 at 12:21 PM
Pearls+Oys...
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-18-2012
248 Posts
4,686 Points
Pearls+Oysters is not online. Last active: 04-15-2013, 3:44 PMNewbie
As others have pointed, you are honoring the memory of your brother, not the memory of his death. I would also use his name as a middle name: let your child have his own name, his own history. And definitely talk to your parents/siblings about it. In the end, you're honoring a loved one, but you also don't want to tie your child's life to his. 
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-08-2013 at 8:40 PM
alli07
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-17-2006
4 Posts
87 Points
alli07 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 12:44 PMNewbie
Thanks everyone!  I still don't know what I want, but it helps to know that most people wouldn't judge me for it. You've all made good points, and I really appreciate it:)
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
01-08-2013 at 9:08 PM
kali55
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-22-2011
2,282 Posts
22,880 Points
kali55 is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 4:14 PMSilver

Idani:
I don't think it's morbid to use BUT I personally prefer it in the middle.  give your son his own name and honor your brother in the middle

ITA 
The Force is strong with this one
Image and video hosting by TinyPic AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
My Ovulation Chart
My Blog 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
Hot Topics

New dad or dad-to-be? Chat with other dads here!
Visit the Dads & Dads-to-be board

Need baby shower inspiration? Get ideas here!
Visit the Baby Showers board

Chat with other crafty moms here!
Visit the Crafty Moms board

search boards

choose another board