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01-09-2013 at 4:10 PM
CutieBean7...
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XP: I don't know how to feel - BFP?

Sorry I've been MIA lately.  I've just been trying to heal and haven't felt like I "fit in" around here since I wasn't sure where I was in my cycle.  But girls, I need some support.

I got a BFP Nov. 27.  Started bleeding a couple weeks later and it lasted about a week (but it was only light bleeding, occasionally red).  About a week after the bleeding stopped, on Dec. 22, I had an appt at the OB & they did an u/s and HCG test.  The u/s did not show a pregnancy and my HCG was 4 (it had been 91 when the bleeding started).  I have not had any bleeding since the presumed chemical pregnancy.  No period or any other bleeding.

This morning I got a BFP on a digital CBE test.  I called the OB and requested an HCG draw.  I should have the results tomorrow morning.  I'm scared, I'm cautious, and I'm crazy emotional.  I feel like maybe I'm imagining this or it has to be remnants from the last pregnancy.  I didn't even want to tell my husband (of course, I did) and I don't want to tell anyone else.  I'm sad like I am replacing my last loss (even though I wanted to TTC right away). I feel bad for not being 100% excited in case this pregnancy does lead to a healthy baby (like I'm cheating him/her out of something).  It took me 4 cycles to get pregnant with DD, 4 cycles for c/p #1, 5 cycles for c/p #2, and now I'm supposed to believe "abracadabra" I'm pregnant again without even a period?

I don't know when we conceived.  We've had regular sex since Dec. 24 (none before the Dec. 22 appt) so the farthest along I could be is 5w2d.  I was waiting for a period to get back to charting.

I hate that I'm back on this roller coaster of waiting for HCG results.  And I hate that I hate that because I want a baby more than anything.   

I don't know what I'm asking, I just had to get this out and see if anyone can relate. 
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Pregnancy Ticker

Married 12/8/07 | Sleeve Gastrectomy 10/19/09 | BFP#1 DD born 3/9/11
BFP#2 6/21/12, M/C at 5w2d | BFP#3 11/27/12, M/C at 6w6d
BFP#4 1/9/13, EDD 9/21/13, It's a GIRL!

 
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01-09-2013 at 4:13 PM
MrsStuessy...
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I have never been through a loss, so it is hard for me to know what to say. All I will say is, don't feel bad about your emotions. They are your emotions and you are allowed to feel whatever you want. I pray this is your take home baby! Good luck!
Anniversary BabyFruit Ticker 
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01-09-2013 at 4:13 PM
monimu13
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So sorry you are having a rough time.  I would doubt that it would be remnants from the previous CP because your level was 4 and only went down from there.  If I'm correct, the digis detect around 25 or so.  I completely understand your hesitancy to be excited, but it does sound like a positive to me.  Good Luck with your beta draw and I hope the best for you, hang in there :)

TTC #1 since July 2011.
BFP #1: 2/15/12-Ectopic/Mtx at 6 wks
BFP #2 10/12/12-m/c at 5 wks.
HSG all clear!! CD3 b/w normal. Urology appt all clear!
DH:MFI normal count (68mil) low motility (2%) and morph (9%)
Repeat SA: normal count (45.7mil), motility (47%) and low morph (1%), DNA frag: Excellent!
Me:MTHFR:Compound Heterozygous. On High Dose Folic Acid.
Cycle 17: Nov 2012: Clomid+ Trigger+ TI= BFN
Cycle 18: Dec 2012: Clomid+ Trigger+ TI+ progesterone= BFN
Cycle 19: Jan 2013: Clomid+ Trigger+ IUI #1+ TI+ progest =BFN
Cycle 20: Feb 2013: Clomid+ Trigger+ IUI #2+ TI+ progest =BFFN
Cycle 21: Mar 2013: Clomid+ Trigger+ IUI #3+ TI+ progest =BFN
Cycle 22: Apr 2013: Unmedicated TI+ progest =shocking BFN
Cycle 23: May 2013: Unmedicated TI+ progest=
IVF consult done. Waiting for CD 1 for testing, hysteroscopy, and BCP. Cycle in Aug or Sept. Anniversary
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01-09-2013 at 4:14 PM
ChicagoWed...
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I'm so sorry for your loss.  I know it is an emotional roller coaster.  Don't feel guilty for your feelings, you have the right to them.  I would suggest visiting the pregnant after a loss board too.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Philo



My fertility friend charts

~~TTC#1~~
09/2009 Missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and D&C
17 BFN cycles
Diagnosis: MFI (low count), IVF recommended
Treatment: Anastrozole to increase testosterone
05/2011: 50 mg Clomid + IUI cancelled because there were 4 mature follies
06/2011: 25 mg Clomid + IUI → BFP at 10 dpo
02/2012: Baby boy born!

~~TTC#2~~
2 BFN cycles with short luteal phases
One night with DH = BFP on 4/15/2013!
EDD 12/26/2013
BabyFetus Ticker
BabyFruit Ticker 
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01-09-2013 at 4:14 PM
T3hKay
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I cannot relate in this way. I am sorry for your loss. You might want to ask on the MC/ Pregnancy loss board, or the TTCAL board.
Tattooed Sailor Mouthed Mommy <3
Maddox born 6/8/11
TTC#2 BFP 11/7 MMC 12/23 D&C 12/26
BFP 02/04/2013 EDD: 10/12or18/13
SCH 03/01/2013
Placental Abruption 05/06/2013
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers 
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01-09-2013 at 4:15 PM
Slapalicio...
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Oh my goodness, CB!

Good luck!  I'll keep you in my thoughts. 

\m/ (>.<) \m/

Prepare to be awed by Slappy's twirling skillz.*
*SCSmith's shorts were vital to the production of this gif.



TTC #1 since 06/2011

Click here to read the Welcome Post, especially if you're new to the TTGP board!
Click here to go to the Bump Board Glossary
Click here to go to the TTGP Blog! It's more up to date than the link above 
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01-09-2013 at 4:21 PM
bowensc
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I can't imagine how up and down you must be feeling.  I hope and pray for the best for you. 
Anniversary TTC Since December 2012 photo b56b74c0-1931-4a63-b812-bb9930784fce_zps4dda0a00.jpg 
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01-09-2013 at 4:36 PM
rrdiva1
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SOrry to hear about your loss hun, it is a horrible feeling I understand!

I agree with PP it is def. a new pregnancy since your beta was less than 5 before. GL with everything, and let us know how you make out <3
Married BF 6/29/2002/ TTC Since Aug 2011/ ME:34 all clear/DH:41 DX Severe MFI/ IVF w/ICSI OCT 2012 Stims started 10/8/ER 10/19/12/ET 10/24/Beta#1 11/2=BFN (beta was 1.2) IVF 2.0-Baseline 11/7/12 beta 0/All Clear Stim start 11/7/12//ER 11/19 11M//10F ET 2 embies 11/24//Beta#1 28 Beta #2 23 Beta#3 29 stop meds Beta#4 37/C/P 5W5D EDD:8/12/13/IVF#3 in Jan Antagonist protacol again Everyone welcome!! My Chart//> Image and video hosting by TinyPic
 
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01-09-2013 at 4:41 PM
nlscroggin...
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i'm so sorry you're going through this. good luck to you. and let us know what the doctor says! T&P to you! 

me: 26 - DH: 29
ttc #1 since june 2012
-dx: PCOS & hypothyroidism-
-Dec '12-SA: normal & HSG: all clear-
-Jan '13- clomid 50mg = BFN-
-Feb '13- clomid 100mg = BFN-
-March '13- clomid 150mg = BFN- 
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01-09-2013 at 4:44 PM
Spookster
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No advice to share but my thoughts and prayers are with you and also my fx!

I am fresh out of Lollipops: Cooter Punches for ALL!
Go ahead and be jealous, my sig gif was made by the GIF master:CLE!
Makaia Born 8-27-10~Married 11-26-10~Step-Momma to Payton 7-27-07 TTC#2 Since November 2010
April 17th 1st apt
1.20 pound weight loss
2. Start Metformin
3. DH's SA
4. 4-23-13 Full fasting labwork completed,awaiting results.
Results are all healthy
WalkingTall & Tough ~*~Educate Yourself Newbs! 
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01-09-2013 at 4:54 PM
ChuggingWa...
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I dont have any insight, but wanted to tell you how very sorry I am for your loss. I'm sure all the feelings you are experiencing are normal. Please update when you can.

My Ovulation Chart || Ovulation Calendar TTC#2-September '12 November '12 began seeing rheumatologist due to +RF and strong RA symptoms BabyFruit Ticker 5.22.13 Sonogram at 7w2d-- Baby measuring perfect with 140hbp 
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01-09-2013 at 4:57 PM
runningpen...
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ChicagoWeded2007:
I'm so sorry for your loss.  I know it is an emotional roller coaster.  Don't feel guilty for your feelings, you have the right to them.  I would suggest visiting the pregnant after a loss board too.

This. I'm very sorry that you went through a loss and FX for a sticky baby.



 
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01-09-2013 at 5:02 PM
catmagick
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I'm so sorry for your loss.  I hope for you that this is your rainbow baby!!!  GL!!!



TTC #1 since 8/2012

Chronic Pelvic Pain Condition began 10/2012, so TTC kind of on hold

Told it was "in my head" or that "nothing is really wrong" by several doctors until....

DX 4/2013: labral tear in left hip

My ball joint is pushing out on the ilio psoas tendon causing all the nerves in my pelvic floor and also deep inside to be inflamed.

Hip Injection: 4/10/2013......no relief

Surgery consult: 5/15/2013

Surgery Scheduled for 5/31/2013!!!

Ready to put this shiit behind me and move on!!!!
 
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01-09-2013 at 5:05 PM
teresakay7...
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I am sorry for your loss. I don't have a lot of words of advice but I wanted to ask if you were on here summer of 2010? I think I remember you from then and our DDs are the same age. best of luck TFAS! I hope you get answers soon.
BabyFruit Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
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01-09-2013 at 5:12 PM
Cara1024
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how you must be feeling now. I hope you have some very good news soon. I will be thinking of you!

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Married October '09. Me 28 H 27.
TTC #1 since April 2012.
DX with Fibromyalgia in 2004.
DX with Undifferentiated Collagen Vascular Disease Feb 2012.
HSG - both tubes clear, DX Bicornuate Uterus Sept 2012.
1st SA Sept 2012 = very low count: 2 mil. low morph
2nd SA Nov 2012 = 7.7 mil, Started Clomid for low count and low T.
March 2013: trigger + IUI#1 (4 Million) = BFN
April 2013: trigger + IUI#2 = Canceled :(
MRI of my uterus April 30th, result = Arcuate Uterus
May 2013: Femara + trigger + IUI#2 (2.7 Million) = BFP!!!
BabyFruit Ticker 
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01-09-2013 at 5:16 PM
ac5008
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Lurking, but this happened to me.

I had a complete natural mc on November 12. When tested on November 16 my hcg was at a 5.

On December 17 I got a new BFP. And I know that something was up because my body was throwing off small clues that I never got with my previous pregnancy.

I am now in the middle of my sixth week and we've seen a heartbeat and everything is on track. I know you don't need false hope, but there are many many many success stories about pregnancies that happen after mc with no cycle in between.

Good luck and I hope everything goes beautifully for you!

Love is multiplied: DS #1: 1.5.99 ~ DS #2: 9.23.11

m/c 11/12/12 - sleep tight baby bean.

After 2 rough and tumble boys and one sad loss, our rainbow is a GIRL! Cant wait to meet you Gabrielle!

BabyFruit Ticker

 
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01-09-2013 at 5:19 PM
buggirl72
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OP, I am so sorry for your losses.  I agree with the PP that because your last beta was 4, this BFP is not from that pregnancy.  I understand your fears and FX that you have great betas. If you have not already posted on PgAL, please do. They are wonderful and will understand your fears. 

 

T3hKay:
I cannot relate in this way. I am sorry for your loss. You might want to ask on the MC/ Pregnancy loss board, or the TTCAL board.

NO!!!!!!

PgAL is the right board for you. If you go to TTCAL or the loss board it will be very painful for the majority of the women on those boards.  TTCAL is not the place to post a BFP.

 
Zachary Donald born 9/22/2012 at 20 weeks. Today, I dreamed I kissed your fingers and heard you laugh. I will always love you my sweet boy.
TTCAL May Sig Challenge: Favorite Flower



Congrats to GavinRonansMom! Grow baby grow!
A miracle is what seems impossible but happens anyways
BFP#1 06/08/2012 EDD 02/07/2013, born 09/22/2012 PTL due to placental abruption
BFP#2 12/21/2012 EDD 08/27/2013, CP@4w6d
BFP#3 01/21/2013 EDD 10/02/2013, 7 betas, 3 u/s, confirmed not viable. M/C 02/26/2013
***PgAL/PAL Always Welcome*** 
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01-09-2013 at 5:22 PM
ac5008
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buggirl72:

OP, I am so sorry for your losses.&nbsp; I agree with the PP that because your last beta was 4, this BFP is not from that pregnancy.&nbsp; I understand your fears and FX that you have great betas. If you have not already posted on PgAL, please do. They are wonderful and will understand your fears.&nbsp;

&nbsp;

T3hKay:
I cannot relate in this way. I am sorry for your loss. You might want to ask on the MC/ Pregnancy loss board, or the TTCAL board.

NO!!!!!!

PgAL is the right board for you. If you go to TTCAL or the loss board it will be very painful for the majority of the women on those boards.&nbsp; TTCAL is not the place to post a BFP.

&nbsp;




Agree with all of this!!!!!!!!!!

Love is multiplied: DS #1: 1.5.99 ~ DS #2: 9.23.11

m/c 11/12/12 - sleep tight baby bean.

After 2 rough and tumble boys and one sad loss, our rainbow is a GIRL! Cant wait to meet you Gabrielle!

BabyFruit Ticker

 
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01-09-2013 at 5:26 PM
smvb53
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I'm sorry that you are going through this. I won't pretend that I know exactly what you are going through, but I do know what it feels like to go through the roller coaster of BFP followed by loss soon after and that really really sucks.

All I can say is that it is totally OK for you to feel how you feel right now- you are not "taking away" from this new BFP just because your experiences have made you nervous and cautious. I'm sure you are worried and that is allowed.

I hope that this baby sticks and that time will heal your heart and give you back the happy excitement that you deserve.
 
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01-09-2013 at 5:36 PM
kelle017
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I can understand how you feel.  I have had 2 early losses and I feel like it kind of jaded me for future pregnancies.  I want to be excited the next time I get a bfp, but I'm not sure I can.  I'm not sure I'll be able to stop worrying until I have a healthy baby in my arms.

I'm sorry for your loss and I hope that this baby will stick.  

R&K married 4.15.11. TTC #1 since 7.11.12
BFP #1 9.9.12 EDD 5.21.13 c/p 9.12.12 @4w1d
BFP #2 10.15.12 EDD 6.28.13 c/p 10.19.12 @4wks.
BFP #3 1.19.13 EDD 10.1.13
13dpo hcg@32, progesterone@13.7, 15dpo hcg@110, 16dpo progesterone@25.9

My blog My Bfp Chart BabyFetus Ticker 
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01-09-2013 at 5:42 PM
curlylocks...
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Congratulations! I am sorry that you feel you are in limbo and I hope the b/w shows great betas and that this is your take home baby. Thinking of you. 

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О Привязать! Z!
TTC since 11/2011
BFP #1 EDD 12/14/12, C/P 4/9
Me: 27, dx DOR, heterozygous Leiden Factor V; H: 28, no known issues
After 3 failed Clomid + IUI cycles we are moving on to IVF in July
Everyone welcome. 
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01-09-2013 at 5:48 PM
calindi
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I really hope this is your rainbow baby.  As others said, don't feel guilty for your feelings - they are perfectly natural and do no harm!  If this is a sticky baby, I'm sure you'll have excitement plenty for the little one.



Anniversary

 
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01-09-2013 at 5:48 PM
Twinkie061...
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I can't relate, but FX that this BFP is your rainbow baby.



TTC #1 since August 2011
September 2012: Start IF testing
DH (30): SA is good
Me (30): Slightly low progesterone, hostile CM, and carrier for CF
October 2012: Clomid + IUI #1 w/ OB/GYN = BFN
December 2012 - March 2013: Break while finding the right RE.
April 2013: Unmedicated IUI #2 due to hostile CM = BFN
May 2013: Clomid + Trigger + IUI #3 = BFN
June 2013: Clomid + Trigger + IUI #4 
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01-09-2013 at 6:08 PM
tinydove
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So sorry for your loss :( Thoughts & prayers your way, hope you get good news soon.

February TTGP Siggy
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Stopped BC and Started TTC in February 2012
Long, Anovulatory Cycles. Dx PCOS Nov 2012, Started Metformin 11/3
Also Dx: Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism since childhood

Medicated Cycle #1 - Femara 5mg = No Response

Medicated Cycle #2 - Femara 7.5mg = TBD
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01-09-2013 at 6:24 PM
SweetC80
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((Hugs))

good luck! 

Me Dx: Weak Ovulation / Total Thyroid Removal
DH Dx: Mild MFI (borderline all 3), Varicocele
TTC#1 since 5.11
Clomid 50mg + TI = Poor Response
Clomid 100mg + TI (x2) = BFNs
Clomid 100mg+IUI#1 (5.6M Post Wash & 1 Follicle) = BFN
Surprise BFP on 1/20/13 EDD: 9/25/13 It's A Girl!!
S/PAIF Welcome
**Shibby! Lots of love for my TBBFF rayofsunshine99 and the newest member of her family, Lily!**
Pregnancy Ticker 
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01-09-2013 at 6:27 PM
colleenand...
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I'm sorry to hear you are going to through a difficult time.  As PPs said - you do have a right to feel these feelings and I hope you can find a way to not feel badly about them. Be gentle with yourself and go to bed early if you can so you don't have to think about it!  I will be keeping my FX that this will be your sticky baby. I'm wishing you luck and sending positive thoughts!

*TTC #1 since June 2012*
Me: 31, DH: 33
11/12: Dx PCOS
12/12: CD3 Bloodwork Normal!
 
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01-09-2013 at 6:28 PM
MrsM507
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Thinking of you! Hope you get some amazing news!
TTC#2 Since July 2011
Me: 29, had two blocked tubes - left was cleared during lap&dye, right was unable to be cleared. PCOS & Stage 2 Endo. DH: 31, SA = perfect.
CLOMID: 4 rounds, 50mg + TI = BFN's.
FEMARA: 1 round = no response.
12-24-2012 : Laparoscopy, Softball sized cyst/endo/scar tissue removed.
Cycle #14 - Feb 2013 : 50mg clomid. Ovidrel Trigger. IUI on 2/14/13 = thin lining, multiple cysts.
Cycle #15 - no meds, still have cysts, no follicles. Boo!
Forced break. Continuous BCP for 6 weeks to give my jacked up ovaries a break.
Cycle #16 actively trying: May/June plan: Femara, Ovidrel Trigger, IUI! Bring iiiiit!

MY BLOG -- About DD, TTC and everything in between.

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01-09-2013 at 6:56 PM
tonir319
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curlylocks3:
Congratulations! I am sorry that you feel you are in limbo and I hope the b/w shows great betas and that this is your take home baby. Thinking of you. 

All of this. So happy for your CutieBean! I know it's hard to be happy for yourself right now, and it probably will be hard for a while. Even once I felt good about my PG and out of the woods, my husband was still worried (because of a previous loss). It's hard, but I agree with PPs that PgAL is a great board with ladies that can completely relate to what you are feeling.

Good luck with your betas! 
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

My Little Meatball

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01-09-2013 at 7:01 PM
amberlocke
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T&P for you. Congrats!

Married 6/09,TTC #1 7/11, Dx:Anovulation/PCOS

7/12 SA #1 = 4.7 M/mL, 44% Motility - 9/12 SA #2 = 22.2M/mL, 45% Motiltiy
9/12 Metformin + Femara CD 5-10 + TI = BFP, Loss @ 5W6D
11/12 Metformin + Femara CD 16-25 + TI = BFN
1/13 Metformin + Femara CD 6-9 + IUI#1 = BFN
2/13 Metfomin + Femara CD 7-10 + IUI#2= BFN
3/13 Metformin + Femara CD 7-10 + IUI#3= ?

The Diary of a Mad Barren Woman || My Ovulation Chart 
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01-09-2013 at 7:30 PM
doodiebug1...
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doodiebug18 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 7:10 PMBronze
I am sorry that your going through this emotional roller coaster. I am send T Ps your way for good news tomorrow. Please keep us updated
~April Siggy Challenge~

Source: bing.com via A on Pinterest

Daisypath Anniversary tickers My Ovulation Chart TTC since April 2011-Me 27 DH 25 BFP 7.01.2011 c/p @ 4wks 3.2012 Metformin 500mg for irregular cycles
 
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