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01-09-2013 at 4:15 PM
bowensc
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Future Baby Daddy Issues

Does every life changing event have to be so difficult?

My DH and I were talking about the return of El Jefe (my AF), and he said that he has heard more about my uterus than he had ever wanted to.  Now perhaps he meant that in joke and perhaps I wasn't in the mood to be so receiving to said joke, but it kind of hurt my feelings.  It brought me back to how much he complained about last month's FWP.  I got very frustrated and asked if he really wanted to try at this point (mind you we are at my 2nd cycle in TTC).  He blew it off and said I needed to stop being so serious about this.  

I was just wondering if anyone else's DH acted like this?  I know not every DH can be a loving, supportive SD at all times but I just didn't expect it to come so early.  
Anniversary TTC Since December 2012 photo b56b74c0-1931-4a63-b812-bb9930784fce_zps4dda0a00.jpg 
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01-09-2013 at 4:19 PM
Shayliz
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Why are you referring to your husband as baby daddy and SD? SD generally means sperm donor when referred to a man. 

You're 2 months in, there's no reason to sit and talk about your period with him. My husband didn't care at all and I didn't tell him about it. The only time we discussed the happenings of my uterus (other than maybe "hey, the OPK is positive today!" were when we moved onto fertility treatments and I had to go in for things like baselines and such on specific days.  

If you got seriously mad at him being honest with you that he doesn't care to hear about your period, you do need to stop being so serious about it.  

 
 
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01-09-2013 at 4:21 PM
Emily 2714
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Mine was a little squeamish when we first started, he did get grossed out when I talked about CM and was confused when he saw the preseed app. It has been about a year, a few months ago I think he figured out that getting KU is harder than we thought and he is more receptive to ute talk and all the little things we can to to move it along, he is even taking vitamins! Good luck. Maybe ask him to watch the Sperm Race documentary.
 
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01-09-2013 at 4:22 PM
Slapalicio...
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Shayliz:

Why are you referring to your husband as baby daddy and SD? SD generally means sperm donor when referred to a man. 

You're 2 months in, there's no reason to sit and talk about your period with him. My husband didn't care at all and I didn't tell him about it. The only time we discussed the happenings of my uterus (other than maybe "hey, the OPK is positive today!" were when we moved onto fertility treatments and I had to go in for things like baselines and such on specific days.  

If you got seriously mad at him being honest with you that he doesn't care to hear about your period, you do need to stop being so serious about it.  

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01-09-2013 at 4:22 PM
monimu13
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I agree with Shay, my husband didnt ask...and I didnt tell him anything.  He knew we needed to have sex when I initiated several days in a week.  This was until we started medications, etc.  Try backing off all the information.  

TTC #1 since July 2011.
BFP #1: 2/15/12-Ectopic/Mtx at 6 wks
BFP #2 10/12/12-m/c at 5 wks.
HSG all clear!! CD3 b/w normal. Urology appt all clear!
DH:MFI normal count (68mil) low motility (2%) and morph (9%)
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Cycle 17: Nov 2012: Clomid+ Trigger+ TI= BFN
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Cycle 20: Feb 2013: Clomid+ Trigger+ IUI #2+ TI+ progest =BFFN
Cycle 21: Mar 2013: Clomid+ Trigger+ IUI #3+ TI+ progest =BFN
Cycle 22: Apr 2013: Unmedicated TI+ progest =shocking BFN
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01-09-2013 at 4:23 PM
bowensc
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The problem is we are both veterinarians.  I just thought that he would want to be as up to date as I am.  But you might be right about not filling him in on every little detail.  
Anniversary TTC Since December 2012 photo b56b74c0-1931-4a63-b812-bb9930784fce_zps4dda0a00.jpg 
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01-09-2013 at 4:29 PM
LiebeMama
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Yeah, I would never refer to my husband as "baby daddy" it is very negative to some. Anyway, some guys don't like all the ins and outs of TTCing.
 
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01-09-2013 at 4:33 PM
jaytee16
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I've shared some info with H, but generally speaking I let him determine how involved he wants to be.  He's become more informed and involved as the journey continues, the longer we try, the more he wants to know.  Heading into our 7th month now and just last week he asked me to tell him when my FW is so he can get his game face on, lol.  Maybe you could let your DH help guide what information you discuss with him, see what he wants to know about and what he doesn't.  I would also expect this to change depending on how long you TTC before getting your BFP.

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01-09-2013 at 4:38 PM
bowensc
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Proper names for DH duly noted.  I was trying to be funny in my small way, but I could see where it could be derogatory or misleading.

 In all I know he's a great man, I was just a little frustrated by the scenario and I probably do need to relax a little.  I guess I just wanted to give him a heads up, maybe just in too blunt of a way.  
Anniversary TTC Since December 2012 photo b56b74c0-1931-4a63-b812-bb9930784fce_zps4dda0a00.jpg 
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01-09-2013 at 4:38 PM
CutieBean7...
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I think the OP is referring to her DH with a sense of humor. I think it's funny. :)

Anywho, my DH didn't want to hear anything about my cycle when we were trying for DD.  He wanted to hump like rabbits and "see what happens". It's a lot different this time around.  I think seeing me give birth has erased his idea of my body only being used for his sexual pleasures, lol. 
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Married 12/8/07 | Sleeve Gastrectomy 10/19/09 | BFP#1 DD born 3/9/11
BFP#2 6/21/12, M/C at 5w2d | BFP#3 11/27/12, M/C at 6w6d
BFP#4 1/9/13, EDD 9/21/13, It's a GIRL!

 
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01-09-2013 at 4:40 PM
bowensc
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Thanks CutieBean79!
Anniversary TTC Since December 2012 photo b56b74c0-1931-4a63-b812-bb9930784fce_zps4dda0a00.jpg 
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01-09-2013 at 4:48 PM
colleenand...
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I'm guessing that if you are only on your 2nd cycle TTC and he's already sick of hearing about your uterus you are probably a little overly obsessed right now. I think lots of people can be like that.  I suggest either starting a blog so that you don't talk about every little thing to him, keep it to yourself, or vent about it on the daily Waiting to O or 2WW threads.

*TTC #1 since June 2012*
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01-09-2013 at 4:50 PM
krdesi
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I don't really talk about my period/uterus with my dh...he is supportive but obviously not being a woman himself, he can't relate and you can't expect your dh to "get it" all the time. When I get a positive opk, I let dh know it's time for his job and he does know when my period eventually shows up because he can see me curling up on the couch with my headaches and cramps, but I don't go into detail about everything. In their minds sometimes, you have porn star sex, and get knocked up...they don't relate to temping and testing lol

Good luck~
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01-09-2013 at 4:53 PM
kat81again...
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DH doesn't want to hear the details and sometimes says I'm telling him too much. Or he makes fun of me by saying, "wow, you're so romantic." But, he also asks questions about timing and whatnot sometimes and is interested in some of the details. Regardless, even when he does mock me for being "romantic" (or lack thereof) we've never had an actual argument over it and it's never hurt my feelings.

I second the idea to vent on the waiting to O or 2ww threads!
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01-09-2013 at 4:54 PM
bowensc
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krdesi:

I don't really talk about my period/uterus with my dh...he is supportive but obviously not being a woman himself, he can't relate and you can't expect your dh to "get it" all the time. When I get a positive opk, I let dh know it's time for his job and he does know when my period eventually shows up because he can see me curling up on the couch with my headaches and cramps, but I don't go into detail about everything. In their minds sometimes, you have porn star sex, and get knocked up...they don't relate to temping and testing lol

Good luck~

Thanks everyone.  I probably owe my DH an apology.  My little inner control freak sometimes distorts things, and I need to remember this is his soon-to-be baby too.  Thanks for helping me with some perspective.   
Anniversary TTC Since December 2012 photo b56b74c0-1931-4a63-b812-bb9930784fce_zps4dda0a00.jpg 
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01-09-2013 at 4:57 PM
stufie
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jaytee16:
I've shared some info with H, but generally speaking I let him determine how involved he wants to be.  He's become more informed and involved as the journey continues, the longer we try, the more he wants to know. Heading into our 7th month now and just last week he asked me to tell him when my FW is so he can get his game face on, lol.  Maybe you could let your DH help guide what information you discuss with him, see what he wants to know about and what he doesn't.

I completely agree with all of this. This is how things are with DH and I, too. If he knows I'm doing an OPK sometimes he will ask what the result was. Sometimes when I temp he asks if it is up or down, and where that temp falls on my chart, etc. But all in all I just generally try to go on with my routine of temping and OPKs, and he knows if he wants to ask me questions about it I am more than happy to fill him in.



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01-09-2013 at 5:09 PM
KerCo51
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I definitely agree with the previous posters.  I tell DH what he seems interested in knowing.  I understand that you want to share many details with him, but it isnt really necessary for him to know everything.  Don't take the fact that he doesnt want to hear details as not wanting to TTC.  It's two different things. GL to you!
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01-09-2013 at 5:10 PM
thekikimon...
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Shayliz:

Why are you referring to your husband as baby daddy and SD? SD generally means sperm donor when referred to a man. 

You're 2 months in, there's no reason to sit and talk about your period with him. My husband didn't care at all and I didn't tell him about it. The only time we discussed the happenings of my uterus (other than maybe "hey, the OPK is positive today!" were when we moved onto fertility treatments and I had to go in for things like baselines and such on specific days.  

If you got seriously mad at him being honest with you that he doesn't care to hear about your period, you do need to stop being so serious about it.  

 

yes 
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lap June 2012, stage II/III endo & adenomyosis
Lupron 7/26/12 & 10/18/12
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01-09-2013 at 5:59 PM
calindi
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bowensc:
The problem is we are both veterinarians.  I just thought that he would want to be as up to date as I am.  But you might be right about not filling him in on every little detail.  

 

Yeah, I can see how you're thinking of taking it from a medical perspective.  But really, you wouldn't want him to talk to you about his bowel movements - sometimes we don't like to know the nitty-gritty of the inside workings of the person we sleep with.  It ruins some of the mystery.

Vague terms like "fertile week" is all my DH really cares about.  He wants to know when, where, and how of getting pregnant (which would be pre-ovulation, anywhere convenient, and humping).  Other than that, he's not so interested in why you know it's time.



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01-09-2013 at 6:13 PM
macylynn27
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My husband doesn't want to know about it because he admits he could get weirded out. Therefore, I respect that and I don't talk to him about any of it unless he asks. He has no idea when my fertile window is and isn't. I initiate sex when I need to (which isn't often. lol) and that's that.
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01-09-2013 at 6:15 PM
somerandom...
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Some men are grossed out by talk of uteri and periods. It's childish, but it is what it is. I'm pretty sure my older brother is still like this... I used to taunt him with pads and he'd run away, when we were teenagers. He thought it was unmentionable.

My husband's not like that, he probably doesn't want me going on and on about it but I tell him when I'm perioding and all that... He doesn't get unreasonably weirded out.

But, it CAN be a turn off to have talk of biology and your uterus and such... Sometimes if you're TTC and therefore want to have plenty if sex, its best not to make him think of the medical mechanics all the time instead of the fun part.
 
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01-09-2013 at 7:25 PM
doodiebug1...
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My H and I have been trying for almost 2 years and he still don't want to hear about af. He knows when she comes and goes and that's all he wants to know and I am perfectly ok with that. There probably aren't to many guys that want to know all about af.
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01-09-2013 at 9:48 PM
princessis...
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bowensc:
The problem is we are both veterinarians. nbsp;I just thought that he would want to be as up to date as I am. nbsp;But you might be right about not filling him in on every little detail. nbsp;

It is not the same doing PD and getting cows to cycle than hearing about your wife's ute.

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01-09-2013 at 10:03 PM
brookelynp...
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FFS, it is not unsupportive to not want to hear about blood coming out of your vag. My husband wants to know as little about my periods as possible, and I think that's completely normal and fine with me. I don't care to know much about his bodily functions, I can't imagine why it would be much different for him. He's incredibly loving and supportive, but he will never ask for information about the goings on of my uterus and I'm fine with that. I like him to think of my vag with fondness, and not like a disaster area or science experiment.

In my time here, I've learned that most guys would probably prefer to take a "try and it'll happen" approach. It's very common for us women to be the more "high-strung" and worried ones when TTC. I would talk with him about what he wants to know (i.e. when it's your fertile week - and for that I suggest charting with temps - etc.) and what he doesn't want to know. Don't turn your relationship into nothing but a vehicle to make a baby, so respect what he wants. It may take some compromise.

 
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