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01-09-2013 at 7:14 PM
genepoolpe...
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Notifying family?

At what point did you notify your family that you were in labor/gave birth?

Both sets of grandparents (to be) are within an hour of our hospital.

DH wants to call his family as soon as I go into labor, knowing that his mother would sit in the waiting room for days, desperately waiting for her grandbaby (which would stress me out).

I don't want to see family (including my own) until day 2. I want a day to recoup and bond with my child. Would it be considered rude to not tell family until after the baby is born?


                
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01-09-2013 at 7:26 PM
horsevault...
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genepoolperfect:

At what point did you notify your family that you were in labor/gave birth?

Both sets of grandparents (to be) are within an hour of our hospital.

DH wants to call his family as soon as I go into labor, knowing that his mother would sit in the waiting room for days, desperately waiting for her grandbaby (which would stress me out).

I don't want to see family (including my own) until day 2. I want a day to recoup and bond with my child. Would it be considered rude to not tell family until after the baby is born?

 

 

Hahaha DH and I were having this exact discussion last night, because I do not want ANYONE but him around, and he also wants to notify people as soon as I go into labor. He called me crazy but said I can have my way Lol He will notify his family immediately but they live in a different state so they wont be rushing over to see us. As with my family and anyone else, we will probably just notify them after LO arrives. I doubt I can hold DH off any longer after that in telling the whole world.. 

 
01-09-2013 at 7:26 PM
randimarie...
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We don't really want a waiting room full of people. Our plan is to get to the hospital and see where I'm at in labor, and when I'm pretty far along in labor, letting our family know. Having them waiting around will only stress me out, and drive DH nuts. So if it looks like we'll be there a while, we're not letting anyone know. I thought about warning my mom that we will still call her and let her know, but she will come up there regardless of our wishes, so they'll know when we're ready. Luckily, everyone lives within 30 min of the hospital. 

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01-09-2013 at 7:26 PM
milkergirl...
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FTM, but we're not planning on calling our families until after our lo is born (they all live within an hour of the hospital, too).  We just went on our hospital tour, and they said that they keep you in the delivery room for 2-3 hrs if everything is ok, and then move to the pp room.  I think once we're moved to the pp room that would be an ok time for our families to come.  While we were waiting to go on the tour, there was a family of 15 that had been sitting in the waiting room for almost 14 hours; it seemed a little much. 

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01-09-2013 at 7:29 PM
tmsgrl
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I would let the grandparents know you are in labor but tell them that you don't want them to come to the hospital and that they can come visit when you get home.  I would let them come to the hospital to see their new grandbaby though!  Just let them know ahead of time that you aren't up for a long visit.  My experience though is that you are on such a high after you deliver that baby that you don't mind sharing the joy with everyone else for a little bit.
 
01-09-2013 at 7:43 PM
lawson_in_...
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i feel like such an odd ball reading all these posts from people not wanting their families at the hospital and all this...i WANT my family and in laws there...i guess it probably has something to do with the fact that our families r just like that- always together...thru everything...i actually cried when my MIL said she wasnt sure if shed be able to get off work to make it to the hospital!!! oh well maybe its just me!?! Good Luck :)
 
01-09-2013 at 7:43 PM
TamaraR4
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I would love to wait to notify fam, but my mom is watching DD when I go to the hospital so unfortunately she will know.

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01-09-2013 at 7:50 PM
meggipi5
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We will let people know when we go into labor. I want all the prayers I can get! I'm in a different situation though, my family has to fly across country and my inlaws are a 6 hour car ride.

I think people want to know because they are excited for you. Just make sure you are clear with DH and the inlaws about when you feel up for visitors. 


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01-09-2013 at 7:55 PM
sthomas122...
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DH is the opposite and actually says he's going to take my phone away from me once I'm in labor. Think we've settled on not telling anyone for 24 hours after DD is here so we can bond and recuperate in peace. I figure she's OUR child, not theirs. If they have an issue with it they can just stay home and pout.

 

ETA: We chose this route b/c 1. my family is nothing but drama and I think will really not be supportive during labor and 2. we want a natural labor so will be laboring at home as long as possible and I don't want everyone coming over to my house while I'm in the shower dealing with contractions (majority of family is 10-30mins away) 


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01-09-2013 at 8:13 PM
alohachris...
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I couldn't imagine not letting my family know I was in labor immed. God forbid something go wrong and they have no idea and my husband was alone to deal with that. My Dad means the world to me and I know it would break his heart if I didn't call him and let him know I was ok, safe and in labor.

Maybe my family is different then others because the first day they all come after the baby is born (only my Dad is in the waiting room while I'm in labor) and after I"m in my room and they only stay a few minutes and don't even ask to hold the baby, they just mainly are there to make sure I'm ok and me and baby are healthy. Then they come to have lunch with me the next day so I have plenty of time to get things together, sleep and rest.


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01-09-2013 at 8:14 PM
Luckey4
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I'm so happy that someone posted this. I've been thinking about this myself and haven't thought of a good way to bring it up to my husband. My husband and I are such private people , That I think I would like to wait until after our baby is born to notify family. We've been through a lot and Now that we're finally having this baby we want to Embrace her first moments on earth together as a little family of three. I don't want to make our families mad and just wish that they will understand why we would want it to be the three of us before everyone else came to the hospital. It would also make me nervous people standing around just waiting for things to happen and sitting in the waiting room for hours  not knowing when I would have our daughter. Maybe I'll find the courage to talk about this with my husband soon and we can Figure out what's best for us.
 
01-09-2013 at 8:26 PM
lkm2006
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I'm another one of the few that could never imagine not letting our family know immediately. From being on here, it seems very common and I don't think there's a right or a wrong. It's what you are comfortable with.

Last time, I was induced and had both our families hanging around all day. While I honestly didn't mind my family, I'm not very close with the in laws and I didn't really enjoy that. This time, my mom will have DS and my sisters have young babies also so I don't think it will be practical to just sit and wait. They will know I'm on labor but probably won't come until closer to the actual delivery.

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01-09-2013 at 9:04 PM
mccall35
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We won't be notifiying our families until delivery is imminent (or over.. haha). I really want a solid hour or two to bond/attempt breastfeeding with our little guy, without feeling like people are "waiting" to get in to see LO. DH is completely on board with this. (All of our family is within 1hr of the hospital).

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01-09-2013 at 9:08 PM
MrsWindyCi...
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We didn't call them until after the baby was born. I got to the hospital fully dilated, anyway, so there wasn't a lot of time even if I wanted to call them. But, I really didn't want to. I don't think it's rude, and I don't think our families really expected differently. 

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01-09-2013 at 9:32 PM
LittleLuvB...
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DH and I agreed that once we've confirmed I am in active labor and baby is for sure coming, we will notify family. They can come up if they want, but if I don't feel up to visitors they'll be sitting in the waiting room. When it comes time to push its everyone out but DH, and our hospital has a strict 1hr "bonding" period following delivery.

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01-09-2013 at 9:33 PM
dande2129
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I don't think that anything you want to do is considered rude. It's your L&D and family/friends should be respectful. You aren't saying that they can NEVER see the baby, but I think that they can wait an extra day. There's not a difference between seeing the baby right after he/she is born than the next day. They're still newborns.

Is there a compromise that you can come up with? Maybe allow your H to tell his family that you're in labor, but also say that the two of you would like the day to bond with the baby, and then tell me that they are free to visit at X day? I believe that's what we are doing with extended family. As far as grandparents go, I am okay with my mom, her wife, FI's mom and my dad coming to see the baby once we have had a few hours to bond together as a family. Everyone else can wait until the next day. 

 


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01-09-2013 at 9:38 PM
Bee112309
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When DD1 was born, we didn't tell anyone that I had gone into labor. Once she was born, he called our parents, siblings, and closest friends, and they made their way to the hospital. She was born just after 10am, and we started receiving visitors at around 2pm or so that day. It was definitely nice to have a few hours where it was just us.

This time, we will be leaving DD1 with my parents when we head to the hospital, so they'll know what's going on. We plan on calling them first after DD2 is born, because we want Marissa to meet her baby sister before anyone else does. Once we introduce the girls, the rest of our family is more than welcome to come and visit. 




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01-09-2013 at 10:04 PM
hellojenny...
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We'll be notifying family and friends but we won't allow visitors until I say so. Our hospital only allows two visitors at a time so having a waiting room full of people waiting their turn doesn't sit well with me.
01-09-2013 at 10:05 PM
5dogs
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We had a friend who was our gatekeeper - we told him what was going on, he decided who/when to release the information knowing how private we were about the whole thing. The grandparents were all out-of-state so we know that minimized our issues.

Other than that, we only told my mom that I was in labor because it was her birthday and I didn't want to not talk to her at all.

This time around I don't intend on telling anyone until after he's here unless something drastic changes. I don't like the feeling that people are waiting on me to shoot a 7-8lb baby out of my lady parts and are getting antsy about it.



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01-09-2013 at 10:44 PM
lenya_35
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Yeah I think this is one of those "every family is different" kinds of things.  I'm really close to my parents so I couldn't imagine going any length of time without telling them.  This time around, they'll be watching DD for us, so they'll know as soon as I know I'm actually in labor, and we'll probably have them come to the hospital as soon as the baby is born.  

DH's parents live across the country, so we'll probably call them when we head to the hospital and then after the baby's born.

Friends, on the other hand, won't be notified until we're settled and ready for visitors.  Last time I called my friends as soon as we headed to the hospital and the baby wasn't born until 30 hours later.  I had to deal with constant texts and calls while in labor.  Yeah, that won't happen again. 


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01-10-2013 at 7:16 AM
IncogNeato
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I called my parents right away, but in retrospect I really wish I hadn't. My water broke and NOTHING HAPPENED all night- no contractions, nothing. I was seriously wondering if I was just peeing myself all night. When we got the the hospital the next morning (per doctors orders) our phones started ringing off the hook because my parents had panicked and figured we were in the middle of labor, so they called DHs whole family. As I sat there waiting for pitocin and thinking I would end up with a c-section since 14 hours had gone by, this felt like a lot of pressure and I was peeved.

Alls well that ends well since I ended up delivering 6 hours later but I still wish I had waited until that morning.

This time we have a toddler so well need to call them early to watch her but I plan to make it clear that WE will call people when we are ready.


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01-10-2013 at 9:09 AM
Mitsya
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lawson_in_training10:
i feel like such an odd ball reading all these posts from people not wanting their families at the hospital and all this...i WANT my family and in laws there...i guess it probably has something to do with the fact that our families r just like that- always together...thru everything...i actually cried when my MIL said she wasnt sure if shed be able to get off work to make it to the hospital!!! oh well maybe its just me!?! Good Luck :)

I don't want my MIL at the hospital because when we had to make an unexpected visit to L&D triage, she showed up & harassed the nurses to get my husband & bring him out to her in the waiting room because she was just SO upset & nervous that she needed him to comfort her.  She had absolutely no regard for the fact that I might be in labor at 32 weeks & might be a tad worried myself.  I don't think someone like that helps anyone deal with a tense situation. 


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01-10-2013 at 10:50 AM
schnena77
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The one thing you may want to check on is requirements for visitors and those that can be w/ you in L&D.  Due to flu season my hospital is strictly enforcing all visitors show proof of a flu shot; which I think is hard to come by as they usually do not give you a piece of paper when you get the shot.  So if your hospital has the same policy - it would be a way to limit the number of people who can come visit.

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01-10-2013 at 11:09 AM
ally2011
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I actually just emailed our families yesterday to lay this out so we were all on the same page.  

We will call them when I go into labor (my parents are taking our dog to doggie daycare/boarding and his are feeding our cat/getting mail).  We will call them again when she is born.  We have told them we want at least 3-4 hours of time to ourselves after she is born before having visitors.  If she is born at night, then we won't have visitors until the next day.

Decide together what YOU ALL want and then just lay it out for them nicely.  I did not want people sitting in the waiting room, etc.  I want time with my husband and baby and time to shower and get to feeling more normal.  It would stress me out to know people are sitting outside just waiting away. 


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01-10-2013 at 11:40 AM
JuliaBug
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My water broke at home without any warning. After I called DH to come home, I called my mom to put her on notice since she was also coming to the hospital during L&D. She notified my family and DH notified his. Everyone knew that I didn't want them hanging around the waiting room, so no one came. 

I was in labor forever and had an epidural, so I posted on facebook and talked to my family on the phone. DS wasn't born until 3AM, so my mom texted my family and we called them at a reasonable time the next morning.

In your situation, I would just be clear with your MIL that you don't want her hanging around since you don't plan to have visitors until day 2 anyway. I think not calling until after the baby is born is just fine, too.  


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01-10-2013 at 12:00 PM
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lawson_in_training10:
i feel like such an odd ball reading all these posts from people not wanting their families at the hospital and all this...i WANT my family and in laws there...i guess it probably has something to do with the fact that our families r just like that- always together...thru everything...i actually cried when my MIL said she wasnt sure if shed be able to get off work to make it to the hospital!!! oh well maybe its just me!?! Good Luck :)

I was the same way with DD. I liked having my family there and showing them DD. We had our family bonding time for about an hour or so, but I was ready for them to come into the room.

We notified our family when I was in labor. My family came throughout the day (labor was 22 hours) and stayed until I delievered at 10pm.


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01-10-2013 at 1:37 PM
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My hubby works for my father in law, farming. So he'll have to know why he is leaving work or not coming in. As for everyone else, my sister will be at my birth and the keeper of the updates on FB. She will post on my wall and hubby's when the baby is born and that we will post again when we will begin accepting visitors. We will call or text our parents when they can come over to meet the baby. They will know ahead of time that it will be at least 12 hours if not 24. If I end up with a c-section or other issues, it will not be until everyone is in the clear and we have had our bonding time.

I'm nice but firm when it comes to things like this. My family will understand, well, my MIL may need to be talked to at least once but she's my FILs problem.


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01-10-2013 at 1:55 PM
PeanutR1
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I don't know why informing people of status has to = them coming to the hospital. 

I will call my mom when I start labor, just to let her know.  I will probably let her know when we are admitted to hospital, too. However, everyone is on the same page that we will give a final call once baby's here and we are ready for visitors. I'm sure DH will do the same with his parents. And I'm sure my mom will call my siblings to keep them informed, too. 

 For everyone who gets so wrapped up in this being MY family, MY time, Me, me, me. You have to remember - you were that precious life to your mom, too :).  9 of 10 parents I know wouldn't need to come be in your face,mbut want to know where you are and that you're safe :).  

 
01-10-2013 at 4:28 PM
mrsf123
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genepoolperfect:

At what point did you notify your family that you were in labor/gave birth?

Both sets of grandparents (to be) are within an hour of our hospital.

DH wants to call his family as soon as I go into labor, knowing that his mother would sit in the waiting room for days, desperately waiting for her grandbaby (which would stress me out).

I don't want to see family (including my own) until day 2. I want a day to recoup and bond with my child. Would it be considered rude to not tell family until after the baby is born?

You're probably going to have to find a happy medium.  DH wouldn't have minded family in the waiting room but I hated that.  Mostly because I felt they'd push their way in to the delivery room, but also because I didn't want DH to feel he had to go to teh waiting room and give them updates.  Our deal was that we told everyone in advance that the only people coming to the hospital were DH and me. As it turned out, my parents were visiting, so they knew when I went in to labor (which was a few weeks early) and we called MIL when I was still laboring at home to "inform" her.  Then, after DD was born, we waited about an hour or two and called our family to tell them she had arrived.  They were able to come at that time.  It gave us time to be alone together as a family first.  And they didn't stay long (since it was like 9pm!).


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01-10-2013 at 10:35 PM
RJM050705
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DH & I still need to work this out.  He wants a waiting room full, I don't. :/  I for sure plan to call our parents (ILs and my dad are local, mom is not).  My plan is to call all of the parents and ask them to let other important family (grandparents/siblings) know once we're admitted.  I'm considering having MIL there but I need to talk to her about it.  Unfortunately she and I haven't had a private moment over the past few weeks.  I think what I'd like is MIL with us in delivery, dad + FIL in waiting room and everyone else going about their business.  We want at least two hours after birth to bond/BF/etc anyway and everyone but my mom is within 60 miles, so having parents call after LO arrives gives everyone MORE than enough time to get off work.  I'm also HOPING they space out their visits. :/  I definitely don't need 15 people in there at once!

Rebecca :)

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