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01-10-2013 at 10:05 AM
smbckr2
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How to share BFP?

So I have a friend who has been trying to get PG since DH and I got PG with our first DS (3 years ago). She was really upset and didn't talk to me much while I was pregnant (before that we were inseparable, my maid-of-honor in my wedding 3 months before our BFP). She skipped my baby shower and never came to see DS. The first time she saw him was when he was 18 months old because we ran into each other at the store. But the whole time I didn't know her infertility issue, until recently when we sat down and I finally got out of her what was wrong. I think everything is mended. Her, her DH, me, my DH and our DS all went to dinner right before Christmas, so things are good again!

Well now, DH and I are expecting our second child. How do I tell her? Without breaking her heart and loosing her all over again? I have no idea what to do. Do I call her? Send her a text? Tell her in-person over dinner (which I am not sure about because I don't know what her reaction would be and wouldn't want her to be uncomfortable)? Just wait until I put something on facebook and have her see it (which seems a bit cold to me)? I am so scared and I do not know what to do. It breaks my heart that her and her DH are having trouble getting pregnant.


 
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01-10-2013 at 10:13 AM
magdalina....
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You know her best. I personally will be sharing with my friend over text because I know she'll be happy for us, but also sad for them. Reading it over a text will give her the opportunity to react in her own way. It also will prevent her from saying something nasty to you unintentionally.
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01-10-2013 at 10:13 AM
BelhurstBr...
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I would sit and tell her in person. Let her know that you understand if she has a difficult time expressing joy for you. 

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01-10-2013 at 10:15 AM
purplepean...
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purplepeanut6 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 10:47 PMSilver

email. 100%. 

so she will have time to read it be angry/upset/jealous etc. and process it on her own time.

It will give her time to deal with her emotions.

GL!

IMO, if you have a friend that like that is so close i would avoid rubbing it in her face, like facebook nothing worse than seeing contant posts about your pregnancy and u/s etc. 

ETA: I was kind of on the other end. I suffered a loss, and the next week my SIL announced she is pregnant at my grandparents dinner with all our family. needless to say i left hysterically crying. shes an asshat by nature so im not surprised, but being in those shoes i would prefer someone tell me via email or text so i can cry and be upset but then approach them with smiles and be happy for them. 

MOST PEOPLE thankfully havnt had a loss or struggle with getting pregnant, so they would not be able to relate to being on that side. I can already tell by some of these responses to the post.  

BFP #1: 7/18/12, M/C 8/6/12 @6weeks
BFP #2: 10/13/12 EDD: 7/28/13!  
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01-10-2013 at 10:15 AM
Jilly82
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I'm having the same problem. My best friend is having a really hard time ttc. I am waiting to tell her for another couple of weeks but it kills me that I'm going to have to disappoint her. When I told her I was late, she didn't speak to me for 2 days. Then I lied and said I got AF when she asked bc I didn't want to upset her. At a loss as well
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01-10-2013 at 10:23 AM
smbckr2
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purplepeanut6:

email. 100%. 

so she will have time to read it be angry/upset/jealous etc. and process it on her own time.

It will give her time to deal with her emotions.

GL!

IMO, if you have a friend that like that is so close i would avoid rubbing it in her face, like facebook nothing worse than seeing contant posts about your pregnancy and u/s etc. 

I completely agree about not putting a lot on facebook! I don't even put a lot of DS on there, because of not wanting to hurt her feelings.



 
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01-10-2013 at 10:45 AM
jessicaiva...
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All you can do is try to be sensitive to her. Not sharing your joy and happiness isn't fair to you. I don't mean to sound cold hearted but if she is such a good friend then she should be able to have some compassion and happiness for you. 

 If you are a heavy facebook poster-i think that there is a setting that you can change so that she doesn't see your baby specific posts.

 
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01-10-2013 at 11:15 AM
magdalina....
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jessicaivana:

All you can do is try to be sensitive to her. Not sharing your joy and happiness isn't fair to you. I don't mean to sound cold hearted but if she is such a good friend then she should be able to have some compassion and happiness for you. 

 If you are a heavy facebook poster-i think that there is a setting that you can change so that she doesn't see your baby specific posts.

After we lost Aidan, I hid a lot of people on FB. They shouldn't have to hide their happiness just because I was sad.

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01-10-2013 at 12:41 PM
Happy_Yaho...
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Personally, as someone who went through 2.5 years of IF, I would want someone to tell me in person or over the phone that they were expecting.  Email and texting is cold and impersonal, IMHO.  And I wouldn't want to read it over FB either.

When my friend was expecting her second, she called me to tell me, knowing full well what DH and I were going through with IF.  She approached it in a very sensitive way, and I really appreciated her tact and the fact that she wanted to tell me in such a way that we could talk it over.
4/12/10 - Began TTC 8/2012 - IFV #1 - 18 follicles retrieved, 11 usable, 10 fertilized, 9 continued to grow, 2 tranferred, BFN :( 9/2012 - Treated for uterine infection 10/2012 - Uterine infection cleared up 11/12/12- Began IVF #2 12/19/12 - 2 embryos tranferred 12/24/12 - Tested Christmas Eve morning - BFP!!! :) 12/28/12 - Beta #1 - 193 12/31/12 - Beta #2 - 624 1/7/13 - Beta #3 - 7544 1/14/13 - Beta #4 - 31,067 1/16/13 - IT'S TWINS!!!! Two healthy heartbeats! Due Date - 9/6/13 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers  
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01-10-2013 at 2:20 PM
amief
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I have a couple of good friends going through this and things they have said to me (of course everyone may not feel the same way):

 

1.  don't start by saying "I hate to tell you this" or "I am so sorry but"  They want you to want to share with them as their friend... share your news as the happy news it is.  They don't want to feel bad for making you feel bad telling them.  Of course, still be sensitive. 

 

2.  That said... share it at a time when they can get away by themselves and are not in front of a bunch of people or obligated to stick around and try to pretend to be happy or have to walk out crying. 

 

When I told, I got a quick hug and congratulations, and then she left the room.  She needed an hour to just be sad.  

 I agree w/pp that text/email is a bit impersonal... the only advantage to this I see is that it allows them time to themselves... but I think you can do that in person or on the phone too as long as you tell at the right time.   

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01-10-2013 at 2:26 PM
TurtleMomm...
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I'm of the opinion that in person (if possible) is best. You have more of a connection to the person in that scenario. If they need to leave, they'll leave. If they need a hug, you're right there. If they want to cry, you can cry with them. Its a sign in respect in my book.

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