community

all boards


birth clubs



my blog

Sort:
01-10-2013 at 11:06 PM
Celticgal7...
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-11-2013
102 Points
Celticgal78 is not online. Last active: 01-10-2013, 11:44 PMNewbie

New and need advice

Hi ladies, hopefully I will get support and not bashed for being pregnant and unwed :/ I'm 34 and live with my boyfriend of a year. He had to move in with me after selling his home. He's a little younger 32 and a firefighter. I do love him but I'm soooo unhappy. He truly is an incredibly selfish, immature man. I got pregnant on the pill while taking antibiotics and while I've always wanted to be a mother, this just isn't how I pictured it. He has no desire to get married and talks about leaving every time we fight. I'm 5'3 106 lbs and while I'm only 9 weeks pregnant hes already making rude comments about what I eat and weight I'm gaining. He told me I've completely let myself go and literally has me in tears at least 4 to 5 times a week. Last night he told me to 'F' off because I asked him to turn in his side because he was snoring! We got in a fight and he said the baby isn't his etc etc... I'm so unhappy and feel so trapped :/ do I move on now or try to work this out knowing I could be bringing a child into a very negative environment?
 
01-10-2013 at 11:08 PM
Celticgal7...
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-11-2013
102 Points
Celticgal78 is not online. Last active: 01-10-2013, 11:44 PMNewbie
Thanks for any advice :
 
01-10-2013 at 11:08 PM
KittenD
Not Ranked
Joined on 06-07-2012
5,375 Points
KittenD is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 4:52 AMNewbie
I suppose it depends on how many kids you want when your baby is born. Babies are enough work without some hoser making you miserable. Sounds like he needs to take a hike.
01-10-2013 at 11:10 PM
Shayliz
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-06-2009
Bloomington, MN
40,571 Points
Shayliz is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 8:54 PMGold
I'd tell him to eff off and leave my house.
 
01-10-2013 at 11:14 PM
QueSyrah
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-27-2012
59,959 Points
QueSyrah is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 11:33 PMSilver

Shayliz:
I'd tell him to eff off and leave my house.

Yup. I'd start preparing to raise this baby on your own. 


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  Pregnancy Ticker 
01-10-2013 at 11:37 PM
Blessedma4
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-09-2013
21 Points
Blessedma4 is not online. Last active: 01-25-2013, 8:37 PMNewbie
Hey I totally understand your situation! I'm 24 living with my soontobe fianc 31! I just took a home preg test and I'm pregnant! We fuss and fight and we both know it's not healthy for myself nor baby but we both want this family and to make it work and can do better! But in your case since your unhappy and he doesn't want the same things you want as well as being negative towards you, than you definitely don't NEED to be around that drama! Make him leave! It's not healthy for you now and it won't be down the line UNLESS he change! You don't need to bring a baby into that type of atmosphere. Yes you'll be without a partner by your side but hopefully with friends and family you have support! Your baby will push you to be independent anyway! You can do it! LET HIM GO!! God bless and good luck!
 
01-11-2013 at 12:23 AM
1026pumpki...
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-21-2010
50,379 Points
1026pumpkin is not online. Last active: 05-15-2013, 11:55 PMSilver
I'm really sorry you're going through this :. He sounds emotionally abusive, and that doesn't seem like something you can "work on." Unfortunately, if he's the dad, you're going to be stuck with him in your life to some extent, so I'd try to keep a split amicable, but it sounds like getting out is the best thing for you. I know this has to be an increadibly difficult situation and I'm really sorry you're going through it.

 BabyFetus Ticker;  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-11-2013 at 12:29 AM
California...
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-04-2012
61,342 Points
CaliforniaDream87 is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 10:09 PMSilver
Definitely not judging you because you aren't married.

Anyway, sounds like you have a real problem on your hands. If I were you, I would start preparing to be a single mother and get him the EFF out of your house. Period.

PAL/PgAL Always Welcome. EDD is 08/14/2013. Missed Miscarriage EDD: 08/25/2012-"I loved your for a thousand years and I will love you for a thousand more" Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Pregnancy tickers 
01-11-2013 at 12:32 AM
lynn97
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-08-2010
Missouri
12,200 Points
lynn97 is not online. Last active: 03-05-2013, 12:24 AMSilver
I dated a guy that was a lot like this. I wouldn't marry him and gave uim the boot. If i were you, i also wouldnt try to make it work. Two mistakes don't make a right. Not that your baby is a mistake....I truly believe that every baby is a miracle, really. But this situation isn't ideal. I would boot him and go it alone.

Life isn't about avoiding the storm but learning how to dance in the rain  
01-11-2013 at 5:34 AM
PrincessFi...
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-09-2009
Kansas City, MO
9,283 Points
PrincessFiona9 is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 12:58 PMSilver
Kick him out of your house! He's obviously not going to be any help, and is in fact a hindrance. You do not need him.
 
01-11-2013 at 6:12 AM
fuzzylogic
Not Ranked
Joined on 06-03-2005
Oklahoma City
15,067 Points
fuzzylogic is online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 5:30 AMSilver
Your house, your rules. Dude sounds like a champ. Tell him to go live at the firehouse. 

 
01-11-2013 at 6:40 AM
shelbell10...
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-20-2007
MA
32,205 Points
shelbell1028 is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 6:29 AMSilver
Shayliz:
I'd tell him to eff off and leave my house.


Agreed. Do it sooner rather than later.

No one should make you feel the way he has.

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
BFP # 2 9/6/12 - M/C 9/25/12  
01-11-2013 at 6:48 AM
michelle74...
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-04-2009
22,976 Points
michelle7482 is online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 5:24 AMBronze
I would kick him out.  It's honestly going to be worse once the baby comes and  you are tired, resentful, hormonal, and sleep deprived.  Babies are HARD work.  My hubby and I were at each other's throat in the beginning b/c it's so hard having a newborn.  I couldn't imagine going through that experience with someone whom I didn't love.  You will be so much happier without him.  Do you have family that will be and to help once the baby comes?

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Girl #2 is on the way!  Pregnancy Ticker 
01-11-2013 at 7:05 AM
grace_smit...
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-31-2005
Longmeadow, MA
11,754 Points
grace_smith03 is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 12:52 AMSilver

Mama, you truly do not need the stress in your life.  Things happen in life, but one must make choices. Can you imagine raising the baby with this man?  If he says these things to an adult he supposedly cares about, what do you think will happen to defenseless babies/children?  

Kick him out.  He still needs to pay child support. That will help.

 Good luck. I know it's a scary situation, but it will be like a bad dream in a year.  

01-11-2013 at 7:44 AM
leahaustin
Not Ranked
Joined on 03-17-2011
31,434 Points
leahaustin is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 2:14 PMBronze
It does not sound like a healthy situation. I would move-out or have him move-out depending on who is head of household on the lease or owns the home. I don't understand why some men (or people in general) have to treat others like this. Keep your head up, there is a ton of support out there for single moms! You can do it!

 BabyName Ticker Anniversary 
01-11-2013 at 8:02 AM
mabenner1
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-23-2008
65,200 Points
mabenner1 is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 7:42 PMGold
Why are you with him if he's so selfish, immature, and sounds like a terrible person? Leave him.

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-11-2013 at 8:06 AM
aessary03
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-11-2009
65,461 Points
aessary03 is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 4:45 AMSilver
Do you have friends and family in the area? You will need a support system when you have this baby. But my answer doesn't change either way. If he's mentally abusive to you now, it will only get worse during your pregnancy and continue after the baby is born. Leave him and don't look back. Women are single parents all the time. I was young and dumb when I had my first with an abusive as ***. I left him and raised my child on my own and then met my wonderful husband when she was almost 5. So my point there was, there are nice guys out there and you don't have to settle for this jerk just because you're pregnant. If you're feeling trapped, then it's time to move on and very soon. 

Me - 32, DH - 32. We have been TTC #2 since January 2012.
BFP on 12/3/12, EDD 8/19/13, U/S 1/17/13 showed blighted ovum, d&c 1/24/13
BFP on 4/19/13, EDD 1/1/14 - Please be our rainbow baby! Daisypath Anniversary tickers  BabyFetus Ticker 
01-11-2013 at 8:15 AM
elmoali
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-15-2003
Boston
63,676 Points
elmoali is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 9:09 PMGold
I don't see any benefit to staying with him.  Not one thing you've said tells me he'll make your life any easier in caring for the baby.  Kick him out, get your ducks in a row for getting financial support from him and consider yourself lucky to be done with him.  GL.

 Pregnancy Ticker 
01-11-2013 at 9:01 AM
gscoville
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-08-2009
50,641 Points
gscoville is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 12:09 PMSilver
There is nothing to work on and it will only get worse, not better. I think you know already what you have to do, and are just looking for support and approval to do it...which you're getting here. He needs to go!

May Siggy Challenge - Favourite Flower: Lilac
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Married August 2012. Me: 39 DH: 40
Daughter from a previous marriage is 18 years old
TTC #2 since August 2012
BFP 12/19/12
DX with ectopic pregnancy at 8 weeks, surgery to remove right tube 01/18/13
Both ovaries and left tube looked healthy and clear, so we'll see what the future holds for us.
My Ovulation Chart  
01-11-2013 at 9:28 AM
grace_smit...
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-31-2005
Longmeadow, MA
11,754 Points
grace_smith03 is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 12:52 AMSilver

You have received some great advice here, op.  Please do what you can to take it.  We know it's never easy to leave a relationship, we all want them to work...however, the other person needs to want that too...and not just SAY it.

It will be difficult with the pregnancy hormones. Try to find a therapist who can help you through this process...perhaps the OB can recommend one.

 

Good luck, and keep us posted.  It's easier now as it's just *you*, rather than trying to take care of a baby and this situation.  Do it now, you know you need to. 

On another note, if you feel you need more reinforcement/input I suggest you try craigslist and go to the LTR forum (long term relationships)  They have some regulars who are out-of-this-world at giving relationship advice.  

01-11-2013 at 9:52 AM
monaclemer...
Not Ranked
Joined on 03-17-2008
Philadelphia
3,027 Points
monaclemere is not online. Last active: 03-23-2013, 9:41 AMNewbie

Get rid of the jerk! It sounds like he is PISSED about this pregnancy and has no interest in being a father. You and the baby are better off.Tell him to pack his sh!t and get out of YOUR house.

Wait and see about the child support thing. He may be such an ass by the end of this that you won't want him to have anything to do with your child. In that case, you'd be better off not naming him on the birth certificate. You wouldn't get child support, but he wouldn't have any legal rights to the child unless he got a paternity test and pursued those rights in family court.

Good luck with everything. I'm sure it feels hopeless right now, but it will get better!


 BabyFruit Ticker  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-11-2013 at 10:02 AM
katharine2...
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-18-2011
56,382 Points
katharine25 is online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 5:25 AMGold
He sounds awful in every way. You say you love him, but love is supposed to make you feel incredible & happy, not miserable. It's easy to confuse love with convenience if you don't really know what love is.  He is making you unhappy, and it really doesn't sound like he has any desire to change, or even acknowledge that this is his baby. You and your baby deserve to be truly loved! It will be much easier for you and the baby, and everyone involved if you kick him to the curb now.   Good luck!

***I can spell, my iphone can't***
Married My Love on 6/18/2006
BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013 Boy oh Boy!!
Chasing a Rainbow: The Chart/The Fruit
 photo ellie.gif Photobucket
“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” - Walt Disney
AL Always Welcome  
01-11-2013 at 11:46 AM
Happy_Yaho...
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-01-2013
33,019 Points
Happy_Yahoo_Personaler is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 12:34 PMBronze
Give him the boot.  He sounds emotionally/verbally abusive toward you.  And he's like that toward you, what will he be like toward your child?

4/12/10 - Began TTC 8/2012 - IFV #1 - 18 follicles retrieved, 11 usable, 10 fertilized, 9 continued to grow, 2 tranferred, BFN :( 9/2012 - Treated for uterine infection 10/2012 - Uterine infection cleared up 11/12/12- Began IVF #2 12/19/12 - 2 embryos tranferred 12/24/12 - Tested Christmas Eve morning - BFP!!! :) 12/28/12 - Beta #1 - 193 12/31/12 - Beta #2 - 624 1/7/13 - Beta #3 - 7544 1/14/13 - Beta #4 - 31,067 1/16/13 - IT'S TWINS!!!! Two healthy heartbeats! Due Date - 9/6/13 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers  
01-11-2013 at 1:38 PM
mainerocks
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-10-2006
Massachusetts
23,543 Points
mainerocks is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 9:34 PMGold

mabenner1:
Why are you with him if he's so selfish, immature, and sounds like a terrible person? Leave him.

This! Ditch this jerk! 


Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers 
01-11-2013 at 4:05 PM
grace_smit...
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-31-2005
Longmeadow, MA
11,754 Points
grace_smith03 is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 12:52 AMSilver
?
01-11-2013 at 5:20 PM
TurtleMomm...
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-03-2013
21,955 Points
TurtleMomma is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 10:40 PMBronze
Do not stay in that relationship. That is domestic abuse, even if its just verbal. It could very easily escalate. Do not give it a chance to happen. Being in an abusive relationship is worse than being a single mom.

 BabyFetus Ticker  BabyFruit Ticker 
01-12-2013 at 6:52 AM
Hidntreshr
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-13-2007
D.C.
171 Points
Hidntreshr is not online. Last active: 01-12-2013, 6:52 AMNewbie
It's been said that people ask advice when they know the answer, but it hurts.
Good luck being a strong parent for yourself and your little one.
 
Hot Topics

New dad or dad-to-be? Chat with other dads here!
Visit the Dads & Dads-to-be board

Need baby shower inspiration? Get ideas here!
Visit the Baby Showers board

Chat with other crafty moms here!
Visit the Crafty Moms board

search boards

choose another board