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01-11-2013 at 5:47 PM
shoptilyou...
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"Were you guys trying?"

Seriously... Why do people feel the need to ask that question, and what knowledge do they hope to gain from it? Isn't the fact that we are pregnant now and we're sharing the news with people good enough? They also have to know what sex position we used? And what location in the house we conceived in? And what time of day, etc, etc? I feel like asking details like "were we trying" just a bit too nosy. My BIL asked me during our announcement dinner, and I just told him that my sex life is none of his business. My MIL agreed with me.

 I know I tend to be on the sensitive side, so if you can help me shed some light on why someone would have the nerve to ask me that, I would really appreciate it! Or, if you agree that it's an inappropriate question, I'd love to hear about that, too.  

 
01-11-2013 at 5:49 PM
GraceInCA
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"Well, we had been trying for a really long time, but it wasn't working. So I went to the doctor, and he told me that I shouldn't let my husband keep sticking it in my butt."

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01-11-2013 at 5:52 PM
NeinerBopp...
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GraceInCA:
"Well, we had been trying for a really long time, but it wasn't working. So I went to the doctor, and he told me that I shouldn't let my husband keep sticking it in my butt."
LOL!!!!!!!!!! I think I just peed a little...
 
01-11-2013 at 5:58 PM
NeinerBopp...
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It's totally inappropriate! I had a similar question asked to me and I responded "We let God do the work- We're just having fun!" I wouldn't let questions like this get to you- little things like this got to me in the beginning, then I just let it go because people will ask what they want, when they want. I read an article recently that had questions people would ask pregnant women (inappropriate ones) & then their responses- If I find it, I'll post it here! Smile
 
01-11-2013 at 6:24 PM
lily_721
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"Yes after 66 daily injections, this was VERY intentional."


together since 2006
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011

TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12

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01-11-2013 at 6:24 PM
lalvillar0...
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Haha, sometimes I feel like people are saying it in a "why would anyone TRY to have kids" way.
 
01-11-2013 at 6:28 PM
jennshea13
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I got this question too and thought it was very awkward!! Especially coming from ppl in my family who never talk about sex. I would have kind of expected it from my hubby's side haha. Also I got "Did this happen in FL?" -- where we went for our one year anniversary! Luckily that was from a close friend so it wasn't as awkward, but still kind of caught me off guard lol

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01-11-2013 at 6:34 PM
Kissimi21
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I actually I had a bit of fun when a male coworker asked me if we were trying.  He is admittedly not ready for kids, so I told him how not only were DH and I not trying, but we were preventing.  Then I added, "You think BCP work until you end up with twins."  Poor guy probably hasn't touched his girlfriend in months.  Lol. 

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers  Pregnancy Ticker Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
01-11-2013 at 6:39 PM
shoptilyou...
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Thanks--I know I have to learn to roll with the punches more. I feel so much better knowing others feel the same way about that question. :)
 
01-11-2013 at 6:41 PM
shoptilyou...
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It's been 20 minutes since I read your reply and I'm still giggling like crazy!!! That is exactly what I should have said, and will say going forward. Thanks for making this moody mama smile today. Have a blessed day!
 
01-11-2013 at 6:48 PM
aylacbw
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agreed! i think its a totally inappropriate question, and rude!

 
01-11-2013 at 6:52 PM
dande2129
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GraceInCA:
"Well, we had been trying for a really long time, but it wasn't working. So I went to the doctor, and he told me that I shouldn't let my husband keep sticking it in my butt."

/dead 


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01-11-2013 at 6:53 PM
Scrippsie_...
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I think a good answer to this question is often another question:  "why do you ask?". I've found that sometimes when folks ask if my husband and and I were trying, it's because they themselves have been having trouble trying to conceive.  If this is the case, and they are asking questions because they want to talk about it, I'm all ears and happy to listen and be supportive.  This response also works pretty well with nosy folks.  If they're just being nosy then, a simple "why do you ask?" really tends to stop this sort of nosiness.

If life gives you lemons, put them in a pretty bowl 
01-11-2013 at 8:40 PM
MissDei
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aylacbw:
agreed! i think its a totally inappropriate question, and rude!

 

Agreed. I thought it was ESPECIALLY rude to ask a married woman that, but really it's rude to ask anyone this. I will say, I've told people SEVERAL times...when you get married, unless your tubes are tied, BC isn't fail proof and babies come when they want to. lol

I told a few people that question was rude, and one of my friends apologized. I didn't mind her asking, but from strangers/coworkers? Question is TOTALLY rude. And I haven't really given an honest answer to ANYONE, I lied to the majority of them (sorry God). And JUST in case someone goes snooping around on the internet...I shall never reveal the truth. That's between me and my husband lol. 


~Mrs. G~  BabyFetus Ticker  
01-11-2013 at 9:11 PM
skio
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Meh, I guess I'm in the minority, but I generally brush this question off. It's usually pretty clear that the asker is not intentionally being rude, it's just one of those stupid things people say to pregnant women, like, "Wow, you're getting big."

People can be mindless shitts and you have to take perceived rudeness while pregnant with a grain of salt, IMO.



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01-11-2013 at 10:06 PM
aberwhit
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My husband and I really haven't had to hear this question to much, but when we do we let people know.  Well we were, I suppose everyone who has unprotected sex is.  Then I look at them for a second and see if they laugh.  If they don't I do.  Congrats on the new baby.
 
01-11-2013 at 11:10 PM
Audrey1787
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Scrippsie_Sarah:
I think a good answer to this question is often another question:  "why do you ask?". I've found that sometimes when folks ask if my husband and and I were trying, it's because they themselves have been having trouble trying to conceive.  If this is the case, and they are asking questions because they want to talk about it, I'm all ears and happy to listen and be supportive.  This response also works pretty well with nosy folks.  If they're just being nosy then, a simple "why do you ask?" really tends to stop this sort of nosiness.

"Why do you ask?" is my go to response to questions that I don't want to answer. Half of the time they can't give a real reason for asking so I don't have to answer them and the rest of the time it's because they have other questions or something they want to talk about and aren't trying to be intrusive. Or I guess there are sometimes when they're asking because they heard something from someone else but then I only have to address what the other person said and not really answer their whole question.


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01-11-2013 at 11:11 PM
MelissaRae...
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MissDei:

aylacbw:
agreed! i think its a totally inappropriate question, and rude!

 

Agreed. I thought it was ESPECIALLY rude to ask a married woman that, but really it's rude to ask anyone this. I will say, I've told people SEVERAL times...when you get married, unless your tubes are tied, BC isn't fail proof and babies come when they want to. lol

I told a few people that question was rude, and one of my friends apologized. I didn't mind her asking, but from strangers/coworkers? Question is TOTALLY rude. And I haven't really given an honest answer to ANYONE, I lied to the majority of them (sorry God). And JUST in case someone goes snooping around on the internet...I shall never reveal the truth. That's between me and my husband lol. 



BC can always fail whether you're married or not. And why is it more rude to ask a married woman than an unmarried woman?



Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. -Jeremiah 1:5
 
01-11-2013 at 11:29 PM
JCWhitey
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Eh.  I guess I don't see what the big deal is.  We WEREN'T trying and pretty much everyone knew that so we do tend to get that response mostly because people are wondering if we weren't be honest about not trying.  I don't think they're being nosy, just asking for curiosity sakes and because my friends and I ask questions about each others lives all the time.  It's what friends do, isn't it?

Janine & Cody | Georgetown, Grand Cayman | Feb. 28th, 2012

Surprise BFP | Baby Due Late July/Early August 2013

 Pregnancy Ticker

I believe in a lot of things. I believe in fresh tennis balls, the healing power of bunnies, and that the novels of Susan Sontag are something I'll never read. In fact, I don't even know who Susan Sontag is. What is she... like... a painter? I believe in Crystal Lite because I believe in ME. I believe in the movies of Val Kilmer, though these days it ain't so easy. I believe in Darren Sproles, the word "dabble", the first season of "Silk Stockings", and big, warm, moist, gooey chocolate chip cookies that melt in your mouth and all over your face. 

01-12-2013 at 5:45 AM
jlpev
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People are going to ask the oddest questions and make some of the rudest comments when you are pregnant. Just be prepared to hear all kinds of comments especially once you start showing!! People tell you everything you don't want to hear.

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01-12-2013 at 6:38 AM
StarshineR
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Some people are just trying to make conversation; other people are gossips. Some people also want to know so that they can compare it with their own experiences. 

It's best to let it go. People are going to say and do things you don't like, whether you are pregnant or not. I'm sure you yourself have asked your share of inappropriate questions in your time. Everybody has. I literally know no one who hasn't. 

 
01-12-2013 at 7:04 AM
+ASH+
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I get asked this a lot, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't bother me. Actually, I got the alternative question: "Was it a surprise pregnancy?"

My first inclination is wanting to say that it doesn't really matter - we've been happily married for 10 years, so either way it's not a big deal.

But I go with a variation of: "Well, we were wanting another one for years and it wasn't happening, so yes, we were very surprised!" 


DS1 - 9; DS2 - 6; Angel - May 10, 2011; Baby Girl - Due May 19, 2013 
01-12-2013 at 7:04 AM
gulickr
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MelissaRae1525:
MissDei:

aylacbw:
agreed! i think its a totally inappropriate question, and rude!

 

Agreed. I thought it was ESPECIALLY rude to ask a married woman that, but really it's rude to ask anyone this. I will say, I've told people SEVERAL times...when you get married, unless your tubes are tied, BC isn't fail proof and babies come when they want to. lol

I told a few people that question was rude, and one of my friends apologized. I didn't mind her asking, but from strangers/coworkers? Question is TOTALLY rude. And I haven't really given an honest answer to ANYONE, I lied to the majority of them (sorry God). And JUST in case someone goes snooping around on the internet...I shall never reveal the truth. That's between me and my husband lol. 

BC can always fail whether you're married or not. And why is it more rude to ask a married woman than an unmarried woman?

I was wondering exactly the same thing!


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01-12-2013 at 8:49 AM
quiggels21...
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This really annoyed my SIL, they had been trying for years and ended up getting pregnant on IVF.  She complained to me about this a million times how rude she thought it was.  When I told my family at a big dinner who do you think was the first person to ask in front of everyone if we were trying?  I thought she had to be kidding, but nope she looked at me waiting for an answer.  So ridiculous!

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01-12-2013 at 9:20 AM
Pearls+Oys...
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I'd rather someone ask if we were trying than if it was an accident (which is basically the same question, but the wording is nicer). I had a stranger ask me if I was aware that I could have had an abortion, since I was soo young and not married... I'm 29, lady, keep your mouth shut, maybe?

Some people have absolutely no filter, and I never even thought to ask someone if their pregnancy was planned. I might wonder, and even think "Well, that went fast" but in the end, it's none of my business. I won't embarass myself or someone else for the sake of "small talk"...


 
01-12-2013 at 9:23 AM
dalzien
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We got asked this question a lot as well. We just sidestepped the question and would say that we were very excited to be starting this new step in life together. Ignoring the question made it easier.

 
01-12-2013 at 9:48 AM
kewper
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I'd echo the "why do you ask" response.

 

The only possible response:  I'm a nosy a** 


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01-12-2013 at 10:57 AM
katie6/26/...
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I just say that we were hoping to have another child when that question is asked.
 
01-12-2013 at 11:14 AM
brittanist...
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My father in law asked us if we were trying, or how did this happen.  I just said, "do you really want to know the answer to that?"  He dropped it, but it was embarrassing since it was in front of my parents and other family members.   Everyone in the family knew that we had been wanting to have a baby for like 2 years.  It was just awkward!
 
01-12-2013 at 11:44 AM
katester42
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I get asked this a lot and my response is "we were practicing a lot, I guess we're really good" as I stare at then with a deadpan expression. The look on their faces is priceless and I enjoy watching their faces turn colour.

I must admit though for some of the other ridiculous questions I'm sure I'll be asked in the future I'm going to use the "why do you ask?" response!


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