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01-11-2013 at 6:04 PM
eliroberso...
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eliroberson89 is not online. Last active: 02-25-2013, 11:41 AMNewbie

Open to thoughts...

My husband and I just found out yesterday we are having a boy! We are ecstatic! We have it narrowed down to 2 names, 1 which is our favorite that we both LOVE (Brady Michael) and the 2nd which is his late brother's first name (Ricky Michael). 

 

I told my husband he gets the final say, I like the name Brady more, however because we would be naming him for my husband's little brother I will go along with Ricky. We are not telling anyone we know the names until the baby is born, as a little surprise. My only concern is this: Ricky passed away 3.5 years ago at age 23 in a car accident. I could not imagine going through what my in-laws did (my husband and I were not together at the time) and they are still not coping well. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are handling it the worst, I would say. I would love to name him Ricky after his Uncle everyone adored but I also wonder if our son being named Ricky is going to cause further pain for my in-laws seeing as after a few years someone generally always breaks down at the mention of his name or memory...

 

Do you think going with Ricky would be a bad idea and that they would be upset when they find out?? He may decide to go with Brady in the end, but I have a feeling he would rather name his first born after his brother...thanks for any input! :) 

 
01-11-2013 at 6:13 PM
Estwd2
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Honestly in this case, I would not keep it a secret. I would have him ask his mother and sister. Their reaction is not something you can really predict, so I would ask. Another option is to have it in the mn spot.

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01-11-2013 at 6:13 PM
82Sonia
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I think that you need to decide, between the two of you, which name it's going to be.  If it's Brady then there is no need to worry about the reactions to Ricky.  If you're heavily leaning toward Ricky, then ask the grandparents how they'd feel if you honored their Ricky by naming your son after him.  My guess is that they'd be very honored. 

My concern is that you ask them about naming your son Ricky, and they love and are honored by the idea, and then you decide to go with Brady they'll be disappointed.  I wouldn't even ask them unless you're 99% sure that you'd want to name the baby Ricky. 


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01-11-2013 at 6:14 PM
kleigh926
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I think your husband should ask your in-laws how they feel about it before you make a final decision. Using it in the first name spot might be too painful for them, but what about honoring him somehow in the middle name spot? Brady Ricky doesn't really flow (although you could still use it), but maybe Brady Rick, or Brady Richard?



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01-11-2013 at 6:18 PM
TessaDior
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This is a tough one. I would personally use your late brother-in-law's name as a middle name. That way you are still honoring him, but might not bring the painful emotional reactions. 
 
01-11-2013 at 6:38 PM
sapphire02...
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I can relate to your post a little bit.  My half-sister was killed in a car accident when I was young, and we contemplated honoring her by using her name.  I never asked my parents, as we decided against using it, but we had it in the middle name spot for awhile.
As a previous poster said, I would decide between the two of you which name you REALLY want to use, and if it's Ricky, I would have him speak with the grandparents rather than using it as a surprise.  Otherwise, I would move it to the middle name spot if you wanted to keep the name a secret.

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01-11-2013 at 6:43 PM
Joy2611
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I would use Ricky as a middle name.  I most certainly wouldn't use the exact same name of a family member who died tragically not that long ago.
01-11-2013 at 6:51 PM
orleyl
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I just lost my younger sister 6 months ago and it is extremely difficult. I really think you and dh should discuss it with his family before u go any further, that's what I would want. Ask them how would they feel if you guys used the name. I think its the most respectful and sensitive thing to do.

 
01-11-2013 at 6:58 PM
queenbone
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As someone who still isn't emotionally ready to use my deceased father's FN for either of my sons and probably not this baby if it is a boy, I would only use it in the MN spot. So either Brady Richard or Brady Patrick (I assume his full name wasn't just Ricky.) I personally think it is too soon.

ETA: DS1 was born 3 weeks after my dad died and DS2 was born 3.25 yrs after he died, I couldn't even use his name in the MN spot for either of them even though my DH was really encouraging me to use it. This baby will be born almost 6 yrs later and I still don't think I will be ready to use it. I also think there is a huge difference between naming for an older person who has had a full life (even though I think at 57 it was still too soon for my dad) and someone who was 23 when they died and clearly died too soon.  I can only imagine how painful that loss would be for the family. You don't expect to outlive your children.


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01-11-2013 at 7:01 PM
DaisyZH
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I would definitely have your DH talk to his family first, that might be really hard for them if they meet the baby for the first time and are surprised like that.

 I agree with PP though about making sure you want to use that name first so if they do want you to use it you won't have to tell them you changed your mind.


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01-11-2013 at 8:14 PM
lasfresasr...
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Could you use Ricky as a middle name? Then you would still be honoring him but you won't have the immediate association if that would still cause pain.

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01-11-2013 at 9:31 PM
kayjay10
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Estwd2:
Honestly in this case, I would not keep it a secret. I would have him ask his mother and sister. Their reaction is not something you can really predict, so I would ask. Another option is to have it in the mn spot.

This exactly.  I would use it in the mn spot just because it could be difficult for your MIL and SIL to call your son by name if you use it in the fn spot.  Mn spot could still be honoring your late BIL without it being so in their face.


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01-12-2013 at 8:31 AM
-auntie-
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JMHO, but no parent should have the final say on a name. That's wack.

Expectations matter in a situation like this. You need to talk to other family members about this. You don't want your child marginalized because his name stirs up unhappy memories.

If his parents are still actively grieving, they may have trouble with the name being used; like retiring a jersey, they may want Ricky to only mean one kid. Or they may insist on it when it's not their call to make. FWIW, my sister died 20 years ago next month and my father has not recovered at all- he's a changed man.

The other consideration is that Ricky isn't much of a name for a responsible adult. Was he a Richard?

The other piece is the mojo associated with the name. Names are generally chosen to honor a person. Was your late BIL worthy of being honored? Was he driving home from the bar drunk when he died or was he on his way to volunteer with at-risk youth in the community?

 
01-12-2013 at 9:57 AM
eliroberso...
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It is definitely your opinion to believe Ricky isn't much of a name, but yes, it was his full name, as it is my father-in-law's. And how he died is not a part of the question, whether he died "honorably" or tragically from making a mistake, the fact is he was a respectable and responsible young man who lost his life too soon. But thank you for your input.
 
01-12-2013 at 10:02 AM
eliroberso...
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As for many of you, thank you all for your input. Part of me believes they would be honored and part of me is afraid they will be shocked and unhappy if it is a surprise. Ricky was in an accident with a good friend who also passed away and his name was Robbie (Robert) and his brother, which is good friend of my husband, named their son Robert in honor of him and even the in-laws seemed to like it, however it is not quite the same....

 

I do wish we could figure out a way to use Ricky as a middle name, but it seems so difficult, and even if we shortened it to "Rick" he never went by Rick so it doesn't seem the same to my husband. I only say I gave my husband the final say in picking the name, because it is ultimately up to him if he can handle saying his brother's name every single day without all the hurt. I love the idea of if we are almost positive we are going with Ricky to ask the grandparents if they would be okay with it....and maybe that is what I will suggest.

 

I appreciate all of this, thank you again. I wanted some outside advice because I was worried I was just being a worry wart. 

 
01-12-2013 at 10:03 AM
FrecklesIn...
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I don't think it is a good idea to use the name as the FN. I think the MN would be a better or more appropriate spot to honor him. I also think you might want to have H ask about how his family would feel about it. I generally don't like the idea of honoring someone in the FN spot, but especially using the name of someone who passed away tragically so very recently. I think it is great to honor others in the MN spot though.

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01-12-2013 at 10:29 AM
eliroberso...
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Alright, so here are what I am contemplating and when hubby gets home discuss with him...I don't think any of them really flow, but again, I am biased and I am somewhat stuck on my favorite (Brady Michael), so let me know if any of these even sound okay. Our last name is Roberson, so I am indifferent about the MN and LN starting with an "R"...

*Brady Rick

or our third choice name *Marshall Ricky.

 

My other suggestion I am going to make to my husband is to use his brother (and his father's) middle name, because I think of all the choices of not using Ricky as a FN, Brady Leon flows the best. Any thoughts? 

 
01-12-2013 at 6:32 PM
clarissama...
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Joy2611:
I would use Ricky as a middle name.  I most certainly wouldn't use the exact same name of a family member who died tragically not that long ago.

Personally I agree with this. But I think it would be great in the middle name spot.

 
01-12-2013 at 6:37 PM
clarissama...
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I didn't see your replies before I wrote my last post, but would you consider something like Braden Ricky nn Brady? I also like Brady Leon! I think that is a great idea.
 
01-12-2013 at 7:17 PM
SarahL77
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eliroberson89:

Alright, so here are what I am contemplating and when hubby gets home discuss with him...I don't think any of them really flow, but again, I am biased and I am somewhat stuck on my favorite (Brady Michael), so let me know if any of these even sound okay. Our last name is Roberson, so I am indifferent about the MN and LN starting with an "R"...

*Brady Rick

or our third choice name *Marshall Ricky.

My other suggestion I am going to make to my husband is to use his brother (and his father's) middle name, because I think of all the choices of not using Ricky as a FN, Brady Leon flows the best. Any thoughts? 

I think all of these are really good options. Good luck coming to a consensus.

01-12-2013 at 8:28 PM
eliroberso...
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clarissamaealison:
I didn't see your replies before I wrote my last post, but would you consider something like Braden Ricky nn Brady? I also like Brady Leon! I think that is a great idea.

I did jot down Braden Ricky, but personally all the "aiden/aden/ayden" names are way over done, especailly around here so I wanted to stay away from that. But we ran it by my MIL tonight and she said she would love us to do that. So we are going to be doing Ricky Michael. (Michael is my husband's middle name) so thank you for everyone's advice and insight but we have officially decided on the name. :) 

 
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