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01-13-2013 at 9:42 PM
Spacebunny...
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Spacebunny19 is not online. Last active: 04-14-2013, 8:18 PMSilver

the triage of helpers...anyone else?

So, my mom passed way just before DD#1 was born.  Now DD#2 is due in April and we're trying to figure out how to handle the actual day of labor/birth with DD#1, i.e., who will be with her/watch her/get her etc.  The idea of DH having to be with her and leaving me solo in the labor ward is not my cuppa tea, but we don't have any people who are go-to who don't have other obligations.  We have my dad--who will come if he's not out of town on business (15% chance he will be as he travels a lot); my sis, who has now 2 kids, one in school and one littler, and can't just drop everything and drive an hour leaving her kid without someone to get her from school; my MIL who still works full time; FIL same thing; and several friends but all of whom have other obligations from kids and/or work and/or school.

So DH is like we need a triage list of who can cover what at what time...and then there's the whole, How does DD#1 get there?  Will I be in labor and having to make a pit stop to drop her off somewhere first?  

 

DD#1 was born on a Saturday which was super convenient...but DD#2 will come when she's ready and it may be *gasp* a school/workday.  

What are your plans and how do you plan to deal with older kid(s) who are still super young/not in school and will need carseats/watchers/etc.? 


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01-13-2013 at 9:58 PM
CelticWife
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CelticWife is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 11:53 PMGold
My mom still works, but she will take off as soon as I tell her I am in labor. That is what she did when dd was born . She told her boss weeks before hand and had her leave preapproved.

I dont have much family, and dh has none that lives close. Our options are severly limited.

Have you talked to your families about it, or have your families already said.they cannot help.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown

DS: age 4

DD: age 2

Currently pregnant with our 3rd!

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01-13-2013 at 10:26 PM
Spacebunny...
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Spacebunny19 is not online. Last active: 04-14-2013, 8:18 PMSilver
Like I said, they all work, and for things like taking off when you have kids, you can't take a day off from getting your kid to school, etc.  My dad is CEO of the company he works for, so he will come when he can (no issues re: taking the time off) but since we won't know exactly when DD#2 will make her debut, he may be out of state as he travels nearly every week on business, so we can't assume he'll even be here.  MIL & FIL will probably be the people to step in if they can, but they work and they haven't offered to take off time to be with DD#1.  I'm sure if it's on a weekend it won't be an issue, but we haven't sat down with them (DH needs to because it's his side) and asking them to watch her is one thing but asking them to watch her AND take off work is another...  We really don't have anyone else.  DH's brother is in the Marines and elsewhere, my sis has the two girls (one in school) and is over an hour away so if I had to wait for her to get down here after school with two girls in tow, I'm not sure if that's even worth it as she might have issues watching all 3 kids in a hospital (but her I will at least ask.)  

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01-13-2013 at 11:23 PM
CelticWife
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CelticWife is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 11:53 PMGold
I am sorry! I know that it must be stressful.

Do you attend church?

Or is it in your budget to hire a mothers helper for a few weeks? Someone like a college student that you could call once you go into labor? Or an older lady who could watch your child until family could come later?

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown

DS: age 4

DD: age 2

Currently pregnant with our 3rd!

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01-14-2013 at 12:19 AM
dclsboo235
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dclsboo235 is not online. Last active: 05-12-2013, 8:33 PMBronze

im honestly still trying to figure it out. i guess worse comes to worse dh will have his sis leave work to be with b or someone will. at least i hope if not then it will be all good. we will figure it out somehow.


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01-14-2013 at 5:10 AM
amykins128...
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amykins1283 is online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 10:08 AMSilver
My parents both work but theyhave made arrangements with their bosses to leave early the day I call and say I am in labor and need them. If it's a week day then Liam will be at daycare so it won't be a huge rush but one of them will get off early to pick him up and hang with him at our house and the other will join them later.

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01-14-2013 at 7:50 AM
emriley84
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emriley84 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 7:29 AMSilver

DS goes to school (daycare) 2x/week, so I have already talked to his teacher and they will be flexible when the time comes so he can go to school while I'm in labor, in the hospital. I will most likely be a scheduled induction due to health issues, so we will have a little more of a plan in place.

If I go into labor on my own our plan is- middle of the night, BIL who is single will stay at the house until DS wakes up, then bring him to school.

If he is at school, my sister will pick him up and bring him home until DH can get there.

If it's a weekend, in laws will take him until DH can get him.

My plan is to have DH come home and put him to bed each night, and if he wants to come back to the hospital, BIL will come over after DS is asleep.


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01-14-2013 at 8:18 AM
mrsmcdonal...
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We don't have any family in the area, except for DH's cousin, who works, has three kids, and whose husband is a pilot and out of town a lot (although my DH also travels Monday through Thursday every week, too). It's been stressful to think about what to do with DD#1, because I don't want to impose on anyone. She has generously offered to be available when I go into labor and take care of DD. I feel really badly if I go into labor when her DH is out of town, or in the middle of the night when she has to work/get her three kids ready for school the next day. But honestly, I don't have any other options. I am so grateful for her generous offer. I'm just hoping my DH will be in town when it all happens!

We would drop DD#1 off at my cousin's house when we're leaving for the hospital. It's out of the way, but I'm not going to ask our cousin to pick her up. Luckily, she has an extra car seat, so we won't have to leave one. I am hoping to be out of the hospital by 24 hours, so she won't have to stay at our cousin's too long and inconvenience her. Depending on when I go into labor, DH will go home after I deliver and get DD. He would also sleep at home with her, if I deliver during the day.

I would have your DH approach his parents, since they seem to be the most viable option (even though they both work).


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01-14-2013 at 8:19 AM
meansbaby2...
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We are very blessed to have my mil live near us. She will come over and watch our little guy while we are at the hospital. My parents also live pretty close, but my mom will be subbing for a maternity leave at school and she won't be free in the day. Good luck!

 


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01-14-2013 at 8:21 AM
faithfaery
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faithfaery is not online. Last active: 04-08-2013, 11:45 AMNewbie

Here's our game plan: If I go into labor on the weekend, M and D will either go to my in-laws' house (who live about 5 min. from us) or my dad and step-mom will come get them (if in-laws are not at home). Dad and SM live about 10 min away. We're going to have to wait for my doula to get to our house anyways, so she can follow us, so waiting a few mins won't be a problem. Doula lives about 3 mins away, though she could be out and about when it happens. If I go into labor during the week, I will have to call doula to come to the house, call DH out of work, and either call FIL to come get boys (since I refuse to drive while in labor, and FIL is currently not working) or if FIL is unreachable, I will call step-mom out of work to come watch boys. She has already told me that this is ok with her bosses. If both FIL and SM aren't reachable, I will call MIL who works about 3 min away. While her boss hasn't ok'd her leaving randomly, I know from previous family emergencies that she won't be penalized for coming to help (especially for something as serious as "My DIL is in labor!!!!!!" (MIL is overly emotional and would either be panicky or so excited she'd be screeching)

If all of this goes to pot, and for some reason our parents aren't reachable, I'll start mildly panicking and running down the list of local friends until I find someone who can come and watch M and D until a grandparent is available.  Luckily the hospital is about 5 min from home, so even if it takes a little while to find someone, we won't have a long drive.


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01-14-2013 at 8:23 AM
dande2129
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dande2129 is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 10:52 AMSilver

CelticWife:
I am sorry! I know that it must be stressful. Do you attend church? Or is it in your budget to hire a mothers helper for a few weeks? Someone like a college student that you could call once you go into labor? Or an older lady who could watch your child until family could come later?

All of this.

There are options. Typically, you don't go into labor and it's all, "OMG BABY IS COMIINNNGGGG!" Once you feel that the labor is real, you could call the people on your list and make arrangements for your DD--- it doesn't have to be last minute. 


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01-14-2013 at 10:55 AM
TamaraR4
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This sounds almost exactly like my problem.  DD#1 is 5 yr old and in school.  My parents will watch her, but the trick is how do I get her ther? They just moved about 30 miles away (but it takes almost an hour to get there between city traffic and crappy country roads). DH works full time AND goes to school so the chances of me going into labor while he is not home are really high.  Since this is my second, I know that just because you go "into labor" doesn't mean you need to get to the hospital ASAP, but it still worries me!

With DD#1 I finally went to the hospital at about 1am.  DH works overnights... I really do not want to be driving DD out to my mom's house by myself while I'm in labor!

To top that off, my parents-- in their infinate wisdom-- decided it would be a good idea to take a "family" vacation 2 weeks before my due date.  My OB is not expecting me to make it all the way to my EDD, I've been contracting a lot already.  The same week family out of town is the same week OB decided they would allow the baby to come (meaning they wouldn't stop labor if I actually started).  Great, right?


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01-14-2013 at 11:33 AM
Spacebunny...
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Spacebunny19 is not online. Last active: 04-14-2013, 8:18 PMSilver
TamaraR4:

This sounds almost exactly like my problem.  DD#1 is 5 yr old and in school.  My parents will watch her, but the trick is how do I get her ther? They just moved about 30 miles away (but it takes almost an hour to get there between city traffic and crappy country roads). DH works full time AND goes to school so the chances of me going into labor while he is not home are really high.  Since this is my second, I know that just because you go "into labor" doesn't mean you need to get to the hospital ASAP, but it still worries me!

With DD#1 I finally went to the hospital at about 1am.  DH works overnights... I really do not want to be driving DD out to my mom's house by myself while I'm in labor!

To top that off, my parents-- in their infinate wisdom-- decided it would be a good idea to take a "family" vacation 2 weeks before my due date.  My OB is not expecting me to make it all the way to my EDD, I've been contracting a lot already.  The same week family out of town is the same week OB decided they would allow the baby to come (meaning they wouldn't stop labor if I actually started).  Great, right?

Sheesh!  I'd be convinced my parents didn't love me if this was their wisdom! (I kid.  Sorta.)  

I am planning on the "triage" system of friends from church, but like I said, basically everyone has stuff going on, so it's trying to find the person who is going to be the most flexible and able to potentially step in at the last minute.  One of my friends from MOPS at church has a son near DD's age and works part time from home, so if all of the family options aren't available, I think I'd be able to swing by and drop her off with them, and she'd just have to stay there until after DD#2 is born and/or someone could take my car from the hospital and go get her, because nobody has extra car seats to get her anywhere else.  I'm hoping she'd be up to this and that DD wouldn't freak out being left there (she knows the mom & son & has been to their house before, but not frequently.  We do playground play dates & see each other at church primarily, not at the house.)   

Oh well, just makes me jealous of my sis who's MIL doesn't work and easily stepped in to take her daughter when she & her DH went to the hospital to deliver #2.  Every situation is different, I guess mine's just a tad more complicated :)   


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01-14-2013 at 12:23 PM
JuliaBug
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JuliaBug is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 9:39 AMSilver

My SIL is a SAHM with 3 kids in elementary school and she lives very close, so she is taking my DS no matter what time of the day. We will drop DS off on the way to the hospital and leave my car seat with her. My MIL and FIL are retired and live in the same neighborhood as SIL so they can help out if we need them.

In your situation, do you have any SAHM or retired friends/neighbors who would be willing to drive your DD to your sister's house? I think it's a good idea to come up with a very specific plan for all days of the week and times.

The uncertainty of when labor will begin is really stressful the 2nd time around. I hate the idea of waking my SIL and her family in the middle of the night so that I can go to the hospital.  


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01-14-2013 at 12:57 PM
ah625
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Have you asked your MIL for help, or are you just assuming she can't/won't? My MIL works full time too but is willing to take off work if she's needed to watch our son or pick him up from school should I be at the hospital.

 
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