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01-14-2013 at 9:55 AM
asilwhite
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asilwhite is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 6:45 PMSilver

WWIFD??

Back story before question:

My DH has one large work conference per year that is held in a warm weather location (this year FL) where his department from all over the country come for a long weekend of meetings while the wives go shopping, sit by the pool etc. This conference is always in January. So this year, obviously I cannot go because I'm in the middle of the IVF cycle, but I told my DH if the timing worked out he could go because it's super important for work.

Issue/Question: 

He told me it was this coming weekend, which I was fine with because he's getting back Saturday night and even if I stim for a minimum of 8 days (which would be Friday), my mom or I can do my trigger and ER would be Sunday morning (he would be back for that). I find out last night that the conference isn't this weekend but NEXT weekend. It's looking like my ER will definitely be either Tuesday - Thursday next week with an ET of 3-5 days later, meaning he might be out of town for the ET - he'd come back either Saturday night or Sunday morning.

I really want him to be there, but at the same time I know how important this conference is for work and he needs to be there too and if we do get PG, he needs job security - we need 2 incomes. So what would you do? Would you insist your DH stay so he's there for the transfer, or would you say it's ok he goes and have someone else (like your mom) take you? Did you feel your DH had to be there at the transfer? (btw - if this was ER it would be a whole different story) 

We'll discuss any and all scenarios about transferring embryos before he is out of town, but I just wanted to get your thoughts.   

TIA! 


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TTC #1 since May 2011 | Me: 28, DH: 28 | DX: MFI
BFP #1 - April 15, 2012 (CP on April 17)
IUIs #1 - #3 (August - October '12) = BFFN
IVF #1.1 (Nov/Dec '12): Cancelled due to 18mm cyst - UGH
IVF #1.2 (Dec/Jan '12/'13): 5dt of 1 "perfect" 1AA blast on 1/26 (2 frosties) = BFP!!!
EDD October 14, 2013
Everyone welcome!
My Blog

Can't wait to meet our little boy!!  BabyFruit Ticker 
01-14-2013 at 10:12 AM
solisilou
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Hi, it seems things always take the difficult route when you're dealing with IF, or?

DH was there for ET when we did our fresh cycle and first ever transfer. After that I've had FET 1&2 and he couldn't be there because of work, and it was fine. I must say that everything went so quick and easy that I would have totally managed that first ET by myself too. I'm just very pragmatic and I wouldn't want him to miss work unless it's something really, really important.

I hope you find a solution that suits you.

Good luck with ET!

 


Me 32 / DH 36
TTC since 08/2010
Me: Lap in 2007 due to pelvic pain: Dx mild endo
Lap in 2011: ovarian cyst and endo removal
2 Clomid cycles: good response but both BFN
borderline high anti-cardiolipin IgM Abs - now on baby aspirin
DH: S/A very low all three - unexplained

IVF/ICSI #1: 06/2012 11R/11M/9F 2dt of one 4-cell embie - BFP,
beta hell, U/S hell, m/c and D&C at 9w6d
FET #1: 10/2012 3dt of one 10-cell embie - BFN
FET #2: 11/2012 2dt of one 2-cell embie - BFN
FET #3: 01/2013 3dt of one 6-cell embie - BFN
IVF/ICSI #2: 02/2013 14R/13M/7F 5dt of one blast 2/16 - BFP,
beta hell, m/c at 5w3d
FET #4: 04/2013 5dt of 2 morulas - BFN
FET #5: 05/2013 5dt of 2 morulas -


 
01-14-2013 at 10:15 AM
kseav
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Ma
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kseav is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 11:58 PMBronze
MH was only ever able to come to one of my 4 et. Unless you are changing the quantity being transferred and have to decide that day I found I was ok with him not being able to be there.

 
01-14-2013 at 10:37 AM
stinkerbel...
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Bakersfield, CA
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stinkerbell6879 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 6:30 PMBronze
That is tought. I would want DH there BUT at the same time it is work related so that is important as well. I would move forward with out him. Good Luck!



Me:33(Dx Turners Syn) DH: 34(Perfectly Fine!) ~DE Cycle Set to start APRIL 2013!!~ 
01-14-2013 at 10:41 AM
Happy_Yaho...
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Personally, it didn't matter if DH was there for the transfer.  He wound up being there both times, but he was made to wait out in the recovery area.  He was not allowed in the room with me when the actual transfer was done.  I would just move ahead with the transfer without him, if I were in your position.

4/12/10 - Began TTC 8/2012 - IFV #1 - 18 follicles retrieved, 11 usable, 10 fertilized, 9 continued to grow, 2 tranferred, BFN :( 9/2012 - Treated for uterine infection 10/2012 - Uterine infection cleared up 11/12/12- Began IVF #2 12/19/12 - 2 embryos tranferred 12/24/12 - Tested Christmas Eve morning - BFP!!! :) 12/28/12 - Beta #1 - 193 12/31/12 - Beta #2 - 624 1/7/13 - Beta #3 - 7544 1/14/13 - Beta #4 - 31,067 1/16/13 - IT'S TWINS!!!! Two healthy heartbeats! Due Date - 9/6/13 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers  
01-14-2013 at 10:44 AM
megs3084
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Chicago
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megs3084 is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 9:33 PMSilver
Id much rather have the job security. But i also went alone to all of my iuis. Good luck!


"Everything will be alright in the end. So if it's not alright, it is not yet the end."
"She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time." The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Me:28 DH:28 TTC since 1/11 Dx: unexplained IF/early DOR
Feb'12- Clomid/TI with CD3 &21 labs(normal)& SA-count 6mil/ml,morph/motil OK-BFN
April'12 Ultrasounds,HSG -clear, slight acurate uterus
5/14 IUI #1-50 mg clomid-post wash total motile count 19.3 prometrium 2dpiui= BFN
6/11-IUI #2-100 mg clomid & prometrium post wash count total motile 17.5 = BFN
7/6 IUI#3 with 100 mg clomid, estridiol, prometrium. post wash total motile count 23.3 = BFN
8/30IVF#1 BCPs, Follistim, Menopur,Ganerelix,Novarel.
ER 9/11-8R, 7M, 5F.
ET 9/14 2 embies transferred. 1 10cell Grade 4, 1 8cell Grade 4. No frosties. BFN
IVF#2 BCPs, Follistim, Menopur, Ganerelix, Novarel, Baby Aspirin
ER 12/5-16R, 12M, 8F!
ET 12/10 5dt! 1 fully expanded blast & 1 early blast. No frosties. BFN
2/13- Saline sono revealed a polyp. All additional labwork coming back normal. Genetic screen revealed DH has MTHFR deficiency & I am a carrier for it.
3/13 hysteroscopy & polypectomy
3/27 Began working with Reproductive Immunologist Dr. Kwak-Kim. Found High NK cells, High DHEAs, slight hypothyroidism, tendency toward blood clots (High PAI-1)Began synthroid & metformin 4/19.
Cycling in July

Here Comes the Sun Blog
PAIF/SAIF welcome! 
01-14-2013 at 10:57 AM
asilwhite
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asilwhite is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 6:45 PMSilver
Thanks so much ladies for all of your replies! I'm going to encourage him to go to the conference since the transfer is just like an IUI - and I did all 3 by myself and we'll discuss all embie scenarios before he leaves. Job security is extremely important to us right now!

Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
TTC #1 since May 2011 | Me: 28, DH: 28 | DX: MFI
BFP #1 - April 15, 2012 (CP on April 17)
IUIs #1 - #3 (August - October '12) = BFFN
IVF #1.1 (Nov/Dec '12): Cancelled due to 18mm cyst - UGH
IVF #1.2 (Dec/Jan '12/'13): 5dt of 1 "perfect" 1AA blast on 1/26 (2 frosties) = BFP!!!
EDD October 14, 2013
Everyone welcome!
My Blog

Can't wait to meet our little boy!!  BabyFruit Ticker 
01-14-2013 at 11:38 AM
twistsandt...
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twistsandturnsto2 is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 9:57 PMSilver
That's a though one!
While it was really cool to have DH there for the ET, if he had to be somewhere else and it couldn't be avoided and someone else could be there, I'd let him go. Especially if this work event is that important to his career. Gotta pay those RE bills, right?

Me: 34, DH: 30 :: TCC since 2/11
SA: Perfect! CD3 b/w=Elevated Prolactin? HSG = Blocked Right Tube
April- Femara 2.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN
May- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN
June- Femara 7.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN
August- Lap & Hysteroscopy = Blocked & Partially Blocked Tubes
Scar Tissue Removed, Left Tube Partially Open
September- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN
October- 100mg Clomid + Trigger + TI = BFN
IVF # 1: Stims 11/30 ER 12/12/12! (10R, 8F, 2 Transferred, 6 Frosties!)
Beta #1- 176 c/p @ 4w4d
FET #1 February 26th
Lost 4 Frosties to Thaw, Transferred 2 = BFFN
IVF # 2 in May Stims Begin 5/10
ER 5/21


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~~SAIF/PAIF Welcome~~ 
01-14-2013 at 11:59 AM
rrdiva1
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rrdiva1 is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 8:33 AMSilver
asilwhite:
Thanks so much ladies for all of your replies! I'm going to encourage him to go to the conference since the transfer is just like an IUI - and I did all 3 by myself and we'll discuss all embie scenarios before he leaves. Job security is extremely important to us right now!
Honestly I think it seems like a good decision for him to go ahead and be at conference. He needs job security, and this way you are not obsessing if he should have been there or not. He will be with you after, and I am sure make it up to you........<3

Married BF 6/29/2002/ TTC Since Aug 2011/ ME:34 all clear/DH:41 DX Severe MFI/ IVF w/ICSI OCT 2012 Stims started 10/8/ER 10/19/12/ET 10/24/Beta#1 11/2=BFN (beta was 1.2) IVF 2.0-Baseline 11/7/12 beta 0/All Clear Stim start 11/7/12//ER 11/19 11M//10F ET 2 embies 11/24//Beta#1 28 Beta #2 23 Beta#3 29 stop meds Beta#4 37/C/P 5W5D EDD:8/12/13/IVF#3 in Jan Antagonist protacol again Everyone welcome!! My Chart//> Image and video hosting by TinyPic
 
01-14-2013 at 12:10 PM
nawlinsgrl
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DH and I discussed whether or not he could be there for ET #2, (luckily he was there for the 1st one).  He was ultimately able to be there based on when it occurred, but we had decided that if he couldn't make it, he would at least "participate" in the embryo quality/how many to transfer discussion by phone. 

That, to me, was the most important part, and that he participate in that discussion.  So, perhaps DH can make himself available to talk with you and the RE on the day of ET, especially since you'll have a pretty small window during which that talk will have to take place.


10/10: Married DH; 5/11: Dx: Blocked Fallopian Tube; 7/11: D&C/Hysteroscopy to remove polyp
IVF #1: 9/11: ER: 12R, 11M, 10F, No Frosties; 5dt: 2 blasts, 1 morula; DD born 6/3/12
IVF #2: 11/12-12/12: ER: 20R, 20M, 16F, 4 Frosties; 5dt: 3 blasts, DS EDD: 8/23/13
 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  Pregnancy Ticker 
01-14-2013 at 2:59 PM
Crispity
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Chicago 'Burbs
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Crispity is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 8:56 PMBronze

***ticker warning***

I liked that DH was there for both of my transfers, but I would have been ok with him missing it if he had an important work event. The transfer itself is not a big procedure (very similar to an IUI), although it is very cool to see the embies.

That being said, you may just want to check on your clinic's policy for ET's. At one of my clinics, they required that the male partner be present for transfer. So, just make sure it's ok for him not to be there.


"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!" - Dr. Seuss

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 

01-14-2013 at 4:21 PM
Scoop77
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Our clinic made us both be there to sign consents on number transferred and such. But if that weren't an issue, I wouldn't mind if he had to miss it for something important and/or job-related. I didn't find the ET particularly traumatic and it's a pretty fast appointment.


TTC #1 for about 3.5 years
ME: 37, PCO, immune issues?, teflon uterus (my added diagnosis)
HIM: 38, Perfect. (Showoff.)
Month before starting Clomid, spontaneous pregnancy. m/c at 7 weeks and D&C.
Four months of Clomid, one IUI, with Intralipid each cycle: BFNs all
IVF 1.0 July 2012 -- Lupron, bravelle, menopur, estrogen, progesterone supps, intralipid. 14 ER, 14 fertilized, 1 blast transferred, 2 on ice. BFN
FET 1.1 -- 10/2, transferred our 2 blasts. Lupron, PIO, estrogen, baby aspirin, prednisone. BFN.
IVF 2.0 December 2012 -- Bravelle, Menopur, Ganirelix, Prednisone, Metformin, estrogen, progesterone supps. 22 eggs retrieved on 12/14, 17 mature, 15 fertilized. OHSS anticipated so ET cancelled. 3 embryos frozen.
Broke up with old RE. Moving on to new dude. Maybe the change of scenery will be just the trick for our frosties. On BCPs for possible April FET.

P/SAIF welcome 
01-14-2013 at 8:44 PM
new+tothis
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This is my first IVF and Dh won't be there for ET. It sucks and I wish he could be there but he has to work.

TTC #1 for Dh, #2 for me. HSG clear. Low AMH and endo. Multiple Clomid w/TI cycles - all BFNs. 2 IUIs with Clomid and 1 with Femara - more BFNs. IVF#1 25R, 15M, 15F. 5DT of two perfect 4AA blasts! Positive HPT at 5dp5dt. Beta #1 6dp5dt - 72. Beta #2 8dp5dt - 285. Beta #3 10dp5dt - 793. Both babies have strong beautiful heartbeats! Baby B miscarried at 7 weeks. Baby A is holding on through miscarrying her twin, sub-chorionic hematoma, and complete placenta previa. Stick, baby, stick!

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01-15-2013 at 5:35 AM
jadwedd
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I was almost in the same boat.  Dh was supposed to be oot for the transfer but I told him it was all good because I only NEEDED him for the ER because we weren't freezing sperm in advance.  When his boss found out though he insisted that dh be home for it so that was cool.  But you need him to have his job so even though it sucks and he will probably be more upset than you will, I would let him go.  Good luck!

Married 12-12-04
TTC since 07
me-36 PCOS, Tubal Problems, and polyps removed 7-12
DH - 36 extremely handsome and no fertility problems
IUI 8-12 and 9-12 failed
IVF 12-21-2012 - 2 I think perfect no matter what the dr graded them (2B)embryos transferred Beta on 12-31-12 Positve - Beta is 21
Beta 2 1-2-13 - 31
Beta 3 1-4-13 - 53
Beta 4 1/9 - 212!
Ultrasound 1/10 - Nothing completely empty uterus Beta 1/14 - 743; Beta 1/17 - 1704 ultrasound shows nothing. Officially a miscarriage. 1/21 Beta 3900 Dr. says it ectopic. Ultrasound shows a miracle heartbeat right in the uterus where it belongs! Dr. says I can be cautiously optomistic!!! Hang in there baby!

 
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