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01-14-2013 at 7:56 PM
KandAP87
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Mother is stressing me out!!! Vent

So long story short my mom, mil and sil are starting to plan my baby shower.  My mil asked if I wanted it to be a surprise or if I much rather know about it and I told her I would like to know.  We started to discuss dates as my birthday is near my edd, and decided on a date.  I called my mom to fill her in on what we decided for a date and then she got mad that we didn't involve her.... If this is any insight as to how the rest of the planning is going to go, I think I may be bald by the time I have my baby from ripping my hair out!!! 

 Any other ladies experience issues while multiple family members tried to plan their shower!? Please tell me I'm not the only one lol 
 
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01-14-2013 at 8:14 PM
Jillwithan...
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The best advice I can give you is to let them handle it. Exchange their numbers/emails and slowly back away. 
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01-14-2013 at 8:19 PM
StarBe
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showers stress me out BIG time - that said mine will be a surprise because "that's what we do" ugh - lol!

so DH is in the loop with everything to make sure my wishes are being heard even though "I don't know anything..." so DH basically got stuck in the middle because SO many people were involved in picking a date and apparently someone who I really want to be there can't. While that sucks I'll live and I'm sure whoever this person is and I can spend some pre/post baby time going to lunch or something fun so no big deal.

My biggest issue is I TOLD THEM all my mom, mil, sil, aunts.... you get the idea, that they needed to discuss a date before Christmas well I guess they finally realize I was right :(

Don't get me wrong I am SUPER lucky and happy they all want to be part of my shower planning but if I had to guess there are 6 people MAJORLY involved in the planning and I'm sure another 3-4 who were consulted on the date before it was picked lol

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01-14-2013 at 8:22 PM
JenniD2
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Well, to be honest, I can see why your mom would be upset. Your mom is co-hosting, so she should have been involved. What if the date you and your MIL picked out didn't work out with your mom? As the PP said, have your MIL, SIL, and mom exchange phone numbers and back out of the process.
 
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01-14-2013 at 8:49 PM
cinderin
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JenniD2:
Well, to be honest, I can see why your mom would be upset. Your mom is co-hosting, so she should have been involved. What if the date you and your MIL picked out didn't work out with your mom? As the PP said, have your MIL, SIL, and mom exchange phone numbers and back out of the process.

The date needs to work for everyone (including you). Maybe you can give them the dates that will work for you and let them decide? 
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01-14-2013 at 8:49 PM
rhubarb123
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I didn't have multiple people planning...but I think I'd tell your mom that the date was chosen because it worked for YOU.  Maybe that will make her feel better.  From now on - just stay out of any of the planning.
 
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01-14-2013 at 9:01 PM
SunAndRain
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KandAP87:

So long story short my mom, mil and sil are starting to plan my baby shower.  My mil asked if I wanted it to be a surprise or if I much rather know about it and I told her I would like to know.  We started to discuss dates as my birthday is near my edd, and decided on a date.  I called my mom to fill her in on what we decided for a date and then she got mad that we didn't involve her.... If this is any insight as to how the rest of the planning is going to go, I think I may be bald by the time I have my baby from ripping my hair out!!! 

 Any other ladies experience issues while multiple family members tried to plan their shower!? Please tell me I'm not the only one lol 

Sorry to say but you made a huge mistake here.  Your mom is a hostess too and she should have been equally involved in selecting a date.  You completely left her out!

What if she were unavailable on the date you chose? Would you expect she continue to host a shower that she couldn't attend?  Would you be upset that your own mother wasn't AT your shower?

I mean, where was the common sense that should have dicatated that your course of action be to see which of the dates that you, MIL and SIL found worked for you ALSO worked for your mom BEFORE finalizing the date??

I bet your mom is wondering, "If this is any insight as to how the rest of the planning is going to go, I think I may be bald by the time my daughter has her baby....!!! "
 
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01-14-2013 at 9:05 PM
Stina2012
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Jillwithani:
The best advice I can give you is to let them handle it. Exchange their numbers/emails and slowly back away. 

This. I never understand people who are all "this is so stressful helping to plan." That's exactly why the MTB doesn't help plan!  Sit back and let them plan a nice party for you.
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01-14-2013 at 9:17 PM
brittbronk...
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Stina2012:

Jillwithani:
The best advice I can give you is to let them handle it. Exchange their numbers/emails and slowly back away.&nbsp;

This. I never understand people who are all "this is so stressful helping to plan." That's exactly why the MTB doesn't help plan! &nbsp;Sit back and let them plan a nice party for you.



This. Idk why most Mtb seem to get involved in the planning.
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01-15-2013 at 1:07 AM
eav2c
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Who is planning the party? You or them? Stay out if it, IMO. Let your mom plan with whomever else is throwing the shower and that will be that.
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01-15-2013 at 7:50 AM
sjgurl784
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StarBe:

showers stress me out BIG time - that said mine will be a surprise because "that's what we do" ugh - lol!

so DH is in the loop with everything to make sure my wishes are being heard even though "I don't know anything..." so DH basically got stuck in the middle because SO many people were involved in picking a date and apparently someone who I really want to be there can't. While that sucks I'll live and I'm sure whoever this person is and I can spend some pre/post baby time going to lunch or something fun so no big deal.

My biggest issue is I TOLD THEM all my mom, mil, sil, aunts.... you get the idea, that they needed to discuss a date before Christmas well I guess they finally realize I was right :(

Don't get me wrong I am SUPER lucky and happy they all want to be part of my shower planning but if I had to guess there are 6 people MAJORLY involved in the planning and I'm sure another 3-4 who were consulted on the date before it was picked lol

Where is the advice for OP in this rambling woe-is-me saga? 

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01-15-2013 at 8:11 AM
KandAP87
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I guess I should have clarified before I posted, the only part I have had in the whole shower planning is when my mil asked what date would work for me.  The rest of it is going to be a surprise.  I don't see her or my mom that often so that is why I was talking to her about it in the first place to see what worked for me.  And for the poster that asked if I would want my mom at my shower, of course I would!  That's the whole reason I called to fill her in about the date!  I'm not some heartless person that wouldn't change the date if my mom couldn't make it! It was simply just a date I picked that worked for me! I did talk to her again this morning and she seemed in a much better mood and explained she was upset because she felt that my mil was taking over the planning which I didn't realize at the time!  So things are looking much brighter at the end of this tunnel this morning :)
 
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01-15-2013 at 10:33 AM
ChevyFam71...
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My mom is driving me nuts too! She is the primary host of the shower and my sister is helping a lot too... I think she was expecting more help paying for it from my MIL who instead offerred to get the cake.... The problem? My mom didn't say she WANTED/NEEDED help paying for it and expected everyone to read her mind!!!

Then my MIL who isn't contributing financially added TONS of people to the invite list... Even if they don't come though, their family is bad at RSVPing and we did regrets only (smooth move mom)... so we really have about 30 people that we know are coming but we have to expect 65 because even people out of town/state (per MIL) didn't RSVP their regrets...

 In the mean-time my mom is treating me as the go-between... "Ask DH's mom this..." "Can you check with her about that"...

GAH! I can't wait til this weekend is over!!! That probably didn't help... sorry LOL!
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01-15-2013 at 10:50 AM
ChevyFam71...
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brittbronkowski:
Stina2012:

Jillwithani:
The best advice I can give you is to let them handle it. Exchange their numbers/emails and slowly back away. 

This. I never understand people who are all "this is so stressful helping to plan." That's exactly why the MTB doesn't help plan!  Sit back and let them plan a nice party for you.

This. Idk why most Mtb seem to get involved in the planning.

If this is how it works for your family that is awesome - can I join?

In my family it is pretty much expected that MTB and Brides help somewhat with the shower (addressing invites - compiling guest lists - putting together favors - wrapping prizes, etc.) otherwise it is looked at like "she just expects everything to be done for her"

And even providing phone numbers and contact info some of us still end up in the middle of everything - especially when there are two different families involved.

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