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01-15-2013 at 11:10 AM
jena11
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jena11 is not online. Last active: 05-09-2013, 2:44 PMNewbie

Father In Law called me a parenting failure.

Maybe it's just me and the lack of sleep but when my father in law called me a parenting failure, even if he said he was joking, I didn't take it well. When my 3 weeks old cries I'm not going to let her lay there and keep crying. According to him that's "spoiling" my child and shes "got me trained." I'm also keeping her away from him because "I don't like him." Really, thats what he says. I'm still not sure how to handle it when he says things like that. I'm a first time mom who made the huge mistake of going back to work already for financial reasons and he happens to be my boss and the owner of the company I work for . . .  Any advice would be great. Thanks in advance!
 
01-15-2013 at 11:18 AM
MandJS
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Joined on 07-08-2009
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MandJS is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 5:41 PMGold
Even forgetting the part where you can just say, my child, my rules... It is impossible to spoil a new baby. They are crying to communicate. If it were me, I'd be looking for a new job.


AngelSmitty: This reminds me of something my college Human Sexuality professor used to say in class. "Sex is between the legs. Gender is between the ears."
 
01-15-2013 at 11:21 AM
rnfromtn
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rnfromtn is not online. Last active: 05-29-2013, 10:30 PMSilver

YIkes, he sounds like a human failure.  And he is your boss?  Bummer.  Even if he is kidding, it is hard for any mother to be told in any way she is doing "it" wrong.  My mother the other day referred to my toddler as "that poor,poor, poor little boy."  Because I yelled at him after he repeatedly jumped on the couch and then kicked me in the face (unintentionally).  And when I say yelled, I mean raised my voice a little higher. 

You are NOT spoiling your daughter by picking her up when she is crying.  That is a baby's only way of communicating, and at this age it pretty much means "I need you" in a variety of ways.  A baby does not have the ability to "train" or manipulate you.  I would even say that next time he says she has you trained.  Or you could say, "Yep, she has me wrapped around her little finger and I love it."  I know it is so hard to ignore people, especially those that we have no choice about them being in our daily lives.  But figure that he has no clue what he is talking about as I doubt he did much of the child rearing for the first year of life for his own children.  And write it off as ignorance.  Hope this helps. 


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01-15-2013 at 11:30 AM
bonitatina...
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bonitatinabina143 is not online. Last active: 06-13-2013, 3:34 PMBronze
Your fil is very rude..you can not spoil a 3 week old!

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01-15-2013 at 11:34 AM
Nicb13
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Wow, I would seriously tell him to shove it. That's just mean.

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01-15-2013 at 11:39 AM
Cellis
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Dallas, TX
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Cellis is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 3:34 PMBronze

bonitatinabina143:
Your fil is very rude..you can not spoil a 3 week old!

This! I would try to ignore him, I know that is really hard to do. You are doing a great job. 


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01-15-2013 at 12:17 PM
mabenner1
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My first piece of advice?  Get a new job. Someone who insults you like this already, is more than likely going to carry this on to the workplace. I'd run far, and fast.

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01-15-2013 at 12:18 PM
ss456
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Best advice?  Get a new job and get away from that guy!

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01-15-2013 at 12:44 PM
honeydew01
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ss456:
Best advice?  Get a new job and get away from that guy!

This 100%, even if it means a pay cut, I'd seek a new job. 

 
01-15-2013 at 12:57 PM
Desmarie13
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Westchester, NY
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Desmarie13 is not online. Last active: 03-21-2013, 3:13 PMBronze

MandJS:
Even forgetting the part where you can just say, my child, my rules... It is impossible to spoil a new baby. They are crying to communicate. If it were me, I'd be looking for a new job.

THIS. exactly this. i would look for a new job and then tell him off.

my dds fathers dad was like that with me. fortunately he wasnt my boss. he made snide comments and i was a b1tch right back!!! i didnt care.

your fil sounds like a jerk and needs to be put in his place. i think you need to talk to dh about how you feel about the things his dad says. SERIOUSLY thats some bs and it needs to be addressed by someone. Clearly bc of him being your boss, i think it would be best if dh told his dad to back off. blame it on ur hormones if u feel its going to keep your job secure.

honestly the fact that fil thinks its ok to say those things to begin with makes me think you DEF need a new job.

sry hes being such a crap.


 
01-15-2013 at 1:55 PM
brooke&rya...
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brooke&ryan&baby is not online. Last active: 04-02-2013, 10:56 PMBronze

What an ass.

You are her mother. She is only three weeks old. You know the absolute best for her corresponding with you pediatrician - remember that.

I know it is really hard and as someone who has dealt with a roller coaster of ups and downs with my ILs since my LO has been born I say stand up for yourself now.

If you can sit down and have a serious talk with him away from the child. I hope your DH is being supportive, and he should also be involved in the conversation.


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01-15-2013 at 3:05 PM
kateraid
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kateraid is not online. Last active: 06-14-2013, 8:05 PMBronze
Get a new job and let him know you don't think it's healthy to allow your little ones to spend time with anyone who is so disrespectful about their parents.

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01-16-2013 at 3:48 AM
Kayzie24
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Joined on 12-28-2007
Broadlands, VA
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Kayzie24 is not online. Last active: 06-10-2013, 4:44 PMNewbie

Completely right... My father in law is the same way.  I don't like him, so I didn't ever hand my baby to him to hold.  However, when he was visiting with my mother in law I wasn't afraid to take my son out of his arms to feed him. And I have 2 boys now. Words can hurt, especially to a new, sleep deprived mommy.  Look for a different job so you can be the parent you want to be without worrying that you'll get fired for saying something to defend your child/parenting decisions.

He was way out of line saying those things to you, I don't care if he was joking.  Maybe have your hubby talk to him so he knows how upset you are over the comments?  Best of luck to you... You will be in my thoughts and prayers. 

 


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01-16-2013 at 7:49 AM
puppy_love...
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puppy_love6969 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 8:08 AMBronze
rnfromtn:

YIkes, he sounds like a human failure.  And he is your boss?  Bummer.  Even if he is kidding, it is hard for any mother to be told in any way she is doing "it" wrong.  My mother the other day referred to my toddler as "that poor,poor, poor little boy."  Because I yelled at him after he repeatedly jumped on the couch and then kicked me in the face (unintentionally).  And when I say yelled, I mean raised my voice a little higher. 

You are NOT spoiling your daughter by picking her up when she is crying.  That is a baby's only way of communicating, and at this age it pretty much means "I need you" in a variety of ways.  A baby does not have the ability to "train" or manipulate you.  I would even say that next time he says she has you trained.  Or you could say, "Yep, she has me wrapped around her little finger and I love it."  I know it is so hard to ignore people, especially those that we have no choice about them being in our daily lives.  But figure that he has no clue what he is talking about as I doubt he did much of the child rearing for the first year of life for his own children.  And write it off as ignorance.  Hope this helps. 

LOL a human failure. Love it. Parents can be so old school. My mom hasn't gotten it through her head yet that things have changed in the past 30 years since she had a baby.


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01-16-2013 at 10:52 AM
jena11
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jena11 is not online. Last active: 05-09-2013, 2:44 PMNewbie
After talking it over with my DH we both decided that finding another job would be best. He sat down and talked to his dad last night and the typical crazy father in law came out. He's definetly a my way or the highway type of person. But oh well. It's not his child it's mine and I'll raise her how I want to. After reading all of the comments I finally feel like it's okay to say that. Thanks again.
 
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