community

all boards


birth clubs



my blog

Sort:
01-16-2013 at 7:28 AM
nmpg15235
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-15-2013
2,997 Points
nmpg15235 is not online. Last active: 03-31-2013, 1:14 AMNewbie

I feel like I disappointed the world by having a BOY

My husband and I wanted a girl for so many more reasons besides the obvious. It goes much deeper and theres a lot behind it but thats besides the point right now.  However, we said we would be content either way. Why not? Every healthy baby is a pure miracle! 

When we found out it was a boy (after opening our cake box to see if it was a boy or girl cake), the whole room all of a sudden had a rain cloud in it.  Before we found out, my whole family told me noooo its a GIRL, when I would say I feel like its a boy.   As if a boy were taboo.  Now its like EVERYONE feels bad for me and its making it even harder for me. Even my husband is acting different, not rude ... his disappointment is just very obvious even when he tries to hide it. I feel alone and have been crying every day since then. I literally feel rejected by everyone except my son ... who wanted a brother lol.

 

And im sick of people saying ohhh things will change when hes here. I KNOW that!!! But what do I do in the meantime, I still have FOUR months! I want to enjoy this pregnancy but everyone seems to be no longer interested when I talk baby stuff and try to plan so I can get exited. It really hurts... It makes me wish I didnt find out til it was born so people would stay exited with me this whole time! I need the support.....

 

EDIT: MY SON AND I ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO ARENT "ACTING DISAPPOINTED".  As I said, I am still happy but I want to SHARE this experience with people. Every time I talk baby boy stuff no one engages in the conversation anymore... people are all of a sudden NOT interested. In all actuality, my FAMILY wanted me to have a girl even more! 

 
01-16-2013 at 7:35 AM
sunkissed7...
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-14-2011
5,035 Points
sunkissed7804 is not online. Last active: 05-16-2013, 12:03 PMNewbie

Do you mind explaining why a girl was so important?  Just wondering...

I would suggest finding little ways to get excited about this lil man on his way!  Namely, hanging out with your son who wanted a brother.  Also, even if your excitement is you trying to trick yourself at first, it may actually rub off on those around you!  You also need to talk at least to your hubby about this because you need him right now.  Open up.  Cry to him.  Perhaps talking about how disappointed you both feel will actually allow that disappointment to melt away.

Smile no matter what...your growing a munchkin!!!  :)

 
01-16-2013 at 7:37 AM
pantsarell...
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-15-2007
Baltimore, MD
8,305 Points
pantsarella is not online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 7:54 AMBronze

Ugh, I really don't even want to respond to this, but I will.

First of all, what is the 'obvious' reason for wanting a girl? 

Second, I'm sure your family is just responding to how you and your husband are acting. Upset over having a boy, so they're coddling you and telling you how sorry they are that, you poor thing, are having a boy.

Sorry, I can't tell you anything but to get over it. Find a therapist for you and your husband to go to if you're seriously that upset. Or go lurk on TTTC or Infertility and remember that you are so damn lucky to have a baby at all.  



Me:27, DH:28
DX: MFI, varicocele repair Nov 2011
Post-Op SA: Count- 15 million, Motility- 75%, Morphology- 3%
IVF with ICSI
Stimming 10/4 - 10/13, Menopur, Gonal-F, & Ganirelix - Lupron Trigger
ER 10/18
12 eggs retrieved, 8 mature, 5 fertilized
5 day transfer 10/23, 3 frosties
1 "textbook" blast, Beta #1 11/5: 453, Beta #2 11/7: 1,013  
01-16-2013 at 7:41 AM
nmpg15235
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-15-2013
2,997 Points
nmpg15235 is not online. Last active: 03-31-2013, 1:14 AMNewbie

Wow thats a little extreme and certainly unecessary! Perhaps you misunderstood.And ME and MY SON are the only ones who arent acting disappointed. As I said, Im still exited. My thing is I want to be able to SHARE that excitement but people aren't the same. Its like there was a party and everyone was like oh ugh its a boy.. were leaving and Im still standing there like WHERES EVERYONE GOING?????

 

 
01-16-2013 at 7:41 AM
nmpg15235
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-15-2013
2,997 Points
nmpg15235 is not online. Last active: 03-31-2013, 1:14 AMNewbie
Wow thats a little extreme and certainly unecessary! Perhaps you misunderstood.And ME and MY SON are the only ones who arent acting disappointed. As I said, Im still exited. My thing is I want to be able to SHARE that excitement but people aren't the same. Its like there was a party and everyone was like oh ugh its a boy.. were leaving and Im still standing there like WHERES EVERYONE GOING?????
 
01-16-2013 at 7:42 AM
williswife...
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-09-2011
3,192 Points
williswifey2 is online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 8:42 AMNewbie
Why are you both disappointed?  Your family seems disappointed b/c you and your DH are acting disappointed.  Why was having a girl so important?  If you son is excited, you should be too.  Our DD said she wants me to have a boy, and I think my DH and I both want a boy, but if it's another little girl, we will be 100% happy and so will our family, even though both sides are ALL GIRLS.  No Joke.  Everyone keeps saying to me that it's time for a boy, it's time for a boy! but if it's a girl...she will be loved just as much as all the the other girls in our family.  Chin up, be happy that you're growing a healthy baby boy!

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers 
01-16-2013 at 7:43 AM
sloturtle
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-03-2012
5,121 Points
sloturtle is not online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 7:23 AMNewbie

When I found out my first was a boy, I felt like crying right then and there. I wanted a girl so bad and I felt like I was not given what I wanted. Today, he is an honor roll student and is already planning for a college education. I couldn't be more proud of him.

You may be disappointed now but you said it in your post " Every healthy baby is a pure miracle"! Just keep this in mind and it will work itself out :) 

 


 BabyName Ticker 
01-16-2013 at 7:54 AM
aylacbw
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-02-2012
11,684 Points
aylacbw is online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 8:54 AMBronze

Wow, everything about this is SO sad! 

 I think you need to put on your brave face, and stop feeding into peoples negativity! You already have a boy, so you know how wonderful they are. Just focus on the positives of your situation, just one of which is that you're blessed to be having a healthy baby. So many women out there aren't even able to get pregnant. There is MUCH to be thankful for.

If I were you I would nip this in the bud. If you get negative feedback, confront it head on, and vocalize that you don't appreciate it. And if you are maybe reading into this the wrong way, try to recognize that as well. It could very well be your perception is off about people. 

 


 
01-16-2013 at 7:54 AM
nmpg15235
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-15-2013
2,997 Points
nmpg15235 is not online. Last active: 03-31-2013, 1:14 AMNewbie

Even though they dont mean to, my family and husband are making me feel like I let them down or something. I want them to be happy too..

And thank you, thats a good idea. I should confront it. I really reached out to my mom about it a few times and was left even more upset after each time due to her response to me.  God, youd think someone died or something! She totally is disinterested now... but she is very close to my son. 

 
01-16-2013 at 7:55 AM
sunkissed7...
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-14-2011
5,035 Points
sunkissed7804 is not online. Last active: 05-16-2013, 12:03 PMNewbie
nmpg15235:

Wow thats a little extreme and certainly unecessary! Perhaps you misunderstood.And ME and MY SON are the only ones who arent acting disappointed. As I said, Im still exited. My thing is I want to be able to SHARE that excitement but people aren't the same. Its like there was a party and everyone was like oh ugh its a boy.. were leaving and Im still standing there like WHERES EVERYONE GOING?????

 

Well awesome that you and your son are excited!  I still think that you should cry it out of sorts with your hubby.  AND be the excited mama that you are!!  It will start to rub off on everyone else!  Start a conversation with someone who is acting weird by saying something like "(Your son) is so excited he is going to have a brother to play with. It will be crazy to have two boys!"  You know, just something to show you guys are excited at home.

As an aside...try your hardest not to respond to the snarky and/or ugly comments.  It's easy to sometimes feel a bit bullied on here.  Pay attention to the comments that you feel are coming from a place that feels comforting to you.  For the others, just think "Wow...that's 20 seconds of my time I won't get back." and move on.

 
01-16-2013 at 7:58 AM
nmpg15235
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-15-2013
2,997 Points
nmpg15235 is not online. Last active: 03-31-2013, 1:14 AMNewbie
Thank you for your kind response and thank you even more for actually READING and understanding what I was saying. Gosh women waste their own time too going on a rampage when thats not even what I meant!! All Im saying is I feel alone and want people to share this experience with me. Plain and simple!
 
01-16-2013 at 8:01 AM
I Love my ...
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-07-2011
15,215 Points
I Love my Dave is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 8:28 PMBronze
I know how you are feeling. I didn't care either way what I was having but my inlaws were disapointed it was a girl.  My DH called them right after finding out and they said "oh" not congrats not I'm so happy it's healthy, she will be beautiful no none of that.  Then my mother inlaw goes well next ultrasound you will find out for sure if it's a boy or girl.  Excuse me? I am 20 weeks along and she wasn't hesitant.   

 BabyFruit Ticker 
01-16-2013 at 8:02 AM
tmsgrl
Not Ranked
Joined on 03-20-2007
14,183 Points
tmsgrl is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 10:37 AMBronze
All I can say is that for everyone to be "feeling sorry for you", YOU must be acting disappointed.  Nobody else cares about the sex of your baby.  Why would they???
 
01-16-2013 at 8:06 AM
nmpg15235
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-15-2013
2,997 Points
nmpg15235 is not online. Last active: 03-31-2013, 1:14 AMNewbie

Uh no. Theres plenty of reasons why people pressure pregnant women to have what THEY want them to have. Maybe theres a lot of boys in the family and they want a girl or maybe its the other way around.  Look at people in China.. the sex of babies is HUGE. They even go as far as killing the girls. Its sad...

Maybe this is your first pregnancy and you dont understand yet. People can be EXTREMELY selfish when youre pregnant and only want you to do things their way... from having the gender they want, to feeding them a certain way...to bathing the baby a certain way etc.!!! 

I dont know what world you live in but here on earth, people seem to think that your baby is their baby and they have the control. Its ridiculous... and now to the point where its robbing me of the exitement I so deserve to share. Its like Im throwing my boy in peoples faces and they want nothing to do with him!

 
01-16-2013 at 8:10 AM
mabenner1
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-23-2008
65,230 Points
mabenner1 is not online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 5:27 AMGold

What are the obvious and no-so-obvious reasons for wanting a girl? For you and your husband, as well as your family?  Without knowing the background, it is hard to give advice.

And, this may sound harsh, but if you want to love your baby and enjoy your pregnancy, you can. You don't need anyone to hold your hand and help you do that. Love your child, regardless of their genitalia, and when people say something or act disappointed, call them out on it. Don't just get upset and internalize it.


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-16-2013 at 8:11 AM
mabenner1
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-23-2008
65,230 Points
mabenner1 is not online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 5:27 AMGold
nmpg15235:

I dont know what world you live in but here on earth, people seem to think that your baby is their baby and they have the control.

Not if you stand up for yourself and put your foot down. You are your child's parent, and you make the decisions. If someone does something you don't approve of, or questions you, tell them that you are your LO's mother, and you will decide.


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-16-2013 at 8:14 AM
nmpg15235
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-15-2013
2,997 Points
nmpg15235 is not online. Last active: 03-31-2013, 1:14 AMNewbie

Oh trust me, I DO. I wasnt saying I tolerate it, I was just explaining to her how things are. People do tend to want to overrule everything.

 The only reason this is bothering me so much is because its suppose to be a good happy experience that I share with my loved ones..especially my husband but I feel like when I reach out everyone just turns away...

 
01-16-2013 at 8:15 AM
tmsgrl
Not Ranked
Joined on 03-20-2007
14,183 Points
tmsgrl is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 10:37 AMBronze
nmpg15235:

Uh no. Theres plenty of reasons why people pressure pregnant women to have what THEY want them to have. Maybe theres a lot of boys in the family and they want a girl or maybe its the other way around.  Look at people in China.. the sex of babies is HUGE. They even go as far as killing the girls. Its sad...

Maybe this is your first pregnancy and you dont understand yet. People can be EXTREMELY selfish when youre pregnant and only want you to do things their way... from having the gender they want, to feeding them a certain way...to bathing the baby a certain way etc.!!! 

I dont know what world you live in but here on earth, people seem to think that your baby is their baby and they have the control. Its ridiculous... and now to the point where its robbing me of the exitement I so deserve to share. Its like Im throwing my boy in peoples faces and they want nothing to do with him!

1. This is not China and frankly you are coming across as a little unstable.

2. Maybe this is my 4th pregnancy and I have never had anyone care about what sex my babies are other than DH and myself.  If they do really care, I haven't noticed.

3. Really?

4.  I am not trying to be mean, but I think you should probably talk to somebody like your doctor about the way you are feeling.  I don't think it's normal to have people around you affect your own feelings this much.  I read your post from yesterday where you are asking if you should get a second opinion on the ultrasound you had done at 18 weeks because the tech "rubbed you the wrong way".  

 
01-16-2013 at 8:21 AM
homebird
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-12-2008
31,057 Points
homebird is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 11:05 PMGold

Whoah.

*slowly backs out of post* 


IMG_2275
 Pregnancy Ticker
Evelyn (3.24.10) and Graham (EDD 6.4.13) Ribbons & Raisins  
01-16-2013 at 8:25 AM
Monsieur_e...
Top 500 Contributor
Joined on 08-07-2007
Quebec, Canada
160,449 Points
Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha is not online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 3:20 AMGold

I'm sorry OP, that really sucks.

We have 2 girls already, and I would bet a shiny dollar my family's reaction would have been very similar to what you described if this LO had been another girl. It's all the "Finally!" and "You must be so relieved!" that are getting to me right now.

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about gender disappointment, except wait - because as you know, things will change once your little boy gets here. Until then, just keep your head up and try to ignore the negative comments.


Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
01-16-2013 at 8:44 AM
1and1is3
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-02-2011
21,218 Points
1and1is3 is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 3:00 PMBronze

I get what you're saying. Sorry, you family is being rude. There are no excuses for that. 

The only advice I have is to agree with another poster and say "confront them." Most people, when they see how upset they are making you, will back down and stop giving you grief. I would start with my husband if it were me. The sooner he gets over his disappointment the better for everyone. Good luck!

Edit to add: Don't internalize things if that is what you are doing!!! It is a horrible way to deal with things! Also, I hate complaining but you don't really seem like you are straight-up complaining. I would say its venting since you are willing to do something about it from what I have read so far.  


 BabyFetus Ticker  BabyName Ticker 
01-16-2013 at 8:50 AM
MelRC117
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-27-2012
71,177 Points
MelRC117 is online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 8:48 AMSilver

My husband and I wanted a girl for so many more reasons besides the obvious. It goes much deeper and theres a lot behind it but thats besides the point right now. However, we said we would be content either way. Why not? Every healthy baby is a pure miracle!

So what are the reasons besides so you can have a boy and a girl?

I get gender disappointment...my MIL wanted a granddaughter (and has one now) so bad, but she doesn't treat them any different.  I think your letting this affect you way more than it should.  If people are being negative then don't talk to them.

You say in the beginning of the post that you and your H wanted a girl for so many "deep reasons", yet you are happy either way.  Then either the reasons really are as "deep" as you made them seem or you really aren't that happy.


Image and video hosting by TinyPic  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-16-2013 at 9:23 AM
+ASH+
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-13-2012
13,785 Points
+ASH+ is not online. Last active: 05-12-2013, 1:52 PMBronze

 In a PP you said your husband and his family seem to be blaming you for the gender - nip that in the bud right now! Aside from the obvious (be happy there is a healthy child - that is 100% the only important thing), it is your husband's sperm that determined the gender - if he has a problem with it, tell him to have a little chat with his "boys" and leave you out of it! 


DS1 - 9; DS2 - 6; Angel - May 10, 2011; Baby Girl - Due May 19, 2013 
01-16-2013 at 9:26 AM
davis0905
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-15-2004
Indiana
2,841 Points
davis0905 is not online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 5:44 AMSilver

It seems so silly to me that your family, esp. your HUSBAND, would be reacting this way.  Every baby is a blessing, and the fact is, sex/gender matters way too much in this culture and in many cultures around the world.  I suggest you embrace this pregnancy, this new little baby boy, and enjoy the experience NO MATTER WHAT others have to say about it.  And definitely confront this with your husband because your marriage could be in jeopardy if he's making it a big deal but yet avoiding talking about it. 

I have a couple of friends who desperately wanted a girl...one of them has 1 girl, 5 boys, and ANOTHER boy on the way!  I can understand the want, but when it comes down to it, a baby is a baby and is precious regardless of sex. 


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  Pregnancy Ticker 
01-16-2013 at 9:29 AM
dreadiemam...
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-31-2012
15,129 Points
dreadiemama is not online. Last active: 05-11-2013, 8:38 AMBronze
Don't worry. There's still a chance that he will be a transgender. Then your family can still get a little girl.

 photo ttgl_zps49ec0de7.jpg 
01-16-2013 at 9:44 AM
suzanneliz...
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-17-2012
57 Points
suzannelizabeth7 is not online. Last active: 04-11-2013, 7:09 AMNewbie
Don't let her bother you- her comment wasn't very nicely said at all. 
 
01-16-2013 at 10:05 AM
bexbarker
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-23-2009
444 Points
bexbarker is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 6:31 PMNewbie

OP, I can sorta understand where you're coming from. We haven't found out the sex yet, but I've had some strange encounters (namely with my dad) where it seems like he'll be annoyed or uninterested if the baby is a boy. I thought I was just being sensitive, but then on Sunday he said, and I quote, "Just don't expect anything if the baby's not a girl." He's my stepdad and doesn't have any children of his own, and I know he seems to bond better with me and my sister than he did with my brothers...but why in the world would you tell your pregnant daughter that you basically won't have anything to do with the child if it's a boy. 

I mostly think it's an "empty threat" except my sister has two boys, and he doesn't have a lot of interest in them. He doesn't hold them or anything, though now that the toddler is more fun to play with, I think he interacts better with him than he used to. It just perplexes me.

My husband's side has only girl grandchildren and my side has only boy grandchildren, so I guess at least one side will be happy! My husband and I don't have a preference, though I think it's a boy and at first "wanted" a girl.

 All that was to say that I understand being upset and confused when people seem suddenly less interested. It's enough to make me want to wait until the baby is born to find out! 

 
01-16-2013 at 10:08 AM
Angellove3...
Not Ranked
Joined on 03-29-2010
2,589 Points
Angellove32086 is not online. Last active: 04-17-2013, 12:31 AMNewbie
I completely feel your pain on this. In our family on both sides my first born was a girl, and No extended family wanted a boy. My husband and I both were incredibly neutral on which sex we wanted our second to be. There were perks to having a girl and perks to having a boy.  When we found out it was a boy we were excited! But NO ONE else was. Prior to finding out, the family was talking about all the things they wanted to buy and the baby showers and all of that but now that they know its a boy they didn't even seem interested in seeing the nursery after I set it all up. There are already 3 children who are boys on one side and to be honest, no one likes to be around them. It really isnt their fault their parents have never tried to raise them in any way at all. But because of those boys everyone thinks my son will be the same way! Everyone got concerned when I went into preterm labor. The screwed up part was that they weren't concerned about my son possibly being born at only 24 weeks! They were concerned about who would take care of my daughter! No one asked if his heart rate was ok or anything! I can only imagine how much harder it would be if my husband was also disappointed. sending happy thoughts and love your your little boy!
 
01-16-2013 at 10:09 AM
nowuseeme4...
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-13-2012
4,745 Points
nowuseeme4407 is online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 8:52 AMNewbie

Can I call MUD on this?

Several PP's have asked you to state the obvious reasons for wanting a girl...however while you have replied to all the other posts...it seems you have chosen to ignore that 1 question!!!

Also when reading your initial post OP it very clearly give off the why me poor me vibe (dark cloud comment) when you talk about finding out it is a boy!

And finally Why in the HELL would any Mother get on here and be so unhappy she is having a boy? Were we all not trying to make a baby to expand our family and to dish out and receive unconditional love that a new child brings into our lives? Why are you being so ungrateful!? As others have posted...There are MILLIONS of women who cannot get pregnant or spend hundreds of thousands of dollars for the CHANCE to have 1 baby and you..are complaining about your SECOND?

Sorry but I cannot give any sympathy! I think you should re-evaluate what you are thinking and posting about because it comes of selfish and whinny and FAKE! 


Image and video hosting by TinyPic  BabyFetus Ticker 
01-16-2013 at 10:22 AM
paigenicol...
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-19-2012
18,781 Points
paigenicole23 is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 11:13 PMBronze
My family really wanted a girl for deep, personal reasons-my 22 year old sister passed away and a week later I found out I was pregnant. We all like to think she played a part in this, and all thought it would have been extra special to have a girl. My mom especially called my baby "she" and the girl name I had picked out, and when the A/S came we were surprised with BOY! I wouldn't say I was disappointed, more shocked because even though I know it was always 50/50, everyone calling baby a girl put me more in that mindset. After two days, I was over my shock and looking at clothes and things for my happy little man. Even with my mom taking her time getting on board, saying "oh I REALLY thought it was a girl, maybe they're wrong?" I would adamently say mom I am having a boy and I love him more than anything. She is now running around calling him her "little man" and making up nicknames. Even if your family's reasons were deep like mine, they will be happy for the baby no matter the sex. Especially once you pick a name (:

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
Page 1 of 3 (64 items)   1 2 3 Next >
Hot Topics

New dad or dad-to-be? Chat with other dads here!
Visit the Dads & Dads-to-be board

Need baby shower inspiration? Get ideas here!
Visit the Baby Showers board

Chat with other crafty moms here!
Visit the Crafty Moms board

search boards

choose another board