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01-16-2013 at 9:59 PM
avbliss
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avbliss is not online. Last active: 04-16-2013, 2:16 PMSilver

1st time mom lives in Alaska...

My best friend ("sister" really) is pregnant with her first, and her husband is in the Air Force. They just got relocated to Fairbanks, Alaska. They had a small ceremony in AK but plan to have a full vow renewal and reception back home in MI (where they are both from) in October when the baby would be around 4 months old. I really want to have a shower for her, but there is 100% no chance she'll be back in MI before October, and doing one when the baby is 4 months just doesn't sit right with me. I'd like to do a shower here for her with her attending via Skype. I know that is acceptable with moms on bedrest, was wondering everyone's thoughts on this for Military wives stationed in remote places.

My idea was that we could all ship the presents to her and make her wait to open them during the shower. We would have a shower here at someones home with close family and friends so we all can share in the excitement and joy. I know this would be difficult but we really want her to have that special event, especially since she's a very quiet, shy person who never wants anyone to do things for her, and these two events are the ONLY times she would go along with people going out of the way for her. I'm already scrapping the bachelorette party and probably the bridal shower I was planning (found out in one week that they had a small ceremony and are already married, and that she's pregnant) so I may just be grasping at straws to have some normalcy to these huge life events, but it's really important that she knows we're all here for her and are happy for her.


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01-16-2013 at 10:08 PM
cinderin
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I would scrap the baby shower and do the bridal shower instead when she is here for the vow renewal. 

I think it would be more fun for everyone.  


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01-16-2013 at 11:17 PM
ohlordy
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cinderin:

I would scrap the baby shower and do the bridal shower instead when she is here for the vow renewal. 

I think it would be more fun for everyone.  

I second this! 


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01-16-2013 at 11:25 PM
DaisyBlink...
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I would much rather have a "meet-my-four-month-old-baby' party than a shower via Skype. Skype showers are awkward and just not the same. People will send gifts to her when the baby is born. Save the celebrating for when you see her in person. If you want her to know that you're happy for her, just send her a really nice gift when the baby is born. 

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01-16-2013 at 11:48 PM
rhubarb123
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DaisyBlinks:
I would much rather have a "meet-my-four-month-old-baby' party than a shower via Skype. Skype showers are awkward and just not the same. People will send gifts to her when the baby is born. Save the celebrating for when you see her in person. If you want her to know that you're happy for her, just send her a really nice gift when the baby is born. 

I agree with this.

 
01-17-2013 at 12:55 AM
gimmietimm...
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rhubarb123:

DaisyBlinks:
I would much rather have a "meet-my-four-month-old-baby' party than a shower via Skype. Skype showers are awkward and just not the same. People will send gifts to her when the baby is born. Save the celebrating for when you see her in person. If you want her to know that you're happy for her, just send her a really nice gift when the baby is born. 

I agree with this.

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01-17-2013 at 5:50 AM
mdesmond23...
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My thoughts on this differ from the rest of the posters.  Perhaps it is because I am in a similar situation as your friend.  While my husband recently left the military we are still in the location we were living.  I an 11 hours from home so I can make it back for my shower, but I know that if I could not having something to show support of my close family would be nice.  But I must say that having a party via skype can get a bit boring for the guests and trying for the person skyping.  I have tried to attend some family events like that and it got weird.  Talk to your family and see how they feel as they are the ones who will be attending.  They may love the idea - you never know.  I think it is great that you want to support your friend and I hope you can come up with some way to do it.  Good luck!
 
01-17-2013 at 6:06 AM
EastCoastB...
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DaisyBlinks:
I would much rather have a "meet-my-four-month-old-baby' party than a shower via Skype. Skype showers are awkward and just not the same. People will send gifts to her when the baby is born. Save the celebrating for when you see her in person. If you want her to know that you're happy for her, just send her a really nice gift when the baby is born. 
All of this, especially the bolded.  Skype showers are impersonal.  Honestly, showers aren't "all that" and part of the appeal is that you at least get to spend time w/ the MTB.  Over skype, it's just not the same thing.

AND people don't need a shower to send gifts.  If they want to send a gift, they wil, regardless.


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01-17-2013 at 7:26 AM
fivefeetsm...
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I have to say I agree with most everyone and just celebrate when she is in person. It will be more personal and more fun. IF you decide to still do the shower Skyping thing I'd make one recommendation and that's to get some nice attachable speakers. My brother has been stationed in Japan for 3 years and we spend the holidays with him via Skype. He opens presents, my mom sends him a little tree, and even some of the food that will keep in a mason jar. It is better than nothing, but when it's crowded we can't hear him and he gets sort of lose in translation. Anyway, good luck with whatever you choose.

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01-17-2013 at 8:26 AM
Darbie914
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I agree with PPs, have a Meet the Baby party when she comes into town for her vow renewal.  I would skip a bridal shower completely, as those are for brides and she is now a wife.  I'd think a shower over Skype would be a tad awkward but I love that you are trying so hard to find a way to celebrate her upcoming bundle of joy!  

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01-17-2013 at 9:20 AM
Samiantha1...
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My husband is also serving in the Air Force. We were stationed in Hawaii, a nine hour plane ride from my home state, when I had my first baby. I think somebody brought up a Skype shower to me as well, but I quickly 86ed the idea, as it would have been rather awkward.

I flew home when my baby was six weeks old. We had a small shower.

I didn't have the traditional shower where I received lots of gifts off of a registry. Instead, I was gifted lots of cute clothes, blankets, and other small items. I would suggest doing something similar for your sister.

My husband worked in a real small office; there were only 4 people, including himself. Generally, if your sister's husband is a part of a large squadron, she may receive a shower from one of the other military wives.

I suppose being married to somebody in the service, well, you just don't get a lot of the experiences other people are fortunate to have who live close to home. It's just the way it is.

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01-17-2013 at 10:20 AM
mrsmcdonal...
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Your "sister" must be a pretty private person if you didn't find out until after the fact that she was already married and was pregnant. How close can you really be? She doesn't sound like someone who would enjoy the attention that a shower would bring, especially from long distance. I agree with PP that people in the military have a different find of normalcy. She can know that you're all there for her and happy for her without trying to force a shower. I would just wait until she comes home to celebrate in person. People will send her gifts, shower or not.   

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01-17-2013 at 11:09 AM
Samiantha1...
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For the record, baby showers are absolutely catalysts for receiving gifts. I hate how everybody on this board tries to deny this. The fact of the matter is some people just aren't going to get gifts if they don't have showers. Tis the way it is.

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01-17-2013 at 11:21 AM
MandJS
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Samiantha101:
For the record, baby showers are absolutely catalysts for receiving gifts. I hate how everybody on this board tries to deny this. The fact of the matter is some people just aren't going to get gifts if they don't have showers. Tis the way it is.

While a shower is definitely a catalyst for gifts, I have gotten unsolicited gifts for both my girls and I did not have a shower for either of them. But even if I hadn't. Oh well. Gifts are not requirements. They are a nice gesture, but nobody "owes" you anything.

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01-17-2013 at 1:07 PM
Disneygeek...
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Honestly, I think you should wait until she can come visit you with the baby or just use the money you would have spent on the shower and put that towards a nicer gift.

I know you are probably thinking " Oh but what about other people's gifts ?"  Listen, when people find out it is only a skype shower they will either decline or get something smaller and maybe drop it off.  People are just not going to go out of their way for a skype shower.  Seriously, take the money you would have spent on food, decorations, invitations, favors, shipping and put it towards a nicer gift for your sister.  She would appreciate that a lot more. 

 
01-17-2013 at 4:20 PM
highlights
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If its really about showing support, what about a card shower? Gather your friends and send her cards showing that you are thinking about her, then do a meet the baby party when she is back home?


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01-17-2013 at 8:11 PM
BeckyTheEn...
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When you describe her as being more quiet and reserved, I tend to think that she would not like a Skype shower idea. I think a party when she comes back home would be much better. Also, I get that you want to do something big for her. Is it possible that you could travel to her at any point? She might really appreciate a visit from you right now.
 
01-17-2013 at 9:07 PM
foxyroxy
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If I got invited to a skype shower, I'd probably decline (unless it was for someone I was super close to, in which case I would have bought her a gift anyway). Who wants to spend money and run an extra errand to the post office, all so you can crowd around a laptop and watch someone open gifts thousands of miles away? 

I think it is very sweet that you want to do something nice for your friend, but I think a meet-the-baby party would be a lot more fun and rewarding for everyone involved.


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01-18-2013 at 1:49 PM
Samiantha1...
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MandJS:

Samiantha101:
For the record, baby showers are absolutely catalysts for receiving gifts. I hate how everybody on this board tries to deny this. The fact of the matter is some people just aren't going to get gifts if they don't have showers. Tis the way it is.

While a shower is definitely a catalyst for gifts, I have gotten unsolicited gifts for both my girls and I did not have a shower for either of them. But even if I hadn't. Oh well. Gifts are not requirements. They are a nice gesture, but nobody "owes" you anything.

On a separate note. Your DD. OMG. She's gorgeous!  



Thank you. I think so too.

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01-19-2013 at 4:01 PM
GalLaura
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Hi, I'm in a similar situation. I married and moved to sydney, Australia. I just posted about it on the international board! We didn't have a big wedding or a bridal shower. I got pregnant right away and have no network of friends or family here. I think you should do the virtual shower! My mom wants to do one one for me. She plans on having dinner and cake and me on Skype with the guests. We will see how it works out!

 I appreciate it. It's  a bit alienating being here alone and not having all these special moments to share with family and friends. I'm sure your sister has gone to many showers and now it's her turn to enjoy the fun! It might be unconventional but I'm sure will be fantastic. 

We are looking into options to avoid shipping gifts which can get expensive, like gift cards where people list what they want you to purchase off your registry, etc. 

 

good luck! Please tell me what you decide! 

 
01-19-2013 at 4:07 PM
GalLaura
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two more thing... I agree with the woman who wrote all showers are about gifts!  Everyone here had a shower received presents so why not your sister too! Babies are expensive and I'm sure she could use the help.

In terms of a Skype shower being boring... I'm sorry but every shower I've been to is boring no matter how much you love the person :)

 

 

 
01-20-2013 at 11:25 AM
ordinary1
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I would do a meet the baby party instead. IMO a Skype shower would be really boring.  In all honesty, I wouldn't want to crowd around a screen with x amount of ladies trying to watch the MTB open presents and talk to her.  I think it's nice you want to throw your friend a shower, but if you want to show your love/support as well as other friends, I agree with the person that suggested sending a card. 

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