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01-17-2013 at 8:31 AM
skylily
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MIL ?

Does anyone else find it disturbingly uncomfortable to tell your MIL about your every appointment - when the next one is - how it went etc?


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01-17-2013 at 8:37 AM
nowuseeme4...
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I would just tell them things are looking good, and leave it at that. No one but you and DH really needs all the details.

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01-17-2013 at 8:40 AM
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nowuseeme4407:
I would just tell them things are looking good, and leave it at that. No one but you and DH really needs all the details.

Same here. Although mine never asks about individual appointments - if she brings it up at all it's to ask how the baby is doing. 


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01-17-2013 at 8:47 AM
sloturtle
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My MIL and FIL never do ask, but I don't have a problem telling my MIL anything about my appt. She is a certified nurse (she works in a nursing facility). I have asked her about my BP, the doctor said it was normal but it seemed low to me. And after getting an ok from my doctor about a flu shot, my MIL gave me a flu shot herself. My MIL and FIL are great people :) 

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01-17-2013 at 8:52 AM
skylily
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nowuseeme4407:
I would just tell them things are looking good, and leave it at that. No one but you and DH really needs all the details.

I tried the 'everything's fine' route, and that upset her. 

I feel like I"m ass-backwards. A lot of people in my life think that I should WANT to divulge every detail and when the next appointment is. I've always been private and this pregnancy didn't change that so why am I expected to change now? 

The thing that upsets me the most is I never speak with my MIL - - - until I have an appointment and then I have to tell her everything. Once she finds out what she wants she completely stops talking to me again. At least for another 4 weeks....

 


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01-17-2013 at 9:09 AM
seahorse10...
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Honestly it's really none of her business.  I don't talk to anyone about my appointments.  My mom asks but I just say fine.

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01-17-2013 at 9:10 AM
SouthSideD...
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I don't. You don't have to either.

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01-17-2013 at 9:12 AM
dontgiveup...
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I do! But I love my MIL and she is soooo excited about everything that I can't help my keep her and my FIL updated!
But you don't have to do anything you don't want to! Just be polite!

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01-17-2013 at 9:19 AM
mainerocks
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Yes!  Last time she stalked my appointments with all her questions. I was starting to wonder if she's show up in the waiting room at some point!  I'm such a bad liar that I would end up telling her stuff. I kept it to a minimum, but I just couldn't lie to her... which is sort of crazy because she's generally a biotch and I should just tell her to STFU.

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01-17-2013 at 9:21 AM
JeseyJo
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My MIL doesn't ask details, she usually just asks how I am doing and how baby is. My MIL also had 12 kids, so she knows what goes down at these things and I feel like if I should be taking advice from anyone, I should listen to her! haha

 
01-17-2013 at 9:22 AM
~Kat~
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MIL doesn't usually ask, but I don't find it uncomfortable if she does. I just say it was uneventful, had some bloodwork done, and my next one is in a month (or whatever the situation is). Not a ton of details, but more then just "everything's fine".

 
01-17-2013 at 9:32 AM
fabk
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I am not close with mil and find it awkward to talk to her about anything. I leave it to mh to update his parents on things pregnancy related. She still doesn't understand why I had to have U/S done, she didn't have one with mh and thinks its new fangled technology.Indifferent
01-17-2013 at 9:55 AM
elmoali
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I guess I don't understand what's going on at these appointments that's such a big deal - either for her to care to ask details or for you to be uncomfortable talking about them.  I get weighed, blood pressure, doppler so my report out to people who ask would be "blood pressure and heart beat were great.  No issues!"  There's really nothing else to be shared so when you say that and she's bummed, I'd jokingly ask her what else she thinks goes on that you're hiding :)

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01-17-2013 at 10:19 AM
doribeth85...
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DH always texts his parents after every appt with a simple, "Baby and mom are doing well." They don't ask for more details and he doesn't give them any.

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01-17-2013 at 11:25 AM
grace_smit...
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skylily:

nowuseeme4407:
I would just tell them things are looking good, and leave it at that. No one but you and DH really needs all the details.

I tried the 'everything's fine' route, and that upset her. 

I feel like I"m ass-backwards. A lot of people in my life think that I should WANT to divulge every detail and when the next appointment is. I've always been private and this pregnancy didn't change that so why am I expected to change now? 

The thing that upsets me the most is I never speak with my MIL - - - until I have an appointment and then I have to tell her everything. Once she finds out what she wants she completely stops talking to me again. At least for another 4 weeks.... 


Irritating having to fully disclose everything...however, a month of silence...priceless. 

01-17-2013 at 11:42 AM
skylily
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grace_smith03:
skylily:

nowuseeme4407:
I would just tell them things are looking good, and leave it at that. No one but you and DH really needs all the details.

I tried the 'everything's fine' route, and that upset her. 

I feel like I"m ass-backwards. A lot of people in my life think that I should WANT to divulge every detail and when the next appointment is. I've always been private and this pregnancy didn't change that so why am I expected to change now? 

The thing that upsets me the most is I never speak with my MIL - - - until I have an appointment and then I have to tell her everything. Once she finds out what she wants she completely stops talking to me again. At least for another 4 weeks.... 


Irritating having to fully disclose everything...however, a month of silence...priceless. 

 

Now that is a perspective I didn't think of. I need to constantly think about this :) Thanks for that. 


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01-17-2013 at 12:25 PM
pepomntpat
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elmoali:
I guess I don't understand what's going on at these appointments that's such a big deal - either for her to care to ask details or for you to be uncomfortable talking about them.  I get weighed, blood pressure, doppler so my report out to people who ask would be "blood pressure and heart beat were great.  No issues!"  There's really nothing else to be shared so when you say that and she's bummed, I'd jokingly ask her what else she thinks goes on that you're hiding :)

I'm kind of wondering this too.  I don't know what details there are to share.  


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01-17-2013 at 1:28 PM
radiant05
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I find it uncomfortable too. Maybe it's because when we announced we were expecting the first words out of her mouth were "I bet it wasn't planned." (which it was and even if it wasn't, it's none of her business). Needless to say I have very little desire to share with her anything about this pregnancy since she clearly wasn't supportive in the beginning.

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01-17-2013 at 1:55 PM
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dontgiveupnomatterwhat:
I do! But I love my MIL and she is soooo excited about everything that I can't help my keep her and my FIL updated! But you don't have to do anything you don't want to! Just be polite!

ditto!


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01-17-2013 at 2:05 PM
baby Gs mo...
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elmoali:
I guess I don't understand what's going on at these appointments that's such a big deal - either for her to care to ask details or for you to be uncomfortable talking about them.  I get weighed, blood pressure, doppler so my report out to people who ask would be "blood pressure and heart beat were great.  No issues!"  There's really nothing else to be shared so when you say that and she's bummed, I'd jokingly ask her what else she thinks goes on that you're hiding :)

 

THIS for me too. Its not like they invade you every time you go to the office. I pee in a cup, get weighed, they take BP. Dr checks for a HB and then asks if I have any questions. It's not like there is a whole lot that goes on. My MIL asks how the baby is and I let her know appts are good and all is well.  


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01-17-2013 at 2:26 PM
bakerlm
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dontgiveupnomatterwhat:
I do! But I love my MIL and she is soooo excited about everything that I can't help my keep her and my FIL updated! But you don't have to do anything you don't want to! Just be polite!

This is true for me as well.  I love my inlaws so I call my mil and mom after everyone appointment.  I definitely agree with keeping it polite.  You need a cordial relationship for your child. 


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01-17-2013 at 2:28 PM
Kitten80
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While I am glad MIL is interested, with my previous pregnancies she would call as I was walking out of the office for all the information.  Ummmmm, a little much for me.  I will call you.  I promise, MIL.  Can I get to the car?  Oh well, I guess it is better than those in our family who show no interest at all.
01-17-2013 at 2:33 PM
lalvillar0...
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I'm really close with my MIL and I'm generally pretty open about that stuff, so I don't feel weird at all. After our appointments, I call my parents while MH calls his parents.
 
01-17-2013 at 2:45 PM
MAdams728
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My MIL wouldnt push for info, she's good about boundaries.  She's content with hearing everything is going well when we see her once a month, or so. 

My own mother is the one that pushes for every single detail, and it's annoying. 


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01-17-2013 at 2:55 PM
megemoney
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Yes.  Because my H tells her every.single.detail.  Now I get phone calls as soon as I walk out to see how it went.  Or, H has to call her as soon as we walk out or she will cry because she thinks I hate her.  (Yes, we got a phone call from a crying MIL wanting to know why I am upset with her because I will not give every detail to SIL and MIL about this pregnancy.)

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01-17-2013 at 3:14 PM
Liz4444
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pepomntpat:

elmoali:
I guess I don't understand what's going on at these appointments that's such a big deal - either for her to care to ask details or for you to be uncomfortable talking about them.  I get weighed, blood pressure, doppler so my report out to people who ask would be "blood pressure and heart beat were great.  No issues!"  There's really nothing else to be shared so when you say that and she's bummed, I'd jokingly ask her what else she thinks goes on that you're hiding :)

I'm kind of wondering this too.  I don't know what details there are to share.  

This... what does she want to know?  The amount of pee you put in the cup?


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01-17-2013 at 4:02 PM
Bliss+Berr...
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elmoali:
I guess I don't understand what's going on at these appointments that's such a big deal - either for her to care to ask details or for you to be uncomfortable talking about them.  I get weighed, blood pressure, doppler so my report out to people who ask would be "blood pressure and heart beat were great.  No issues!"  There's really nothing else to be shared so when you say that and she's bummed, I'd jokingly ask her what else she thinks goes on that you're hiding :)

This.  But I love my MIL and she adores me too, so there's that. 


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01-17-2013 at 4:07 PM
BelhurstBr...
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I don't understand what there is to be uncomfortable about?


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01-17-2013 at 4:47 PM
skylily
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BelhurstBride:
I don't understand what there is to be uncomfortable about?

Honestly, it's a doctors appointment and that's personal to me. Even if I am just peeing in a cup and listening to the heartbeat, it's between my doctor and I.

It's my MIL - not my mom. And the fact that she doesn't talk to me until I have an appointment makes me feel like I"m not good enough until its baby time and then I'm not good enough again. And that goes for DH as well, sort of. He is the black sheep in the family - first to move away, first to do something his parents didn't like - doesn't abide by traditions that she adores. This could go on.  She could care less about my leukemia appointments or my other gyno exams that we had some trouble with. Never asked once. (Yes, she knew) I feel like all I am to her is a vessel for her grandbaby now. so that's why I get upset. But it could be worse and I'm trying to keep that thought in mind. She isn't a terror like others I have read about, so that's always good.

 


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01-19-2013 at 12:28 AM
sometimesd...
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I have no problems telling my mother or MIL about my appointments, because they're both RNs. :) MIL hasn't asked me, but she gets the details from DH. 

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