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01-17-2013 at 10:33 AM
carriet201...
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carriet2018 is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 10:49 PMBronze

to feel guilty or not feel guilty?

So lately I have been relatively happy - think I owe it to my new found forums. For the support, and quite frankly some of the ridiculous posts people put on here (mostly over on the TTGP page) - I get a few good chuckles per day...so thanks ladies!

Anyways baby shower season is in full swing for me. One girl's is this weekend, she really is a nice girl. She is my DH friend's wife so not directly a friend of mine but we have become close over the years. I am ditching it for the Patriots playoff game. Which I definately don't want to miss (GO PATS!), but I have to admit I love I have an excuse....I was the a$$hole didn't RSVP on time and she had to follow up with me (not intentionally, but kept slipping my mind/I was waiting to see what happened with the Pats). They all know I am trying...and not succeeding, so I feel like I have a giant scarlet letter posted to my forehead and me not being there is like "oh yea poor girl, she is jealous of us, she cannot have kids" (I am sure they wouldn't say that word for word but you know...)

 Just hope my MIA behavior isn't going to turn into them not being happy for me when and if I get the blessing...and I can't help my guilty feelings...not sure if I am over thinking or I have a reason to feel guilty...


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01-17-2013 at 10:34 AM
carriet201...
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opps! meant this one on Trouble TTC

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01-17-2013 at 10:34 AM
QueenBeeMa...
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Overthinking.
 
01-17-2013 at 10:38 AM
Slapalicio...
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Just make sure she knows how sorry you are that you won't be there.  Make sure you send her something, either through a friend or bring it in person.  (I usually send something from their list, if I can't make it, as soon as I get the invite)  Or, if you're close enough to her, take her out to lunch and give her a gift.

My parents got married on a Superbowl Sunday.  It was the year the Dolphins were undefeated.  Needless to say, several of their Miami friends canceled going to their wedding because they got Superbowl tickets.  My parents understood - hopefully your friend will, too.

ETA: and let me tell you how much I love being called ridiculous...

01-17-2013 at 10:39 AM
krdesi
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I am sure you are over thinking the situation. I do that sometimes too, so I get it. But in the end, you have to do what will make you happy. She will have plenty of people at her baby shower to keep her entertained, and I am sure your absence won't be the topic of conversation.

Daisypath Anniversary tickers
TTC #1 since May 2012
May 2013: First R.E. appointment
DH: SA is good
Next May 2013: CD3 Blood work-normal
June 2013: Hsg-Right tube blocked
July 2013: Start Lupron for IVF #1
 
01-17-2013 at 12:02 PM
carriet201...
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I didn't mean you were ridiculous but you have to admit, some of them over the past day or so have been wacko...i.e. TTGP while hooking up with 3 different guys but only want one to be the father? huh?? haha

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01-17-2013 at 12:02 PM
talon1226
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I'm glad you're feeling better. I don't see anything wrong with not going as long as you let them know and it would be ideal to send a gift. I totally get the football thing and I am also a Packers fan although I would be more inclined to say you have another commitment that day without telling them it's because you want to watch football :)

For the record, you have been TTC for 10 months and don't have a diagnosis so your post really belongs on this board more than 3T. 


 photo 7f92661f-85b6-40d5-9ebd-edc70e00a2e4_zps5ca3c95b.jpg

TTC #1 - Stopped using BC March 2011, officially TTC since August 2011
Dx: PCOS & mild hypothyroidism (me) & MFI
2 cycles Femara + trigger = BFN/no response. 2 cycles Clomid + trigger = BFN
IUI # 1 = BFN
Repeat SA - low motility & morphology w/ 99% bound by antisperm antibodies
Recommendation: IVF w/ICSI 
01-17-2013 at 12:06 PM
calindi
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First off, I'd miss my own brother's wedding if I got Patriots playoff tickets, so there's that.

 

Second, the best thing I can compare it to is a wedding shower with some of my anxiously-waiting-for-the-ring friends.  I'd never have thought to think, "Oh, poor them, they want to be me" because they don't - sure, they want to be engaged, but to their own guy at their own time.  So don't worry about her pitying you.

 

Third, some of my friends did miss my bridal shower, but it was okay.  If someone had a reason as good as expensive, hard-to-get tickets to a concert or sporting event, I would most definitely understand.  So put yourself in the host's shoes - it'll be fine!





TTC #1 since 9/12
Me: 27 DH: 30

Anniversary

 
01-17-2013 at 12:18 PM
Slapalicio...
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carriet2018:
I didn't mean you were ridiculous but you have to admit, some of them over the past day or so have been wacko...i.e. TTGP while hooking up with 3 different guys but only want one to be the father? huh?? haha

That was m(ade) u(p) d(rama).

:P

01-17-2013 at 12:22 PM
Slapalicio...
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talon1226:

I'm glad you're feeling better. I don't see anything wrong with not going as long as you let them know and it would be ideal to send a gift. I totally get the football thing and I am also a Packers fan although I would be more inclined to say you have another commitment that day without telling them it's because you want to watch football :)

For the record, you have been TTC for 10 months and don't have a diagnosis so your post really belongs on this board more than 3T. 

Wait, what?  Why is she posting in 3T then?  Huh?

01-17-2013 at 1:08 PM
carriet201...
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Well I also don't know what 3T means either I guess. I assume it means Trouble TTC, and if I have offended you for posting there then I am sorry. Yes I have been actively TTC for 10 months, but have been off the pill for over a year. To me, it isn't like I have just started trying, I am dealing with emotions that I thought I could get support from in a group like that, I have started the RE process (which they ushered me right in there to get testing done, I am sure they want their $$$ but wasn't like they looked at me like I had 5 heads when I made the appointment or went in for the consult/testing). I was just looking for a place to go since people in my life don't seem to understand. Maybe this forum thing isn't for me afterall, just was looking for input/advice on questions I have on RE/experiences of others that relate to things I am starting thats all.

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01-17-2013 at 1:31 PM
talon1226
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carriet2018:
Well I also don't know what 3T means either I guess. I assume it means Trouble TTC, and if I have offended you for posting there then I am sorry. Yes I have been actively TTC for 10 months, but have been off the pill for over a year. To me, it isn't like I have just started trying, I am dealing with emotions that I thought I could get support from in a group like that, I have started the RE process (which they ushered me right in there to get testing done, I am sure they want their $$$ but wasn't like they looked at me like I had 5 heads when I made the appointment or went in for the consult/testing). I was just looking for a place to go since people in my life don't seem to understand. Maybe this forum thing isn't for me afterall, just was looking for input/advice on questions I have on RE/experiences of others that relate to things I am starting thats all.

Seriously? I was very friendly to you and gave you good advice on your multiple posts on 3T even though you clearly said you had been trying for 10 months. Yes, 3T is Trouble TTC which means trying for over a year unless you're over age 35. I never said a thing until you said you posted this on the "wrong board." That was a little much, so I nicely pointed out that it wasn't the wrong board. If you're going to GBCB over that then that's your issue.  


 photo 7f92661f-85b6-40d5-9ebd-edc70e00a2e4_zps5ca3c95b.jpg

TTC #1 - Stopped using BC March 2011, officially TTC since August 2011
Dx: PCOS & mild hypothyroidism (me) & MFI
2 cycles Femara + trigger = BFN/no response. 2 cycles Clomid + trigger = BFN
IUI # 1 = BFN
Repeat SA - low motility & morphology w/ 99% bound by antisperm antibodies
Recommendation: IVF w/ICSI 
01-17-2013 at 1:41 PM
carriet201...
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carriet2018 is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 10:49 PMBronze
well again I am sorry if i offended, I truly am not meaning to. I never said you weren't nice or rude or anything of that nature. Slapp asked why I posted on there so I gave my answer to that. I don't now how to copy messages and reply directly to those...

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01-17-2013 at 1:46 PM
Slapalicio...
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carriet2018:
well again I am sorry if i offended, I truly am not meaning to. I never said you weren't nice or rude or anything of that nature. Slapp asked why I posted on there so I gave my answer to that. I don't now how to copy messages and reply directly to those...

Click the word Quote instead of clicking the word Reply underneath the post you want to 'reply' to.

01-17-2013 at 2:05 PM
aessary03
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I would say if you want to continue the good relationship, I would definitely meet up with her afterward (during the week or something) and apologize for not being able to make it and give her a gift.  At least that's what I would do.  I'm not a huge baby shower fan, but I love buying gifts, so I'd like people to know I'm thinking of them even if I don't attend.

Me - 32, DH - 32. We have been TTC #2 since January 2012.
Our daughter, Emma Kate, is 9. Born 10/16/03 @29w & 1lb13oz

BFP on 12/3/12, EDD 8/19/13, U/S 1/17/13 showed blighted ovum, d&c 1/24/13
BFP on 4/19/13, EDD 12/29/13, u/s 5/20/13 showed baby with heart rate of 180 bpm! Yea, baby!
u/s 6/4/13 showed a wiggly baby with a heart rate of 176!
Daisypath Anniversary tickers  BabyFruit Ticker 
01-17-2013 at 2:07 PM
deziniki
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carriet2018:
Well I also don't know what 3T means either I guess. I assume it means Trouble TTC, and if I have offended you for posting there then I am sorry. Yes I have been actively TTC for 10 months, but have been off the pill for over a year. To me, it isn't like I have just started trying, I am dealing with emotions that I thought I could get support from in a group like that, I have started the RE process (which they ushered me right in there to get testing done, I am sure they want their $$$ but wasn't like they looked at me like I had 5 heads when I made the appointment or went in for the consult/testing). I was just looking for a place to go since people in my life don't seem to understand. Maybe this forum thing isn't for me afterall, just was looking for input/advice on questions I have on RE/experiences of others that relate to things I am starting thats all.

I don't see anyone being rude to you on this post. Maybe it's just because I am sick today, but I an so confused on how you suddenly switched to thinking people have been mean to you, they were just letting you know that this is, in fact, the proper board to post to.

Also, when coming off the pill it can take one month to six months for your body to regulate. If we say that your body regulated somewhere in the middle of that (which we don't know either way because it doesn't look like you are charting), then if you went off the pill 2 months before ttc, then your cycles wouldn't be regulated until 1 month of TTC, which really makes 9 months of ttc without crazy hormone fluctuations.

Either way, it is all speculation if you haven't been charting. You may have been missing your FW all these months. Either way, it hasn't been a year, so you aren't a TTTC canidate yet.

 ETA: Other PP have given you great advice on your original issue. Let them know you can't make it but bring/send them a gift anyway.

01-17-2013 at 2:25 PM
carriet201...
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deziniki:

I don't see anyone being rude to you on this post.

I didn't say anyone was rude, I was simply saying why I thought i "belonged" on the other board. I can see I am certainly not expressing myself clearly. Either way...point taken I will not go on that board.

 as for the help on the original post thanks...


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01-17-2013 at 8:43 PM
SoxFan777
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Useless post:

GO PATS! 

But seriously: lots of Pats fans on here.  :)  I heart Boston, too. 


"Words go straight up in a thin line, quick and harmless... sin and love and fear are just sounds that people who never sinned nor loved nor feared have for what they never had and cannot have until they forget the words." -- Faulkner --- Missing my little one lost at 9 weeks on 2.24.13. brokenhearted but not broken... d&c 5/21/13... Still Healing, Still Standing... Dear God, Since I couldn't hold my little one in my lap and tell him about you, could you hold him in your lap and tell him about me?  
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