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01-18-2013 at 10:03 AM
new+tothis
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new+tothis is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 9:07 AMBronze

And I thought the emotional rollercoaster was over...

I did SO well during stims not getting emotional! I thought I was out of the woods. Apparently not. I saw the third party reproduction post below and just straight up bawled. We are so lucky to have so many embies and have the possibility of snow babies. Dh and I have agreed on everything IF.... until this. If we have extra snow babies I want to donate them. In my mind, they would not be MY babies. They would belong to the woman who carries them. We are so lucky to be able to do IVF but it was a GIFT - literally. Our parents gave us the money to do it. We could give a gift like that to someone else.

I know I've always said I would respect his beliefs and I know I need to continue doing just that but sometimes it's hard. I honestly don't really understand where he's coming from and I'm not sure why because I know a lot of people would feel the same way.


TTC #1 for Dh, #2 for me. HSG clear. Low AMH and endo. Multiple Clomid w/TI cycles - all BFNs. 2 IUIs with Clomid and 1 with Femara - more BFNs. IVF#1 25R, 15M, 15F. 5DT of two perfect 4AA blasts! Positive HPT at 5dp5dt. Beta #1 6dp5dt - 72. Beta #2 8dp5dt - 285. Beta #3 10dp5dt - 793. Both babies have strong beautiful heartbeats! Baby B miscarried at 7 weeks. Baby A is holding on through miscarrying her twin, sub-chorionic hematoma, and complete placenta previa. Stick, baby, stick!

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01-18-2013 at 10:13 AM
nawlinsgrl
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Joined on 10-28-2009
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nawlinsgrl is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 7:46 AMBronze

***PAIF/SAIF***

 

I just want to tell you I think it's amazing that you feel this way, and I truly admire your selflessness in wanting to donate any extra embryos. 

I find myself in the opposite camp.  We didn't have any embryos from our first IVF, so it wasn't an issue, but do have 4 frosties left over from IVF #2.  This will be our second and last child, that we are sure of.  Both DH and I, while we wish we could be as generous as you, simply feel like we would be donating our child, that it would be an adoption of sorts, and we just aren't comfortable with the thought of someone else raising "our child." 

We are waiting until after LO's birth to make any final decisions, as we have one year of storage included with our IVF package, but will likely donate them to science as what we consider a compromise: hopefully helping others in that way, if not with the direct donation to a couple.

I don't really have any answers, but did want to share my story.  I can't imagine how difficult this difference of opinion between you and YH husband must be, and I truly sympathize.  Again, I commend you on your stance, and wish you all the best as you two come to a decision in the future.


10/10: Married DH; 5/11: Dx: Blocked Fallopian Tube; 7/11: D&C/Hysteroscopy to remove polyp
IVF #1: 9/11: ER: 12R, 11M, 10F, No Frosties; 5dt: 2 blasts, 1 morula; DD born 6/3/12
IVF #2: 11/12-12/12: ER: 20R, 20M, 16F, 4 Frosties; 5dt: 3 blasts, DS EDD: 8/23/13
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01-18-2013 at 10:27 AM
new+tothis
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new+tothis is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 9:07 AMBronze
I think that's how DH feels... that we would be giving up a baby for someone else to raise. I think that's a really good compromise - maybe I should bring that up with DH. Thank you for sharing your story. If nothing else it helps me remember that a lot of people feel the same way as DH.

TTC #1 for Dh, #2 for me. HSG clear. Low AMH and endo. Multiple Clomid w/TI cycles - all BFNs. 2 IUIs with Clomid and 1 with Femara - more BFNs. IVF#1 25R, 15M, 15F. 5DT of two perfect 4AA blasts! Positive HPT at 5dp5dt. Beta #1 6dp5dt - 72. Beta #2 8dp5dt - 285. Beta #3 10dp5dt - 793. Both babies have strong beautiful heartbeats! Baby B miscarried at 7 weeks. Baby A is holding on through miscarrying her twin, sub-chorionic hematoma, and complete placenta previa. Stick, baby, stick!

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01-18-2013 at 11:27 AM
kflynn81
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Joined on 11-28-2009
Oak Lawn
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kflynn81 is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 9:34 AMBronze
I'm with you 100%....If I ever had embryos to freeze (this hasn't been an issue since there is never anything TO freeze) I wanted to donate them to someone too. MH was very opposed to this and wanted them discarded. We came to a compromise during our consent form signing day that we'd split the difference and donate them to research. If another woman wouldn't benefit from my actual embryo then maybe my embryos could help some woman someday avoid all the stress and heartache I went through. Is YH willing to donate to research maybe??

Anniversary
Me(31): Some sort of endocrine malfunction that even the major Chicago hospitals can't diagnose. Yay me!!
I also have Factor V Leiden...yay me again!
DH (31): Borderline low morph, but not considered a problem
"Baby dancing" with no protection or BCP since July 2009
IF testing started March 2011
Endocrinology related tests from October 2011-February 2012
March 2012--Clomid --No response-Straight to injects!
April & May 2012-- IUI#1 & #2 = BFN
July 2012- IVF#1 cancelled
September 2012-IVF#1.2--BFN
November 2012- IVF #2 --BFN
January 2013- IVF #3-- BFFN
February 2013--June 2013 Back to the Endocrinologist for more diagnostic testing
IVF #4 --June 2013
PAIF/SAIF encouraged...give me some hope!!
For detailed cycle info. see right side of blog... Kate's IF Blog
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01-18-2013 at 11:36 AM
Km672
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Joined on 01-02-2012
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Km672 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 5:48 PMBronze
This is really hard. I totally understand all sides. DH and I are planning to do IVF with DE and DS this year. We very seriously looked into embryo donation and will definitely go that route if this cycle doesn't work, as we can only try another fresh IVF cycle due to logistics/financial reasons.
If we have extra embryos from this upcoming cycle, I'm not sure what we would do. It feels hypocritical, especially since we very well may be on the receiving side one day, but there is no clear answer.
I haven't talked to DH about this, he is just so afraid this will be another failure that I think I would put him over the edge if I brought this up now! If there is anything I have learned from IF, you never know what you will do or how you will feel until you are actually faced with the situation. I overthink EVERYTHING. I'm hoping that if we are fortunate enough to be in this situation, the answer will feel right to us in due time. Try not to worry about this, you or DH might feel differently in a couple years. Assuming you would freeze until you reach a mutual decision, there's no need to worry about it now. Good luck

Me (31) DOR/ MH (34) azoo/high DFI TTC#1 since 2009 IVF #1 cancelled dt poor response/ IVF #2 & #3: BFFN/ Natural Surprise BFP, early m/c -endometrial bx & methotrexate administered/ IVF#4:nothing to transfer/ DS IUI#1 BFN/ DS IUI#2 BFN/ IVF#5 (1st w/ DS):another BFFN/ Currently planning on DE and DS cycle Summer 2013. This has to be it- 
01-18-2013 at 2:32 PM
liz4paws
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liz4paws is online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 10:49 AMSilver

I want to tell you how wonderful you are for considering donating your leftover embies. As someone who received them, it has literally taken me from the darkest darkness I have ever known, to having light once again. I honestly cannot imagine building a family any other way now. There is a common misconception that there are more embryos to go around than families to adopt. That could not be further from the truth. There are way more families looking to adopt embies.

I hope your husband and you can come to an agreement that you both feel good about. :) 


Me (31) DH (35) - Finding our path to baby #1
Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR
DH: Severe MFI
12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN
8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
My ovaries seem to be just for decoration

12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
2/11/13 - Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts.

2/16/13 - First BFP of my life!
3/27/13 - No heartbeat at 9w0d. D&C the following day.

4/23/13 - Matched to adopt five new embryos!

My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake

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01-19-2013 at 12:06 AM
Ecarabeo21...
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Joined on 05-23-2012
11,055 Points
Ecarabeo217 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 8:27 PMBronze

DH and I also had a hard time with this.  I will tell you that for round 1, we signed that we would donate to research should it come to that. Given that we never made it to transfer and it was devastating....this time we decided we would donate to a couple in need should we be so fortunate to end up with frostiness we were or planning to use at a later date. We both agreed that having experienced the heartache of a failed cycle and still looking at the uncertainty of having a child of our own, we could never discard them outright, and if we could save a couple from the same heartache, then it would be worth doing, even if it meant having our "baby" out there with someone else. We are sure that any couple facing the situation of needing DE would have nothing but love for that child. 

I hope you and DH can come to an agreement that works for you both! Good luck! 


Married 2007 3 Clomid IUIs -- BFNs IVF #1 never made it to transfer On "egg health" cocktail DHEA/CoQ10/FRC/Pregnitude/Melatonin Starting IVF #2 for Feb 2013 Follistim/Menopur/Ganirelix Cancelled mid-cycle due to high P4 levels early on. OCPs again for IVF 2.5 mid-March. "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." -- Margaret Thatcher  
01-19-2013 at 1:49 PM
jadwedd
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Joined on 04-29-2003
21,408 Points
jadwedd is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 10:14 AMBronze
Not that it turned out to be an issue because I had no frosties but dh and I decided that we would have as many babies as we could handle.  And we agreed to play that by ear.  But I get every attached to them, and I did not want them destryoed or going to science. I wanted each of them to have a chance at life whether it was with us or someone else.  My only concern would be that I would want to know their names so that I can make sure that my child was not falling in love with a biological sibling.  But if I could not give them life I would want someone else to give it to them.  Again, this is just what I thought, it did not come to that because I had no frosties.  But DH agreed to do whatever I chose since he figured I did most of the work :)

Married 12-12-04
TTC since 07
me-36 PCOS, Tubal Problems, and polyps removed 7-12
DH - 36 extremely handsome and no fertility problems
IUI 8-12 and 9-12 failed
IVF 12-21-2012 - 2 I think perfect no matter what the dr graded them (2B)embryos transferred Beta on 12-31-12 Positve - Beta is 21
Beta 2 1-2-13 - 31
Beta 3 1-4-13 - 53
Beta 4 1/9 - 212!
Ultrasound 1/10 - Nothing completely empty uterus Beta 1/14 - 743; Beta 1/17 - 1704 ultrasound shows nothing. Officially a miscarriage. 1/21 Beta 3900 Dr. says it ectopic. Ultrasound shows a miracle heartbeat right in the uterus where it belongs! Dr. says I can be cautiously optomistic!!! Hang in there baby!

 
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