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01-21-2013 at 10:53 AM
shellmom22
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Wedding Shower question

Hi Ladies I was hoping you could help me.  I am hosting my sisters wedding shower.  I was planning on doing it at the community center in the same town our parents live.  It's nothing fancy but it looks nice.  My sister recently told me that she wants the shower to be at our parents house. We only have a date picked out  so far and I hadn't started planning too much yet.

I was going to choose the community center in the same town as my parents because of the location.  Having it in our home town will work best for the majority of the guests.  I also want to do it there instead of our parents house because my Mom smokes and even when she doesn't smoke around guests everyone still leaves with their cloths and hair smelling like smoke.

Since I am the host do I get to choose where I throw the shower for my sister or do I have to do what she wants?

 TIA

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01-21-2013 at 11:03 AM
RissNRuss
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My wedding shower was at my mom's- and it got cramped due to number of people. We held my sisters a few months later at a local hall and that was alot more comfortable for the guests. You are throwing the shower, so you do get to pick locale- it seems you are considering the guests which I would say is nice. You could always decorate with some framed photos from your parents house so that touch is there!
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01-21-2013 at 11:03 AM
MelRC117
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Maybe she was just thinking it would save money.  Does your parents house have the space?  Would you have to bring in lots of chairs?  I would say go with what you were going to do.  That way your mom doesn't have to worry about cleaning before and after.
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01-21-2013 at 11:08 AM
Stina2012
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I'd tell your sister your concerns about the smoke. Unless your sister is a smoker as well. If she is then say the community center will be easier so no one has to clean your mom's house.
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01-21-2013 at 11:25 AM
tricia560
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I think you have really good reasons for your choice.  Unless your sister has even more compelling reasons to have it at your parents', I would say you get to pick the location. 
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01-21-2013 at 11:26 AM
EastCoastB...
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Has anyone even asked your parents if they'd be o.k. having it at their house?

Past that, I agree- tell your sister about your concern of the smoke. And also look at the #'s.  Can you comfortably fit the amount of people you're inviting?

In the end, you can say "THanks for the suggestion, but due to numerous factors, it's going to be easier to have it at the center".

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01-21-2013 at 11:44 AM
shellmom22
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We have always had all the events at my parents house until just recently.  When I became pregnant my DH and I both decided that if was time to stand up for ourselves - neither of us care for the smoke and now we have a child to think about too.  We meet up with my parents & family at other places besides their house now.

My sister doesn't care that my mom smokes and thinks it's dumb that it bothers anyone.  The community center is only $25 to rent.  My sister  just wants it at their house because that's what has been done in the past.  Either place can accommodate the amount of guests that are coming.

Knowing this is it still okay for me to pick the community center?

 
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01-21-2013 at 11:48 AM
rhubarb123
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EastCoastBride:

Has anyone even asked your parents if they'd be o.k. having it at their house?

Past that, I agree- tell your sister about your concern of the smoke. And also look at the #'s.  Can you comfortably fit the amount of people you're inviting?

In the end, you can say "THanks for the suggestion, but due to numerous factors, it's going to be easier to have it at the center".

This.  What is her reasoning for wanting it at your parents' home?  Is it because she herself is a smoker and knows she won't be able to at the community center?  Most people can go at least 3 hours without a smoke (at least I know those smokers in my family can).  If it is so she doesn't have to transport gifts then that is just silly.

Yes...you DO have the final say as to location...especially if it isn't putting the guest of honor out (which it isn't since it is in the same town).
 
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01-21-2013 at 11:52 AM
EastCoastB...
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With your update- yes, it's o.k.  Just tell her "Thanks for your opinion, but I need to think about everyone's comfort".  She can think it's "dumb" all she wants, but some people have serious issues w/ cigarette smoke. 

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01-21-2013 at 11:52 AM
shellmom22
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rhubarb123:
EastCoastBride:

Has anyone even asked your parents if they'd be o.k. having it at their house?

Past that, I agree- tell your sister about your concern of the smoke. And also look at the #'s.  Can you comfortably fit the amount of people you're inviting?

In the end, you can say "THanks for the suggestion, but due to numerous factors, it's going to be easier to have it at the center".

This.  What is her reasoning for wanting it at your parents' home?  Is it because she herself is a smoker and knows she won't be able to at the community center?  Most people can go at least 3 hours without a smoke (at least I know those smokers in my family can).  If it is so she doesn't have to transport gifts then that is just silly.

Yes...you DO have the final say as to location...especially if it isn't putting the guest of honor out (which it isn't since it is in the same town).

No she does not smoke.  And she'll have to transport gifts from either place because she doesn't live with our parents.  But she did want it in our home town which I am honoring.

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01-21-2013 at 12:45 PM
tricia560
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It doesn't matter if she thinks it's dumb, not wanting to be around nasty, smelly stale second hand smoke is legitimate.  If she doesn't want the community center, she can gracefully decline the shower.
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01-21-2013 at 12:55 PM
LilyLove29
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Just tell her that you have it handled and its a shower for her so she doesn't need to worry about anything besides showing up. :
And do it at the community center.
 
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01-21-2013 at 1:36 PM
shellmom22
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Thanks everyone!  This is the first shower I've thrown so I really appreciate your help. 
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01-21-2013 at 4:56 PM
JenniD2
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EastCoastBride:

With your update- yes, it's o.k.  Just tell her "Thanks for your opinion, but I need to think about everyone's comfort".  She can think it's "dumb" all she wants, but some people have serious issues w/ cigarette smoke. 

This.

Plus, as the hostess, you do have the final say as to where the shower will be hosted. While your sister may not understand, your guests may appreciate the  thought.
 
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01-21-2013 at 9:39 PM
BallSox
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LilyLove29:
Just tell her that you have it handled and its a shower for her so she doesn't need to worry about anything besides showing up. : And do it at the community center.

This with a dose of "if your choices aren't up to her specifications, she can decline the shower". 

Honestly, I'd not even lay out all of the issues about the smoke because if she's a drama queen, she could start serious crap with your mom. "Hey mom, Sally doesn't want to have my shower here because she thinks it's gross and stinky."
Just tell her that you have things handled and you're going to host it at the community center. 

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01-22-2013 at 11:41 PM
SabrinaRay...
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You could bring this to the attention of your sister. I'm sure she'll understand :) 
 
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