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01-22-2013 at 11:13 AM
milkergirl...
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WWYD: SIL pregnant and smoking?

This has been bothering me since my baby shower on Sunday.  My SIL came and when I went to give her a hug, she smelled strongly of cigarette smoke.  She's 22 wks pregnant.  I don't really have a close relationship with her, so I don't feel comfortable bringing this up with her.  I know lots of women smoke and the baby comes out just fine, but I worry about any of the ill effects this could have.  Should I mention this to my mom that has a closer releationship with her?  Or should I just let it be between my SIL and her dr? 


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01-22-2013 at 11:17 AM
MrsJelly
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I would bet she is aware of the risks of smoking while pregnant...and in my experience with smokers, bringing it up just makes them all defensive and stressed and need a smoke lol. Sooo I would say just leave it....unless she's super young and uneducated on the risks it cause, it will probably be pretty pointless. 

If you guys aren't close it makes it tough...and bringing it up with your Mom might just make her feel like you guys are talking about her you know? 
 
01-22-2013 at 11:17 AM
vaness1229
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Is this your brother's wife? What bout mentioning something to your brother or having your  mom mention something to your brother and he can decide whether or not to talk to his wife about it?

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01-22-2013 at 11:25 AM
a13049
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I'm guessing she knows and still chooses to smoke. It's pretty selfish IMO, but there isn't much you can do about it. The girl at the grocery store is two weeks behind me in her pregnancy and I see her out front smoking all the time. She thinks because she is pregnant we are besties. I popped of on her one morning when I had been really sick and was grabbing some food to settle my stomache on te way to work. Oops!

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01-22-2013 at 11:30 AM
MrsWindyCi...
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a13049:
I'm guessing she knows and still chooses to smoke. It's pretty selfish IMO, but there isn't much you can do about it.

 

Yeah, pretty much this. I wouldn't say anything because it's probably pointless, unless you think your  brother doesn't know, in which case you can mention it to him (assuming SIL is your bro's brother, since she is close with your  mom). 


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01-22-2013 at 11:31 AM
Heartstrin...
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If you aren't close, I don't know how well it will come off if you tell her that she's doing something wrong.  It doesn't matter how nicely you try to put it, it's likely she's going to get defensive.  Like PPs said, if it's your brother's wife, I would talk to him about it and let him take care of it.

You CAN however, tell her not to smoke around you.  Her baby, her choices; your baby, your choices.  You can also ask her not to be around your baby if she continues to smoke.

ETA:  I just re-read my first line - She is doing something wrong, but it isn't really your place to say.  I might still say something, but that's me.  It sounds like you are trying to keep peace.  It comes down to keeping the peace or letting her know that she's wrong and hoping that she understands the potential damage she is doing to her baby.


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01-22-2013 at 11:44 AM
RussianMom...
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I would have said something to her right then and there. I have done it before and would do it again. People like that make my blood boil and don't deserve to have children. Completely irresponsible!

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01-22-2013 at 12:01 PM
Happy2BPre...
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MrsJelly:
I would bet she is aware of the risks of smoking while pregnant...and in my experience with smokers, bringing it up just makes them all defensive and stressed and need a smoke lol. Sooo I would say just leave it....unless she's super young and uneducated on the risks it cause, it will probably be pretty pointless. 

If you guys aren't close it makes it tough...and bringing it up with your Mom might just make her feel like you guys are talking about her you know? 

This.  Exactly.


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01-22-2013 at 12:09 PM
bjlucas1
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I would be hesitant to say something unless I was very close with the person. Everyone knows how dangerous smoking is so I am sure she is aware that it would be better for her not to smoke. Giving advice is a slippery slope.

 
01-22-2013 at 12:32 PM
nyki06
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Whenever I know that someone smokes and is pregnant I try to remind myself that a lot of doctors don't recommend quitting cold turkey, and that could be the case for her. Although I would never smoke while pregnant, I quit smoking 4 years ago and it was seriously the hardest thing I've ever had to do. While I don't condone putting yourself before your baby I do realize that quitting isn't an easy task.

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01-22-2013 at 12:35 PM
mabenner1
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You mind your own business. You don't know if someone she was with was smoking, if she's cutting down with the help of her doctor, or whatever. Don't get involved.

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01-22-2013 at 12:47 PM
id012
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just lurking.,

I wouldnt say anything, When i was pregnant, i borrowed a friends coat because it was really cold out side. I went to give someone a hug and they "called me out" on smoking. Which i didnt. But my friends coat smelled like smoke. I was mordified, and then i felt like everyone thought i was lying when i said i wasnt smoking, because i used to smoke.

 

 
01-22-2013 at 1:14 PM
InkedMegs
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I agree with other PP's.  It stinks that she's doing it, but she most likely knows it is not good.  She's probably not going to stop because you say, "Ooooh... that's not good!"

On the other hand, I had a friend whose doctor told her NOT to quit because she was going through too much other stress at the time.  He said it was one more added stress on the baby.  I do believe she smoked through two pregnancies.

You can only control what she does around you and ask her not to smoke around you.  Maybe when she's larger and really showing she'll feel self conscious about it and stop.  Heck, I sent DH into the liquor store the entire holiday season so that people wouldn't think it was for me (yes, I care too much what people think!). :)





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01-22-2013 at 1:52 PM
526SadieSa...
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Unless she lives under a rock, she is aware of the potential risks to the baby.  In my experience, telling smokers they're killing themselves is tantamount to telling a chronic overeater they need to put the fork down - it falls on deaf ears.

Mind your own business, feel free to hard-core side eye all you want and keep your LO away from her, 3rd hand smoke is dangerous.  You can only control what your child is exposed to.


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01-22-2013 at 1:58 PM
GeeksWithS...
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I would say it's up to you what you do since your family dynamics is what you know and we can only guess. However, she may have talked to her doctor already, many doctors do not recommend quit cold once your pregnant as it can actually harm the baby more, just cutting back slowly to almost nothing or nothing if possible.

(Side note: I don't smoke, my cousin who had her baby nov last year smoked till just about the 5 month because she was cutting back on doctors advice) 


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01-22-2013 at 2:09 PM
milkergirl...
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MrsJelly:
I would bet she is aware of the risks of smoking while pregnant...and in my experience with smokers, bringing it up just makes them all defensive and stressed and need a smoke lol. Sooo I would say just leave it....unless she's super young and uneducated on the risks it cause, it will probably be pretty pointless. 

If you guys aren't close it makes it tough...and bringing it up with your Mom might just make her feel like you guys are talking about her you know? 

Yes, I'm sure she is aware of the risks.  She's 22, this is her 2nd pregnancy and I believe she quit for the first pregnancy.  I don't have to worry about her smoking around me-she never has and always goes outside.  She's my brother's wife and telling him is pointless because he's a tool...lol.  And I would worry that having my mom bring it up would make her upset that we were talking about her behind her back.  I'm sure that her dr would be able to smell the smoke on her, so hopefully he's addressing it.  So I think I'm going to leave this one alone and hope for the best.  Thanks all:)


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01-22-2013 at 4:28 PM
dande2129
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MrsJelly:
I would bet she is aware of the risks of smoking while pregnant.

This.

You aren't going to tell her something that she doesn't already know. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can really do but mention something directly to her if you feel so inclined.


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01-22-2013 at 4:35 PM
dande2129
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milkergirl1:

MrsJelly:
I would bet she is aware of the risks of smoking while pregnant...and in my experience with smokers, bringing it up just makes them all defensive and stressed and need a smoke lol. Sooo I would say just leave it....unless she's super young and uneducated on the risks it cause, it will probably be pretty pointless. 

If you guys aren't close it makes it tough...and bringing it up with your Mom might just make her feel like you guys are talking about her you know? 

I'm sure that her dr would be able to smell the smoke on her, so hopefully he's addressing it. 

I also love that you automatically assume that she's lying to her doctor(s) and the only way they would know that she was smoking is because they smelled it on her.

DS was not planned, and I was a smoker. For the first appointment, the first thing I said was that while I cut back on smoking, I had not quit cold turkey and the anxiety was out of control. (I had to stop taking my xanax and get weaned off all other medications that I was on also, which didn't help.) I wasn't sure what I could use to stop smoking (patch, gum, etc) but I knew that I needed the help. Under the supervision of my doctor, we worked out a smoking cessation plan, and DS is healthy. No, it's not my finest moment when I think that I couldn't quit without assistance, but never did I lie to my doctor. I suspect that if your SIL is any kind of decent human being at all, she isn't lying to her doctor either. Either way, you don't know, and you shouldn't assume. 


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01-22-2013 at 4:45 PM
lucy11111
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mabenner1:
You mind your own business. You don't know if someone she was with was smoking, if she's cutting down with the help of her doctor, or whatever. Don't get involved.

This completely! Mind your own business 


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01-22-2013 at 6:44 PM
sometimesd...
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I might mention it to your brother, and leave it at that. 

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01-22-2013 at 10:47 PM
ByGrace22
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It's been said but bears repeating...mind your own business. :)

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