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01-22-2013 at 3:56 PM
AmandaNic8...
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AmandaNic87 is not online. Last active: 04-26-2013, 1:42 PMNewbie

Baby Shower- Faux Pas??

About me: So I'll admit, maybe I'm a liiitle bit of a control freak...maybe..And I love to be creative and plan things..

So when the shower came up I really wanted to be a part of the planning and decorating.. IS THIS NORMAL???

Also- I wanted my mom to be the host, and she is excited to help! My MIL also wants to be a part of it, too. But is having my mom co-host with her OK or is that faux pas?? Its just that she really knows me best and is in the best position (financially and schedule wise) to do so..

Finally- My last dilema.. I really wanted to have the shower at my own house.. We just bought a house, and with this all hapenning so close together we won't be having a housewarming party. Now, don't misunderstand where I'm going here, lol I'm not trying to get two parties in one! I just want everyone to get a chance to see our house. I'm really proud of it! And it will be a lot easier to not have to transport presents after. Anyone else have a shower at their own house or am I crazy here??

The other option that my MIL gave for where to have it was at a VFW (veterans of foreign war) But I didn't like that idea. I just felt that it was a little..not cozy.. Its a bar, there is a function hall, but its very much mostly a bar.. Am I being too stuck up about that?? (No one else's house is suitable for a large amount of people..)

Let me know what you think, I'm the first of my friends/family to have a baby, so I don't have much experience with this..

THANK YOU!!!


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01-22-2013 at 4:06 PM
MandJS
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Fine for your mom and MIL to co host, but it sounds like you ASKED your mom to host? That's a no no. You can be as involved as your hostesses want. But wait for them to ask your opinion on things. Don't just volunteer. Finally, it's fine to have the shower at your house if your hostesses are on board with it. Otherwise, your job as the MTB is to show up, be gracious, and provide a guest list if asked for one by the hostesses.


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01-22-2013 at 4:08 PM
EastCoastB...
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Having it at your house is fine.  Your MIL and mom cohosting is fine.

But remember - a shower is a gift.  If ASKED, you can give input.  But if not asked, just sit back and enjoy being the guest of honor.  This is their party.  HOpefully they'll take your likes/dislikes into account, but in the end - this isn't your gig to control.


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01-22-2013 at 4:20 PM
Spacebunny...
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Ditto PP that having it at your house is fine.  People generally understand that the shower location isn't = who's hosting.  It certainly makes it easier to transport stuff ('cuz you don't transport at all) and if your home has more space than that of the host, it only  makes sense.

It's your shower but it's a gift to you from your loved ones.  It's fine to make it as a suggestion but ultimately be gracious with whatever they want to do. 


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01-22-2013 at 5:11 PM
Joy2611
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I think any one of these things is fine, but all together it seems like you're throwing your own shower. 

Let your Mom host if she wants to host.  Let her cohost with your mother in law if she wants.  Suggest having it your house if she asks.

Otherwise, you need to back off.  Showers are gifts - not demands or rights.  You don't ask someone to do it for you and you don't expect things to be a certain way.

01-22-2013 at 5:19 PM
Disneygeek...
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I understand you like to plan parties, but this isn't your party to plan.  Just like you can't come out and tell others what to give you for Christmas or your birthday ( unless asked ) you can't dictate this gift either.  Just let them do plan your party and let it be.

Yes, it is fine to have it in your own home. 

 
01-22-2013 at 6:28 PM
Stina2012
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Spend your energy on a cute nursery or your next friends baby/bridal shower. Stay out of the planning of your own.

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01-22-2013 at 6:36 PM
wcvsb3b5
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Joy2611:

I think any one of these things is fine, but all together it seems like you're throwing your own shower. 

Let your Mom host if she wants to host.  Let her cohost with your mother in law if she wants.  Suggest having it your house if she asks.

Otherwise, you need to back off.  Showers are gifts - not demands or rights.  You don't ask someone to do it for you and you don't expect things to be a certain way.

All of this.


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01-22-2013 at 6:59 PM
foxyroxy
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If it is at your house AND you do a lot of the planning, then you are de facto throwing your own shower (while having someone else foot the bill). Not great. I think having it at your home is great, but save your great ideas to throw someone else a shower someday. 

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01-22-2013 at 7:32 PM
ordinary1
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It is great that you are excited for your shower.  However, unless I am reading this wrong and I could be, you need to back off.  It sounds like you asked your mom to throw you a shower.  That is a GIANT no-no.  Second of all, if your mom and MIL co-host the shower that's not up to you at all, but perfectly fine either way.  Also if you are asked to have it at your house, that is fine but location is also not up to.  You are the MTB not the planner.  You only get a say on date.  Otherwise you have no input.  You may be asked for some ideas but ultimately they don't have to be considered.  If you want to show off your house, have a meet the baby party.

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01-22-2013 at 8:00 PM
AmandaNic8...
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Thank you everyone for the quick response!! That was awesome! I really appreciate the feedback Smile

Ok so to clarify, my mom actually told me that she was going to throw the shower and asked if it was OK if they do it at my house. I told her that sounded great to me!! Save them some money and make it easier on me, yay no traveling!!

As far as the thoughts on being too pushy or ungrateful, I'm glad you all brought that up!! It's funny I never thought of it coming off that way! I actually felt really touched that my mom offered to throw me one and wanted to take some of the responsibility off of her. I guess I need to just let go of the reins and trust that she offered because she truly wants to do it.

After I read all of your responses I told my mom that I was really grateful for her throwing it and that I would back off.  She said she didn't care and that she wanted me to be happy with it but I told her whatever she did means a lot and will make me happy. She did ask that I at least give her a guest list so she would know who to invite.

I feel a lot better about it! As weird as it is to let go and not worry about all the details and just let it happen.. I guess this is one of the only times we get to really be the "guest of honor" and I need to learn to sit back and enjoy!

Thank you everyone for opening my eyes up to how I was probably coming off!! And letting me know its ok (and expected!) that I let go of the control on this one! 

Learning curve..Embarrassed


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01-22-2013 at 9:04 PM
foxyroxy
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AmandaNic87:

I feel a lot better about it! As weird as it is to let go and not worry about all the details and just let it happen.. I guess this is one of the only times we get to really be the "guest of honor" and I need to learn to sit back and enjoy!

Thank you everyone for opening my eyes up to how I was probably coming off!! And letting me know its ok (and expected!) that I let go of the control on this one! 

Learning curve..Embarrassed

I can be, ummm, *slightly* Type A, so I totally get how it just comes naturally to some people to want to step in and plan things. You don't even think of it as overstepping boundaries or being pushy- you think you are helping make sure things get done! I'm learning to let go on a lot of things, too. 

That said, you'd probably throw a fantastic shower for someone else at some point. I meant what I said earlier about saving your good ideas to spoil someone else!


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01-22-2013 at 9:19 PM
AmandaNic8...
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AmandaNic87 is not online. Last active: 04-26-2013, 1:42 PMNewbie

Aww thanks foxy!! I'm glad I'm not alone!

And I really do appreciate the kind words, too.. Now if only one of my friends would take the leap into motherhood...


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01-22-2013 at 9:25 PM
foxyroxy
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You are definitely not alone. My BFF got married last year and I was in heaven throwing her shower. Creativity + Excel spreadsheets = foxy bliss. I am a freak. But the shower was a hit! 

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01-23-2013 at 2:24 PM
HeatherBob
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foxyroxy:
AmandaNic87:

I feel a lot better about it! As weird as it is to let go and not worry about all the details and just let it happen.. I guess this is one of the only times we get to really be the "guest of honor" and I need to learn to sit back and enjoy!

Thank you everyone for opening my eyes up to how I was probably coming off!! And letting me know its ok (and expected!) that I let go of the control on this one! 

Learning curve..Embarrassed

I can be, ummm, *slightly* Type A, so I totally get how it just comes naturally to some people to want to step in and plan things. You don't even think of it as overstepping boundaries or being pushy- you think you are helping make sure things get done! I'm learning to let go on a lot of things, too. 

That said, you'd probably throw a fantastic shower for someone else at some point. I meant what I said earlier about saving your good ideas to spoil someone else!

I am the same way, TYPE A. When it came to my shower, my family knew to ask me when and where (since it's all one shower) since I'm traveling 10+ hours to attend my own shower. They gave me choices of places and I picked one, but they had control over the menu and what not. They asked for my ideas for favors and I sent a bunch, but they'll ultimately decide the final decision. They know I like to have control - so it was nice they asked for my opinions. No matter what they pick, I'll be happy  because secretly it was my idea. It sounds weird and I got really bashed for it in another post - but that's how some of us work!

 
01-23-2013 at 2:32 PM
AmandaNic8...
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AmandaNic87 is not online. Last active: 04-26-2013, 1:42 PMNewbie

Yup sounds like your very much like me! I did appologize to my mom for being involved, but she still said she wants to ask my opinion about certain things because like you say, I guess our families just know how we are!


Yeah the bashing that happens sometimes is a bit overwhelming huh? lol

I guess we are all very emotional. Babies are a very sensitive subject, who woulda thought, huh?! (sarcasmSmile)

Well I'm glad there are other Type A's like me out there! I appreciate your honesty!


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