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01-22-2013 at 9:18 PM
mary35699
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NBSR wedding party gift ?

I posted this on the knot but I haven't gotten many responses so I thought I would try here. 

I am getting married in just over two months it is a very small and intimate wedding with only immediate family. I am having my sister as my MOH and my future husband has his brother as best man, these will be the only ones standing. I have a question on what the etiquette is for giving them a gift for standing up.

My understand and please correct me if I am wrong is that normally there is a gift given to the members of the wedding party to thank them for their time and any expenses they incurred to be there to support us on the day. Their expenses include tux for the groomsman and dresses for the bridesmaids. Am I right so far?

So we are paying for (almost) all the expensives. I have bought my sister a dress and jewelry, I will also pay for her hair and make-up. All she needs to supply is shoes which she already has, she has offered to pay for her dress but I have declined. We have also paid for the best mans tux and shoes, we were going to offer but he showed up and basically asked us outright to cover him. 

Now when we first started planning I spoke with my future husband about what we could get them as a thank you. That's why I originally started looking for jewelry for my sister, but I got it cheap on sale along with her dress so right now I have spent half as much on her as I did on renting the tux. I do expect that by the time the hair/make-up is done I will have spent about the same on MOH and best man.

Now assuming my understanding about the customary gift is correct, would you still buy a gift for each of them and if so how much would you spend? Thanks.
 
I don't know if this will play into your responses but every guest (except children) will be given the following favors. A bottle of homemade wine with a personalized label (Matthew and Mary and the date), package of playing cards with a personalized label (Matthew and Mary and the date), coach candle, and a super pretty rock candy stick, ribbon stick and a handwritten (hey I learned something from hanging out here) thank you note. 
 
Asides from the best man having to go to the shop for two fittings for the tux, and my sister trying on dresses I brought to here and getting hair and make up done neither has any other obligations or duties other then show up the day of. There will be no shower, rehearsal, stag/ette, etc. Again I do not know if this will factor in or not.
 
01-22-2013 at 9:24 PM
cinderin
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I also only had one attendant (MOH) who is/was my BFF. I bought her a necklace (white gold and tanzanite) as her gift.

I don't think it is super important that you spend the same amount on the best man as the MOH, just that you feel like you got her a gift you are happy with. It sounds like you have already bought her some things, so it is up to you how much/if you want to buy more.  


"How long till my soul gets it right? Can any human being ever reach the highest light? Except for Galileo, god rest his soul, king of night vision, king of insight." ~ Indigo Girls Anniversary
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01-22-2013 at 10:39 PM
grangerize
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I wouldn't feel obligated to buy more for either. For all of the weddings I have been in, I've received jewelry to wear the day of as a gift. And all weddings I have had to buy everything else: dress, shoes, makeup, hair, etc. I think just a handwritten thank you note for being there would suffice.
 
01-23-2013 at 1:11 AM
1026pumpki...
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I wouldn't feel obligated to spend too much on these gifts, but I think a small very personal gift with a thoughtful thank you note would be appropriate. Maybe their favorite bottle of wine or liqueur, a charm for a bracelet, whatever they're into.

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01-23-2013 at 6:13 AM
Estwd2
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1026pumpkin:
I wouldn't feel obligated to spend too much on these gifts, but I think a small very personal gift with a thoughtful thank you note would be appropriate. Maybe their favorite bottle of wine or liqueur, a charm for a bracelet, whatever they're into.
I agree. IME the gift is less about matching their wedding expenses and more of a thoughtful thank you.

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01-23-2013 at 6:51 AM
Stina2012
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I think the thank you as a favor is weird. Thank you notes are sent after receiving a gift. Are you just putting one on the tables? Or sending one after recieving a gift? Or both?  Sorry if I am reading that wrong!

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01-23-2013 at 9:09 AM
PunkyBoost...
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I honestly think you have paid for enough. 

I'd toast to her and give a very heartfelt thank you at dinner.  


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01-23-2013 at 1:08 PM
FemShep
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A gift for your wedding attendants isn't meant to be monetary compensation for their expenses.  It's supposed to thank them for their time and, most importantly, their emotional support.  A gift for your attendants has absolutely nothing to do with what they've spent on the wedding or what favors your guests receive. 

Spend what you can afford; don't play the "she spent $X so I must spend $X" game.  It's far more important to make the gift meaningful and an appropriate thank you for everything your attendants have done-not just time commitments but the emotional support they provide as well. 

 
01-23-2013 at 2:56 PM
mary35699
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Stina2012:
I think the thank you as a favor is weird. Thank you notes are sent after receiving a gift. Are you just putting one on the tables? Or sending one after recieving a gift? Or both?  Sorry if I am reading that wrong!

I have asked for no gifts,but I was planning on writing a thank you for each guest for attending and celebrating with us. Is that weird? Thank you notes/cards are not really customary around here. 

 
01-23-2013 at 3:39 PM
somerandom...
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mary35699:

Stina2012:
I think the thank you as a favor is weird. Thank you notes are sent after receiving a gift. Are you just putting one on the tables? Or sending one after recieving a gift? Or both?  Sorry if I am reading that wrong!

I have asked for no gifts,but I was planning on writing a thank you for each guest for attending and celebrating with us. Is that weird? Thank you notes/cards are not really customary around here. 



Typically thank you'd are for after the event. That way you can thank them personally for attending, for the specific gift if you got one, and mention things that happened before or after... Thank you for helping my grandmother between the ceremony and reception site, thank you for bringing my mom a beverage when she was running around like a lunatic trying to get everything perfect, I loved that dance we shared, whatever.
 
01-23-2013 at 5:57 PM
mgg242
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FemShep:
A gift for your wedding attendants isn't meant to be monetary compensation for their expenses. nbsp;It's supposed to thank them for their time and, most importantly, their emotional support. nbsp;A gift for your attendants has absolutely nothing to do with what they've spent on the wedding or what favors your guests receive.nbsp;Spend what you can afford; don't play the "she spent X so I must spend X" game. nbsp;It's far more important to make the gift meaningful and an appropriate thank you for everything your attendants have donenot just time commitments but the emotional support they provide as well.nbsp;


Agreed.
We paid for hair, make up, jewelry, dress and men's tux rentals.
We also did personal gifts for each person to thank them for being in our lives and a part of the day.

Nothing huge but personal.
Guys have a running joke about the movie Hangover so we found wolf pack key chains.
 
01-24-2013 at 11:12 PM
Valouche
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01-28-2013 at 2:49 PM
Pregosauru...
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Since it sounds like you've already been very generous, I don't think the amount you spend is important. You are both having your siblings, so something sentimental might be nice. For example a picture frame with two openings. You could put a childhood picture of the two of you in one side and leave the other open for a picture from the day of the wedding. That way it's more about your relationship than the monetary value.
 
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