Traditions have changed, but its still rude for a couple to host their own shower - particularly when its a second child.

HOWEVER, if it's just a gathering of friends, no registry and not called a shower, I think you're in the clear - maybe have it after the baby is born so your friends can all meet the little bundle?

If you do it while you are pregnant, just have a gathering of friends. Don't make it about the baby. Don't call it a babyque. Etc. If you want to celebrate the baby, then the baby should be there. Have it after the baby is born. 

Under NO circumstances should you call either scenario a shower, nor should you include registry information. If someone from HIS family OFFERS (not solicited) to throw you another shower, then you can accept, but keep it small and limited to his family and friends.  

MandJS:

If you do it while you are pregnant, just have a gathering of friends. Don't make it about the baby. Don't call it a babyque. Etc. If you want to celebrate the baby, then the baby should be there. Have it after the baby is born. 

Under NO circumstances should you call either scenario a shower, nor should you include registry information. If someone from HIS family OFFERS (not solicited) to throw you another shower, then you can accept, but keep it small and limited to his family and friends.  

I agree with this!  I have receive plenty of invitations to showers hosted by the parents, second time parents, etc., but just because some people do it doesn't make it "right."  Heck, people post on here at least once a week about a mass facebook shower invite.  If you want to have a big party with your friends before baby, go ahead and just have a regular party with no expectation of gifts.  If you want to celebrate LO once he's here, have a meet the baby. 

I'm basically in agreeance w/ everything said.

1- it is never, EVER o.k. to throw your own shower

2- yes, you can have a "celebration" if you want, but I also agree- if you want to celebrate the BABY, wait until the baby is born.  I don't really understand celebrating a person who is still in utero.

3- If your DH really wants "one last hurrah" before the baby comes, then just have a party.  No "baby" mentioned.,

I think it's really sweet that your DH is so excited about his first baby!

I saw one thread where the father was doing a "Beer and Diapers" party..reminds me of the BabyQ idea.  

I dono, I definitly agree with you that throwing your own baby shower, with you both as the hosts could be a little awkward (to say the least). BUT having him just invite his friends over to share his excitement in some way, I dono, I find it endearing.

Or if it's his side of the family's first, and they all want to do something just them, and they are OK with it. Why not?

A 'welcoming the baby into the world' party is always an option too!  

AmandaNic87:

I dono, I definitly agree with you that throwing your own baby shower, with you both as the hosts could be a little awkward (to say the least). BUT having him just invite his friends over to share his excitement in some way, I dono, I find it endearing.

You can be excited about your child and you can celebrate your child without basically demanding that people bring you something! 

I guess it all depends on your own, or his own circle of friends.. Personally, I wouldn't be offended if someone threw a barbeque and provided the beer in exchange for a box of diapers. I mean, you could even have the diapers be optional and if they do bring one say they can be entered in a raffle for a gift card to some restaurant. haha then whoever doesn't bring anything could be entered in a raffle to baby sit while YOU GUYS go out to eat (as a gag of course) I can tell Im going to be ruffling some feathers here... But that's my own opinion, and I do seem to be in the minority! :) lol

What it boils down to is I think he's coming from a good place. But if you don't feel comfortable with it and feel your friends would take offense to it, than he needs to respect your wishes!!

Good luck!!

mabenner1:

If you want to have a party, without registering and gifts and all that, then that is fine. But don't call it anything baby related, or people will assume it is a shower and bring gifts. I love your husband's enthusiasm-personally, I'd let him channel it into a meet the baby party after LO is born.

Have a Meet the Baby-Que after the baby is born. These are typically not gift giving events so you can host. Let him be in charge since you'll be recovering from delivery/c-section.

Also, no to the Beer and Diapers suggestion above. Ew, buy your own GD diapers people!

You are completely right for saying no to your H. Hosting your own baby shower is extremely TACKY and no matter how much things change, it will never be acceptable to host your own.

If your h wants to do a BBQ that is fine but don't call it a babyq.  Personally if someone invited me to a "babyq" I would think shower and tacky.  If your h wants to get together with his friends that is fine.  Heck, I am setting up a lunch for my h with some of his friends at Bdubs.  I called it his "last man lunch."

Or if it is a celebration of the baby that your h wants, have a meet the baby.  Also, he could call that a babyq.  Meet the baby, have some bbq. 

AmandaNic87:

I guess it all depends on your own, or his own circle of friends.. Personally, I wouldn't be offended if someone threw a barbeque and provided the beer in exchange for a box of diapers. I mean, you could even have the diapers be optional and if they do bring one say they can be entered in a raffle for a gift card to some restaurant. haha then whoever doesn't bring anything could be entered in a raffle to baby sit while YOU GUYS go out to eat (as a gag of course) I can tell Im going to be ruffling some feathers here... But that's my own opinion, and I do seem to be in the minority! :) lol

What it boils down to is I think he's coming from a good place. But if you don't feel comfortable with it and feel your friends would take offense to it, than he needs to respect your wishes!!

Good luck!!

So just so I'm clear here... You would be okay calling up your friends and saying, HEY! Bring me a present that costs at least $10 (diapers are expensive,  yo). I'll give you beer in exchange. ? Because seriously. If you're not okay doing that, then demanding diapers in exchange for beer is also not okay.

I think "babyque" is adorable.  I say do it.  I wouldn't call it a shower or register for presents if you are throwing it, but if you want to have a celebration before the baby gets here with all your friends, why not?

I'm not a fan of the "meet the baby" parties.  I was exhausted for a long time after my first (no sleep, hormones, breastfeeding round the clock) and would in no way want to have to be in a big group and socialize.  Plus I wouldn't want a brand new baby around a ton of people where they're all going to want to touch and hold him.  That's just me though.

You could bill it as a "we're about to become new parents and really really busy so let's have one last fun bbq before the baby."  Ignoring that you're about to have a baby is weird IMO.  Plus, as I said, "Babyque" is adorable.

My goodness..If my husband's and/or my friends couldnt be excited for my husband, and have a fun time celebrating, then I wouldn't call them friends. No where did I say diapers would be "demanded", either..

But $10 in exchange for a bunch of food and drinks, and doing a raffle if that takes the sting out of it... I truly don't see the problem.

I dono..with our circle of friends, if you keep things light hearted and funny "BYOD" on the invitation or "Diapers optional" they would probably poke a little fun at him but ultimatly we would all have a good time and it would be a funny story to tell the LO one day...It's a party for guys people, guys don't do teaparties.

AmandaNic87:

My goodness..If my husband's and/or my friends couldnt be excited for my husband, and have a fun time celebrating, then I wouldn't call them friends. No where did I say diapers would be "demanded", either..

But $10 in exchange for a bunch of food and drinks, and doing a raffle if that takes the sting out of it... I truly don't see the problem.

I dono..with our circle of friends, if you keep things light hearted and funny "BYOD" on the invitation or "Diapers optional" they would probably poke a little fun at him but ultimatly we would all have a good time and it would be a funny story to tell the LO one day...It's a party for guys people, guys don't do teaparties.

As I said before. If you're comfortable calling your friends and saying - "Hey! Come to my house for a party. I'll provide the beer. Just bring $10 or a gift worth at least that much." then there is no issue. I would NEVER be comfortable doing that. If you are, then go for it. 

And because it's irking me. It's don't know. I can live with dunno. Dono is making me want donuts.

First of all, you are already having a shower for your second child (sharing with your sister).

Secondly, do not host anything yourself with the word "baby" in it before the baby is born because then it is basically hosting a "baby shower" (which you already are having).  If your DH wants to host a party then just call it a party or BBQ, etc and have friends come over.  I don't think by NOT having the word baby in an invitation is "ignoring the fact you are pregnant" it is just that the party really isn't centered around the fact that you are pregnant.  Most people would not bring a gift (I most likely wouldn't) but I'm sure you'll have a few that do.  If your DH doesn't want this to solicit gifts then keep the word baby out of it.

You could host a "Meet the Baby" once the baby is born and call it a Babyque.  We did this with #2 and #3 (didn't call it Babyque).  We just happened to have our annual BBQ and a "Meet the Baby" party at the same time.

rhubarb123:

First of all, you are already having a shower for your second child (sharing with your sister).

Secondly, do not host anything yourself with the word "baby" in it before the baby is born because then it is basically hosting a "baby shower" (which you already are having).  If your DH wants to host a party then just call it a party or BBQ, etc and have friends come over.  I don't think by NOT having the word baby in an invitation is "ignoring the fact you are pregnant" it is just that the party really isn't centered around the fact that you are pregnant.  Most people would not bring a gift (I most likely wouldn't) but I'm sure you'll have a few that do.  If your DH doesn't want this to solicit gifts then keep the word baby out of it.

You could host a "Meet the Baby" once the baby is born and call it a Babyque.  We did this with #2 and #3 (didn't call it Babyque).  We just happened to have our annual BBQ and a "Meet the Baby" party at the same time.

It sounds like the guest list would be different for the shower and the bbq so I don't think that's a big issue.

Secondly, it also sounds like they want to have a party centered around celebrating that they (he for the first time) are about to become parents. A party does not equal gifts, IMO, unless it is called a shower.  The mention of the word baby does not equal gifts.  If people want to bring gifts it is their own perogative.

I give my friends gifts when they have babies (1st, 2nd, or 10th) whether or not I'm invited to a shower or a party.  I also give them birthday presents.  I'm still not getting why people are getting so up in arms about giving presents to celebrate big moments in life. Give one, don't give one, why is it this big deal?

Well thank you everyone for your responses! I'm going to talk to DH some more about it and hopefully we can come to an agreement on what would be ok to do. I think the "meet the baby" idea after the baby is born is a good idea...although like a pp said I don't know if I want that many people around my newborn plus I don't even know if I would feel up to it at that point...but one way or another we'll figure something out! It is pretty darn cute that DH is as excited as he is!

Vkeo79:

Well thank you everyone for your responses! I'm going to talk to DH some more about it and hopefully we can come to an agreement on what would be ok to do. I think the "meet the baby" idea after the baby is born is a good idea...although like a pp said I don't know if I want that many people around my newborn plus I don't even know if I would feel up to it at that point...but one way or another we'll figure something out! It is pretty darn cute that DH is as excited as he is!

Focus on that and don't get too caught up in the rest.  True friends aren't going to care what you call your party, they will be excited too.

Have a BBQ. Don't register, don't ask for gifts, and don't call it a "babyque". Calling it that is just going to confuse your friends, and they WILL assume it's a gift giving event if you center it around the baby.

You are already having a shower thrown for you. Tell YH not to be greedy. 

mary35699:

You could do a meet the baby BBQ after they are born, please don't call it a "Babyque" its weird, possibly creepy but absolutely weird.

I agree with this - BabyQue just makes me think roasted baby. 

mrsmcdonald:

mary35699:

You could do a meet the baby BBQ after they are born, please don't call it a "Babyque" its weird, possibly creepy but absolutely weird.

I agree with this - BabyQue just makes me think roasted baby. 

Baby: the other other white meat.

AmandaNic87:

My goodness..If my husband's and/or my friends couldnt be excited for my husband, and have a fun time celebrating, then I wouldn't call them friends. No where did I say diapers would be "demanded", either..

But $10 in exchange for a bunch of food and drinks, and doing a raffle if that takes the sting out of it... I truly don't see the problem.

I dono..with our circle of friends, if you keep things light hearted and funny "BYOD" on the invitation or "Diapers optional" they would probably poke a little fun at him but ultimatly we would all have a good time and it would be a funny story to tell the LO one day...It's a party for guys people, guys don't do teaparties.

Just because they are guys doesn't let you off the hook when it comes to basic manners. Don't host your own "bring me gifts party".

"Baby: the other other white meat."

 Ok this just ruined it for me, haha, no matter what we do we will not be calling it a Babyque!

Vkeo79:

"Baby: the other other white meat."

 Ok this just ruined it for me, haha, no matter what we do we will not be calling it a Babyque!

Aw see I thought that was all part of the sense of humor of it!! I thought it was really funny! Some people take things too seriously..

But in response to the whole don't ask for gifts thing (which its already been agreed upon, no gifts, they aren't doing a registry, its not a 'shower').. I'm just wondering.. If you're invited to a party at someone elses house you DONT bring anything? Like, no bottle of wine.. you don't bring a dessert..side dish? I would feel incredibly rude going to anyones party completely empty handed. What about pot luck dinners.. do you get offended if asked to go to one of those, too? 

If someone has a shower, then it's other people footing the bill for the food and decor and refreshments.. if YOU are throwing a party and providing all of that, isn't it only right that people coming bring a little something? Not saying you're going to bring a $50 high chair, just like you wouldn't bring something that expensive to a diner party.. but a little something, thats only polite.
What true friend would really care if you throw a party in honor of becoming parents vs say, Valentines Day??

I just feel so disapointed in people that that was the overwhelming opinion.   

Vkeo79:

Ok ladies, I'll give you the info and then please be brutally honest with me. I just don't know how to handle this situation or if maybe it's ok on some level?
I have one son already, he will be 7 in Oct. My DH and I are expecting in Sept. and this will be our first child together. Some of you might remember from an earlier post but my younger sister and I are prego at the same time, both due in Sept. My older sister has already offered to throw us a combined very small shower. It would strictly be just family...grandma, aunts, a few cousins, that's it.
Now my DH mentioned last night that he wants us to throw our own baby shower for all of our friends. I said absolutely NOT! I told him a couple can not throw their own shower. He gave me this whole long speech about how traditions have changed and things aren't like they used to be. I still said NO! But nownbsp;he is thinking that wenbsp;not register for any gifts whatsoever, and just have a gathering of friends at the park and BBQ and call it a "Baby Celebration" or a "Babyque"...you know like BBQnbsp;: /nbsp;
So what is your opinion? Is it ok to have a gathering of friends, not call it a shower, and not register for gifts? Because quite frankly we don't need gifts. We can get everything we need on our own. But DH really wants to celebrate the baby coming with all of our friends. Plus this is his first baby and I can understand him wanting to share his excitement with everyone...who wouldn't? Thoughts?