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01-23-2013 at 2:14 PM
kiraliz2
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I just got invited to this...

I'm usually a lurker, but the invite, excuse me, evite I just got made me come out of the shadows. Some words have been replaced for anonymity. It reads:

Please join us for a co-ed brunch at *nice restaurant*  to celebrate the upcoming arrival of *baby name* with his proud parents-to-be *mom & dad*! We would like to shower them with gift cards to Amazon.com, where they are registered, so they can get a big-ticket item for *baby name*. If you would like to bring a gift, then please bring a gift card for Amazon.com. They are also registered at Babies-R-Us, if you would like to bring an additional gift. This will also be a pay-your-own-way brunch. We look forward to seeing you all to celebrate with *mom & dad*

::headdesk::

ETA: sorry for the formatting...can't seem to fix it.
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01-23-2013 at 2:15 PM
MandJS
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Yeah, I'd be sending regrets on that one.

AngelSmitty: This reminds me of something my college Human Sexuality professor used to say in class. "Sex is between the legs. Gender is between the ears."
 
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01-23-2013 at 2:18 PM
pinkiemo
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Sigh.

This is why I don't get worked up over normal shower invites or other baby-related parties.

I very very rarely say I wouldn't go to something, but I wouldn't go to this.  I'd send a present instead.
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01-23-2013 at 2:21 PM
MBush4
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Oh my.... I... Yeah. They would get an RSVP of no and a gift in the mail.
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01-23-2013 at 2:22 PM
FemShep
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Wow!  Not only do you get to buy your own brunch, you get to purchase an Amazon gift card and maybe even an extra present from Babies R Us!  You're so lucky!!!!

Unbelievable.  And for the people who always say, "We did X tacky thing at our party and no one was offended," keep this in mind.  People were absolutely offended, they were just too polite to tell you.  They're posting about it on a message board instead.  ;) 
 
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01-23-2013 at 2:34 PM
Helenahhan...
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MandJS:
Yeah, I'd be sending regrets on that one.

 

I mean, yeah, this would turn me off too, but we have to assume the parents-to-be have no idea that this is the way their parents decided to invite people.  The parents to be didn't send the evite, the grandparents did, so I don't know if I would be so quick to send regrets.

I honestly believe that 9 times out of 10, etiquette breeches like this happen simply because the person doesn't know any better-- not because the "offender" has some dastardly plan.

If this was a close friend of yours, you would honestly not attend because the invitation is "tacky"? (and trust me-- I am not disagreeing here-- I don't generally like that word- I prefer off-colorSmile)

Edited to add that after re- reading the OP-- I am not sure who sent the evite, but it appears that someone other than the parents to be did.  Same commentary stands, though.
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01-23-2013 at 2:38 PM
MandJS
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Helenahhandbasket:

MandJS:
Yeah, I'd be sending regrets on that one.

 

I mean, yeah, this would turn me off too, but we have to assume the parents-to-be have no idea that this is the way their parents decided to invite people.  The parents to be didn't send the evite, the grandparents did, so I don't know if I would be so quick to send regrets.

I honestly believe that 9 times out of 10, etiquette breeches like this happen simply because the person doesn't know any better-- not because the "offender" has some dastardly plan.

If this was a close friend of yours, you would honestly not attend because the invitation is "tacky"? (and trust me-- I am not disagreeing here-- I don't generally like that word- I prefer off-colorSmile)

Edited to add that after re- reading the OP-- I am not sure who sent the evite, but it appears that someone other than the parents to be did.  Same commentary stands, though.

Regardless of whether or not the MTB knows about the situation or not, I would not be interested in paying to go to a party. If I want to do that, I'll just suggest to the MTB that we go to lunch - on me - instead. And bring her a present.  

AngelSmitty: This reminds me of something my college Human Sexuality professor used to say in class. "Sex is between the legs. Gender is between the ears."
 
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01-23-2013 at 2:44 PM
blush64
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That's sad. I would just decline the invitation.
 
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01-23-2013 at 2:46 PM
Stina2012
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If this was a really, really good friend then I would attend. If not, I would decline and not send a gift.

Is it etiquette to send a gift for a baby shower if you cannot attend?
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01-23-2013 at 2:49 PM
Helenahhan...
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MandJS:
Helenahhandbasket:

MandJS:
Yeah, I'd be sending regrets on that one.

 

I mean, yeah, this would turn me off too, but we have to assume the parents-to-be have no idea that this is the way their parents decided to invite people.  The parents to be didn't send the evite, the grandparents did, so I don't know if I would be so quick to send regrets.

I honestly believe that 9 times out of 10, etiquette breeches like this happen simply because the person doesn't know any better-- not because the "offender" has some dastardly plan.

If this was a close friend of yours, you would honestly not attend because the invitation is "tacky"? (and trust me-- I am not disagreeing here-- I don't generally like that word- I prefer off-colorSmile)

Edited to add that after re- reading the OP-- I am not sure who sent the evite, but it appears that someone other than the parents to be did.  Same commentary stands, though.

Regardless of whether or not the MTB knows about the situation or not, I would not be interested in paying to go to a party. If I want to do that, I'll just suggest to the MTB that we go to lunch - on me - instead. And bring her a present.  

 

Good point-- I actually missed the pay your own way part (apparently I am having all sorts of reading comprehension issues).  I would most likely decline in this case as well. 

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01-23-2013 at 2:51 PM
kiraliz2
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Helenahhandbasket:

MandJS:
Yeah, I'd be sending regrets on that one.

 

I mean, yeah, this would turn me off too, but we have to assume the parents-to-be have no idea that this is the way their parents decided to invite people.  The parents to be didn't send the evite, the grandparents did, so I don't know if I would be so quick to send regrets.

I honestly believe that 9 times out of 10, etiquette breeches like this happen simply because the person doesn't know any better-- not because the "offender" has some dastardly plan.

If this was a close friend of yours, you would honestly not attend because the invitation is "tacky"? (and trust me-- I am not disagreeing here-- I don't generally like that word- I prefer off-colorSmile)

Edited to add that after re- reading the OP-- I am not sure who sent the evite, but it appears that someone other than the parents to be did.  Same commentary stands, though.

I believe its friends of hers that are hosting. Regarding the gift, I think the mtb would have to know about that. I'm assuming she requested the Amazon gift cards, because why else would it be mentioned?

I must say I'm totally shocked by the invite, because the mtb is usually very on point with stuff like this. I'll probably go only because she is a very good friend of mine but I will totally bring whatever gift I feel like bringing, thankyouverymuch. 
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01-23-2013 at 2:59 PM
ordinary1
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Personally, I wouldn't go.  First of all evites to me are super tacky.  Paired with paying for my own food, and being told what to bring no thank you! 
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01-23-2013 at 3:11 PM
coraggiosa
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I would send regrets along with a gift (of my choosing) in the mail. No way would I go to a pay your own way shower where I am being ordered to gift something specific. That is so tacky. 

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01-23-2013 at 3:14 PM
Joy2611
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woah.

I don't care who's hosting this party or who was involved in its planning, it's tacky as hell and if I was the mother to be, I'd be cancelling this shindig ASAP.

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01-23-2013 at 3:18 PM
milkergirl...
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I have no problems buying gift cards for people, and do on occasion, but I HATE being told how to spend my money.  And knowing that I would have to pay for my lunch would just make me spend less on the gift.  My favorite part is, "if you would like to bring an additional gift."  I was invited to a bridal shower one time that doubled as a Pampered Chef party.  People were supposed to buy from Pampered Chef to give to the BTB.  But that stuff is so expensive!  For the price of one frying pan, I could have bought her a whole set of pots and pans at Target.  I didn't buy anything from Pampered Chef and brought a different gift, but felt strange at the shower about it. But it wasn't the BTB's fault since this was the hostess' idea. 

But like pp's said, the host(s) may not understand proper etiquette, so it's hard to hold it against the MTB.     

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01-23-2013 at 3:51 PM
cinderin
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FemShep:

Wow!  Not only do you get to buy your own brunch, you get to purchase an Amazon gift card and maybe even an extra present from Babies R Us!  You're so lucky!!!!

Unbelievable.  And for the people who always say, "We did X tacky thing at our party and no one was offended," keep this in mind.  People were absolutely offended, they were just too polite to tell you.  They're posting about it on a message board instead.  ;) 

Yup.
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01-23-2013 at 3:53 PM
MandJS
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milkergirl1:

I have no problems buying gift cards for people, and do on occasion, but I HATE being told how to spend my money.  And knowing that I would have to pay for my lunch would just make me spend less on the gift.  My favorite part is, "if you would like to bring an additional gift."  I was invited to a bridal shower one time that doubled as a Pampered Chef party.  People were supposed to buy from Pampered Chef to give to the BTB.  But that stuff is so expensive!  For the price of one frying pan, I could have bought her a whole set of pots and pans at Target.  I didn't buy anything from Pampered Chef and brought a different gift, but felt strange at the shower about it. But it wasn't the BTB's fault since this was the hostess' idea. 

But like pp's said, the host(s) may not understand proper etiquette, so it's hard to hold it against the MTB.     

Sometimes that's true, but if I were the MTB in this situation... I'd cancel the event. Seriously. It's an evite, even, so EASY to notify everyone.  

AngelSmitty: This reminds me of something my college Human Sexuality professor used to say in class. "Sex is between the legs. Gender is between the ears."
 
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01-23-2013 at 3:53 PM
mmnumber5
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I would not be attending this shower and would be posting here about it just like you.
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01-23-2013 at 4:24 PM
kiraliz2
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I also just realized, wth are we going to do at this thing? Its at a nice restaurant, so no games. There are no real gifts to open. I guess we just go eat brunch and stare at each other?
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01-23-2013 at 4:35 PM
wcvsb3b5
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Wtf! That has to be the worst I've seen!
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01-23-2013 at 5:10 PM
Cranang
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All I can is YIKES.
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01-23-2013 at 7:10 PM
caladpi02
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I am shocked people are saying they would send gifts at all. HA. To the PP that asked about non attendance and gifts, if you are not able to make a shower, you do not have to get a gift.

I would decline this event and perhaps get them a gift after the baby is born.

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01-23-2013 at 7:15 PM
emilykathl...
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Stina2012:

If this was a really, really good friend then I would attend. If not, I would decline and not send a gift.

Is it etiquette to send a gift for a baby shower if you cannot attend?

 

It is nice to send a gift if you can't attend (if you're close to the MTB), but it is definitely not a requirement. An invitation is not a subpoena for attendance--or for the gifts themselves.
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01-23-2013 at 7:43 PM
brittbronk...
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Lmao omg I'm dying. Are these people for freaking real? Gosh darn no one gives a hoot about anyone but themselves. This evite just screams tackiness greed and cheap! I'm sorry but its terrible to demand certain gifts from people and then to give nothing in return ESP food! Do not go to this! I wouldn't even send a gift.
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01-23-2013 at 8:13 PM
Bride-hild...
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I could stomach the "Amazon gift card" thing, and the "big ticket" thing. It's terrible, but, hey, I can excuse it, but the pay-your-own-way brunch part reeeeeeeeeeeeally makes me sick. And to include that in the invitation! Oh, man. I'm just quite sick of people telling me where to eat!
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01-23-2013 at 8:37 PM
mel8255
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Decline.

 

OP...I can't help myself...was their also something horribly crass used as the way to accept or decline the invitation....the way evite does?
 
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01-23-2013 at 9:33 PM
bananers
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I agree it's beyond tacky, but I am going to play devil's advocate and assume the host is just clueless and doesn't have some sort of agenda. I am also going to assume the MTB isn't behind this. Going on those assumptions, I'm actually kind of appalled at the number of people who said they would boycott. That just seems to be punishing the wrong person. Even those who said they would send a gift or meet up with the MTB separately, how sad would you be if no one showed up at your shower?

Again, I'm not defending what the host did, but I would probably just b:tch about it here and to other people and roll my eyes a few hundred times, but at the end of the day, if it were a good friend I would show up with whatever gift I would have given otherwise. No need to punish the MTB just because she has a tacky friend.
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01-24-2013 at 1:05 AM
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cinderin:
FemShep:

Wow!  Not only do you get to buy your own brunch, you get to purchase an Amazon gift card and maybe even an extra present from Babies R Us!  You're so lucky!!!!

Unbelievable.  And for the people who always say, "We did X tacky thing at our party and no one was offended," keep this in mind.  People were absolutely offended, they were just too polite to tell you.  They're posting about it on a message board instead.  ;) 

Yup.

So true.  I would not attend even for a best friend (I'd find any decent excuse to get out of it) but I would certainly send a gift card to her in the mail.  Like you said...the MTB had to have known something about it since most likely the MTB asked for gift cards.
 
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01-24-2013 at 1:16 AM
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Klassy.

Pay for your own meal, told how to spend your money, bring an additional gift... yeah, I'd be RSVPing to that one. As a "No". 
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01-24-2013 at 10:54 AM
kiraliz2
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mel8255:

Decline.

 

OP...I can't help myself...was their also something horribly crass used as the way to accept or decline the invitation....the way evite does?

Its just a yes/no button...what else is there? That's the only RSVP I've seen on evite.

I just feel like if you can't afford to host a shower at a nice restaurant, then have it at someone's house. Get donuts and fruit and coffee/tea. Its so rude to invite someone to a fancy restaurant then ask them to pay. Not everyone can afford that plus a gift (plus maybe another gift, you know, if you want). 
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