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01-23-2013 at 6:19 PM
lisa5201
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Tacky friend

I just called my friend to RSVP to the baby shower she is throwing herself for her second baby

An absolute smorgasbord of  tacky to begin with, but it gets better

I asked her if she had registered, and she said "no, I'm only accepting gift cards" 

um

She isn't from this country, so I had kind of chalked it all up to her being foreign.... until this last conversation. She is a good friend, and I will go to her shower (and give her the outfits I had already picked out and would give her shower or not) but I just needed to share this. I just don't even know. I just don't

 
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01-23-2013 at 6:24 PM
coraggiosa
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She's only accepting gift cards? As in, she'll reject other gifts?

Wow.  

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01-23-2013 at 6:32 PM
lisa5201
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Well, I assume we'd also be able to bring cash

I am giving her the outfits I already purchased, so we'll see if I'm allowed in the door! 
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01-23-2013 at 6:32 PM
cinderin
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Wow.
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01-23-2013 at 6:37 PM
CNJ4EVA
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Tacky is a mild word for this situation. I give you credit, don't know that I would do the same were it me. IMO, if that's her attitude she deserves nothing.
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01-23-2013 at 6:49 PM
SmileyGirl...
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She actually said that?
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01-23-2013 at 6:57 PM
lisa5201
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SmileyGirl18:
She actually said that?

Exact words.

I was just making conversation by asking if she had registered because I already picked up a few outfits for her, and I'm not planning on buying anything else.

She went on to add that she preferred Target or Baby's R Us, but that  Buy Buy Baby would be nice too.

I'm genuinely horrified that this conversation occurred. The throwing your own second shower thing is super duper tacky but whatever.

I just didn't know what to say to her
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01-23-2013 at 7:13 PM
cinderin
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lisa5201:

SmileyGirl18:
She actually said that?

Exact words.

I was just making conversation by asking if she had registered because I already picked up a few outfits for her, and I'm not planning on buying anything else.

She went on to add that she preferred Target or Baby's R Us, but that  Buy Buy Baby would be nice too.

I'm genuinely horrified that this conversation occurred. The throwing your own second shower thing is super duper tacky but whatever.

I just didn't know what to say to her

I would question a friendship with this person. Seriously.

"How long till my soul gets it right? Can any human being ever reach the highest light? Except for Galileo, god rest his soul, king of night vision, king of insight." ~ Indigo Girls Anniversary
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.

BFP 11/24/2012 with EDD 8/07/2013
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01-23-2013 at 7:26 PM
Estwd2
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She sounds swell.
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01-23-2013 at 7:33 PM
brittbronk...
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Tacky, Rude, Greedy, Sickening are just a few words to describe this woman. I def would not go. Absolutely not. It's sad that people like that actually exist.
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01-23-2013 at 7:47 PM
lisa5201
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I agree with you guys. I swear though, this whole baby shower thing is the first time I've ever seen a side of her like this

We became friends at a lactation meeting when our LO's were babies and hang out about 2x month. Our kids are friends and our husbands have also become friendly. Sometimes we all go out to dinner

She's not my best friend or anything, but she is a friend. This has me questioning her character though

What would you do? Would you do or say something? I already technically RSVP'd
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01-23-2013 at 7:58 PM
Bride-hild...
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Is she thinking that if she doesn't register she'll only get gift cards? Maybe that's why she made the comment...?

IDK what you could say to her without offending her. (Rude people are always so easy to offend.)  
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01-23-2013 at 8:01 PM
cinderin
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lisa5201:

I agree with you guys. I swear though, this whole baby shower thing is the first time I've ever seen a side of her like this

We became friends at a lactation meeting when our LO's were babies and hang out about 2x month. Our kids are friends and our husbands have also become friendly. Sometimes we all go out to dinner

She's not my best friend or anything, but she is a friend. This has me questioning her character though

What would you do? Would you do or say something? I already technically RSVP'd

I would either:

A. Go and bring the gift you already bought.

B. Decline and give her the gifts when you see her after the baby is here.

"How long till my soul gets it right? Can any human being ever reach the highest light? Except for Galileo, god rest his soul, king of night vision, king of insight." ~ Indigo Girls Anniversary
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.

BFP 11/24/2012 with EDD 8/07/2013
Baby Boy - Martin Robert
FTM & High Risk PG
 
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01-23-2013 at 9:10 PM
ordinary1
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Wow.  I really don't understand why people feel so entitled and that they can demand what they get.  Personally, I wouldn't go and I wouldn't give her anything.  If she only wants gift cards she doesn't trust anyone to pick out a gift IMO.
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01-23-2013 at 10:52 PM
Spacebunny...
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Yeah--super tacky.

But here's the thing I've learned fairly recently:  A lot of peeps didn't grow up with any sort of etiquette drilled into them.  Because of this, they do what they want and whatever sounds like fun.  

So, I've been to second showers, and I've been to showers hosted by the MTB.  I've been because it would have been socially more awkward for me *not* to have gone to those particular showers.  

I honestly just don't think people really think before they plan things, "Will this be tacky/rude/gift-grabby?"  They just do what they want and what works for them. 
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01-24-2013 at 1:19 AM
rhubarb123
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I'm kind of wondering if maybe she is not familiar what is and is not acceptable she "asked" someone and that person steered her wrong.  I can see someone saying "if you don't register people will most likely give you gift cards"...which is sometimes true for some people (but not everyone).  Since she is a good friend I would obviously go and give the gifts you had already purchased.  When she made the comment about the gift cards I would have probably laughed and said "too late...I already got the gift!".  I also would have most likely let her know that she most likely will not get only gift cards because when someone doesn't register guests choose what they think she will need most for a 2nd child - like diapers.  At least that way she won't be disapointed.  If you end up seeing her again before the shower I'd probably tell her that you don't want her to be disapointed with your gift but you had already purchased the gift for the shower and it is NOT a gift card.
 
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01-24-2013 at 7:24 PM
BeckyTheEn...
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brittbronkowski:
Tacky, Rude, Greedy, Sickening are just a few words to describe this woman. I def would not go. Absolutely not. It's sad that people like that actually exist.


Well this is over the top. Why would it be a good idea to trash a friendship because your friend seems to not know American shower etiquette? It is far more "tacky" to be the one who will only socialize with people exactly like herself.
 
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01-25-2013 at 7:52 PM
shoptilyou...
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Just go, and bring the gifts you already have. Just remember that's she's pregnant! So she's probably a little hormonal and will be more blunt at times. You already know she's a good person from all the other times you've hung out. Give her the benefit of the doubt...I know that I can be EXTREMELY blunt when I'm pregnant! 

 Have a good time at the party and think of it as just that: a party to celebrate her and her family.  
 
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01-25-2013 at 8:17 PM
SingleMom3...
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rhubarb123:
I'm kind of wondering if maybe she is not familiar what is and is not acceptable she "asked" someone and that person steered her wrong.nbsp; I can see someone saying "if you don't register people will most likely give you gift cards"...which is sometimes true for some people but not everyone.nbsp; Since she is a good friend I would obviously go and give the gifts you had already purchased.nbsp; When she made the comment about the gift cards I would have probably laughed and said "too late...I already got the gift!".nbsp; I also would have most likely let her know that she most likely will not get only gift cards because when someone doesn't register guests choose what they think she will need most for a 2nd child like diapers.nbsp; At least that way she won't be disapointed.nbsp; If you end up seeing her again before the shower I'd probably tell her that you don't want her to be disapointed with your gift but you had already purchased the gift for the shower and it is NOT a gift card.


I could see someone also telling her that putting registry/gift info on the invite wasn't okay, but that it's alright to tell people what you want if they ask. Add on that some things don't translate well, such as her choice of "accepting," and I can totally see it.
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01-25-2013 at 8:50 PM
Happy2BPre...
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OK, first of all your LO's eyes are so big and pretty.  Second...I don't know if I could be friends with someone like that.  I think I'd go to the shower and see how she is and then maybe cut off ties.  Third, please wrap the gift with a giant bow so that it stands out.  I wish I were there to see her reaction when you show up with a gift.  GASP!
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01-31-2013 at 11:54 AM
paulette19...
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stop making a big deal.  who cares, she is throwing her own shower...the world isn't over.  20 years from now that will be the  norm since people are starting to not care about others anymore.  she is spending money on food and drinks for her guests, so its not like she is just sitting at home and expecting somethign for nothing.  just take her what you got her and wish her a great labor.  end of story. 
 
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02-02-2013 at 5:41 AM
Anne1989
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That is tacky! I love shopping and finding great deals on clothes for friends. Although I did ask a friend once who threw a shower and she told me the mom to be needed toys more because her family was getting her a lot of clothes. The mom to be was so glad because I went and bought her several toys that were of several age ranges. The mtb was extremely thankful because we were coworkers and she had more coworkers show up than her friends. My friend who threw the shower said she was in tears because afterwards due to how nice her coworkers and the mtb friends didn't even bother showing up or making an effort.
 
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