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01-27-2013 at 1:05 AM
nsjcrcbaby...
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Abortionfamily wants it, I don't

I am 21 and 6 weeks pregnant. My sister mom want me to get an abortion because they think I am too young but I'm terrified of losing this baby. I had a miscarriage about a year a 1/2 ago don't want to go through losing this one too. My boyfriend and I both are okay with going through with this but don't know how to convince my family that this is my decision I need their love support. Anyone have any suggestions to help?
 
01-27-2013 at 3:04 AM
HBirdie
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That's so sad. All I can say is that my grandparents encouraged my mom to have an abortion (she was 19 and unmarried), and I am forever grateful that she didn't. And let me tell you what, five minutes after I was born, those same grandparents were also pretty glad she didn't listen to them. If you want to keep your baby, you absolutely should. It's your child and your body and you shouldn't let others dictate what you do with it.

Best of luck. 


 
01-27-2013 at 4:29 AM
ledgerfan2...
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My mother isn't being the most supportive of me either but if you are ready and you want this baby no one can make this choice but you, there comes a point when you realize sometimes the only family that matters is the one you make on your own. Like pp said they'll end up loving the child eventually you just have to not care what they say or think for these next 9 months.

If you want this child then it's your body and your choice, no one else's. I'm sorry your family is so unsupportive and I completely understand how heartbreaking and frustrating it is to not have their support during such a miraculous time. 


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01-27-2013 at 5:53 AM
CamFam
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You are 21. An adult in the eyes of the law, an adult in your heart. Family will be there for you in the end, if not, they are not looking out for your best interests. I cannot tell you what decision to make, but if you are a praying person, maybe a Higher Power will give you the answer you need.

A baby is a huge responsibility, but you manage. People have for thousands of years. If your miscarriage was emotionally painful, then an abortion will be as well.


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01-27-2013 at 7:21 AM
amiet79
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If you and your boyfriend want to keep this baby and your family does not support you, then you have to keep some distance from them. If they can't respect your decision then that is their problem. Going through an abortion is a hard and emotional ordeal.

Be firm with your family and your decision. Let them know that you want to have the baby and if they don't support you then you need some space. I know this can't be easy. I'm sorry that you are going through this. ((Hugs)) 

 


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01-27-2013 at 7:57 AM
SaraSKC
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If you don't 100% want an abortion, don't do it! It sounds like if you did have one it wouldn't be because of what you want. A close friend of mine had an abortion a couple of years ago. She was in an abusive relationship, and it was definitely the right decision. But she still struggles with it and says it was the hardest thing she has ever done. I can't imagine anyone going through that without it being what they really want.

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01-27-2013 at 8:01 AM
amarissa85
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You don't need to convince them. It isn't their baby therefore the only decision that really matters is yours. If you and your bf want the baby then it sounds like your decision is made. Your parents/family will have to respect that whether or not they like it.
01-27-2013 at 8:19 AM
Ktbug613
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Please don't let family bully you into a decision like that. It is irreversible and if its not something you decide for yourself you will regret it for the rest of your life, even for some people who do decide on their own, it still haunts them for the rest of their life. It sounds like your mind is made up, your family will either get over it and come around or they wont, but your an adult you don't need their permission on this one.

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01-27-2013 at 8:33 AM
mawarren
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They are so wrong for trying to tell you to have an abortion. Congrats on your pregnancy and don't let your family get to you! If it ends up being too much to handle, you should give the baby up for adoption not have an abortion. :)

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01-27-2013 at 8:46 AM
PrincessFi...
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21 is not that young. I was 21 when I had DD. There may be other factors your family is thinking of, not just your age. Such as your housing situation, financial situation, employment situation, relationship situation. You can't let people pressure you into things and if you're ready and this is what you want, do what you feel is right. I just feel like people generally don't jump to abortion unless you're not in a good place.
 
01-27-2013 at 9:03 AM
daileym
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If you don't want it, put your foot down. Tell them it will not be discussed any further and that you need them to support you. It might take awhile, but I bet they will come around. Especially when your precious baby gets here. If you start to doubt that you will be able to raise this child you can always look into adoption. But lots of people have kids at 21 and are great parents. Best of luck to you. 

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01-27-2013 at 10:15 AM
RileighsMo...
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Your family really has no say in the matter.  Since this is your second pregnancy it is obvious that you and your boyfriend want to have a baby.  Tell them that, the pregnancy might be difficult with out all of their support but once the baby comes they will turn around.  Just let them know you don't need the additional stress of fighting about it, so they can support you are stay away. 

Good luck and grats! 


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01-27-2013 at 10:19 AM
plunderb
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You don't need to convince them. It's your choice.

If their support is important to you, you may want to sit them down and ask what their specific concerns are. Are they worried about finances? Your relationship with your boyfriend? Are they worried about having to support you with housing or child care? If you want their support, maybe you can take some concrete steps toward lessening their fears by moving out or taking couples counseling or parenting classes, etc.
01-27-2013 at 10:22 AM
SoxFan777
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PrincessFiona9:
21 is not that young. I was 21 when I had DD. There may be other factors your family is thinking of, not just your age. Such as your housing situation, financial situation, employment situation, relationship situation. You can't let people pressure you into things and if you're ready and this is what you want, do what you feel is right. I just feel like people generally don't jump to abortion unless you're not in a good place.

I feel like there must be more to this story as well.  Do you still live with your family?  Are they worried that they'll be the ones to shoulder the burden?  If that's part of the issue, you're going to have to think long and hard about whether you can afford daycare, housing costs, and the cost of raising a baby. 

That said, you could also be in a good place with a good job and your parents could just not want a grandchild out of wedlock?  We really need more information from you before we can offer advice.  Adoption is an option, as PP mentioned, but I think it takes an emotionally strong ANGEL to choose adoption for her child... It's not something I'd ever be capable of. 


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01-27-2013 at 10:32 AM
Poochie22
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My IL's got pregnant (with DH) 3 months before their wedding, they were 21 and 22 years old (MIL was 22). She told me recently that when she was pregnant with DH that her mother would not speak of the baby at all. Basically, MIL had no support from her mother at all, she had no baby showers, no sympathy when it came to the pains and sickness, nothing. Her mother acted like she was just getting fat. The day DH was born, her mother was in love and "spoiled" DH like crazy. I am 22 years old going to be 23 when LO is born, but I was terrified to tell MIL's mother because I guess she isn't ok with it. MIL talked to her and said allt he right things but she still doesn't really approve but is at least acknowledging LO.

I guess what I am trying to say is that they may not feel so strongly about LO right now but they will warm up to LO. DO what you feel is best for you and your BF. Best of Luck, and have a happy and healthy pregnancy! 


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01-27-2013 at 10:38 AM
Ktbug613
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SoxFan777:

PrincessFiona9:
21 is not that young. I was 21 when I had DD. There may be other factors your family is thinking of, not just your age. Such as your housing situation, financial situation, employment situation, relationship situation. You can't let people pressure you into things and if you're ready and this is what you want, do what you feel is right. I just feel like people generally don't jump to abortion unless you're not in a good place.

I feel like there must be more to this story as well.  Do you still live with your family?  Are they worried that they'll be the ones to shoulder the burden?  If that's part of the issue, you're going to have to think long and hard about whether you can afford daycare, housing costs, and the cost of raising a baby. 

That said, you could also be in a good place with a good job and your parents could just not want a grandchild out of wedlock?  We really need more information from you before we can offer advice.  Adoption is an option, as PP mentioned, but I think it takes an emotionally strong ANGEL to choose adoption for her child... It's not something I'd ever be capable of. 

I feel like her backstory is irrelevant, she may not be in any position to raise a child, but at this point its too late shes pregnant and she should not let anyone push her into abortion or even adoption. Those are very personal decisions.

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01-27-2013 at 10:57 AM
msspeedyma...
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Ktbug613:
SoxFan777:

PrincessFiona9:
21 is not that young. I was 21 when I had DD. There may be other factors your family is thinking of, not just your age. Such as your housing situation, financial situation, employment situation, relationship situation. You can't let people pressure you into things and if you're ready and this is what you want, do what you feel is right. I just feel like people generally don't jump to abortion unless you're not in a good place.

I feel like there must be more to this story as well.  Do you still live with your family?  Are they worried that they'll be the ones to shoulder the burden?  If that's part of the issue, you're going to have to think long and hard about whether you can afford daycare, housing costs, and the cost of raising a baby. 

That said, you could also be in a good place with a good job and your parents could just not want a grandchild out of wedlock?  We really need more information from you before we can offer advice.  Adoption is an option, as PP mentioned, but I think it takes an emotionally strong ANGEL to choose adoption for her child... It's not something I'd ever be capable of. 

I feel like her backstory is irrelevant, she may not be in any position to raise a child, but at this point its too late shes pregnant and she should not let anyone push her into abortion or even adoption. Those are very personal decisions.

They are very personal decisions, but if her parents feel that they are going to be the ones taking on the raising of this child, that could explain why they are reacting this way.



 
01-27-2013 at 11:44 AM
PrimRoseMa...
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You don't have to convince your family.

Your uterus, your baby, your way. They need to MYOB.

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01-27-2013 at 11:57 AM
Ktbug613
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msspeedymarie:
Ktbug613:
SoxFan777:

PrincessFiona9:
21 is not that young. I was 21 when I had DD. There may be other factors your family is thinking of, not just your age. Such as your housing situation, financial situation, employment situation, relationship situation. You can't let people pressure you into things and if you're ready and this is what you want, do what you feel is right. I just feel like people generally don't jump to abortion unless you're not in a good place.

I feel like there must be more to this story as well.  Do you still live with your family?  Are they worried that they'll be the ones to shoulder the burden?  If that's part of the issue, you're going to have to think long and hard about whether you can afford daycare, housing costs, and the cost of raising a baby. 

That said, you could also be in a good place with a good job and your parents could just not want a grandchild out of wedlock?  We really need more information from you before we can offer advice.  Adoption is an option, as PP mentioned, but I think it takes an emotionally strong ANGEL to choose adoption for her child... It's not something I'd ever be capable of. 



I feel like her backstory is irrelevant, she may not be in any position to raise a child, but at this point its too late shes pregnant and she should not let anyone push her into abortion or even adoption. Those are very personal decisions.

They are very personal decisions, but if her parents feel that they are going to be the ones taking on the raising of this child, that could explain why they are reacting this way.

it might explain it but it still doesn't give them any rights to the decision about abortion

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01-27-2013 at 2:07 PM
anastasiac...
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Since when is 21 too young to have a baby?  I had my first at 25 but know plenty of people that had them between 19-22.  Is there some other reason they are saying that?

I would just ignore them. 


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01-27-2013 at 2:20 PM
kendra223
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CamFam:
You are 21. An adult in the eyes of the law, an adult in your heart. Family will be there for you in the end, if not, they are not looking out for your best interests. I cannot tell you what decision to make, but if you are a praying person, maybe a Higher Power will give you the answer you need. A baby is a huge responsibility, but you manage. People have for thousands of years. If your miscarriage was emotionally painful, then an abortion will be as well.


This.

And how dare them. My mom was 22 when she had me and I'm just fine. We were all just fine. You are 3 yrs into adulthood. You and your signifigant other had sex and a baby was the result. Abortion is not the answer.

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01-27-2013 at 2:48 PM
huntjul
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As PPs have said, this is your decision.  You have this new life under your care, and regardless of what your family says or does as a result, this life is counting on you to protect it.  Whatever you felt emotionally about your miscarriage, you probably will feel even more strongly emotional about having an abortion because then the loss would truly be your choice and therefore your mind will probably see that as your fault as well.

Stay strong.  Tell your family that you are an adult and that you want this baby.  Hopefully they will support you in your decision, though they may not.  However, you are protecting this new life, and that's the important part.


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01-27-2013 at 3:38 PM
kirbabe
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My SIL was 20 when she had my nephew.  Granted, she was married to my brother and always had struck me as older than her actual age, but she's a fantastic mother!  21 is just a number.  I used to work at an alternative high school with teen mothers and some of them were the responsible, loving parents you would ever meet.  Naturally, some were definitely not ready for that kind of responsibility, but that's not the point. 

Prove to your family that it was a mistake for them to push for the abortion!! 


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01-27-2013 at 4:30 PM
LeapOfFait...
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I'm sorry that you're in this situation at all with your family- I agree with PPs. It's none of their business- prove to them you can do it and that it's your decision.

 **HUGS**


 
01-27-2013 at 5:24 PM
newyoungma...
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I didn't rEad any of the other responses, but I'll say this...

I had an abortion last year, and I will forever regret it. This is the biggest decision you will likely ever make. If you are confident you want to keep this baby and your SO is there for you... Follow your gut and Keep the baby. That's something you will NEVER regret :) I'll be praying for you :) 


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01-27-2013 at 7:14 PM
dande2129
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You don't need to convince your family of anything.... your body, your choice. It's great that you have your boyfriend's support and at this juncture, that is all you need at the moment. The others will come around. If they don't, then you can choose to not allow them in your child's life.

GL. 


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01-27-2013 at 7:33 PM
Loppy19
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Like everyone else said, it's none of their business. If you want your baby, then keep your baby. 


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01-27-2013 at 8:17 PM
ericawylie...
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Keep this mind, a child is the biggest blessing you can receive. As some others have said, you will regret having an abortion the rest of your life. We will be praying for you and your baby. Also, I recommend a book called "Unplanned" as it speaks to the issues you are going through now. If you have any questions or need any support or help, please feel free to write me anytime, Erica
 
01-28-2013 at 1:08 AM
inthelost
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It's YOUR decision don't let them convince  you otherwise.  youll  hate yourself forever  if you let them  talk you into  something you dont want

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01-28-2013 at 8:22 AM
MJHershey
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i agree with the PP that it is up to you, not them. but I also wonder out loud if there are other reasons other than your age that they are concerned about your ability to raise a child (and worry it will fall on them). If they have concerns, they should share then so you can discuss it and ease their fears,  not just yell about abortion.

Show them now how you are planning this out with your boyfriend, how you will pay, where you will live, how you will continue school or work.  This is something you shoudl do anyway... but if they see this, maybe they will back off.


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