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01-27-2013 at 9:02 AM
HeatherBob
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Should she be invited?

I was asked for the guest list for my shower, and I came up with it - but need some advice on one person. Bear with me as I try to make this story as sweet and simple and possible.

I had this friend in High School. We weren't super close, but we would hang out and what not. We kept in touch after. Fast forward to seven years later in January 2013. She just had a baby a few weeks ago. I was invited to her shower (which I couldn't make because I couldn't afford the travel for that weekend, it's 12+ hours away) - but I hadn't had a "real" conversation with her in probably 2 years, and I hadn't seen her in about three years since she got married (which I didn't go to either). I sent her a shower gift and then another gift when her daughter was born. She never said thank you for either of them. I feel like I give her the benefit of the doubt being she was pregnant and then was busy with her newborn, but when I see her thank all sorts of people on Facebook (I know... Facebook) and then not thank me, it peeves me a bit. I even sent her a text saying keep your eye peeled for something in the mail for your sweet little one, and got no response.

So if you read all that, my question is - since she technically invited me to her shower, does that mean she has to be invited to mine? I'm saying no, but my best friend says yes (and even had the nerve to say that I'd probably get a gift out of it). I don't care about the gift to be honest, and I don't want to invite her because I feel she's ignored my generous offers to her family. Plus, she lives about 20 hours away from my shower location and I just know, she'll say no. 

What would YOU do in a situation like this? Should I continue to be nice and invite her after being shunned from her several times - or should I just exile her from the guest list?

 
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01-27-2013 at 9:06 AM
msspeedyma...
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I wouldn't. And honestly, I doubt she'll even notice. You're over-thinking this.

If you aren't close, and you don't ever speak, she shouldn't be invited. Just because she invited you, doesn't mean you have to invite her. And honestly, she probably invited you for the gift. If she cared at all, you'd have heard from her after the gifts. The fact that you didn't speaks volumes. This woman is not your friend.


 
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01-27-2013 at 9:07 AM
BeckyTheEn...
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"After being shunned" you want to "exile her from your shower"? That sounds ridiculous and dramatic.

You aren't friends, there is no way she would come, and it doesn't sound like you want her there. No invite.
 
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01-27-2013 at 9:15 AM
HeatherBob
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BeckyTheEngineer:
"After being shunned" you want to "exile her from your shower"? That sounds ridiculous and dramatic.

These quotes were meant to be sarcastic and funny. Clearly my humor isn't well translated here.

 
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01-27-2013 at 9:17 AM
HeatherBob
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msspeedymarie:

I wouldn't. And honestly, I doubt she'll even notice. You're over-thinking this.

Your right, I am probably over-thinking this - but that's just my human nature. I didn't invite her to my wedding (although I wasn't invited to hers) and she gave grief for awhile, still will occasionally bring it up - so she might notice, unfortunately. 

 
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01-27-2013 at 10:56 AM
EastCoastB...
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No, I wouldn't invite her.  With everything you said, I would actually think you were invited to her shower "for the gift". 

I'd just cut my losses and move on. 
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01-27-2013 at 12:47 PM
MySallyGir...
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Exactly - I wouldn't invite her.  If she can't contact you with a simple thank you and never talks to you then why would you assume she would care?
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01-27-2013 at 1:08 PM
1026pumpki...
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I agree with PPs.  Invitations aren't meant to be tit for tat, and it doesn't sound like you would be considering inviting her if she hadn't invited you.  Since she's been ignoring you after sending you an invite to her shower, it sounds like she doesn't care about the friendship and was an obvious gift grab.  I wouldn't invite her and I'd stop sending gifts to her.
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01-27-2013 at 1:32 PM
CNJ4EVA
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It sounds to me based on her prior behavior that she would not even acknowledge the shower invite. You believe she would not attend due to the distance. It's no fun for the host when invitees just ignore RSVP protocols and I can't see this woman taking the time to send regrets. I'd leave her off the list. Like pp said, she prob wont even notice.
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01-27-2013 at 1:53 PM
RissNRuss
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You never have to invite someone because they invited you. If you are not close with the person, I wouldn't do it. My Hubby and I just gave our list to our shower hostess, and besides close family and those family friends that are more family, we may have 6 girlfriends on the list- people we speak with on a regular basis and are involved with regularly. We do have my best friend in TX on the list (we're in NY) but it's more of a we love you wish you were closer invite. She did the same when she had her shower (we were honeymooning at the time). But again, that's a 25 year extremely close friendship.
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01-27-2013 at 3:14 PM
somerandom...
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HeatherBob:
msspeedymarie:

I wouldn't. And honestly, I doubt she'll even notice. You're over-thinking this.

Your right, I am probably over-thinking this - but that's just my human nature. I didn't invite her to my wedding (although I wasn't invited to hers) and she gave grief for awhile, still will occasionally bring it up - so she might notice, unfortunately.&nbsp;



If she gives you grief just tell her frankly that a shower is not an event you expect someone to fly to, so you didn't invite people who live across the country.

Usually when people invite someone to a shower who lives really far, its just a gift grab. I won't invite my grandpa's wife to my shower though I love her, because she lives in San Diego and the shower will be in Portland!
 
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01-27-2013 at 5:55 PM
Disneygeek...
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I wouldn't invite her if I was you. I also wouldn't care much if the friendship dissolved.  Just because you were friends at one time, that doesn't mean you have to be friends for life.  If she does give you grief about the shower, just let that be a sign that it is time to wish her adieu.
 
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01-27-2013 at 6:24 PM
baby Gs mo...
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EastCoastBride:

No, I wouldn't invite her.  With everything you said, I would actually think you were invited to her shower "for the gift". 

I'd just cut my losses and move on. 

THIS for sure! Its rude not to not send a thank you note and if she were a true "friend" you would have seen her a lot sooner than you have and would have heard from her at other times other than for a gift.

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01-27-2013 at 7:19 PM
lovinglife...
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I wouldn't invite her. Not to be rude but it sounds like she invited you to get a gift. I think you should invite people to the shower because you want them around and want them to help you celebrate, not just because they will give a gift
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01-27-2013 at 10:27 PM
rhubarb123
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baby Gs mommy:
EastCoastBride:

No, I wouldn't invite her.  With everything you said, I would actually think you were invited to her shower "for the gift". 

I'd just cut my losses and move on. 

THIS for sure! Its rude not to not send a thank you note and if she were a true "friend" you would have seen her a lot sooner than you have and would have heard from her at other times other than for a gift.

I agree.  If she questions you about it I'd just ignore the question.  If she sends a gift after learning of your LO's arrival then send a thank you.

Quite frankly I'd probably contact her and ask point blank if she recieved the gifts you sent.  I'd want to know that she actually got them.  I had to do this with my DH's step-sister for years (until I stopped sending her gifts).  She NEVER sent us any...but my DH wanted to give her a gift because she was unmarried and lived alone. 

 
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01-29-2013 at 1:47 PM
HennieLee
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I don't normally post here, but I say skip the invite.  If she brings it up, reply sweetly, "Oh, speaking of showers, how did you like the gifts I sent you for LO?  I never knew if you received them."
 
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02-02-2013 at 5:11 AM
Anne1989
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I wouldn't invite her. The last contact was two years ago? Where you actually invited to her shower or was it a possible Facebook oops?

 Are you sure she actually still has your phone number? I get those kind of messages from people occasionally and I have no idea who they are because my Blackberry Curve didn't sync via bluetooth to my iPhone so I had to manually enter my numbers in my phone book. A bunch of people were left out that I barely talked to. 

 
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