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01-27-2013 at 9:15 AM
Melissamal...
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Melissamalou26 is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 10:48 AMNewbie

Picking godmother

I am very torn about who to pick as my first childs godmother. My husband doesn't have any siblings and I have one brother which we decided will be the godfather. My best friend grew up together and have been friends for 29 years. She had 2 children and did not pick me to be godmother for either. I was extremely hurt by that. I know it may sound foolish but I do not want to pick her as my childs godmother now. My brother has been with his gf for 3 years and I was thinking of picking her but what if they break up? I have friends that I could pick but I am so confused! Did anyone else have this problem?
 
01-27-2013 at 9:22 AM
Vikingsfan...
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I have a similar problem and we have no idea who to go with. We have 3 siblings, and are thinking about having 2 or 3 kids. My brother is married, so that is one set of god parents, and we could use my husband's brother and my sister as another set of god parents. So that works really well if we only have 2 kids. If we decide to go for 3 kids, I have no idea who we would then have for the 3rd kid. I may be thinking too far ahead, but I want a family member for godparent for each of our kids......

My opinion on your issue is not to have the gf. My sister only ended up having 1 godparent because the couple my parents chose split up, and she wanted nothing to do with the family after that. Now if they are getting engaged, or you have a feeling like they are pretty stable (cuz 3 years is a good amount of time) then maybe it's worth considering, but I would skip her and go with a good friend. Good luck!!!!!


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01-27-2013 at 10:40 AM
lindsey618...
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I'm also conflicted on godparents right now. Let me say right away though that I definitely wouldn't pick your brothers girlfriend, for the exact reason you mentioned.

When we first found out we are having a baby, DB right away suggested his sister and her fianc. That was fine with me, I thought it was a good idea, and I have no siblings. But honestly here we are two months later and she has shown no interest in the fact that we are having a baby. I know it's because she is extremely jealous and wanted to give their grandmother her first great grandchild, but this baby is her future niece or nephew and she hasn't once asked DB or I how it's going or how I'm feeling or anything pertaining to the baby and pregnancy. When we told her she refused to even believe us and when we showed her our first sonogram at 8 weeks she goes "uhh what's that? I'll believe it more when it actually looks like a baby."

So needless to say I am really not feeling giving her the title of godmother. I'm kind of irked that she's even going to be the aunt at this point but there's nothing I can do about that.

I want my best friend of over 16 years to be the godmother. Then for the godfather I think DB should have his cousin who he is close with. I haven't told him this yet and am waiting for the right time to bring it up. I'll probably do it the next time she irritates me, so I'm sure that will be soon.

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01-27-2013 at 11:21 AM
TheLittleR...
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Both my DH and I have male siblings only so we decided (in an effort to make sure none of them felt left out) that we were going to ask one of his best friends to be the godfather for our baby. Personally, as I've thought about it a few times since the decision, I'm starting to feel like I'd rather it be a sibling or a cousin but so goes. 

The godmother part, however, is driving me crazy. I always said that my best friend back home would be the godmother because she's the sister I never had and both of our families are extremely close, enough so that we call each other's moms Mom. That said, after she went off to college (a couple years after me) we started talking and communicating less and less and over the last year or two, it's been pretty minimal and I feel like we've lost a lot of closeness. Which of course happens and I expected it but even when we're both back home for whatever reason, we hardly see each other. But I've always told her I wanted her to be the godmother of my first baby.

However, now I'm starting to think I'd really like to ask my bestie from my college days to be the godmother. She and I are still extremely close even though we live on opposite corners of the country (she's in WA and I'm in GA) and we communicate regularly. While my sister friend is excited for baby, she doesn't ask me about baby without me starting a conversation first unlike my college friend. So I have no idea what we're gonna do for the godmother role. :(  


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01-27-2013 at 11:31 AM
llbta85
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Yes, DS we picked my brother and my son's father's cousin that I really liked for the godmother.  THis time around I am really at a loss.  I am catholic so at least one godparent has to be Catholic.  My sister is not very religous anymore and my BFF is agnostic at best, although her daughter was baptized and I am her godmother.  I have a feeling she will be hurt by not being chosen as a godmother but at the same point if you don't share religous views than what is the point?  So I will probably default to my sister for godmother.  As for the godfather I essentially don't have any possibilities, unless I chose my brother again, but that doesn't seem right. 

 
01-27-2013 at 11:33 AM
BekW2009
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I would not pick a person unless they are married into the family, I don't feel it's concrete until there's a paper connecting them to my family.

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01-27-2013 at 11:39 AM
Melissamal...
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I have a good friend of my that lives in FL and I'm in NY. We used to be close when she lived in NY but we still communicate regularly. She has 2 children already and she's always there to answer any of my questions and she's constantly checking up on me and my pregnancy. She's truly been closer with me recently than my best friend of 29 years! I am thinking that I might choose her.

 
01-27-2013 at 11:42 AM
BeckyTheEn...
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My oldest child only has one Godparent. I am not sure what religion your are talking about, but for Catholic baptisms you don't need two. If you have one person picked out, go with him. If he does get married, you can have his wife take on the honorary role.
 
01-27-2013 at 11:43 AM
Melissamal...
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I also thought of picking my godmother which is my aunt. She is like my 2nd mother and I have always been close to her. She's older in her 50's though. Not sure if age really matters or that she is already my godmother?

 
01-27-2013 at 11:49 AM
Melissamal...
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I am catholic and my brother is the godfather. Maybe I should just have a godfather and no godmother
 
01-27-2013 at 12:22 PM
Majette
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This decision was relatively easy for me to make. I picked the two people who I thought would do the best job at raising my baby if we're not here. My cousin has always been amazing with children, even when I was younger he would find games for the younger cousins to play. There is a six year age difference between us. He has a daughter with his wife and they are amazing parents. Hubby and I both have siblings but, we feel they would be negative influences. My other option is my other cousin, the sister of the aforementioned. She cried when I showed my bump picture because she lives in another state and is missing this time with us.
 
01-27-2013 at 12:45 PM
stkmw02
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My suggestion would be to let your husband select a godmother.  If your brother will be the godfather, perhaps your husband has a female relative (cousin, aunt, etc.) or a close friend that he feels would be suitable?


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01-27-2013 at 12:59 PM
TheyCalled...
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I would not pick your brothers' GF. What about a cousin or another close friend?
 
01-27-2013 at 1:03 PM
sometimesd...
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I wouldn't rule out your good friend just yet. Perhaps she had some pressure from the family to choose someone else. I agree with PP about not going with your brother's GF; what if they break up?

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01-27-2013 at 1:08 PM
Lolalipsy
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I would go with your friend. Understandably you will have been hurt but your friendship has lasted despite this.

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01-27-2013 at 1:53 PM
MommyLizzy
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I think you need to think about the role of the god parent, and who you would be wanting to guide your child spiritually. If your friend is the person who you would like in that role then she would really be the best choice, your hurt feelings aside.  She might have had a very hard time choosing a god parent also.

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01-27-2013 at 7:43 PM
hannaht432...
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I usually just lurk on this board, but I wanted to share this.  I was beyond hurt that my BIL and SIL didn't pick my husband and I to be my nephew's godparents. They picked a couple that were their close friends from college, and even now I still don't understand why you wouldn't pick stable, same-religion family over friends.  That said, we are asking BIL and SIL to be our son's godparents when we are a little further along.  My feelings are still a little hurt, but I finally realized that I don't have to understand or like their choice, because it was just that - their choice.  And I can't think of anyone else in our family or any of our friends that would do a better job raising our children if something were to happen to us.  I say if you think your friend is the best choice, go with her and don't worry about her choice.  This isn't a tit-for-tat situation.

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01-27-2013 at 7:47 PM
starshinea...
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I agree- do not go with your bro's gf. It makes it particularly awkward if this makes her feel like they are a state to become more serious and start talking marriage (since obviously YOU think she's a part of the family already) but your bro isn't at that point yet. 3 years is a while but not really all that long in the grand scheme of things. 

As for your best friend- who did she pick for her children? If it was a family member (on her or her husband's side) then I don't really see how you can be upset. If it was another random friend that wasn't as important to her then sure, I'd be totally offended, but how can you get upset for choosing her sister or SIL? You know? If she is the person that is closest to you regardless and shares your religious views, maybe she is still the best choice? 


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01-28-2013 at 12:21 AM
nyki06
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I would say that if you don't have any good, secure options for a Godmother choice than don't pick one at all.

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01-29-2013 at 10:07 AM
Pearls+Oys...
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Honestly, I'm still hurt that my own brother didn't choose me as a godmother to his son, because it reflects how he doesn't trust me. He decided to go with his SIL, which angered our entire family. So I'm not asking him to be the  godfather, not because I don't trust him, but out of resentment, three years later. I know, it's silly, but it is what it is. I'm not throwing fits, but I do feel like if he trusted me he would have insisted to respect traditions. I wouldn't ask your "BF" of 29 years, if you still resent her. If you're over it, then fine. But resentment isn't always something you can just wash down and be cool with.



 
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