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01-28-2013 at 3:58 PM
crpate
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crpate is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 5:45 PMNewbie

I wanna ditch my RE- DH says i'm crazy

ok.. we've been with our RE for almost a year, this is our second one. She has a very bubbly sometimes superficial kind of personality.

 She is always calling people pet names, which drives me nuts. On our last visit, she looked at me and asked if i was ok. I said that I was just having a hard time being patient since I had been doing it for 2 years.

 Her comment was "well sugar i guess this is just a little lesson in patience, isnt it sweetie?" I almost came across the desk and placed in her head into it. Besides this things havent been perfect, but not enough to make me want to switch.

Am i crazy for thinking about switching because of things like this? DH says its just the fact i typically dont like superficial, over the top women in general. I just think as a Dr. you should keep those comments to yourself.

 
01-28-2013 at 4:14 PM
vegasbound...
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All I'll say is that comment was unnecessary. Anyone is impatient after 2 years!  As far as switching, I guess for me  it would depend on how comfortable I was with her and how much confidence I had in her. Good luck and I'm sorry you had to deal with that. 

Me:40 DH: 43 m/c #1 4/8/08 @ 5w::natural
m/c #2 missed m/c discovered 12/11/08 @ 8w3d :: d&c 12/15/08
Feb 2009-began seeing an RE:: DX with unexplained IF
Sept 2009 -2010 TTC using femara ...eventually work called me out of town.
June 2011 DX with thyroid cancer-forced to put baby making on hold
11/15/12 IUI #1 BFN and 12/15/12 IUI #2 BFN
2/2013 IVF-BFN FET set for April 2013
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01-28-2013 at 4:14 PM
JSM0801
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I don't think you are crazy at all! Dr./patient relationship is very important, and you definitely want to have a good feeling about the person you are trusting to help you with such a major thing in your life. I think you really have to vibe well together and have the right personality match that works for you. The last thing you need is to be totally annoyed and irritated every time you see her. It couldn't hurt to shop around. GL!

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Me (33)- unexplained MH (35)- MFI due to Vericocele. Straight to IVF w/ICSI 9/12, Antagonist = BFN c/p, poor quality blasts, tested sperm dna fragmentation. Results all good, yay! New RE for IVF #2- 1/13., Long Lupron. ER on 1/22 -10R, 9M, 9F. Transfer on hold due to overstimming. FET in Feb. 2 frozen blasts. Another BFN & another c/p. RPL testing all negative besides MTHFR gene, vericocle repair surgery 4/12/13-Bilateral Grade 3 Vericocele found & fixed, IVF #3 with PGS 4/13- 11R, 9M, 9F. Transferred 2 normal=BFN, 3 normal on ice Everyone Welcome!!!
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01-28-2013 at 4:17 PM
new+tothis
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That would be enough for me to switch. I can't take that type of personality and I'd always think she was sugarcoating things and not being honest with me. I definitely think she should have kept that to herself but her personality would be enough for me to switch.

TTC #1 for Dh, #2 for me. HSG clear. Low AMH and endo. Multiple Clomid w/TI cycles - all BFNs. 2 IUIs with Clomid and 1 with Femara - more BFNs. IVF#1 25R, 15M, 15F. 5DT of two perfect 4AA blasts! Positive HPT at 5dp5dt. Beta #1 6dp5dt - 72. Beta #2 8dp5dt - 285. Beta #3 10dp5dt - 793. Both babies have strong beautiful heartbeats! Baby B miscarried at 7 weeks. Baby A is holding on through miscarrying her twin, sub-chorionic hematoma, and complete placenta previa. Stick, baby, stick!

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01-28-2013 at 4:18 PM
Firefly062
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Waltham, MA
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Firefly062 is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 3:23 PMBronze

I don't think you're crazy. My RE is a nice enough woman but she continually calls me "cutie" which makes me so annoyed. 

And "a lesson in patience?" Ugh. I wouldn't think you were crazy for wanting to sswitch. 


TTC since Sept 2010
Aug 2011 - SA reveals no sperm
Jan 2012 - biopsy, b/w = Sertoli-only syndrome, DH doesn't make the cells needed to make sperm, moving on to DS
IUI# 1 - 4/1/12 - BFN
IUI# 2 - 5/4/12 - BFN
IUI# 3 w/ Clomid - 6/4/12 - BFN
IUI# 4 w/ Clomid, new donor - 7/5/12 - BFN
IUI# 5 w/ Clomid & trigger shot/Novarel - 8/3/12 - BFN
~Cycle Off~
IVF# 1 - 19 eggs retrieved, 18 fertilized, 8 frosties. 5-day transfer. Beta #1 - 11/20/12 - BFN
FET# 1 - 1/23/13 - BFP - beta 2/4/13 - 266, beta 2 - 623, beta 3 - 1452 Due Date = 10/10/13
You, Me and Someone Else - updated 4/10/13 - Typical

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01-28-2013 at 4:35 PM
liz4paws
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liz4paws is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 9:57 PMSilver

What the?? I agree with PP. Your relationship with your RE is HUGE. I would start looking for a new one, this one doesn't sound like she's working out for you in more ways than one.

An as far as "this" being a lesson in "patience", no it's actually not. It's actually a business where you pay her to get results.

I'd be so frakin' insulted if my RE or ANY doctor told me that going to their practice was a lesson in patience.

Good luck in whatever you decide.


Me (31) DH (35) - Finding our path to baby #1
Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR
DH: Severe MFI
12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN
8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
My ovaries seem to be just for decoration

12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
2/11/13 - Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts.

2/16/13 - First BFP of my life!
3/27/13 - No heartbeat at 9w0d. D&C the following day.

4/23/13 - Matched to adopt five new embryos!

My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake

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01-28-2013 at 4:39 PM
crpate
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crpate is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 5:45 PMNewbie
liz4paws:

What the?? I agree with PP. Your relationship with your RE is HUGE. I would start looking for a new one, this one doesn't sound like she's working out for you in more ways than one.

An as far as "this" being a lesson in "patience", no it's actually not. It's actually a business where you pay her to get results.

I'd be so frakin' insulted if my RE or ANY doctor told me that going to their practice was a lesson in patience.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

Thanks ladies. glad to know i'm not the only one that would react this way. And i totally say the same thing about me paying them to get results. I know she's not God or a miracle worker, but i pay her enough money to do her job EXTREMELY well.

 
01-28-2013 at 4:40 PM
moonaggie
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Now that would drive me insane - you would think she would be more sensitive!  And with all of the insensitivity flying around during IF, the last person you expect it from is you RE!  However I wouldn't be so quick to jump ship if you trust her medical judgement and also if she and her office/lab have good success rates.  But I would definitely shop around or at least ask friend in the area for REs that they like and would recommend. 

 GL!


TTC: 8/2011; Me: 38, DOR; DH: 34, no issue "Super Sperm"; Conceived au natural: 10/2011; no h/b @ 10w5d; D&C: 12/19/2011; 2012: 3 failed rounds of Clomid, 1 failed IUI, 2nd IUI cancelled due to poor response; IVF #1 cancelled due to no response to Stims 2013: Anonymous Egg Donation Scheduled for first cycle 2/2013 with 7 frozen eggs + DH "Super Sperm". 2/2013: 1st ET using frozen DE cancelled after 4 fertilized embryos failed to cleave past 4-cell stage. Currently on Estrace and Progesterone injections. Donor retrieval was 4/11. 20 eggs retrieved. 16 of 20 eggs fertilized normally. 5-day transfer 4/16 - one beautiful blast transferred. 7 embryos cryoed. BFP @ 5dp5dt! Beta #1 = 89. Beta #2 = 209. Unplanned u/s 5/5 = saw sac and yolk sac. U/s on 5/7 - saw start of fetal pole. U/S on 5/16 - saw h/b! 140 bpm. First OB appt 5/22 - h/b = 164. EDD 1/2/14.  
01-28-2013 at 4:51 PM
tptbabe
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tptbabe is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 11:46 PMBronze

If it were me, I wouldn't have gotten past the first appointment if a RE called me a pet name. I realise it's a regional thing to some extent, but I find it incredibly rude and demeaning. I always think it sounds sarcastic, no matter how it's said. If it happened at a later date, I'd ask her to stop. But I'm kind of a b!tch that way.

That being said, the pet name thing isn't even what bothers me here. It's the "lesson in patience" thing. The flucking nerve of some people!!!! How dare she try to play down how you feel! Does she not deal with people going through IF for a living???


My Ovulation Chart
TTC with MFI and poor ovulation since 03/11
TCM and progesterone supplements
Early loss in 08/11
MFI Dx in 03/12 Low count, low motility, poor morphology and high levels of anti-sperm antibodies
Treated with supplements and TCM. Much lower on all factors. Count too low to test for anti-bodies
Met with new urologist 11/12
IUI #1 12/12: Letrozole + Gonal-F = BFN
DH started Clomid 01/13
New SA shows 33 million sperm! Thank you Clomid!!!
Discovered I am hypothyroid 04/13 waiting for specialist appointment
Hoping to try IUI again in July?
 
01-28-2013 at 5:42 PM
Gr8te
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Gr8te is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 9:34 PMBronze
Funny...I never trust people who call me sweetie, sugar or hun! I would have left her a long time ago unless she has ridiculously good success rates. If you can make a clean break, I'd at least get a second opinion.

~ Everyone Welcome ~
TTC: 05/2011 Me: 32, All Clear DH: 38 Dx: MFI Low Testosterone & 1% Morphology
IVF #1 w/ICSI & IMSI, 12/03/12: ER: 27R, 20M, 15F
4 blasts frozen (3BA 4BA 4BB 5BB) b/c of moderate OHSS
FET #1: 02/08/13 Transferred 3BA & 4BA | HPT 5dp5dt BFP!
10dp5dt Beta #1 - 810 | 12dp5dt Beta #2 - 1843
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01-28-2013 at 5:51 PM
brooklynes...
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brooklynesque is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 3:50 PMSilver
That is really annoying.  Though I guess I'd balance my annoyance at the trite comments against the annoyance of another delay caused by switching REs.  At least where I am it takes a couple months to get in for an initial appointment with a good RE, and they're likely going to want to do their own tests, etc.

Me: 39. DH: 41. TTC since 2009.
FSH: 9.5 at highest. AMH (11/2011): 0.9. AFC: 10ish. HSG: Normal. SA: Normal.
July 2011 - Feb. 2012: 2 Clomid/TI cycles; 3 injectables/IUI cycles. Good response but BFNs.
Dec. 2011: Laparoscopy (clear) + hysteroscopy to remove uterine polyp.

April 2012: IVF #1: FSH 9.2, AFC 7-8. Antagonist protocol.
Started stims (300iu Gonal-F, 150iu Menopur) 3/28.
Added ganirelix 4/1. Trigger 4/5 (7 follies). ER 4/7: 7R, 0M, 0F. :-(

Nov. 2012: IVF #2: Long Lupron protocol.
Started Lupron 10/27. AFC 10+. Started stims (300iu Follistim, 150iu Menopur) 11/8.
Trigger 11/18 (7 follies). ER 11/20: 9R, 1M, 1F. 3dt of my one 6-cell embie on 11/23: BFN.

Dec. 2012: Hail Mary IUI cycle with leftover IVF meds: BFN.

Feb. 2013: IVF #3: Estrogen priming protocol.
Pre-AF: estro patch + ganirelix. AFC 8-10. Started stims (450 Follistim, 150 Menopur) 1/28.
Added ganirelix 2/4. Combined Lupron/HCG trigger 2/10 (6-ish follies).
ET 2/12: 6R, 1M, 1F w/rescue ICSI. My embie didn't make it. :-(

July 2013: DE IVF #1

PAIF/SAIF/PA35 welcome.
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01-28-2013 at 6:51 PM
zazu13
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zazu13 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 1:04 PMNewbie
Bedside manner is important. That would annoy me as well. Given what I have gone through, though, I would put up with ANY RE, regardless of how annoying, if I was confident they could help me be successful. Shop around if you're not happy, but let their success rates and competence be a bigger deciding factor than the RE's personality.

Age: 34 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR
IVF #1 Sep '11 canceled
IVF #2 Nov '11 chemical
IVF #3 April '12 M/C
FET #1 Aug 2012 BFN
new RE IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN :( ... IVF #5 TBD  
01-28-2013 at 6:58 PM
htn1763
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htn1763 is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 7:49 PMBronze

I can totally relate because my nurse is totally over the top insincere (you are assigned a nurse at the clinic). I love my RE so I tolerate the nurse. If my RE was like that I couldn't take it! However, we have many choices for REs in my area and even in the clinic so it would be easy for me to switch.  



Me: 32 DH: 31 SA#1 low count (6mil) SA#2- low morph but now in IUI range!(30mil) Dx:MFI
11/1- IUI#1 2 fol, 8mil BFN, 12/1- IUI#2 3 fol, 5.1mil BFN, 1/2- IUI#3 3-5 fol, 9.3mil BFFN
1/21- start bcp for IVF#1. Long Lupron protocol.ER 3/8 10R,4M,5F
ET 3/13-trasferred one 1AB embryo, 2 frostbabies
5dp5dt-BFP!!
Beta1 3/25-794 Beta2 3/27-1794 First u/s 4/8 saw hb. 4/22 missed mc 8w3d. d&c 4/26
waiting to start FET #1  
01-28-2013 at 7:40 PM
LaineyPane...
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PAIF RESPONSE:

She said WHAT?
Oh hell no. That's not you being picky, that's patronizing. Calling a patient "sweetie" is also condescending.
No, no, and no....that's not okay IMO.

wedding countdown  
01-28-2013 at 8:11 PM
LuClo
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LuClo is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 7:00 AMBronze

My knee-jerk reaction is to find someone new.

My thoughtful, non-impulse driven, response is more cautious.  Is she a good RE?  I wouldn't give up good care because of personal differences.  Our urologist is a blunt research-type fellow, but he's great at what he does.  We don't go to him for his personality.  You see your RE to get knocked up, not to make new friends.  If you aren't happy with your medical treatment that's another story.

Here's the other piece...have you told her it bothers you?  Some people talk like that, some don't; some people like it, some don't.  She's not a mind reader.  It's an awkward, but adult conversation.  "I've got to be honest, I've always been a little uncomfortable being called dear/sweetie/dumpling/cupcake.  IF appointments are uncomfortable enough already.  Would you mind calling me ___ instead?  I would really appreciate it."  If she doesn't know you don't like it there's no chance for her to fix it.


TTC since August 2010
DH diagnosed with Azoospermia in January 2012
Vas reconstruction surgery in April 2012; unsuccessful
IVF with ICSI February 2013; single blastocyst 5dt
First beta March 1 is 147!!!

 
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