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01-28-2013 at 4:33 PM
bewilderin...
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bewilderingstar is not online. Last active: 02-26-2013, 7:50 AMBronze

For those who have miscarried...

I miscarried my first pregnancy at 6wks and now that I'm pregnant again, my husband and I have this nagging thought in the back of our heads. Today we promised each other to be excited and stay optimistic, but it's obvious that we are both scared sh!tless about having another m/c.

 

What have you done to allow yourself to think optimistically about your pregnancy? We need some pointers like whoa.

 

ETA - don't say get a hobby. We aren't over thinking it, we aren't consumed by it. It's just a nagging thought. Kthanks.

 


BFP#1: 08/30/12 EDD 04/30/12 m/c 09/04/12 6wks

BFP#2: 01/27/13 EDD 10/06/13 no baby/just sac on u/s 02/25/13 chemical abortion 03/02/13 9wks  

01-28-2013 at 4:42 PM
SparkleK
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For us, having supportive midwives who were aware of the previous miscarriage helped.  At the end of summer, we had a missed miscarriage that we found out about at 11 weeks (baby measured 5-6).

 I got my BFP at 4 weeks and called them at 5 weeks.  They wanted to see me the next day just to check in.  We did a dating ultrasound just short of 7 weeks so that we could see the heartbeat before Christmas, which they do not typically do.  They tried to use a doppler at our last appointment when I was just short of 10 weeks and didn't have luck, so they immediately fit me in for an ultrasound just for peace of mind.  

 Midwives aren't typically ones to do additional ultrasounds, but due to our recent miscarriage, they were understanding of our needs and proactive in ensuring that we felt good about this pregnancy. 


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01-28-2013 at 4:42 PM
EmilyRNbab...
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EmilyRNbaby is not online. Last active: 02-11-2013, 3:40 PMNewbie

Honestly? It's just hard. I think once you pass your milestone (loss week) you start to feel better. 

Just take it each day at a time. Enjoy the little things.

Trust me I get it. Its just hard being PGAL. Hopefully your OB will get you in early to see the HB and hope that helps make you both feel a little better about this pregnancy.

Something I did was I went shopping for the baby (now its babies!) just small things to try and get me excited. One day it was just a little hat. 2 days later I purchased some onsies. It really seemed to help.

((hugs)) and GL!  


Married 2008 TCC since 2010 BFP #1 8/15/11 M/C @ 9w3d BFP #2 12/2/12 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers 
01-28-2013 at 4:43 PM
chicsahm
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I am feeling the exact same way! Almost like I can't really get excited until I hear the heartbeat, I don't want to get my hopes up. Honestly I am just trying to think positive and stay busy...

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01-28-2013 at 4:49 PM
mrsf123
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I had a M/C before DD and it was hard to get through the first few weeks without thinking it was going to happen again.  My grandmother used to say that if there's nothing you can do about something but worry, you should put it on the back burner.  Meaning, the fear and anxiety can still be there but just push it back and focus on other things.  That phrase really helped me put it in perspective.  I've been nervous this entire 1st tri, just because I kept thinking, I had a m/c before DD, I'll probably have one before I have another LO.  But that isn't necessarily true and there's no reason to think so.  So for me, I'm putting it on the back burner and waiting on 1st Tri!  Good luck to you!

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01-28-2013 at 4:51 PM
CutieBean7...
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We have allowed ourselves to feel whatever it is we feel.  We did not feel optimistic at first, and that was ok.  I am at peace & that is most important.  I'm not beating myself up over bad thoughts.  I took a cheapie HPT every day for the first 2 weeks and as it got darker, I got more optimistic.  I had an ultrasound at 5 weeks and saw the sac - that was another milestone for me.  I have another u/s on Thursday where we should see a heartbeat.  I'm just trying to "be".

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Married 12/8/07 | Sleeve Gastrectomy 10/19/09 | BFP#1 DD born 3/9/11
BFP#2 6/21/12, M/C at 5w2d | BFP#3 11/27/12, M/C at 6w6d
BFP#4 1/9/13, EDD 9/21/13, It's a GIRL!

 
01-28-2013 at 4:54 PM
Loppy19
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I try to do things to embrace my pregnancy. I made a secret Pinterest board, I bought a security blanket that's like DD's (neutral colors), and I told a couple close girlfriends. 

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01-28-2013 at 5:19 PM
katharine2...
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One day at a time. I try and focus on the fact the fact that I am pregnant today. Today I am happy. I'll worry the heartbreak tomorrow could bring if:when tomorrow comes.

And it's really really just hard. Some women calm down after they see a heartbeat, some women after their milestone or in 2nd tri, some never calm down until the baby arrives [or just never].

For me, it's all about today and recognizing that this is something I have no control over. And taking it one day at a time.

***I can spell, my iphone can't***
Married My Love on 6/18/2006
BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013 Boy oh Boy!!
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01-28-2013 at 5:22 PM
mdesmet20
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Honestly, I felt the exact same way. Once I passed the 6 week point (when we had our last MC), I did feel better. I also felt a lot better when we saw the HB.

We take it day by day. We opted to not tell anyone until we were comfortable, probably closer to the 12 week point.

It is hard and I don't think I will ever feel the same way I did with my first pregnancy (no prior MC at that point), but we try to just keep on moving forward.


DS born 9/12/10  BabyFruit Ticker 
01-28-2013 at 6:06 PM
cameronzmo...
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When I got pregnant after our first loss, I was too young/inexperienced to be anything but excited. I thought the odds of miscarrying again were slim. I went on to have 2 successful pregnancies with healthy baby deliveries only to miscarry again 2 years ago (April). This time around I've tried very hard not to let my anxiety consume me and as hard as it has been, I actually have peace that my God will be the same, no matter the outcome and that's what I rely on.

 
01-28-2013 at 6:06 PM
Karen1998
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Have you checked out the Pregnant After a Loss board?  I found it really helpful to be "around" others that were walking the same walk at the same time I was.  I also lurked on Parenting After a Loss because it was full of success stories, you know?  Past that, I tried to take one day at a time and repeated the mantra, "Today I'm pregnant and I love my baby."  

I also got a doppler at around 15w.  I knew it'd be difficult to find his h/b on it before 12-14w and I didn't want to add to my stress with that.  If it helps, I had a Sonoline B.  I did have times when I could not find his heartbeat, even as late as 28w, and that sucked big time.  Thankfully, he was fine.  

It did get easier when I could consistently feel him move.  However, I had an anterior placenta, so I felt less movement than most do.  Though, that may have worked in my favor as he was/is crazy active.  

I think you just have to figure out how to deal.   I don't mean that harshly - I mean that you literally have to figure out what works best for you and what you can handle.  Then, you have to circle the wagons of your support system to help you through the pregnancy.  Some doctors will allow their patients to come in for a quick doppler check for peace of mind, too.  If you think that'll help you, it's worth asking your doctor if s/he does that.  Some days will be rough and some days will be fantastic.  Honestly, though, you probably won't relax until you hold that crying baby in your arms.  


BFP#1 4/17/10...EDD 1/6/11...M/C 5/28/10 BFP#2 11/19/10...EDD 8/4/11 Squeaker born 7/30.  
01-28-2013 at 7:08 PM
rebeccap77
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I had a miscarriage.  My "sesame seed" would have been born this last September.  I stared at the wall for two days and then somehow I started functioning in a healthy fashion again.  I am an emotional person, and I think it was just a blessing from the universe and my wonderful boyfriend that I was able to let go.

I had a positive pregnancy test on Martin Luther King day.  I was working on the holiday and I snuck out of break to buy the test and took it right at work.  I couldn't wait.  I knew.  Now I'm five weeks pregnant.

At first my breast were really sore, I was urinating all the time and I felt crampy.  Now my breasts are still sore if I push on them but it doesn't feel that bad.  I wish I had morning sickness.  I would celebrate that sign that things are fine.  I read that it ussually starts in week six and I'm in week five. 

My ultrasound is scheduled in eleven days.  It will be hard to wait that long.  I told myself that once I have a healthy ultrasound I will start telling people and celebrating.  I will probably still worry...

I take solace in knowing if the worst thing happens that Mark and I can get through it.  If the much more likely thing happens and we have a healthy, happy baby, we are going to be so much stronger and more grateful. 

My advise to you, and to myself, is just accept the emotions that you have as normal.  Be compassionate to yourself.  Try not to be afraid that you can't control things.  Don't jump to negative conclusions.  And, love the baby, really it's taking a bigger risk that either one of us right now.

Thank you for posting.  It's nice to know I'm not alone.

 
01-28-2013 at 7:51 PM
Happywife8...
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I had my first miscarriage this past August.  I would have been 13 weeks, but my midwife and I think that the baby stopped growing much before that.   This pregnancy it is very hard not to keep thinking, "Ok.  One more day.  I wonder...I wonder..."  I'm just praying for a sticky baby and counting the days till I'm into my second tri.

One thing my midwife (who helped me through my first loss) recommended me doing, was getting my progesterone levels tested immediately after I found out I was pregnant.  Low progesterone COULD have been a reason for miscarriage and a simple blood test can rule it out (or they can give you progesterone supplements if you're low).  It was so reassuring to see my progesterone levels at 28 (anything above 20 is good) and my hcg levels climb from 2000 to 5000 in two days.  Maybe with a history of past loss your doctor could let you do this?...

  Good luck!  Wish you all the best!


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01-28-2013 at 8:22 PM
MrsBlindLo...
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This answer won't help but it's our experience. We lost ours last time at 12 weeks. I'm having a really difficult time getting excited this time around because it's still in the back of both our minds. We both are just aware that it could happen again and are trying to emotionally prepare in case it does. It's not the best way to handle things but it's what we are doing. I certainly don't recommend you do it this way. I hope you find something that works.

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TTC- Feb 2010
BFP- Dec 28, 2011 EDD- Aug 29, 2012 Miscarriage at 12 weeks.
BFP#2 Dec 17 EDD- Aug 26, 2013  
01-28-2013 at 8:34 PM
Kemare20
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Little milestones that you pass will make you feel better. Making it past your m/c week. Seeing the heartbeat. Making it past 12 weeks. Feeling baby move.Finding out the sex. Making it to the point where if you had the baby it would most likely survive.

For me, the whole pregnancy I was on edge. Not like stressed and freaked out- but it crossed my mind frequently that I could lose this baby too. Once I started feeling him move it greatly reduced these thoughts, though because once my LO started moving he NEVER stopped. My stomach was literally rolling and lurching around all day.


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01-28-2013 at 9:19 PM
losersaidw...
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losersaidwhat is online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 4:31 PMBronze

katharine25:
One day at a time. I try and focus on the fact the fact that I am pregnant today. Today I am happy. I'll worry the heartbreak tomorrow could bring if:when tomorrow comes. And it's really really just hard. Some women calm down after they see a heartbeat, some women after their milestone or in 2nd tri, some never calm down until the baby arrives [or just never]. For me, it's all about today and recognizing that this is something I have no control over. And taking it one day at a time.

Listen to this one; she is wise.

I had my first loss at 6 weeks, and then 6-7 weeks later I got a BFP that resulted in my DS2. I was a wreck the first half of that entire pregnancy (for various reasons, all of which were out of my control) and it was completely wasted on stress. It's really tough to do but like some pp have said, you just need to try and take it one day at a time.

Something I try and do is think of at least one thing every day that you are happy for in that moment. It also helps to do little things for yourself. If you find yourself freaking out a little bit, sometimes that's okay. Take a walk. Drink some tea. Have a bubble bath. Relax and enjoy the day as much as you can.


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Phoenix - August 19, 2006
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01-29-2013 at 9:02 AM
bewilderin...
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Thank you so much everybody. I'm glad I am not the only one that feels this way. I will definitely keep on with the optimism and I love the mantra!

"I am pregnant and I love my baby"
tearing up right now!

BFP#1: 08/30/12 EDD 04/30/12 m/c 09/04/12 6wks

BFP#2: 01/27/13 EDD 10/06/13 no baby/just sac on u/s 02/25/13 chemical abortion 03/02/13 9wks  

01-29-2013 at 6:49 PM
Lilmrslay
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I had 2 miscarriages prior to this pregnancy, and I have to agree that it is so terribly hard being PgAL. 

The first miscarriage I was devastated and heartbroken, the second, I just couldn't believe it was happening again but I had also been slightly prepared because of the first. This time, I bleed at 5.5 weeks and just assumed it was happening again. An ultrasound confirmed it was an SCH and that the baby was fine and doing well, but I still didn't feel 'safe'. We had another ultrasound at 9.5 weeks and again, saw a happy healthy baby, but the feeling of comfort doesn't seem to last long for me. I am able to keep the fear mostly at bay, but I certainly don't feel excited and expectant. We have our 12 week scan tomorrow at 12.5 weeks and I am most anxious about this scan. I guess it is that magic 12 week mark that we all want to cross. I think, once I have seen a healthy, happy baby at this point, I will relax a whole lot more. It just feels like an important milestone for us and I know the stats reduce dramatically for a miscarriage from that point. Sure, it's never completely safe, but there's comfort for me in the odds.

Everyone copes differently, and has their own points for when they feel more relaxed and can enjoy their pregnancy. Don't be too hard on yourself and try and force that point to come. It's pressure you don't need on top of simply getting yourself through what is a difficult and personal journey.    


TTC Since March 2010 - 5 rounds of Clomid -BFP July 12 m/c @ 5 weeks - BFP September 12 m/c @ 5 weeks - BFP December 12 EDD 12 Aug 13 - First U/S showed a HB of 182bpm and HCG 56000! Lilypie Maternity tickers Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
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