I had a miscarriage. My "sesame seed" would have been born this last September. I stared at the wall for two days and then somehow I started functioning in a healthy fashion again. I am an emotional person, and I think it was just a blessing from the universe and my wonderful boyfriend that I was able to let go.
I had a positive pregnancy test on Martin Luther King day. I was working on the holiday and I snuck out of break to buy the test and took it right at work. I couldn't wait. I knew. Now I'm five weeks pregnant.
At first my breast were really sore, I was urinating all the time and I felt crampy. Now my breasts are still sore if I push on them but it doesn't feel that bad. I wish I had morning sickness. I would celebrate that sign that things are fine. I read that it ussually starts in week six and I'm in week five.
My ultrasound is scheduled in eleven days. It will be hard to wait that long. I told myself that once I have a healthy ultrasound I will start telling people and celebrating. I will probably still worry...
I take solace in knowing if the worst thing happens that Mark and I can get through it. If the much more likely thing happens and we have a healthy, happy baby, we are going to be so much stronger and more grateful.
My advise to you, and to myself, is just accept the emotions that you have as normal. Be compassionate to yourself. Try not to be afraid that you can't control things. Don't jump to negative conclusions. And, love the baby, really it's taking a bigger risk that either one of us right now.
Thank you for posting. It's nice to know I'm not alone.