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01-29-2013 at 3:15 PM
outtamyhan...
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Would this bother you?

DH and I have had our girls name picked out for a longgggg time.  The only person I have told is my one VERY VERY GOOD friend who is due with her second a month after I am due.  We both already have DSs and she told me before that if she had a DD this time around they would use the name they had picked out the first time.  Our current girls name and their girls name are NOT the same.  The other day she drops the bomb on me that her DH likes the name we will be naming our baby if its a girl and makes the comment that they will "try not to steal it."

One - I realize this could be a total non-issue because there is no guarantee we are both having girls.  Two - this does not change my decision to use the name we have already picked. 

But would this rub you the wrong way?  It honestly made me kind of upset. 


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01-29-2013 at 3:17 PM
checkrdtop
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Yea, it would bother me. But as long as you know it doesn't change anything just do your best to move on from the situation.

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01-29-2013 at 3:18 PM
jobiann
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No one owns a name. It wouldn't upset me, if they use it...they use it. Personally I wouldn't if I was her, but that is just me.


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01-29-2013 at 3:18 PM
mj.reilly
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No. They have every right to use the name too. Just because you like the name doesn't mean she should ditch it. If they love it, they should use it. You might not be friends forever, but the kid will have the name forever. And she can't change what her DH likes.

If you love it and have a girl, then use it.

Now I am curious. What is the name? That could change my answer.


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01-29-2013 at 3:19 PM
Crys1925
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It would depend on the popularity of the name. If it's uncommon, I'd be more upset, but I'd let her know that I still planned on using it even if she did.
 
01-29-2013 at 3:20 PM
ShoeFanati...
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Any chance she's joking? I can't imagine a very, very good friend would be serious?

If she's serious then yes, it would bother me. 


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01-29-2013 at 3:20 PM
526SadieSa...
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No, it wouldn't bother me at all.  As you said, there's no guarantee you're both having girls, she's free to use any name she likes.

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01-29-2013 at 3:20 PM
outtamyhan...
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Totally realize that no one owns a name - I just found the whole situation to be kind of bizarre.  Its not changing our decision and the name we are using is classic and popular, but I just thought it was weird.  Im over it, but I just wanted to know what others thought.

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01-29-2013 at 3:21 PM
TysMomPlus...
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Yes, it would bother me, how can you try not to steal it when that's totally what you are doing?

 
01-29-2013 at 3:22 PM
outtamyhan...
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Oh and I should add that she now totally refuses to talk about girl names with me, which makes me definitely think they are using it.  She'll talk boy names all day, but when I ask about girls, she changes the subject or doesn't respond.

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01-29-2013 at 3:25 PM
mj.reilly
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outtamyhands:
Oh and I should add that she now totally refuses to talk about girl names with me, which makes me definitely think they are using it.  She'll talk boy names all day, but when I ask about girls, she changes the subject or doesn't respond.

Maybe because she thinks you get pissed and she's scared of how you will react? Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk about it because there is no reason to discuss it?

Let the issue go until one of you pops out a baby and names it.

She may not have brought up the name with her DH. Maybe he brought it up as a name he really liked? Maybe it is the it name for him. My DH was set on a few names. 


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01-29-2013 at 3:25 PM
Helenahhan...
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I think this would bother me if the name in question was a unique name.

If you are talking about an Emma, Olivia or Isabella here-- I think you should let the feelings go.  Like you said, it might be a moot point.


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01-29-2013 at 3:26 PM
Helenahhan...
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526SadieSadie:
No, it wouldn't bother me at all.  As you said, there's no guarantee you're both having girls, she's free to use any name she likes.

 

OMG your DD is precious.  Love the new pic!


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01-29-2013 at 3:28 PM
outtamyhan...
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mj.reilly:

outtamyhands:
Oh and I should add that she now totally refuses to talk about girl names with me, which makes me definitely think they are using it.  She'll talk boy names all day, but when I ask about girls, she changes the subject or doesn't respond.

Maybe because she thinks you get pissed and she's scared of how you will react? I would be. 

She may not have brought up the name with her DH. Maybe he brought it up as a name he really liked? Maybe it is the it name for him. My DH was set on a few names. 

I haven't done anything to make her think I would react that way.  She told me all of this over email and I think my response was "No, you didn't mention DH liked that."  And then Ive been very open with her in discussing names in general since then (getting her opinion on our boys names, etc.) - she's literally the only one I talk to about it.  

Im hoping if we both have girls, she just won't use it.  She also has a BF from HS with a DD with the same name, so maybe it would be too much for her.  I know it would be too much for me.


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01-29-2013 at 3:31 PM
PinkLillyL...
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Helenahhandbasket:

I think this would bother me if the name in question was a unique name.

If you are talking about an Emma, Olivia or Isabella here-- I think you should let the feelings go.  Like you said, it might be a moot point.

 This!  Hopefully this is all a non-issue. ;)  Best of luck!
 
01-29-2013 at 3:32 PM
TheWop
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I would love to say it wouldn't bother me, but I'd be lying to myself.  I know full well that no one owns a name but I'd be a little disappointed if someone close to me wanted to use the same name especially since most of the girl names on our list are pretty uncommon (like...not in the top 1000 SSA list).  It would be different though if the name was in the top 10 or even top 100 though. 

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01-29-2013 at 3:35 PM
AnnieBN
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I think it's annoying for your friends to say that, but I definitely wouldn't let that deter you from using the name you love.


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01-29-2013 at 3:37 PM
JulianneJa...
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outtamyhands:
mj.reilly:

outtamyhands:
Oh and I should add that she now totally refuses to talk about girl names with me, which makes me definitely think they are using it.  She'll talk boy names all day, but when I ask about girls, she changes the subject or doesn't respond.

Maybe because she thinks you get pissed and she's scared of how you will react? I would be. 

She may not have brought up the name with her DH. Maybe he brought it up as a name he really liked? Maybe it is the it name for him. My DH was set on a few names. 

I haven't done anything to make her think I would react that way.  She told me all of this over email and I think my response was "No, you didn't mention DH liked that."  And then Ive been very open with her in discussing names in general since then (getting her opinion on our boys names, etc.) - she's literally the only one I talk to about it.  

Im hoping if we both have girls, she just won't use it.  She also has a BF from HS with a DD with the same name, so maybe it would be too much for her.  I know it would be too much for me.

Do you all live in the same town and see each other constantly? If not it doesn't really matter because your kids won't be in the same schools. I don't care what other people name their kids unless it is a sibling and cousins will have the same name because that might get confusing for grandparents.


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01-29-2013 at 3:59 PM
Say1009
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I think it would definitely bother me.

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01-29-2013 at 4:35 PM
BittyMang
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I would be annoyed...I would never dream of doing that to a good friend.

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01-29-2013 at 6:20 PM
provwife
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That would stress me out! The "perfect name" is so hard to decide on...the thought of someone I know using the name I chose would drive me nuts. I wouldn't be able to use it if someone I knew had a baby with that name. Also, if she intentionally "takes" the name, then she wouldn't be a very good friend. I'd be done with her if she does that.
 
01-29-2013 at 6:25 PM
EmarieDuke
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I would definitely be annoyed, but at least you are due first! Maybe they are keeping it on the table until they know for sure if your baby will have the name. If you do have a DD I would think if they were really close friends they would change their mind unless they really do love the name. It sounds like the name is fairly common so I think you would need to get used to the idea of others having the name anyway.

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01-29-2013 at 6:27 PM
Keri Marie
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yes, I'd be annoyed.
01-29-2013 at 6:30 PM
cwiceangel
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Well... You said she's due after you.  Even if they do pick the same name... you kinda got it first.  Just saying.  However I would've totally told my husband that I couldn't do that to my friend and they already had the name picked.  But that's just me.

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01-29-2013 at 6:34 PM
SarahL77
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If I am being honest, it would bother me. I think I'd just joke right back with her that she can go ahead and use it as long as she doesn't mind your daughters having the same name. She might think that if she uses it, you won't.

Anyway, I agree with the PP who said to just stop bringing it up. There are several "what ifs" that might end up not even being an issue.

01-30-2013 at 12:28 AM
starshinea...
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Oh yeah, I'd totally be bothered by it, but luckily you are due first, so if you have a girl, you use the name that you decided on. I'd consider not talking about names so much anymore, especially if it is making things awkward and she won't talk about it. If it were me, I'd probably say something more to the point though, that I would never do that to her and I'm upset that she's even considering the name that I had chosen. But that's just me- has the potential to cause more drama. 

This is why I'm not talking names with anybody. Personally, I don't think a very good friend would do that to me, but I don't want to give anyone ideas either.  


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01-30-2013 at 4:51 AM
Kimbus22
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Nah. I'd be flattered they liked my choice.

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01-30-2013 at 9:46 AM
jkzinck
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It might a little if I already knew I was having a girl but not as much if neither of you knew what you were having.  It would be kind of sad if you both liked a name because your friend did not use a name she loved because it was the name you picked out and you had a boy. 

My grandma and her sister were due 2 weeks apart and my grandma had already told her sister her boy name.  A few weeks later her sister told her that she liked that as a boys name and that is what she thought she would use.  My grandma told her that is fine but she was still going to use the name. My grandma had the baby first and named him Michael David..... her sister named her boy David Michael. But knowing my grandma if she had the second boy there would have been cousins with the same name Smile


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01-30-2013 at 9:55 AM
shellyco
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While I completely recognize that they are allowed to use any name they want, it would still rub me the wrong way.

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01-30-2013 at 10:29 PM
ChristyML
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TheWop:
I would love to say it wouldn't bother me, but I'd be lying to myself.  I know full well that no one owns a name but I'd be a little disappointed if someone close to me wanted to use the same name especially since most of the girl names on our list are pretty uncommon (like...not in the top 1000 SSA list).  It would be different though if the name was in the top 10 or even top 100 though. 

This is me. What is the name OP? 


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