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02-19-2013 at 12:36 AM
chattychiq...
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People you don't know at your shower?

If your hostess asked to bring a friend who you've never met to your shower, what would you say? I feel caught between a rock and a hard place, but it also feels really awkward.

She offered to throw this friend of hers a shower a year and a half ago but the friend declined, and said she thinks the friend wants to see what could have been....And asked if she could come. My hostess BFF1 is wonderfully gracious and giving so I have a lot of trepidation about saying no but this is odd.
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02-19-2013 at 1:26 AM
chapternex...
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Um, weird. I sometimes have trouble mustering up the necessary excitement to go to a shower for someone I actually know, I cannot fathom why a person would want to go to one for a stranger. And her wanting to see "what could have been" makes no sense... why make yourself regret something?  I could understand a bit more if the friend's friend was pregnant again and wanted to see what your hostess could do for a baby shower before letting her throw her next one... though that is still odd.

I suggest talking it out with your friend again and try to better understand the situation... and if there's no further clarification, say you'd feel awkward with this person there, but if they think it's really important, the friend's friend can come but she shouldn't feel obligated bring a gift since she's just observing.
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02-19-2013 at 5:02 AM
EastCoastB...
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What could have been? This is really odd, and I'd actually say that. I'd tell her she can do what she wants, but you'd find it a bit uncomfortable to have a person you don't know at your shower.
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02-19-2013 at 6:06 AM
ungraceful...
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That is a little weird. There were people at one of my showers that I didn't know. My granny brought one of her friends from her senior group and my aunt (who threw the shower) asked one of her work friends to help her with the shower.

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02-19-2013 at 6:56 AM
RedheadBak...
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Weird. There were women at my shower whom I did not know, but they were members of S.O.'s family that I hadn't met yet. 
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02-19-2013 at 8:27 AM
CRLSMC2011
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Under the circumstances you listed, absolutely not.  It's just awkward--hey, this girl wouldn't let me throw a shower for her, so I want to throw it back in her face. 

Circumstances where I would allow someone I don't know: 

--an out of town friend who will be staying there and could not come any other weekend to visit

--a friend of an out of town friend because she needed someone to drive down with her

--a lesbian partner of a friend who I had not met

--a relative of DH I had not met

--a close friend of the MTB's mother or grandmother (who would be there for mother or grandmother)
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02-19-2013 at 8:48 AM
526SadieSa...
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I wouldn't want my shower to be a brag-fest "Look what a wonderful shower you could have had" ~ that so tacky my fingers are sticking to the keyboard.

I also can't imagine that other person agreeing to attend.
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02-19-2013 at 8:58 AM
SCtoDC
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This kind of happened to me at one of my showers. My aunt hosted (only family within 200 miles) and the guests were my local friends. When we got there, a friend of hers that I'd met once before at a very large party at their house was there having helped set up. She stayed for the shower, almost playing 2nd host, and even had gotten me gifts. I just went with it, said thank you, and got her address for a thank you note after the party from my aunt. It was a little strange, but I didn't make a big deal of it so no one really seemed to notice. I don't think I would have changed my reaction had I been told beforehand. Just make sure you get her address for a thank you note if she gets you something!
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02-19-2013 at 9:39 AM
greenteabe...
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Because my boys are already here and tiny babies, there is no way in hell I would invite somebody I don't know and trust. The only person that I have never met in person before that is invited is SOs sister. I'm keeping my shower small, only our moms, sisters and some of my friends. If I had been pregnant at my shower I would probably have the same 'whether I'd invite them' tendencies as CRLSMC2011, but again they're so little so we're keeping the shower small.
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02-19-2013 at 9:58 AM
outnumbere...
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There were people I did not know at the shower my MIL hosted.  They were people she had know since she was a school girl and my husband had grown up with them in his life.  It was great that they were present.  It is different in your situation and kind of strange.  I would want to say no in your case, but I might not want to ruffle any feathers.
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02-19-2013 at 10:05 AM
joshandpan...
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EastCoastBride:
What could have been? This is really odd, and I'd actually say that. I'd tell her she can do what she wants, but you'd find it a bit uncomfortable to have a person you don't know at your shower.

this... and just tell her you'll take pictures, and she can just look at those... 
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02-19-2013 at 10:35 AM
1026pumpki...
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joshandpanda:

EastCoastBride:
What could have been? This is really odd, and I'd actually say that. I'd tell her she can do what she wants, but you'd find it a bit uncomfortable to have a person you don't know at your shower.

this... and just tell her you'll take pictures, and she can just look at those... 

I agree with both of these.  I am a little confused though- did this other woman ask to come because she wanted to see "what could have been"?  If so, very strange, and I'd tell the host she's welcome to invite who she wants, but you think the friend might be uncomfortable.  If it's your hostess who wants to show her "what could have been", I'd just tell her that maybe it would be better to share pictures. 
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02-19-2013 at 12:40 PM
kennazebro...
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I personally would be a little uncomfortable but like some of the other girls said- send a thank you card if she gets you a gift. Or if you really do not want her there just tell the friend you only want people that you are close with to attend.

 

I am actually in a similar situation but reversed.....I was invited by a friend ( I am not very close to her at all ) to her sisters baby shower. I honestly really do not want to go at all.....but I think she asked because her sister does not have much and does not know very many people. So I decided to at least make an appearance and give a gift. I remember when I was pregnant with my first and I did not have much.

 

 

 
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02-19-2013 at 1:25 PM
Stacey209
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Eh, let her come.....there were people at my shower who I didnt really know.  You will be mingling and opening presents most of the time so you'll barely have any interaction with her.  Just say hello and be gracious.
 
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02-19-2013 at 3:43 PM
somerandom...
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I think that sounds really weird. I'd allow a person I've never met before if it was part of DH's family... Like the aunt who is antisocial and doesn't come to the Christmas party, or a relative who lives far away but happens to be in town that weekend.
 
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02-19-2013 at 4:37 PM
chattychiq...
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I should have been more clear. Reading it after a full night of sleep I realize how little sense one part makes.

My hostess' friend asked if she could come. Hostess said she would ask me and did. It wasn't hostess' idea, and she told me if I didn't want her there not to feel bad and not to feel pressured. It's only ME feeling bad because of how wonderfully sweet and giving my friend is.

I forgot to mention that it's at a restaurant and I have to be mindful of the headcount because of the space. It's not in someone's living room. As it is, with family the hostesses BFF2 is running the show BFF1 is helping as needed, it's 15 already and that's a LOT for a restaurant private room.
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02-19-2013 at 5:37 PM
chapternex...
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chattychiqa:
I should have been more clear. Reading it after a full night of sleep I realize how little sense one part makes.

My hostess' friend asked if she could come. Hostess said she would ask me and did. It wasn't hostess' idea, and she told me if I didn't want her there not to feel bad and not to feel pressured. It's only ME feeling bad because of how wonderfully sweet and giving my friend is.

I forgot to mention that it's at a restaurant and I have to be mindful of the headcount because of the space. It's not in someone's living room. As it is, with family the hostesses BFF2 is running the show BFF1 is helping as needed, it's 15 already and that's a LOT for a restaurant private room.


In that case, definitely no. Why should the hostess pay for a guest that doesn't even know the guest of honor?
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02-19-2013 at 9:26 PM
rhubarb123
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It sounds like your shower is small and maybe just very close friends and family so I would say no (or strictly leave it up to your hostess since she is paying).  There were several people at my shower I didn't know but my DH did (not that he was there) because they were MIL's friends.  My mother had some of her friends there as well...but of course I had met them once or twice before.  If my hostess (my cousin) really wanted to invite someone close to her I did not know that would be OK with me...but it doesn't sound like she wants to invite this person.  I think it is weird she is asking to come to a shower for someone she doesn't know.

I take it your friend is "thinking" the reason she wants to come because she wants to know what she missed out on when she declined your friend's offer.  I suppose it is possible she's never been to a shower so would like to actually see what the are like.  Unfortunately, since it is at a restaurant it just adds to the expense.
 
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02-21-2013 at 8:31 PM
julienoe
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I say let it go, if it was your wedding it would be different. but theres always people that you don't know who show up.
 
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