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02-19-2013 at 10:55 AM
mrsphom
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help!

I'm throwing my sister a baby shower and she has her list at like 62 people. Those are people that are important to her and I can't really ask her to trim it down. I don't really have a ton of money to throw into the food for this thing. So my question is... would it be totally out of line to turn it into a pot luck shower? 

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02-19-2013 at 10:58 AM
MandJS
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Yes, it would be out of line to turn it into a pot luck. You are the hostess. I am sure your sister thinks all 62 of those people are important to her, but... honestly? I call BS on that. Maybe you can cut it to a family shower, only. That way it's more in line with your budget. You need to come up with a number that you think is reasonable and can afford, and then tell your sister. If the people cut are really THAT important to her, maybe one of them will offer to throw her another shower for friends or something.


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02-19-2013 at 11:01 AM
MelRC117
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MandJS:
Yes, it would be out of line to turn it into a pot luck. You are the hostess. I am sure your sister thinks all 62 of those people are important to her, but... honestly? I call BS on that. Maybe you can cut it to a family shower, only. That way it's more in line with your budget. You need to come up with a number that you think is reasonable and can afford, and then tell your sister. If the people cut are really THAT important to her, maybe one of them will offer to throw her another shower for friends or something.

Ditto. Another option is to just serve appetizers and cake and have the shower during a non meal time.  Geeze...62 people of her nearest and dearest is A LOT.  If they were that close they'd either throw their own shower or ask you if they could help you host or help with food.


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02-19-2013 at 11:11 AM
milkergirl...
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MelRC117:

MandJS:
Yes, it would be out of line to turn it into a pot luck. You are the hostess. I am sure your sister thinks all 62 of those people are important to her, but... honestly? I call BS on that. Maybe you can cut it to a family shower, only. That way it's more in line with your budget. You need to come up with a number that you think is reasonable and can afford, and then tell your sister. If the people cut are really THAT important to her, maybe one of them will offer to throw her another shower for friends or something.

Ditto. Another option is to just serve appetizers and cake and have the shower during a non meal time.  Geeze...62 people of her nearest and dearest is A LOT.  If they were that close they'd either throw their own shower or ask you if they could help you host or help with food.

All of this.  Or even skip the appetizers and just serve cake and punch, with maybe some bowls of nuts and mints out.  And if you're the host, you have the final say in who is invited.  So if 62  is too many for you, you need to speak up. 


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02-19-2013 at 11:22 AM
EastCoastB...
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MandJS:
Yes, it would be out of line to turn it into a pot luck. You are the hostess. I am sure your sister thinks all 62 of those people are important to her, but... honestly? I call BS on that. Maybe you can cut it to a family shower, only. That way it's more in line with your budget. You need to come up with a number that you think is reasonable and can afford, and then tell your sister. If the people cut are really THAT important to her, maybe one of them will offer to throw her another shower for friends or something.
All of this.

Just because you offered to host doesn't mean it's now your responsibility to host a HUGE shower.  You can do a "your family" shower, or a "friends" shower.  Other people can step up and host other showers if they want.  Out of 62 "close" people - I'd be shocked if no one else offered, especially if she was able to say "Oh- my sister is throwing a fmaily shower" to her friends, then it is up to her friends if one of them wants to host a friends shower.


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02-19-2013 at 11:24 AM
cole2144
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You need to have a talk with you sister about what you can afford. You are throwing the shower so you set the number. I highly doubt she can`t trim the list some. It is a baby shower, that number is ridiculous.

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02-19-2013 at 11:27 AM
526SadieSa...
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62 people is absurd.  I cannot even imagine how long it would take to open gifts from 62 people!!

Tell your sister you can't afford to host that many and she needs to trim the list down to something you're more comfortable with.

A shower is not an "invite everyone" event.  Unless you guys have 27 siblings and 15 aunts and 20 cousins, that's INSANITY for a shower guest list.


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02-19-2013 at 11:28 AM
FemShep
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Ditto the PPs.  OP, you're asking people to come to an event whose primary purpose is to give your sister gifts.  Asking them to also come up with food is terribly rude.  Scale back-either on the number of guests or planned food-so you can host a party that's a great experience for all guests, not just your sister.

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02-19-2013 at 11:37 AM
Helenahhan...
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I would not do potluck.

Ditto PPs about maybe doing only desserts and tea/ having the shower not during traditional meal times.

Also, if she has so many people that are important to her, do you know any well enough to ask if they would be willing to co-host?  Splitting food costs between 2 (or more) people would help you out a lot.



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02-19-2013 at 11:50 AM
Stina2012
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A friend pulled that on me. I was a co-host with three other friends and we decided to let sleeping dogs lie. I did, however, ask her to indicate how many would attend versus how many she was just sending invitations to (she sent to a lot of people out of state, not my style in particular but it was what she wanted). Perhaps that would help? However, I do agree that you are the host and can set the limit on the number of guests you can afford/have room to host. I also agree a non-meal time would help reduce the shower costs.

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02-19-2013 at 12:09 PM
1026pumpki...
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milkergirl1:
MelRC117:

MandJS:
Yes, it would be out of line to turn it into a pot luck. You are the hostess. I am sure your sister thinks all 62 of those people are important to her, but... honestly? I call BS on that. Maybe you can cut it to a family shower, only. That way it's more in line with your budget. You need to come up with a number that you think is reasonable and can afford, and then tell your sister. If the people cut are really THAT important to her, maybe one of them will offer to throw her another shower for friends or something.

Ditto. Another option is to just serve appetizers and cake and have the shower during a non meal time.  Geeze...62 people of her nearest and dearest is A LOT.  If they were that close they'd either throw their own shower or ask you if they could help you host or help with food.

All of this.  Or even skip the appetizers and just serve cake and punch, with maybe some bowls of nuts and mints out.  And if you're the host, you have the final say in who is invited.  So if 62  is too many for you, you need to speak up. 

I agree with all of this! 


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02-19-2013 at 12:24 PM
Adrian H.
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A dessert buffet could go over well.  You can find lots of different types of desserts and candies without breaking the bank. A She's About to Pop" theme could also go over well.  You could have an assortment of popcorn, soda "pop", lollipops, cake pops, and other related snacks.  I've seen this low cost theme pulled off with playful set/up display.

 
02-19-2013 at 1:15 PM
PunkyBoost...
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MelRC117:

MandJS:
Yes, it would be out of line to turn it into a pot luck. You are the hostess. I am sure your sister thinks all 62 of those people are important to her, but... honestly? I call BS on that. Maybe you can cut it to a family shower, only. That way it's more in line with your budget. You need to come up with a number that you think is reasonable and can afford, and then tell your sister. If the people cut are really THAT important to her, maybe one of them will offer to throw her another shower for friends or something.

Ditto. Another option is to just serve appetizers and cake and have the shower during a non meal time.  Geeze...62 people of her nearest and dearest is A LOT.  If they were that close they'd either throw their own shower or ask you if they could help you host or help with food.

All of this. That is insane.

 


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02-19-2013 at 1:22 PM
ninthgirl
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I got strong-armed into doing a 60-some person bridal shower along with the other bridesmaids.  We cut corners wherever we could, I will admit, and it totally clouded my view of the entire wedding and it did the same to the other bridesmaid who did the bulk of the work wtih me.

That said in my small-ish church circle it is normal for the women to all be invited to any shower for a guest list about that big.  When people RSVP they ALWAYS ask what they can bring, and I do mean always.  What's normal in your sister's circle?  Has anyone else offered to help in any way?


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02-19-2013 at 1:33 PM
CRLSMC2011
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You need to figure out what you can afford and tell her.  I was told 60 people was the max.  I ended up invited I think 48--two thirds being family (aunts, cousins) and half of the remaining guests are Mom's friends who she wanted to invite.  I think they said about 25-30 people are coming which is a perfect size.  My shower is Saturday and will be at my SIL's house and is co-hosted by 4 people (Mom, MIL, both SILs). 

But a pot luck is tacky--it means not only are you required to bring a gift, but you also have to bring food for yourself.  Save potlucks for random get-togethers that are not designed for gift giving.


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02-19-2013 at 1:38 PM
JmeJme
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Don't do potluck. I was invited to a potluck shower a few months ago, and I went, because I love the MTB, but I seriously side-eyed her hosts and was super annoyed that I had to bring something else in addition to the gift I was already buying.











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02-19-2013 at 1:50 PM
MzCurnett8...
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You need to tell her how many guests are in your budget, if someone else would like to throw her a shower in that circle then go ahead. If someone else wants to cohost okay. A baby shower is not a family reunion where Grandma can bring her famous potato salad, it's a hosted event. If she refuses to trim her list then you have a problem.

If I were invited to one I probably wouldn't bring a gift. You are essentially telling guests how to spend their money and if I had to cook for 60 it would be a expensive and time consuming more than picking up at a gift of my choosing on my way to the shower.

 
02-19-2013 at 2:14 PM
=Lee=B
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Are they close family and friends or just random facebook friends she doesn't really know?

I come from a very large, close family were we number over 50 people (just my aunts, uncles and cousins on my mom's side).  When they throw a shower (not all 50 come since it's usually just the females but other extended members and friends come too) the host has a few other's help out and do a pot luck of their own.

 The guests do not bring the food but maybe 5 aunts will supply the needed food, this allows them all to help out, take on a smaller part of the work and cost.  But the guest just see a well laid out assortment of foods.

Is your family big enough to have a few others help with food?

If not can you tell her it is too much and ask her to have 2 showers and have someone else host the other half, you take on the family and friends you know and the other party can be hte co-workers or random people she may have invited?


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02-19-2013 at 6:03 PM
PnkBride
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I would have the shower at 2:00 in the afternoon and have cake and punch only. As others have said add some nuts, mints, M&M's, with coffee and ice water also offered and you are set.  There is no way I would feed approx. 62 people for a shower I was hosting by myself.

This is perfectly acceptable. You would not need to provide a meal at this time of day. A potluck on the other hand would be tacky. I'm sorry. :)


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02-19-2013 at 7:22 PM
LaineyPane...
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PnkBride:
I would have the shower at 2:00 in the afternoon and have cake and punch only. As others have said add some nuts, mints, Mamp;M's, with coffee and ice water also offerednbsp;and you are set.nbsp; There is no way I would feed approx. 62 people for a shower I was hosting by myself. This is perfectly acceptable. You would not need to provide a meal at this time of day. A potluck on the other hand would be tacky. I'm sorry. :


Ditto this!!!

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02-19-2013 at 7:23 PM
LaineyPane...
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....and surely they won't ALL come. Here's my question: where do you host a shower for 62 people?

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02-19-2013 at 8:46 PM
baby Gs mo...
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No pot luck shower....speak to her if all 62 people need to be invited. Luckily not all will show up but if you cannot afford it, I would speak to her. I would just do a platter of pre-made sandwiches, potato and macaroni salad, then do a veggie tray and fruit tray with cake. You can make the salads and platters (besides the sandwich one) to cut down on the cost.

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02-19-2013 at 8:50 PM
BallSox
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"Listen sis, when I offered to throw your shower, I determined I could only financially support a shower of less than X people.  I'm horribly sorry that there was a misunderstanding and you thought I could host a shower much larger than that.  Ultimately, I do not feel comfortable hosting a shower where I make requests of the guests (such as providing their own food) or provide a party that is substandard.  I can either host an amazing shower for X amount of people or I will regretfully have to rescind my offer of hosting your shower."

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02-19-2013 at 9:38 PM
rhubarb123
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YES...it would be totally out of line...not to mention very tacky.  You do not ask people to bring a gift AND food as well. 

Have the shower at a non-meal time...like at 2 pm.  Just serve finger foods, chips, dip, veggies, dip, those kinds of things and have a cake.  Go light on decorations and scope out the dollar store.  If there is any way you can get someone to help you co-host (maybe your mom) that would be great.

Keep in mind that although she invites 62 people only about 2/3 show up and sometimes not even that many.

 
02-25-2013 at 12:21 AM
babyfirstd...
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i have some furgal idea for a shower on a budget. contact me a babyfirstday@yahoo.com
 
02-25-2013 at 10:22 AM
Liz4444
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babyfirstday:
i have some furgal idea for a shower on a budget. contact me a @yahoo.com

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