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02-19-2013 at 11:52 AM
tig594
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Is it just me or is this tacky?

Hi all.

My big shower was this past Sunday and it was pretty awesome.  There were a couple things I may not have agreed with had I been asked (ex. books vs cards) but overall it was a huge success. 

One thing I felt odd about was my hostesses asking the guests to write their addresses on the thank you card envelopes.  Just seemed a little impersonal to me.  Hell, while you're at it why don't you just have them fill the card out, too?  Big Smile They bought all the thank you cards which was nice but I have already purchased my own set of thank you cards. 

I've never really had a party in my honor before so I don't know if this is customary or am I right in feeling a little akward?

TIA!
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02-19-2013 at 11:55 AM
mcooper014
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Yes that is tacky.  I would be mortified if my guests were asked to do that, makes the mom to be look lazy.  They went out of their way to come to a shower and buy a gift, and then they were asked to practically write their own thank you cards! 
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02-19-2013 at 11:55 AM
MandJS
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Nope - it's tacky. I would NOT use the envelopes people wrote on and just do my own. You can choose to either use the thank yous they bought or the ones you bought. They really should have consulted you, first. 

AngelSmitty: This reminds me of something my college Human Sexuality professor used to say in class. "Sex is between the legs. Gender is between the ears."
 
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02-19-2013 at 12:17 PM
EastCoastB...
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I've been to showers that have done this and in the moment, I really don't care all that much.  I do see it as the host just trying to help the MTB out.

But, as I say that, I 've always HATED actually getting the card in the mail.  There is something about getting mail in MY handwriting that sucks.  It doesn't feel "real".  

"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~Benjamin Franklin

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02-19-2013 at 12:21 PM
MandJS
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EastCoastBride:

I've been to showers that have done this and in the moment, I really don't care all that much.  I do see it as the host just trying to help the MTB out.

But, as I say that, I 've always HATED actually getting the card in the mail.  There is something about getting mail in MY handwriting that sucks.  It doesn't feel "real".  

Yes! And it's confusing as all get up.  

AngelSmitty: This reminds me of something my college Human Sexuality professor used to say in class. "Sex is between the legs. Gender is between the ears."
 
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02-19-2013 at 1:04 PM
PunkyBoost...
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I would just use the hostess's self-addressed TY envelope and card and use your stuff (and your handwritten envelope) for everyone else :) 

I have had to do this a few times at showers and was always so confused weeks later when I'd get an envelope addressed to me in my own handwriting in the mail.

 
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02-19-2013 at 1:04 PM
526SadieSa...
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I'd personally be more irritated by the book i/o card thing but it's kinda tacky to have people address their own envelopes.

It saves you enough time to write a really really thoughtful TY note.
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02-19-2013 at 1:20 PM
ninthgirl
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I personally believe it to be tacky.

That said it was done at the last baby shower I was at, which really surprised me because I always thought the hostess to be pretty big on ettiquette.  It didn't really bother me to do it, though I wouldn't have liked it done at my own shower.  A lot of the other guests commented on what a great idea it was, too.

So just because it's tacky doesn't mean your guests are all giving you the side-eye.
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02-19-2013 at 1:40 PM
tig594
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How funny is that? I also wouldn't mind doing it for someone else's shower but not my own. My friends and family are pretty relaxed but I still would have prefered that it was not asked of them.
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02-19-2013 at 2:05 PM
Max'smom
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EastCoastBride:

I've been to showers that have done this and in the moment, I really don't care all that much.  I do see it as the host just trying to help the MTB out.

But, as I say that, I 've always HATED actually getting the card in the mail.  There is something about getting mail in MY handwriting that sucks.  It doesn't feel "real".  

My thoughts exactly. I would not really care if this was done at a shower I attended. Not the same but my dentist does their reminders this way and it is always odd to get a card in your hand writing.
Max Wyatt born 1-12-08 10:08 am: 4lbs 11 oz 16 3/4 inches. Sam Dean born 12-21-09 7:36 am: 8lbs 7 oz 19 3/4 inches.  
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02-19-2013 at 2:18 PM
Helenahhan...
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Awww...don't worry about it-- it's done. 

Yes, it is a little bit tacky, but I am sure most people will assume it was not your idea.

At my bridal shower, my mom presented me with a basket full of pre- addressed thank you cards during the gift opening.  She had filled out the envelopes herself, so it was a little bit different, but I was mortified. 

I actually flipped out at her for it, and she said she didn't realize it was weird to do, and said she did it to "make my life easier."  Then of course I felt bad for flipping.

My advice is to let it go.

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02-19-2013 at 3:29 PM
RoxyLynn
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Your hostesses meant well, they just slipped up.

Throw the envelopes away and address your own.  There's no need to confront them about it or anything; if they ask, you can just say you spilled a soda on the envelopes, darn it all, and re-did them.
I think it can be done well, and I would have loved it, but taking all of the crappy parts of school away from a kid isn't good for them in the long run.

There are lessons like "Not everyone likes you" and "Some people are douche bags" that you don't learn without socializing in a large group of poorly supervised children.
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02-19-2013 at 5:42 PM
chattychiq...
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It's not anything you should worry about. You were the GOH and if anyone had any negative opinion of it, they had to have known it was a doing of your hostesses and not you. I second the suggestion of getting new envelopes.

This is the only thing I told my MIL I didn't want at my bridal shower. I thought it was bad manners and hated every stroke of the pen when I had done this at others' showers. What next? Asking guests to affix their own stamp? I am probably uptight about this but I think if someone is making time to celebrate your happiness with you, buy and wrap a gift, you can spend 20 seconds addressing the TY card.

Getting it in the mail feels like a dental cleaning or Pap smear reminder.
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02-19-2013 at 8:42 PM
baby Gs mo...
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EastCoastBride:

I've been to showers that have done this and in the moment, I really don't care all that much.  I do see it as the host just trying to help the MTB out.

But, as I say that, I 've always HATED actually getting the card in the mail.  There is something about getting mail in MY handwriting that sucks.  It doesn't feel "real".  

AGREE 100%. I wouldnt use the envelopes the guests filled out.
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02-19-2013 at 9:25 PM
tmrchi
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If I'm hosting a shower I normally print address labels from the computer for the invites.  I also print out an extra copy for the mom to be / bride to use for the thank-yous.  Saves a lot of time, and I think a computer generated address label is much better than a guest labeling their own.
 
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02-19-2013 at 9:30 PM
rhubarb123
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That is one of my pet peeves and I actually never do it when requested to do so.  I think there was only one time I did not get a thank you card.  lol  Just use the thank you cards that you bought.  It is tacky to ask the guests to write their name and address on the envelope..it only takes like 30-45 seconds.  If the MTB can't spare that amount of time then she probably should not have had a shower.
 
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02-20-2013 at 1:30 AM
guilletski...
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rhubarb123:
That is one of my pet peeves and I actually never do it when requested to do so.  I think there was only one time I did not get a thank you card.  lol  Just use the thank you cards that you bought.  It is tacky to ask the guests to write their name and address on the envelope..it only takes like 30-45 seconds.  If the MTB can't spare that amount of time then she probably should not have had a shower.

I honestly had never heard of this being done before coming to this board. My first thought was that it wasn't supposed to be a time saver as much as it was to make sure the MTB had the correct addresses to send the thank you cards to. But I suppose that's probably not the case if invites were sent in the mail, hey?

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02-20-2013 at 3:34 AM
IsaiahGirl
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This happened to me at one of my showers. The hostess didn't ask me ahead of time, and I was mortified when she brought them out at the shower. I didn't think to use new envelopes, but I did make my notes to each guest as personal as possible and had them done and mailed by the next weekend. I figured that if it was meant to be a timesaver, I had no excuse to put off writing them. I just hope people realize I didn't know about it at all and didn't plan on being that lazy!
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02-20-2013 at 8:30 AM
lovely4321
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There are worse things.
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02-20-2013 at 12:26 PM
JBMarq3
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Was there not already addresses for the invitations??
 
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02-20-2013 at 2:56 PM
mrskelly73...
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IsaiahGirl:
This happened to me at one of my showers. The hostess didn't ask me ahead of time, and I was mortified when she brought them out at the shower. I didn't think to use new envelopes, but I did make my notes to each guest as personal as possible and had them done and mailed by the next weekend. I figured that if it was meant to be a timesaver, I had no excuse to put off writing them. I just hope people realize I didn't know about it at all and didn't plan on being that lazy!

This exactly.  My SIL was the hostess and she used it as a game.  After they addressed their envelopes she drew one and they got a prize.  I felt awkward sitting in silence as they were all writing their information like they were at a Dr's office filling out paperwork.
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02-20-2013 at 3:00 PM
chattychiq...
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mrskelly731:

IsaiahGirl:
This happened to me at one of my showers. The hostess didn't ask me ahead of time, and I was mortified when she brought them out at the shower. I didn't think to use new envelopes, but I did make my notes to each guest as personal as possible and had them done and mailed by the next weekend. I figured that if it was meant to be a timesaver, I had no excuse to put off writing them. I just hope people realize I didn't know about it at all and didn't plan on being that lazy!

This exactly.&nbsp; My SIL was the hostess and she used it as a game.&nbsp; After they addressed their envelopes she drew one and they got a prize.&nbsp; I felt awkward sitting in silence as they were all writing their information like they were at a Dr's office filling out paperwork.



I cohosted a shower and was morbidly embarrassed when the main hostess endorsed the MTB's desire to host a raffle for a prize. In addition to having guests address their own TY cards, they gave guests who BROUGHT A PACK OF DIAPERS IN ADDITION TO A GIFT a raffle ticket. They "won" a 10 dollar bottle of Victoria's Secret lotion.

Same MTB got pregnant when her DS was 11 months and hinted she wanted another shower. When I was approached to co host a second time I made myself conveniently busy every weekend the target month. No thank you.

Tackiness abounds.
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