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02-20-2013 at 4:01 PM
hmontty
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Joined on 07-21-2010
NJ
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hmontty is not online. Last active: 05-13-2013, 12:32 AMSilver

DH vent

DH is awesome with our toddler (DD), but he's not much of a baby person. He did (very begrudgingly) get up in shifts to feed our new DS for the first couple weeks, but once he went back to work, I started doing every shift, which is every 2.5 to 3 hours through the night.

After six weeks, I started back at work too. I do work at home, but I run a freelancing business and am extremely busy, while I also do all the house work, all the shopping and cooking, and take care of the kids. DD goes to nursery school 15 hours a week, but otherwise she is home with me. DS is home with me all day.

So I am exhausted. Last night I had to stay up until 2:30 am to get my work done (only chance I had to finish it), but I still had to continue to feed the baby -- I got probably 4-5 hours of sleep tops, and not together, last night, which is typical, and has been for weeks. I am a zombie.

DH calls today and asks how I am doing. I tell him I feel like I am going to keel over and die. 

DH: "Well hang on until Friday [DH is off on Fridays and Saturdays], and I will get up with the kids and you can sleep in."

OK, great -- this means that after my 7 am feeding, I can go to bed a couple more hours. Yeah, that's nice and all, but it's not enough.

ME: "OK, thanks hon, but what I REALLY need is 8 to 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep. It's the nonconsecutive sleep that is killing me."

DH: "Well, honey, that's just never going to be possible as long as Reid is only sleeping a few hours at a time."

REALLY??? I have an idea. How about YOU do ALL the shifts Friday night so I can sleep like a baby, like you do EVERY NIGHT?

I can't actually suggest this, though, or it will turn into a pity party about how he gets up at 6 am every morning and needs his sleep on the weekends. FOR REAL?

Plus I know he will let DS cry to the point of wailing before he actually gets up to feed him, which will wake me up and upset my inner mommy, which will defeat the purpose anyway.

Vent done.


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02-20-2013 at 5:36 PM
Kemare20
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Joined on 06-15-2012
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Kemare20 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 1:29 PMBronze

I'm sorry you're going through that. That is very frustrating. I think many, many of us deal with similar problems. Most males just aren't pre-wired for the job like women are. They have to LEARN it. Try and talk to him about it when you are both in a good mood and just ask for a little more help. You are exhausted and you just need a good night sleep. It would help you out SO much if he would volunteer to take a night.

My DH finally realized how much help I needed when one day, I laid our DS on the floor to play and DS started to fuss. I completely lost it. Like... I have never been so out of control before in my life. I burst into tears, ran upstairs, screamed "GET THE F**** OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" to the dogs when I got into our bedroom and SLAMMED the door as hard as I possibly could. I sobbed for a good 45 minutes.

It SUCKED that it got to that point- but it did. Now my DH is very careful to ensure that he is pulling his weight as much as possible. That incident scared him and it scared me. I have never felt so out of control like that in my life and I never want to get to that point again. It was from lack of sleep and feeling like I was "doing it all".


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02-20-2013 at 5:45 PM
jterpbride
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Joined on 06-03-2011
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jterpbride is not online. Last active: 05-15-2013, 11:40 PMBronze
I don't understand, why can't he take Friday night, and when you get up he can take a nap for a few hours? Any errands he has to do can really wait. If he cares about your wellbeing, he'll do it.

Other alternative is he takes the kids all day Saturday and you get 8 to 10 hours during the day. Again, forget any errands. You really need this. Especially since you are working too!

MH works but he is a big help on weekends. This is our first kid so it is different but I will ask for the same next time.

Also, the 6am pity party wouldn't fly with me. He can go to bed at 10 every night. I'd suggest that and then he won't need his weekend sleep more than you. Sorry this pisses me off!!

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02-20-2013 at 7:04 PM
Teacher Cl...
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Teacher Clark is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 5:31 PMSilver
My DH gets up at 5 every morning and still helps with DD at night as well as letting me sleep late when he is home. You both made this baby so you both have the responsibility. It sounds as if he knows you will cave if he whines about it.

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02-20-2013 at 7:32 PM
sbevmc09
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Joined on 04-09-2008
Ohio
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sbevmc09 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 5:18 PMGold

Obviously what you are doing now isn't working.  I would suggest you sit down and have a conversation with him about coming to a compromise that will work for both of you.  If that means he gets up on certain nights and you on others, okay.  Or maybe you can just switch off at each waking.  Also, talk about the expectations for when it's his turn (i.e. you don't want DS getting too upset).  It's not at all unreasonable to expect him to share the burden with you and to give you a break, but you have to openly talk to him about it because making a comment like "what I need is a full night's sleep!" might not register with him the way you would hope. It's only fair for you both to sit down and come to a solution together that works for both of you because if you don't you're just going to get more and more worn down and more and more resentful. 

GL!


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02-20-2013 at 9:50 PM
graciesmur...
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graciesmurf is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 4:17 PMBronze
He sounds like a peach.

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02-21-2013 at 3:33 PM
Kingston54
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Kingston54 is not online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 11:24 PMGold

I think sometimes men just need to be told and put in their place.  Tell him he needs to get up with the baby and let you sleep.  And tell him he needs to get up before she wakes you up - since you do it all the time.  I hope you can get some rest.  You're right - the non-consecutive sleep is useless.


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