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02-20-2013 at 6:01 PM
jcf2011
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jcf2011 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 2:16 PMNewbie

The Right Time??

So, my husband (29) and I (26) have been married for over a year (together for about 5), last year I went on the Mirena IUD after finding out that the Pill that I'd been on wasn't the best choice for me. ANYWAYS, last September I started a great new job that I am still  in love with - it's a small company with very involved ownership, a great staff, etc.

Up until now we’ve been sticking with a “5 year plan” for kids, it’s pretty much what we tell our friends and families every time the start inquiring (nagging) about our plans; plus I’ve never really been in a hurry and wanted to enjoy married life for a while.

Lately, I’ve been thinking more and more about children and, as it turns out, so has my husband. We’ve been talking about it quite regularly and he’s opened up to what his ideal timeline on kids would be - which is basically to be starting in the next year or so. We’re both pretty active people, particularly him, and he wants to be fairly young as they’re growing up so that he can keep up with them and see to it that they’re inspired have an active lifestyle as well.

My mom has always said (regarding kids) that “when you know, you know” and I’m 99% sure that I know.

My only hesitation to start trying right now is my job. I definitely see myself here for the long haul; however, as I mentioned, I am still fairly new. I know that legally I can’t be penalized or anything for getting pregnant; I’m just worried about hampering any relationships, wondering what they’ll think of me, etc. As I mentioned earlier, I work very closely with ownership and the general manager, and the last thing I want to do is lose their respect. Is this something I should be worried about? 

Thanks for any thoughts and advice!

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02-20-2013 at 6:17 PM
quidditchc...
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Ya know, it makes me mad that women are made to feel this way. I highly doubt my husband gave a second thought to how his coworkers would think of him if I were to get pregnant. However, I am in a similar position and am worried about my status for when or if I have to announce a pregnancy to my boss over the next year or so.

What it came down to for me was a determination of what was more important to me. They cannot kick me out of the program for being pregnant, and beyond that, expanding my family is more important to me than avoiding any ways that coworkers could make my life miserable. Welcome and GL with your decision!


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02-20-2013 at 6:24 PM
RachC624
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What makes you feel like you would be penalized? Personally I understand as I work in a school of all females and a lot of them have been pregnant or are wanting kids soon. Totally agree with quidditch though.

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02-20-2013 at 7:16 PM
femmepink
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quidditchcapn1120:
Ya know, it makes me mad that women are made to feel this way. I highly doubt my husband gave a second thought to how his coworkers would think of him if I were to get pregnant. However, I am in a similar position and am worried about my status for when or if I have to announce a pregnancy to my boss over the next year or so.

What it came down to for me was a determination of what was more important to me. They cannot kick me out of the program for being pregnant, and beyond that, expanding my family is more important to me than avoiding any ways that coworkers could make my life miserable. Welcome and GL with your decision!


ITA with this!

It sucks that you have to worry about this, and I know I would too given your situation. But sometimes other people's views on our situations aren't as bad as we predict so you never know how they might react or what they'll think. I tell myself that a lot when I'm thinking negatively about what people might be thinking.

In the end, your personal life and professional life are separate and luckily a lot people these days won't dock you respect for starting a family.

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02-20-2013 at 7:17 PM
FutureMrsC...
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I understand your hesitation and agree with the previous poster that it really is a shame that women have to feel this way.  If a family is important to you and your DH right now then I feel you should pursue that.  You DH has some very valid points for wanting to get started, especially if you plan to have more than one child.  (my DH is 36 and is ready to get working on #3 for us because he's starting to feel his biological clock ticking haha)  Plus, by the time you get knocked up and actually deliver the baby, you're looking at another year +, so you'll have more time in.

I think as far as your career goes, you will just have to prove to them that you'll remain dedicated to your job after you have your child.  Ya know?  Also, if you are close with the owners maybe you could have a heart to heart with them, telling them how much you love your job and while you want to start a family you intend on still having a career, etc.  I don't know what field your in, if that would be appropriate or not, but it's something to think about.


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02-20-2013 at 7:30 PM
wearebirds
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I agree with all of that up there above me.

I'd make it a point to make a plan with them once you got pregnant regarding who will cover you, how long you will be gone, and reassure them that you won't leave them high and dry. A lot if times businesses are a lot more open to it than we anticipate.

My feeling on the matter is, all employers should know, that if you hire a woman of child bearing age...it IS possible that they could become pregnant at ANY time during their employment. I just started a position a month ago, and we didn't change plans. I won't get to take off as long as I'd like to if it happens soon, but that's just how the cookie crumbles!

Good luck to you!

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02-20-2013 at 7:30 PM
sem71587
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I'm confused as to why you're worried about being penalized. I run my parents small business and manage our entire staff and all day to day operations so I feel I can understand what you're saying about working with owners and working in small business. I wouldn't even think twice about someone who worked for me becoming pregnant, it's not something I would hold against them (mentally since that seems to be your concern) regardless of how long they have worked for me.

 Obviously I'm a woman so if my opinion is less convincing because of that... My Dad, who managed our business until 2009 when I graduated with my degree, would never have held it against an employee either.

 This might not get me many fans but I think a lot of people create these problems in their heads. If you're good at your job, are reliable and an all around asset to the business then you shouldn't even give this a second thought. They have temp agencies to replace you short term. 


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02-20-2013 at 9:20 PM
quidditchc...
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sem71587:
I'm confused as to why you're worried about being penalized. I run my parents small business and manage our entire staff and all day to day operations so I feel I can understand what you're saying about working with owners and working in small business. I wouldn't even think twice about someone who worked for me becoming pregnant, it's not something I would hold against them mentally since that seems to be your concern regardless of how long they have worked for me.nbsp;Obviously I'm a woman so if my opinion is less convincing because of that... My Dad, who managed our business until 2009 when I graduated with my degree, would never have held it against an employee either.nbsp;This might not get me many fans but I think a lot of people create these problems in their heads. If you're good at your job, are reliable and an all around asset to the business then you shouldn't even give this a second thought. They have temp agencies to replace you short term.nbsp;

I think you are overestimating the values of some business owners based on your personal experience.

I used to work for a company where every single person who ended up pregnant got fired. There would always be a different "official" reason but I worked for a very small company in an at will state where not much could be done.

Right now I am in residency, and if you don't think getting pregnant will earn you animosity on behalf of your co residents and attendings, you are very much mistaken. When you take off during residency someone else has to take over your on call days and OR days which won't earn you many friends. I have experience only taking off 2 weeks with DS since I was in dental school at the time, so I'm not too worried about needing to take too much time off this time, unless there are health problems.


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02-20-2013 at 10:54 PM
JJMD09
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For better or worse, these are legitimate concerns that I also shared when I announced I was pregnant with DS. It turned out that I was the only one that had any concern at all. In fact, they were surprised that I came back to work as soon as I did. At the time, I felt like I "had" to get back to work - now I wish I had been home longer with my son as a newborn.

 My only point is that you may be putting undue pressure on yourself. If you have done a good job and plan appropriately for your leave, then there will be nothing to worry about in terms of negative perceptions. Frankly, I think companies must somewhat also expect that 20- and 30-something women may eventually have kids. Companies manage with people out on leave for medical or personal reasons all the time. Plan for it in advance, and you'll be fine too.

 Good luck!


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02-21-2013 at 8:04 AM
AlphaSierr...
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Welcome! I totally understand what you are going through, but I have come to the conclusion that you can't plan your life around work and TTC. For me, I still put in for career moves/advances even though we are actively TTC. We've been at it for 5 months and we are still at it so who knows how long it will be. Also, once you do get pregnant, you will still be able to work. It will only be about 3 months that you have to take off once you have the baby, which isn't unreasonable.

I think with such a small group, they will end up being happier for you than anything. Good Luck!

 
02-21-2013 at 10:44 AM
curlylocks...
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quidditchcapn1120:
sem71587:
I'm confused as to why you're worried about being penalized. I run my parents small business and manage our entire staff and all day to day operations so I feel I can understand what you're saying about working with owners and working in small business. I wouldn't even think twice about someone who worked for me becoming pregnant, it's not something I would hold against them mentally since that seems to be your concern regardless of how long they have worked for me.nbsp;Obviously I'm a woman so if my opinion is less convincing because of that... My Dad, who managed our business until 2009 when I graduated with my degree, would never have held it against an employee either.nbsp;This might not get me many fans but I think a lot of people create these problems in their heads. If you're good at your job, are reliable and an all around asset to the business then you shouldn't even give this a second thought. They have temp agencies to replace you short term.nbsp;
I think you are overestimating the values of some business owners based on your personal experience.

*snipped for brevity, but I think quidditchcapn hit the nail on the head*
OP, I think you have some very legitimate concerns. When I got my BFP I never got to the point of announcing but I admit I was worried about doing so because it meant that I would be off over the holidays, which is a big deal in my field. I worried that it would lead to some resentment on the part of my coworkers for having to cover for me. And no, temp agencies, aren't always an option. 
It doesn't sound like you are planning on TTC for another year or so though, so by the time you do get pregnant your bosses and coworkers will know you (and your work ethic) better. If you've made it clear that this is a career you plan to continue in then hopefully that will speak for itself and together you all can make a good plan of how to cover your work while you are on leave. 


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02-22-2013 at 12:13 PM
jcf2011
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jcf2011 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 2:16 PMNewbie

This is all such great advice and certainly helps to ease a lot of my stress. While I won't be able to get a temp to fill my spot, I will atleast have time to train other staff on what my day-to-day tasks are.

 

Thank you for giving me some perspective!!

 
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