Unfortunately there are some people who don't know how to read an invitation and they may assume they can bring their kids.

Can you do something in the wording of the invitation to make it clear that this is an adult get-together?

It's hard to say what people will assume. In some families, people bring kids- especially LOs and girls of all ages- to what is a family-centric event. And of course, any baby young enough to be breastfed is typically an automatic "plus 1". I like a shower as an excuse to get a night or afternoon off from being mom, but not everyone sees it as I do.

Thanks. The invitations are already printed, so there is nothing I can do there, but even if I could I wouldn't feel right putting adults only on the invite. It is a friends shower, not a family one, her family is several states away and they are having a separate shower for her there.

Liatris2010:

Thanks. The invitations are already printed, so there is nothing I can do there, but even if I could I wouldn't feel right putting adults only on the invite. It is a friends shower, not a family one, her family is several states away and they are having a separate shower for her there.

Are you asking people to RSVP? I would think they would indicate then if they plan to bring their kids, and you could apologize and say that it's not a child-friendly event.  

RedheadBaker:

Are you asking people to RSVP? I would think they would indicate then if they plan to bring their kids, and you could apologize and say that it's not a child-friendly event.  

 

Yep, and I have no problem telling them I can't accommodate the LOs. I am afraid people would RSVP without mentioning them, and just show up with the kiddos, but it seems like that isn't likely to be the case. I guess I am a little nervous because I don't know any of the women invited and if they are the type to bring kids along or not, but I am feeling better about that not being much of a thing. I only have a few friends who are parents and haven't been to many baby showers, so I wasn't sure if just bringing the kids was "a thing" or not.

I always ask the host before assuming I can bring my DD to a baby shower.

I am breastfeeding and my DH works Saturdays so I have to bring DD to a shower in two weeks but I asked the host first and she said it was fine.

I would hope they would ask you, or take a cue from the invite.

Afternoon tea, drinks & appetizers, formal dinner - no kids

BBQ, back yard/outdoor informal event - ask if you can bring kids

 

It is a brunch in my home. We are just full and I've got two dogs and don't want to have to worry about watching the dogs with the kids on top of making sure all the guests are fed and watered. The dogs are nice, but I don't know if the kids  are, and it isn't a liability I'm willing to assume. I'm fine with someone bringing a lap infant since the baby wouldn't need a chair or have any desire to sit on, pick up, or otherwise annoy the dogs. I hope that makes sense. I'm usually all for inviting the kids (we invited them to our wedding), but since I don't know these people or their kids I'm not willing to take on the extra responsibility, plus we have no more space for extra guests.

Liatris2010:

It is a brunch in my home. We are just full and I've got two dogs and don't want to have to worry about watching the dogs with the kids on top of making sure all the guests are fed and watered. The dogs are nice, but I don't know if the kids  are, and it isn't a liability I'm willing to assume. I'm fine with someone bringing a lap infant since the baby wouldn't need a chair or have any desire to sit on, pick up, or otherwise annoy the dogs. I hope that makes sense. I'm usually all for inviting the kids (we invited them to our wedding), but since I don't know these people or their kids I'm not willing to take on the extra responsibility, plus we have no more space for extra guests.

 You are the host. It is your call and you can make any decision you would like. 

You might consider putting the dogs in your bedroom for the party or having DH take them with him (wherever he is going). If you don't want them touched/picked up. We have a cat who is not a fan of being touched by strangers. She doesn't "attack" anyone, but she will meow at them to leave her alone and if they persist, she will scratch them (who keeps touching an animal that doesn't want to be touched?). Anyway, we always put her in our bedroom when we have company. She (and everyone) are happier that way. :-)  

I think we'll just see how it plays out. If people ask about kids, I'll tell them no, and if they show up with them I won't turn them away at the door. The dogs are good, but if the kids are pestering them I can lock them in the bedroom (the dogs, not the kids) or ask mom to keep the kids in check. The only problem I can see is if someone tried to pick up the little dog. She is little, so people want to pick her up a lot, but she isn't really a big fan of strangers grabbing her and lifting her off the ground (who is?). I think it will be okay, you ladies have made me feel better about the whole thing. Thanks!

cinderin:

Liatris2010:

It is a brunch in my home. We are just full and I've got two dogs and don't want to have to worry about watching the dogs with the kids on top of making sure all the guests are fed and watered. The dogs are nice, but I don't know if the kids  are, and it isn't a liability I'm willing to assume. I'm fine with someone bringing a lap infant since the baby wouldn't need a chair or have any desire to sit on, pick up, or otherwise annoy the dogs. I hope that makes sense. I'm usually all for inviting the kids (we invited them to our wedding), but since I don't know these people or their kids I'm not willing to take on the extra responsibility, plus we have no more space for extra guests.

 You are the host. It is your call and you can make any decision you would like. 

You might consider putting the dogs in your bedroom for the party or having DH take them with him (wherever he is going). If you don't want them touched/picked up. We have a cat who is not a fan of being touched by strangers. She doesn't "attack" anyone, but she will meow at them to leave her alone and if they persist, she will scratch them (who keeps touching an animal that doesn't want to be touched?). Anyway, we always put her in our bedroom when we have company. She (and everyone) are happier that way. :-)  

Probably people who don't know your cat and don't understand that her meowing means "leave me alone." I was bitten as a child because I didn't understand cat behavior. 

cinderin:

I would hope they would ask you, or take a cue from the invite.

Afternoon tea, drinks & appetizers, formal dinner - no kids

BBQ, back yard/outdoor informal event - ask if you can bring kids

Actually, there's an even easier way.

Child's name or "and family" on the envelope - OK to bring the kids

Only your name on the envelope - not OK to bring the kids.

Easy!  There's just never a need to put a hostess on the spot and force them to tell you that you may not bring your children. 

Sorry, not to change the subject (but I think you've gotten good advice and are on-track here)...

Is the mom-to-be a dog person? Because I am not and if there were dogs (of any size) running around at my shower all I could think about was dog hair/fur/dander getting on my gifts.I know they are your pets and I am sure you love them to pieces, but if they can be in a different room our outside they would be very thoughtful to the guest of honor and other guests. 

CougFan:

Sorry, not to change the subject (but I think you've gotten good advice and are on-track here)...

Is the mom-to-be a dog person? Because I am not and if there were dogs (of any size) running around at my shower all I could think about was dog hair/fur/dander getting on my gifts.I know they are your pets and I am sure you love them to pieces, but if they can be in a different room our outside they would be very thoughtful to the guest of honor and other guests. 

 

Yes, mom to be  is a dog person. When we go to their home, they usually encourage us to bring the dogs too, so I am sure they won't bother her at all.

Is it possible you could ask the MTB if she knows of anyone coming that might be tempted to bring their kids?  Just let her know you don't have space for any kids except lap children and hopefully she'll spread the word.

I'm thinking your friend (MTB) has been to your house before and knows your dogs.  I know we have a big dog (golden-doodle) and he does not shed or bite but is just sooo big.  We allow him out and about if there are no little kids around (even though we have our 3) but would put him in the bedroom if there are "stranger kids" just because he is so big he would just knock them down.  Also, if he gets "obnoxious" I'll send him to "bed" and he knows to stay there until I tell him to come back out.  You might just want to ask the guests (when they come) if any of them are afraid of dogs (or have allergies). 

rhubarb123:

Is it possible you could ask the MTB if she knows of anyone coming that might be tempted to bring their kids?  Just let her know you don't have space for any kids except lap children and hopefully she'll spread the word.

I'm thinking your friend (MTB) has been to your house before and knows your dogs.  I know we have a big dog (golden-doodle) and he does not shed or bite but is just sooo big.  We allow him out and about if there are no little kids around (even though we have our 3) but would put him in the bedroom if there are "stranger kids" just because he is so big he would just knock them down.  Also, if he gets "obnoxious" I'll send him to "bed" and he knows to stay there until I tell him to come back out.  You might just want to ask the guests (when they come) if any of them are afraid of dogs (or have allergies). 

 

Good plan, I'll mention the dogs when people call to RSVP,  this way they won't be surprised when they are greeted at the door by 90 lbs of fur.

I invited a lot of people with children to my wedding expecting that it would be rude to say they couldn't bring their kids, so I didn't stipulate either way. However, no one brought their kids, it was kind of weird actually.  Why can't you accommodate people's children?  just asking out of curiosity rather than judgment.  Maybe hold the event at a venue where it will be self-evident that children are not appropriate, or consider enlisting the help of another friend who can accommodate kids in the event that your friends bring theirs.  

I'm on the fence on the issue, but I tend to think that stipulating "no kids" is a little rude, but that's just me.   

Sorry I didn't read the entire thread - I'd probably just find a way to put the dogs up or out while you were having the party either way.  Some adults can be weird about dogs too.

trudibell:

I invited a lot of people with children to my wedding expecting that it would be rude to say they couldn't bring their kids, so I didn't stipulate either way. However, no one brought their kids, it was kind of weird actually.  Why can't you accommodate people's children?  just asking out of curiosity rather than judgment.  Maybe hold the event at a venue where it will be self-evident that children are not appropriate, or consider enlisting the help of another friend who can accommodate kids in the event that your friends bring theirs.  

I'm on the fence on the issue, but I tend to think that stipulating "no kids" is a little rude, but that's just me.   

 

Did you read any of my posts in this thread? I am hosting a baby shower in my home. The guest list is twice as big as we originally planned, and there is no room for any more people. That is the first reason for not wanting people to bring their kids. The second reason is that all the people invited are MTB's friends, and I don't know them or their kids, and I am not willing to assume the liability of their kids being around my dogs. I know my dogs are nice, but what if their kids aren't? It isn't feasible for me to be responsible for feeding and watering guests plus watching a bunch of strange kids around my dogs. If the shower were fewer people, then sure I could host and babysit, but since it is larger I can't.

 

I haven't stipulated "no kids" on the invite, I am just not inviting them. It isn't rude to invite people places without also inviting their kids.

trudibell:

I invited a lot of people with children to my wedding expecting that it would be rude to say they couldn't bring their kids, so I didn't stipulate either way. However, no one brought their kids, it was kind of weird actually.  Why can't you accommodate people's children?  just asking out of curiosity rather than judgment.  Maybe hold the event at a venue where it will be self-evident that children are not appropriate, or consider enlisting the help of another friend who can accommodate kids in the event that your friends bring theirs.  

I'm on the fence on the issue, but I tend to think that stipulating "no kids" is a little rude, but that's just me.   

 

Did you read any of my posts in this thread? I am hosting a baby shower in my home. The guest list is twice as big as we originally planned, and there is no room for any more people. That is the first reason for not wanting people to bring their kids. The second reason is that all the people invited are MTB's friends, and I don't know them or their kids, and I am not willing to assume the liability of their kids being around my dogs. I know my dogs are nice, but what if their kids aren't? It isn't feasible for me to be responsible for feeding and watering guests plus watching a bunch of strange kids around my dogs. If the shower were fewer people, then sure I could host and babysit, but since it is larger I can't.

 

I haven't stipulated "no kids" on the invite, I am just not inviting them. It isn't rude to invite people places without also inviting their kids.

Liatris2010:

trudibell:

I invited a lot of people with children to my wedding expecting that it would be rude to say they couldn't bring their kids, so I didn't stipulate either way. However, no one brought their kids, it was kind of weird actually.  Why can't you accommodate people's children?  just asking out of curiosity rather than judgment.  Maybe hold the event at a venue where it will be self-evident that children are not appropriate, or consider enlisting the help of another friend who can accommodate kids in the event that your friends bring theirs.  

I'm on the fence on the issue, but I tend to think that stipulating "no kids" is a little rude, but that's just me.   

 

Did you read any of my posts in this thread? I am hosting a baby shower in my home. The guest list is twice as big as we originally planned, and there is no room for any more people. That is the first reason for not wanting people to bring their kids. The second reason is that all the people invited are MTB's friends, and I don't know them or their kids, and I am not willing to assume the liability of their kids being around my dogs. I know my dogs are nice, but what if their kids aren't? It isn't feasible for me to be responsible for feeding and watering guests plus watching a bunch of strange kids around my dogs. If the shower were fewer people, then sure I could host and babysit, but since it is larger I can't.

 

I haven't stipulated "no kids" on the invite, I am just not inviting them. It isn't rude to invite people places without also inviting their kids.

I actually reposted immediately after.  I wouldn't expect a hostess to play hostess and babysit to my children if I brought them to an event.  Personally, I wouldn't bring them to a baby shower, but I still wouldn't feel put out if people brought theirs to mine.  That's just me, it was my opinion.  Sorry to make you all defensive, either way, kids or no kids, if you are worried about your dogs in a social situation I would probably find someone to dog-sit during the party.  Kids aren't the only ones who can be unpredictable around dogs (and I am saying this as a dog enthusiast).   

trudibell:

Liatris2010:

trudibell:

I invited a lot of people with children to my wedding expecting that it would be rude to say they couldn't bring their kids, so I didn't stipulate either way. However, no one brought their kids, it was kind of weird actually.  Why can't you accommodate people's children?  just asking out of curiosity rather than judgment.  Maybe hold the event at a venue where it will be self-evident that children are not appropriate, or consider enlisting the help of another friend who can accommodate kids in the event that your friends bring theirs.  

I'm on the fence on the issue, but I tend to think that stipulating "no kids" is a little rude, but that's just me.   

 

Did you read any of my posts in this thread? I am hosting a baby shower in my home. The guest list is twice as big as we originally planned, and there is no room for any more people. That is the first reason for not wanting people to bring their kids. The second reason is that all the people invited are MTB's friends, and I don't know them or their kids, and I am not willing to assume the liability of their kids being around my dogs. I know my dogs are nice, but what if their kids aren't? It isn't feasible for me to be responsible for feeding and watering guests plus watching a bunch of strange kids around my dogs. If the shower were fewer people, then sure I could host and babysit, but since it is larger I can't.

 

I haven't stipulated "no kids" on the invite, I am just not inviting them. It isn't rude to invite people places without also inviting their kids.

I actually reposted immediately after.  I wouldn't expect a hostess to play hostess and babysit to my children if I brought them to an event.  Personally, I wouldn't bring them to a baby shower, but I still wouldn't feel put out if people brought theirs to mine.  That's just me, it was my opinion.  Sorry to make you all defensive, either way, kids or no kids, if you are worried about your dogs in a social situation I would probably find someone to dog-sit during the party.  Kids aren't the only ones who can be unpredictable around dogs (and I am saying this as a dog enthusiast).   

 

Sorry I missed your repost. Even if we locked the dogs up, we still don't have enough chairs or room for chairs for the little butts of people's little children. If the guestlist was smaller I wouldn't mind the kids, even around the dogs, but keeping track of a lot of guests plus the kids and dogs is too much. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I am sure most people won't expect me to watch their kids, but we all know someone who thinks their kid's bad behavior is cute, that the doggie doesn't mind being poked in the eye, etc. and since I don't know any of the women invited I can't be sure that I won't end up needing to keep tabs on that kid.

trudibell:

I invited a lot of people with children to my wedding expecting that it would be rude to say they couldn't bring their kids, so I didn't stipulate either way. However, no one brought their kids, it was kind of weird actually.  Why can't you accommodate people's children?  just asking out of curiosity rather than judgment.  Maybe hold the event at a venue where it will be self-evident that children are not appropriate, or consider enlisting the help of another friend who can accommodate kids in the event that your friends bring theirs.  

I'm on the fence on the issue, but I tend to think that stipulating "no kids" is a little rude, but that's just me.   

There is nothing rude about putting "adults only" on an invitation.  Just as there is nothing wrong with having an adults only event, even if it is a baby shower, regardless of whether its an accommodation issue or simply that the host or guest of honor prefers it that way.

Liatris2010:

Sorry I missed your repost. Even if we locked the dogs up, we still don't have enough chairs or room for chairs for the little butts of people's little children. If the guestlist was smaller I wouldn't mind the kids, even around the dogs, but keeping track of a lot of guests plus the kids and dogs is too much. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I am sure most people won't expect me to watch their kids, but we all know someone who thinks their kid's bad behavior is cute, that the doggie doesn't mind being poked in the eye, etc. and since I don't know any of the women invited I can't be sure that I won't end up needing to keep tabs on that kid.

What people seem to be hinting at here that you don't seem to be picking up on is that having your dogs running around your house, when you've already said it is going to be really crowded with people you don't know, and your little dog doesn't like being picked up, is not a great idea, regardless of whether there are kids there.

I personally love dogs, and the MTB might love your dogs too, but you're going to have a lot of strangers in your home, and things are going to be crowded - you might really want to consider removing your dogs from the equation. This way you don't have to worry about allergies, dogs getting stepped on or picked up, any toddlers that might be brought along, etc. As a PP said, it's not only kids who are unpredictable around dogs. I know plenty of adults who do not like dogs and would be freaked out by being greeted with "90 lbs of fur."

Just because you warn people when they RSVP that you have dogs doesn't mean it is okay for you to have them running around. You're the host, and you want your guests to feel comfortable in your home. I know people who would, on hearing there would be a large dog running around, decline to attend. Do you want your friend's friends to feel nervous or uncomfortable or simply not come just because of the dogs? Do you want to worry about watching the dogs around strangers, making sure the little one isn't picked up, that the dogs aren't getting into the food, etc, all while dealing with all the other hosting duties?

What people seem to be hinting at here that you don't seem to be picking up on is that having your dogs running around your house, when you've already said it is going to be really crowded with people you don't know, and your little dog doesn't like being picked up, is not a great idea, regardless of whether there are kids there.

I personally love dogs, and the MTB might love your dogs too, but you're going to have a lot of strangers in your home, and things are going to be crowded - you might really want to consider removing your dogs from the equation. This way you don't have to worry about allergies, dogs getting stepped on or picked up, any toddlers that might be brought along, etc. As a PP said, it's not only kids who are unpredictable around dogs. I know plenty of adults who do not like dogs and would be freaked out by being greeted with "90 lbs of fur."

Just because you warn people when they RSVP that you have dogs doesn't mean it is okay for you to have them running around. You're the host, and you want your guests to feel comfortable in your home. I know people who would, on hearing there would be a large dog running around, decline to attend. Do you want your friend's friends to feel nervous or uncomfortable or simply not come just because of the dogs? Do you want to worry about watching the dogs around strangers, making sure the little one isn't picked up, that the dogs aren't getting into the food, etc, all while dealing with all the other hosting duties?

 

We've had similar sized parties in our home with the dogs before, and they have never been a problem. Of course if someone responded yes, and then changed to a no because they were afraid of dogs I would offer to keep them locked up so the guest would be comfortable, I am not a horrible hostess, or woefully oblivious of people's comfort. I know how much I can manage for a party, and I'm drawing the line where I feel comfortable.

Really?  The hostess should find a larger venue to cater to people bringing their kids?  Um...are you (who posted this) paying for the shower the OP is putting on?  Oh..ya, I didn't think so.

The OP's biggest issue (since she can put her dogs in her bedroom) is seating.  How rude would it be for a 4 year old having a seat and the adult (actually invited) guest having to stand.  I think this is the situation she is trying to avoid.  Plus, if she does not have children her home may not be childproofed and she shouldn't have to do that just to accomodate other people's children.  I know for a fact that not all mom's watch their little ones carefully.

A hostess can do what she wants, when she wants and how she wants.  It is up to the MTB to say yes or no.  Obviously, most hostesses would try to accomodate the MTB as much as she is able and it sounds like the OP is doing that...she already said there are more people invited then she expected.  I am a dog owner and like I said before he is a big fellow.  We don't have THAT big of house but we've had 45 people there (with bigger kids) and had no problem leaving the dog out.  If he gets obnoxious I put him in the bedroom.  We also have 2 cats and do the same with them...although they tend to make themsevles scarce on their own. 

I had to actually add "Adults Only" on my wedding invitations because I knew there would be some people that would have brought their kids.  We still had 2 couples ask if they could bring their kids (and they were not babies - ages 7 and 11).  We could only afford 150 people and I was not willing to pay $55 for kids to be at my reception.  The church only held 100 comfortably and they could have accomodated 20-30 more but I knew there were many people that would not be able to come to the ceremony...only the reception.  I don't think it is rude to add "Adults Only" although it is actually not proper etiquette.  Unfortunately, other people don't know that it is rude to just bring along their kids either.

OP...I think your plan to ask if any of guests have allergies or aversions to dogs is a good idea.  I work with a doctor that is scared to death of ANY animal (even puppies and kittens). 

::waves::  Hi Lia!  You got good advice in this thread, but I just wanted to say hi.  I'm everywhere like a total creeper :-)

Joy2611:

::waves::  Hi Lia!  You got good advice in this thread, but I just wanted to say hi.  I'm everywhere like a total creeper :-)

 

Hi Joy! Nice to see a friendly face in these parts!

There are some women who assume if they are invited, then so are their kids. 

With that said, I would never bring DS to a shower unless his name was specifically on the invitation.  That just doesn't even sound fun to me, IMO. Unless it is catered for kids and they have a kiddie room set up with kid friendly food.