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02-23-2013 at 5:31 PM
MrsLee04
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Books as cards *Sigh*

I've been a pretty regular lurker here lately, as I'm going to be co-hosting a shower for my SIL (and I love you regulars and always agree with the things you say!).  She just found out the sex, so we've stepped up the planning recently.  Today I helped her register, and there was some shower talk and I had a lot of cringe-worthy moments with her. 

I was honestly shocked when the books instead of cards came up, I've never known anyone in real life who did this (only read about it here, but agree it's a bad idea).  I was freaking out inside on how to handle it, SIL is awesome, but she wasn't raised by the best people and doesn't know a lot about etiquette, so of course she means no harm.  Apparently a coworker brought up this idea so she wanted to do it.  I had to think on it, and finally I addressed it because I couldn't let it happen.  I brought up 1st about the duplicate issue, and how she wouldn't be able to return dups if they had writing in them.  Then I gently mentioned how it's not really polite to ask people for specific gifts, especially when you're asking it in addition to a regular shower gift, and how books are not as cheap as cards.  She understood these points and I convinced her to just register for books so if people want to buy them they can choose to, but they won't be asked specifically to do so.

Throughout the day I realized that she's one of those people who don't realize you don't host your own shower, so even though MIL and I (and her mom may help a little.....but likely not much) are technically hosting she thinks she is hosting, too.  She bought invitations today, which I let slide, but I did convince her to let me and MIL address and send them, which is good because for a May 4th shower she was planning to mail them next week!  

I have a feeling that from now until May 4th I'll be in for more moments like these!


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02-23-2013 at 5:46 PM
rhubarb123
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Hopefully she talks to you more then she does her MIL.  Perhaps next time she starts up with her idea you gently remind her WHO is hosting the shower and that is a "gift" for her.  Plus, you should let her know that you want some of the shower aspects to be a "surprise" for her.  Maybe let her know it would be the same as her wrapping her own birthday gifts that someone else buys for her.  lol
 
02-23-2013 at 7:21 PM
MrsLee04
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I'm just hoping she doesn't catch wind of the concept of a diaper raffle!  Indifferent

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02-23-2013 at 7:58 PM
fivefeetsm...
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You know, I was wayyyy worse of a nightmare in the beginning for a plethora of reasons, but the biggest was I just flat out was being an idiot and hadn't considered anyone else but myself. I was on here some and got a nice dose of reality, but I also had my Mom and BFF sit me down and just be brutally honest with me. I was shocked at my behavior and embarrassed. Your SIL might be the same way if you just cut it to her straight and don't beat around the bush. Just some food for thought...

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02-23-2013 at 8:07 PM
Samiantha1...
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I think these etiquette rules are enriched here on the bump. IRL, I doubt suggesting a book instead of a card would be "sideeyed" or seen a host "dictating" what a guest should buy. Obviously, the guest of honor gets baby related gifts for this occasion. By the reasoning of this board, suggesting that the gifts be baby related is "dictating". In reality, it's nonsense. I've never been to a shower where there was the book instead of the card thing going on, however I doubt anybody I know would think twice about it. You've been reading the bump too much if you find yourself panicking about a psuedo faux pas.

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02-23-2013 at 8:36 PM
MrsLee04
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Samiantha101:
You've been reading the bump too much if you find yourself panicking about a psuedo faux pas.

Ummm...no?  Not really panicking, I just don't want the guests being put in a position where they feel uncomfortable.  I'd side-eye being asked for a book instead of a card regardless of reading on the bump.  I don't like being told how to spend my money.  And when I made these comments to SIL, she agreed and that's why we came up with a compromise for the idea. 


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02-23-2013 at 9:33 PM
peachmuffi...
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MrsLee04:

Samiantha101:
You've been reading the bump too much if you find yourself panicking about a psuedo faux pas.

Ummm...no?  Not really panicking, I just don't want the guests being put in a position where they feel uncomfortable.  I'd side-eye being asked for a book instead of a card regardless of reading on the bump.  I don't like being told how to spend my money.  And when I made these comments to SIL, she agreed and that's why we came up with a compromise for the idea. 

 

I side-eye people asking for any specific gift on invitations lol  


 
02-23-2013 at 9:36 PM
morethanco...
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Samiantha101:
I think these etiquette rules are enriched here on the bump. IRL, I doubt suggesting a book instead of a card would be "sideeyed" or seen a host "dictating" what a guest should buy. Obviously, the guest of honor gets baby related gifts for this occasion. By the reasoning of this board, suggesting that the gifts be baby related is "dictating". In reality, it's nonsense. I've never been to a shower where there was the book instead of the card thing going on, however I doubt anybody I know would think twice about it. You've been reading the bump too much if you find yourself panicking about a psuedo faux pas.

Considering that all you ever do is complain about what people post here, I'm wondering why you even bother.

 



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02-23-2013 at 10:06 PM
twister22
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Samiantha101:
I think these etiquette rules are enriched here on the bump. IRL, I doubt suggesting a book instead of a card would be "sideeyed" or seen a host "dictating" what a guest should buy. Obviously, the guest of honor gets baby related gifts for this occasion. By the reasoning of this board, suggesting that the gifts be baby related is "dictating". In reality, it's nonsense. I've never been to a shower where there was the book instead of the card thing going on, however I doubt anybody I know would think twice about it. You've been reading the bump too much if you find yourself panicking about a psuedo faux pas.

I went to a shower this month where it was "suggested" I get a book instead of a card. I DEFINITELY side-eyed it. It made me really uncomfortable, as I didn't see the stupid little insert until after I had purchased the baby gift with the amount I had budgeted. But I felt obligated, so I went out and bought a book. And, books absolutely do not cost the same as cards, unless you want to go to the dollar bin at Target and get a book that will quickly fall apart, which, by the way, isn't a "favorite children's classic" like the invites dictate you get. I ended up getting a $5 Kohl's Cares for Kids book. But you know what? Money is tight right now, and I absolutely hated that I went over-budget on this stupid thing, and wish that they wouldn't have asked me to do that. If MTB wants books, she should register for them and people will get the hint, and buy baby a book if they want to. And if the hostess/MTB absolutely loves the 'sweet notes to baby in a book' idea, then the hostess can buy a few books for guests to write in.

 
02-24-2013 at 7:26 AM
karo112
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morethancottoncandy:

Samiantha101:
I think these etiquette rules are enriched here on the bump. IRL, I doubt suggesting a book instead of a card would be "sideeyed" or seen a host "dictating" what a guest should buy. Obviously, the guest of honor gets baby related gifts for this occasion. By the reasoning of this board, suggesting that the gifts be baby related is "dictating". In reality, it's nonsense. I've never been to a shower where there was the book instead of the card thing going on, however I doubt anybody I know would think twice about it. You've been reading the bump too much if you find yourself panicking about a psuedo faux pas.

Considering that all you ever do is complain about what people post here, I'm wondering why you even bother.

 


 

I am new to this board, and was THRILLED to see that I wasn't the only one who disagreed with the book idea. I have been invited to so many showers with this...and i've been irritated at EVERY one.

1. Books aren't cheap - and in addition to a gift...it's a bit much

2. Finding a book that others haven't gotten already is a lot of effort and quite frankly, a pain in the butt.

3. I hate thinking of something to write. If it's a really close friend, ok I could do it, but for the majority of the showers I have to go to it's just an aquaintance.

I would say in MY RL, these are 100% side eyed...and that was pre-bump for me. 


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02-24-2013 at 7:33 AM
wittyschaf...
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I had a baby shower yesterday and a guest chose to sign a book in lieu of a card.  Totally fine-except we also got another copy of the same book from another guest AND we had purchased another copy months ago on our own because it is a good one and it was on sale.  I now have to try to return the 2 non signed copies.  

For anyone who thinks books as cards is the greatest idea ever, it really isn't. 

 
02-24-2013 at 7:51 AM
Cranang
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Samiantha101:
I think these etiquette rules are enriched here on the bump. IRL, I doubt suggesting a book instead of a card would be "sideeyed" or seen a host "dictating" what a guest should buy. Obviously, the guest of honor gets baby related gifts for this occasion. By the reasoning of this board, suggesting that the gifts be baby related is "dictating". In reality, it's nonsense. I've never been to a shower where there was the book instead of the card thing going on, however I doubt anybody I know would think twice about it. You've been reading the bump too much if you find yourself panicking about a psuedo faux pas.

Yeah, except it's not a "pseudo" faux pas.  It's just a faux pas...period.  NO invitation should "suggest" a specific gift.

And it appears that you've been reading The Bump too much too, since you seem to think it's your duty to come on here and advocate tackiness.


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02-24-2013 at 8:47 AM
BallSox
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Samiantha101:
I think these etiquette rules are enriched here on the bump. IRL, I doubt suggesting a book instead of a card would be "sideeyed" or seen a host "dictating" what a guest should buy. Obviously, the guest of honor gets baby related gifts for this occasion. By the reasoning of this board, suggesting that the gifts be baby related is "dictating". In reality, it's nonsense. I've never been to a shower where there was the book instead of the card thing going on, however I doubt anybody I know would think twice about it. You've been reading the bump too much if you find yourself panicking about a psuedo faux pas.

....Huh?  I can't remember the last time I thought "Oh---a baby shower!  I think I'm going to get her a lawn mower!".  I don't think anyone has to tell a guest that the gifts be baby related, it's kind of a given.  On the other hand, most people don't say (on their own) "Oh, I'm going to go spend more money on a special book I can deface by writing in it." Additionally, a book is not necessary to raising a baby. 


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02-24-2013 at 8:55 AM
chattychiq...
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MrsLee04:
I'm just hoping she doesn't catch wind of the concept of a diaper raffle!nbsp; [:]


I hate that POS diaper raffle with a passion. Also asking guests to address their own TY envelopes...wretch.

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02-24-2013 at 11:42 AM
Liz4444
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Samiantha101:
I think these etiquette rules are enriched here on the bump. IRL, I doubt suggesting a book instead of a card would be "sideeyed" or seen a host "dictating" what a guest should buy. Obviously, the guest of honor gets baby related gifts for this occasion. By the reasoning of this board, suggesting that the gifts be baby related is "dictating". In reality, it's nonsense. I've never been to a shower where there was the book instead of the card thing going on, however I doubt anybody I know would think twice about it. You've been reading the bump too much if you find yourself panicking about a psuedo faux pas.

So are we bump robots and not actual people?

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02-24-2013 at 3:00 PM
transcribe...
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I had never heard of it until last year when my cousins baby shower invite came..it had a round piece of paper taped to the invite that asked for a book instead of a card. Well, I got her a gift and a card. At the shower, my Grandma asked what book I had gotten her and I told her I didn't, I bought a regular card. It's not the end of the world to get a card. I still have the cards that came with my shower gifts from 4 years ago and actually like to read through them. Ditto on what PP's have said about duplicate books, can't be returned if they have been written in and an additional expense.

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02-24-2013 at 4:21 PM
trudibell
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MrsLee04:
I'm just hoping she doesn't catch wind of the concept of a diaper raffle!  Indifferent

Ugh, we had to talk my step-mother-in-law (more fun than a mother-in-law, plus you get two!) out of that one for our shower. 

 
02-24-2013 at 5:42 PM
MrsLee04
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transcriber87:
It's not the end of the world to get a card. I still have the cards that came with my shower gifts from 4 years ago and actually like to read through them. Ditto on what PP's have said about duplicate books, can't be returned if they have been written in and an additional expense.

I agree, I actually prefer cards.  I kept all of the ones from my baby showers and put them in a keepsake box for my kids.  And I like to consign/yardsale my kids things once they are done with them, including books, so I personally would not have been happy to have received a ton of books with personal messages that obviously I wouldn't be able to resell.  I know a lot of other moms are similar because I go to huge consignment sales and that is where I get most of their newer books so other moms are doing the same. 


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02-24-2013 at 6:17 PM
msspeedyma...
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I loved the idea that someone had of picking the MTB's favorite children's book, and having it out at the shower for everyone to sign, kind of like a yearbook. I'm planning to get a copy of "Where the Wild Things Are" to have at my shower for guests to sign.

That way there's no duplicates, I don't have a ton of crappy dollar store books, and I can have a keepsake that I can display on a shelf and look through whenever I want. And when baby grows up, she can read the book and eventually the messages.



 
02-25-2013 at 9:38 PM
SingleMom3...
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Just another idea: My host bought a picture frame with a wide white mat. She had everyone sign it and write their well wishes. I used it to frame her announcement and have it in her nursery. The encouraging words were really nice when I was up at some odd hour struggling with breast feeding.

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02-27-2013 at 4:26 PM
sonshine06...
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msspeedymarie:

I loved the idea that someone had of picking the MTB's favorite children's book, and having it out at the shower for everyone to sign, kind of like a yearbook. I'm planning to get a copy of "Where the Wild Things Are" to have at my shower for guests to sign.

That way there's no duplicates, I don't have a ton of crappy dollar store books, and I can have a keepsake that I can display on a shelf and look through whenever I want. And when baby grows up, she can read the book and eventually the messages.

I LOVE this! I'm a little bit book obsessed...2nd generation librarian. It's such a personal way to do a guest book & one that one just get put into a baby box & never looked at again. 

Another idea too on the same track, my mother had a bunch of onsies that we put out & had people sign at my 1st shower. My son never wore them (sharpie + spit up = not good) but I love pulling them out of his baby box when I miss him.  


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